Ew, you got McGuire all over my hockey

Pierre: "That thing was absolutely howitzered on goal."
Gord: "I'm not going to call that a verb."

Is anyone as sick of Pierre McGuire as I am? I find the more you hear him the more it sounds like his head is inflating.

Get with the program
I find the familiarity with the players kind of kills it for me. The smug, arrogant, hype machine the TSN crew have been spouting for months now has gone into overdrive. And while people bitch and moan about women's hockey being a two-team race disregarding every improvement Team China has accomplished since they started to build their program, the difference between women's hockey and men's hockey is night and day. These girls have come together and played together all year and in previous years, building for this moment and for the various world events. It's all they have this side of university championships or small, unknown regional bouts. They play "warm-up" tournaments, either against other countries or against the old joke of "I bet that team can't beat a midget boys league". The men come in with a rediculous collective payroll and then get shocked when the Swiss National Team gives them a run for their money as they forget there's a world class team of hockey players doing their thing for Davos. And while Team Finland is also a pack of NHLers, those guys have a team familiarity similar to the women's teams in that they've been together most of their lives.

But you're telling me that a country like Canada where hockey is our life can't build a proper men's team to make a proper challenge for the Olympics? You're telling me the United States with it's army of athletes can't make a program to set their boys up for this big event that happens every 4 years? That the Russians prefer the "me first" boys over building a powerhouse to prove their stranglehold on the international stage? I want to see teams built for this event. A real tournament of National teams. I don't want to see "Dream Teams".

Yes, nothing is more honorable than to be asked by your country to come play, but don't you miss discovering some amazing players that have worked hard together for this one moment? The Olympics are different from the World Juniors, where some of the best kids in their respected countries are put together to prove their abilities and get some exposure (and many of them don't even play in their respected countries, hoping to learn in other environments). Right now, the almighty dollar and TV ratings appear to be more important than tapping into that unknown talent with National pride.

Fear is what it's all about
Apparently a few people from the Swiss bobsled team are scared of the track because they've flipped over a few times and got hurt. Learn to drive properly and you won't flip. After watching the Skeletors rip through those slides HEADFIRST on a cafeteria tray at 140km/hr, you got no excuse for freaking out while driving down it in a box. Yes it's sad the Georgian luger died in his training run... There is a TON of risk involved in all winter sports, and an error can result in injury, sometimes death. Someone said "athletic error should cost you a medal not your life" but that is completely wrong. Remember when they used to have speed skiing? Basically guys in wicked helmets would bomb straight down the mountain and see who can do it the fastest. They got rid of it after someone died by driving straight into a groomer during training and then another died in a fall. Are they going to get rid of everything because there's a risk of death involved? Aerials you can land on your head. Short track speed skating you can slice and dice arms and legs. Skiing you can wipe out so bad that head trauma is a major concern. Pairs figure skating even has the risk of slicing your partner across the head (which we've seen).

But why even bother entering these sports if you can't take the risk?

Don't you love seeing the smile on the faces of participants after they land a wicked aerial or finish doing an awesome run? They're not smiles of relief. They're smiles of satisfaction.

Skeletor Jon Montgomery's gold medal victory screams are what I'm talking about.

Snowboard Cross owns your soul

Part rollerderby! Part snowboarding! It's my little guilty pleasure: Snowboard Cross! And Canada's Mike Robertson got a silver in it. Woo! Seriously, the track looks like so much fun I want to grab my board, hop on a plane and have a go myself.

Once upon a time when I was a wee little girl, I idolized the dominant Italian alpine champion, Alberto Tomba. Partly because I loved his name. But he was just so smooth at skiing. He made the giant slalom look so effortless with the way he would cut through the snow and track like it was butter. I started skiing when I was four, on the Beaconsfield golf course. And since my parents wouldn't let me become the next Patrick Roy, I wanted to be like Tomba: I wanted to be an Olympic downhill skiier. But there was the usual complications in obtaining that dream. Like money for those racing programs. Those were the days before government subsidies for entering children into sports. So I was content with winning free chocolate bars, gym bags, food coupons, and such. Also I was the fasted in my class when our teacher challenged us to do a special marked off distance and made the most amount of turns in the least amount of time. Small victories!

As I got better at skiing, I went for the moguls. Obviously I can't do the flips or too big an air because I'm way too afraid of heights to fly like that. But I can do the Jean-Luc Brassard cossack jump, like pretty much every kid in Canada went out and tried to do the moment he won gold. BIG congratulations to Alex Bilodeau on beating that malware selling faussie jerk robot for Canada's first gold on home soil! Jen Heil with the silver! Though I must say I was way more impressed with little Chloe's run. If she could boost her speed, she will be a gold medal winner one of these days!

I have long given up skiing though. I got bored with it. I was a teacher. Eventually I would just leave my poles in the car and ski without them to challenge myself more. It was like a hybrid ski-snowboard style. And then the cold boots got on my nerves. I've dumped skiing and I'm now a full-blown snowboarder. Nothing fancy though. Unfortunately I had to sacrifice my love of moguls and doing speece down steep-hard trails (though I can do it a bit with a snowboard, just not as fast as before).

You don't know freedom until you've found the perfect trail, with the perfect snow, with no one on it, where you can carve giant S-turns.

However I have to be very careful. I've never, ever broken anything in all my years skiing. My mom broke her leg in the silliest flatest place on the hill and she has no idea how she managed that. My brother broke his arm on our first try out on the hill...on the baby hill. He just plunked over rather harmlessly. Me? I flipped out of control once and landed on my head on the ice. But I got a hard head. I broke my helmet and never wore it again, but I really landed more on my face. Slight concussion. That's it. But if I break my arm, I won't be able to work, so I can't be crazy on stuff like jumps or difficult trails. And mostly it's other people running into me from behind that I've since endured in snowboarding...

It's the risk of winter sports. You have to be aware of everything and anything because anything can cause you great injury or death, even with a helmet on. (Helmets don't stop you from breaking your neck). Such is life when you want to be the next Alberto Tomba.

The fog of Whistler mountain has reached the Bell Center

Well that was shit.

After the emotional 3rd period last night, Coach Martini thinks he's a genius by putting in Jaro ignoring the burning anger of Carey Price and any momentum he might have had, by starting a line of Gionta-Desharnais-Darche, and incidentally forcing Rhino to fight Laperriere since he was the only one with size there. Well that's what you get. Too much chocolate milk for Jaro. Only Gomez and Gionta capable of doing anything offensively. Subban and Gorges seemingly the only capable defensemen.

Bad night for Hamr and Spacek, even if Spacek ran over Hartnell for bumping Price later.

And we're back to not being able to score unless it's a powerplay.

The penalty shot was bullshit too. Did they change the rules or something? Not only did Briererererere get a good shot on net as he was hauled down, but his teammate shot a rebound on net (Price save both). The ref had his arm up like it was a delayed penalty and play only stopped after the second save with everyone in Price's net. Way to bend the rules, new NHL. I don't like the ref having the ability to decide if a guy should have one or not even if he already shot the puck.

Sad that Subban's parents had to witness their son's home debut in that suckfest. At least they got to see their boy shine, completely own Pronger who tried to hit him, earn another assist, and hear the Habs faithful chant his name.

I welcome the Olympic break because I think this team needs it bad. Just don't get fat, guys. And don't get injured, Pleky!

Learn to make fire with the burning anger of a goaltender

First: Harpooning a goalie and pitchforking him into the net to prevent him from doing his job does not allow you to say "good goal".

Second: Hey Rhino, I know you really want to score, but you're supposed to tip it into the OTHER net.

Third: Well nice of you guys to show up in the third period. I'm sure Price and Subban appreciate the thought that you decided to join them. Guess the rest of you were screwed up with the early 6pm start?

Fourth: Looks like Briere feels he had to even things up by tiping it into his own net as well.

Fifth: Hey Dominic Moore! Scoring for us this time by bouncing it off Leighton's ass. Maybe he is the meaning of life?

Sixth: We have no more defencemen. Who's left in Hamilton?

Seventh: Fuck you, refs.

Swimming in the fish bowl

Only in Montreal does a trade involving a depth guy send people into a frenzy. Then again, Rhino playing with Markov to them means he's being showcased. Go back to your NHL10 please.

So, minor move: Habs trade a 2011 2nd round pick to the Florida Panthers for Harvard grad Dominic Moore. This is after Randy Sexton went apeshit after another loss and announced that EVERYONE is available from his team. It's the old Floridian outlet center: everything must go!

So while I wouldn't really bat an eyelash at the trade news, surely a 2nd round pick could have gotten someone a little more worth it right? Everything must go! How's Frolik or Seidenberg? They got a lot of Czechs. Habs are pretty good with the Czechs. We could really use a defenseman... I suppose it's a money thing. Anyway, I'd rather have Moore on the 4th line over Slippy, I'm just slightly concerned over the pick. After all, Habs have a few goodies selected in the 2nd round.

Speaking of awesome second rounders: PK SUBBAN HAS BEEN CALLED UP! Warm up those microphones! Not sure if he'll play, since Gorges is indestructible. But his very presence is a positive boost in the happiness pool. As for Gorges, the puck left an imprint on the back of his helmet. I say put that thing in the Hall of Fame!

Reminds me of that time I accidentally backflipped head first into the ice when I lost control skiing. I dented my helmet. Never wore the thing again, actually...

In other news, the Caps lost again by the same score of 6-5 only in regulation. And for all those still bitching about Price, Brian Elliott made 19 save and ended the night with a .792 save percentage in the win. (Varlamov's was just horrid but it's his first NHL game back from injury so whatever). It was a similar scenario. Sens had a lead, lost the lead, tied, regained, lost it, tied, hat trick for Semin, regained lead and held. They did what the Habs should have done in the remaining seconds, namely being aggressive, not allowing the Caps near Elliott, not allowing them to fucking breathe. I'm sure Boudreau had something to whine about. Oh right, he did. Tonight it was a botched icing call with 50 seconds left. If I were him, I would have just bitched about that ugly SENS jersey and the absolutely dead quiet audience. I also would have thrown pucks at the people leaving the game early. Then again, that parking lot is hell...

Habs 6, Caps 5 (OT): Defibrillator!

Montreal Canadiens players seen here heading for the rink.

Before you send in your angry calls or post your raving forum posts, understand this: The Washington Capitals, during 14-game win streak, have outscored opponent 30-6 in the 3rd period. We saw it Sunday when they came back and destroyed the Penguins, taking it to OT and then burying them in OT on a crap powerplay call.

The Washington Capitals are the best team in the League. They have scored the most goals in the League. If they ever find themselves an awesome goaltender... Hell, they're scary WITH their weak goaltending.

The Washington Capitals have everything going for them, and the louder Boudreau screams at a young ref, the more penalties they receive for all their diving and the less they get called against them.

And after sitting on the bench since January 27th in a 3-0 loss to Tampa Bay, Carey Price gets to come in behind a depleted team patched together with various Bulldogs to face this offensive juggernaut, to face 38 crazy shots, to face Ovechkin, Semin, Laich, Fleischmann, Fehr, Knubble who lives in the crease, Backstrom, and watches his best friend nearly get decapitated by a Mike Green rocket. Five goals against this team? Most people were betting the score would end 112-2 Caps. Most people figured Ovechkin alone would get 50 shots on net.
Top it off, the Habs are running out of defencemen.

All day long, starting with the annoying PJ Stock who somehow found his way onto CHOM in the morning, I heard it. "Just forget about tonight's game, go to see the Caps." People questioned why Price was starting, forgetting that Jaro's tendency to drop his rebounds in front would just invite more trouble with the Caps. People were thinking if he gets shelled, people can just brush it off as a cold goalie behind an injury-ravaged team, c'est bien normal. The excuses were starting early. Even my producer told me we're so screwed. I just shrugged. Only Mitch Melnick said "you never know with this team." I think Mise au Jeux had some rediculous bet going on.

To quote Randy Tieman, "It's why they play the game." Actually, if you call in or post angry, you should just shut up. When you play the Capitals, you play shinny hockey: last goal wins.

Sergei Kostitsyn got the first star thanks to his amazing skill. He keeps showing us why Bob made sure he remained with this team. The Plekannon with the game winner off a Belarusian Sausage, a simple tap in, very simple compared to his sweet wrister earlier that night. Lapierre, alive and kicking. Metro finally kicked the puck into the OTHER net. While fans were setting themselves up for a good beating, Gomez buried the puck 30 seconds into the game and laughed about it. And Pyatt Earp! Fresh off his Bulldogs hattrick, scores a goal and assisted on Gomez's goal.

And Bobby Fucking Clarke can fuck off back to Flin-Flon before he starts talking about things he doesn't know concerning the Habs. He can stop talking about goaltending too.

I gotta say, regardless of blowing the 5-2 lead, this victory considering the pylonic defence, kid callups, and cold goaltender, this OT victory was probably the most satisfying if not most stressful one all year. My only concern is when you're up by a goal with 20 seconds left, that puck has no business being in your zone near your net considering the Caps have this supernatural ability to just will the puck in the net. The Bell Center was dead silent even before the Caps started scoring at will, because everyone knows it ain't over until the clock hits 0. And they almost won in regulation too, which is even more impressive. If the penalty were called, if someone could have hit the empty netter, if they could have just stood up at the blue line and run the clock down... I had my computer closed. I was buried under blankets. I think I held my breath until I saw Sergei waltz up to the net with Pleks for the winner.

I think I might have a few more grey hairs.

Actually, seeing Price in the room after the game, looks like he's got a few grey hairs. Or it's the lighting.

I hope Gorges is ok...

Bob's your uncle

Pull my finger.

I know you were thinking about it for a long time, Bob, but that doesn't mean I gotta be happy about. In fact I'm downright depressed and angry about it. I thank you for fixing this team regardless of how underappreciated the dumbasses in this city are about everything you've done. Pierre Gauthier just isn't as funny as you are... (Yes, I know you'll still be there behind the scenes, but you won't be making the press conferences).

I'm sure they're doing cartwheels on L'Antichambre.

And if Pierre Gauthier trades Price for Paul Kariya, I'm grabbing my pitchfork.

Fuck Mondays. Castle better not be a rerun.

Habzzz 0, Bruinzzz 3: Whatever

That's Swedish for "speed bump"

Fuck you, Bruins, and your snoozefest. And fuck you Martin for falling in that trap. And fuck you, CBC, taking glee in slinging poop at Price eventhough he wasn't playing today. You make excuses for Jaro, but if those same shots had gone in on Price (and that's pretty much what happened to him for the entire first half of the season) you would have fired up the raging hate train. Go choke on your hair jel Glenn Healy. Maybe I can trade you for some sanity or better use of our tax money.

And someone better teach Blake Wheeler how to fight if he plans to do that more often.

Sorry for excessive expletives, but two days worth of CBC Habs games called by Carbo, Hughson, and Simpson is enough to piss me off. I mean Bob Cole kills brains cells but you kind of forgive the old man just 'cause he's so old. Then you got a pack of Leafs fans, ex-Bruins, and two bitter goalies that were both destroyed by the Habs in some playoff series to a Stanley Cup victory and they just can't contain their dirt eating smirks everytime something bad happens to this team. Not that RDS is any better with Benoit Brunet unable to string two words together coherently, Pierre Houde sounding exhausted with his job, Joel Bouchard sneaking around, Demers' spittle coating the inside of your screen and then the rest of the pure woolian morons take the other side of the screaming match. Can't even have it on radio. Not unless you want to be hypnotized by the boring monotone of Murray Wilson or get lost in the endless ads of Rick Moffat. Why can't we get Derek Wills to call our games? He was awesome filling in for Rick Jeanneret in some Sabres/Canucks game...

Anyway, they launched a zillion shots at Rask. Nothing that was closer than 50-feet from his net. He even said so himself that the Habs made it easy. It seems we can only win games while being outshot by a rediculous margin. Jaro's looking fatigued. Hell he looked fatigued yesterday. Seems he lasts less than Price on those extended runs and this is why it's important you keep the other kid. Remember those days Pleky used to score on breakaways? Now it just seems he freaks out and shovels it badly somewhere on net. Martin misued the kids and didn't adjust when everyone could see they're more of a running-game type bunch not a pack of grinders (hence why they worked so well yesterday). They got flattened by the Bruins veteran grinders. And about the only defenceman capable of holding their own against this type of team was Rhino.

For the love of god, Martin, play Sergei Kostitsyn on the point during the powerplay already!

Why is it whenever we proclaim "this game is huge!" the team fails to deliver? I guess this is why Jacques Martin's playoff record is so empty... However it's not that hard for you, coach, to stand on the bench and yell at someone big (usually Moen) to take the puck and crash the fucking net!

And I mean the other net, not ours.

Habs 5, Pens 3: In which we suckerpunch you and steal your lunch money

When I saw the lineup for today's afternoon game I said that I hope they make it interesting at the very least. I know the Pens don't perform so good in afternoon games, so Jacques Martin's "sleep them to death" system would have been horrible. Thankfully it looks like they were following Guy Boucher's system. Add a little bit of luck to it, and we got free wings!

Thirty seconds in and Craig Simpson is already preparing his speech about the kids on line 4 and how Crosby will eat them alive once Disco Dan gets his matchups working when Darch collides with wandering Fleury behind the net and Pleky scores. If Chris Lee were reffing, he'd be all over that. Marouelli was probably just shocked at the forchecking Habs to notice. I'm actually more shocked the 5 Pens players standing around looking at the ref didn't just turn around and maul Darche...

Not long after Staal crashes the crease and Dupuis flings in the rebound. They looked at it but it was a good goal regardless.

I muted the game and put yakety sax on for a good five minutes and nearly died laughing. It was that kind of afternoon. Think of the weirdest things this side of Kronwall's skate blade coming off during play. It was that kind of weird. Players falling down, falling over each other, Gorges' stick getting stuck in between two glass planks, Fleury throwing a fit every time Ryan White did his job, etc... It started in warmup when Gomez took a puck off the back of the head and realized he was bleeding. My mom even called me from Ikea saying that she's making a leg of lamb and wants me to come over for dinner. Talk about random.

Zebras love watching the Habs too!

All hail we got a fourth line!
- Brrrrrrrrock Trotter makes his debut, gets 5 shots on goal (more than any player on the whole ice), draws 3 penalties, nearly scores but is stopped first by Jay McKee and then by a post, and gets an interview with Cassie Campbell. He's so pro!
- Desharnais proves someone can be shorter than Brian Gionta. Almost scores too.
- Ryan White gets attacked by Old Man Guerin for checking Malkin clean and legal. Didn't know Malkin's honor needed protecting. Either way, Guerin got owned by a kid 20 years younger than him.
- When a flying Gio scored and knocked himself out into the boards I thought "Great! Now we can't score without injuring ourselves!" You could see the stars rotating around his head.
- Gio kneeling on his second goal doesn't make him any shorter either.
- Just as Craig Simpson was chewing out Gomez for not getting any goals lately he scores on the powerplay.
- And when Markov was down on the ice after falling awkward and pulling his back, the entire crowd, bench, and coaches were silent with an "oh shit" look on their faces. You could hear a mouse fart from the basement. I saw our standings drop by 10. Then he rose like Jesus and the crowd rejoiced. The PA guy played Tragically Hip's "Courage".
- Jaro no likes breakaways. Seeing Malkin coming at him was like watching a squirrel starring at a car before it hits him.
- And the 2-on-1 was saved by old man Spacek of all people, otherwise Jaro's short legs no make the save.
- Outshooting the Pens by a 10:1 margin has something to do with things. Offensive hockey works, Jacques! You should try it more often!
- Disco Dan tried to take advantage of our Kids Line by slipping Crosby and Malkin over the boards. Never underestimate the Bulldogs, Dan. Probably too busy with the lucky burritos.
- When Darche Vader scores, Montreal is happy. Fleury is not.
- It's not every day we hear a Habs goalie makes 18 saves for a win.
- This team is just so much happier when Ryan White is on it. He's like a cherry-faced bundle of happy energy.

Bottom line is the Bulldogs kids are uncorrupted by Coach Martini.

Bruins lost again to the Canucks in a shootout even while launching 40+ shots at Luongo. Fucking annoying! I don't want them to end their streak tomorrow. Habs better win! If there are teams I can't stand losing to, the Bruins are top of that list.

Habs 3, Booins 2 (SO): A tale of two solitudes

Ever wonder what that Nashville game would have looked like if the Habs actually bothered to match their goalie's effort to compete by trying to actually score? Well, this was it.

Is it sad that the only highlight from the first 30 minutes was seeing Louis Leblanc in the crowd watching the monster that drafted him?

Sixty-five minutes, 45 saves, and a top shelf goal by Brian "the itty bitty sniper" Gionta later, Habs send Boston on to it's 9th straight loss. I'm onery about it because the Habs successful offense took a mere 5 minutes out of the +65.

It must have been deja vu for the hated Bear Tribe of the East. Last time les Glorieux paid them a visit, they hadn't scored a goal in 8.9 periods of play. Back then, we had Cammy but had no Markov, no Gionta, no Hal Gill, no Pouliot, no Sergei, no Rhino, and Metro was the only one who scored while Price put on a cocky display of goaltending. Fastforward to last night and the Bruins blow a 2-0 lead in the span of 2 minutes thanks to the powerplay and Glen Metropolit absolutely has this thing with destroying his former teams. Moments later, back to even-stregth, Hamr brings the marching band and the Bruins start sweating. Jaro polished his horseshoe extra shiny for the shootout, but I still wish he would stop the bumbling goaltender act.

Do you feel the heat, Claude? As you stand there behind the bench all puffy and grumpy? Reminds me of the old days.

Not that we're any better. Apparently Tuesday's fun fest against Vancouver was too much fun for Coach Martini to handle. Maybe his heart can't take fast-paced games?

And one of these days Andrei Markov will maybe murder Slippy. Don't say I didn't warn you.

And now for something serious

@EricEngels: A sad bit of news, as Ryan O'Byrne has lost his mother to breast cancer.

Not long ago, Ryan left earlier to attend to an "ill parent" but after staying by her side as much as he could, she instructed him to go back and play because there really wasn't anything that he could do anymore. "Do what you love," a hockey parent has the highest of pride when their child is out there on the ice. She did not get to see it but he played one hell of a game last night, and I can only imagine how proud she was of him from those early morning practices to seeing him called in the draft and making the team. I send O'Byrne and his family my deepest condolences.

You make us proud too.

Habs 3, Canuckleheads 2: It's opposites day!

Leafs win.

Habs win.

Michael Ryder is available for trade.

Though let's look at the reality here...

- Leafs faced Yann Danis who hasn't started a games in like 3 months standing behind a Devils team that can't score and has lost quite a few games recently.

- Canucks are pegged as a rather terrible road team who either squeak by for a win or fall flat on their faces, and they're currently on the longest road trip in history. Early December they rolled into a barnburner in New Jersey and then shutout the Flyers the very next day, only to be destroyed by the struggling Hurricanes and the Predators. Just this past Saturday they were losing to the Leafs before they remembered they were the Canucks facing Toskalol and the Leafs were paying Raycroft an extra incentive to stone them. Luongo gave up 3 goals early then. Gave up 3 again, like last year.

- Michael Ryder is pretty useless. There's a reason why Bob would only offer him one-year deals.

I seem to recall everyone was planning the parade last week, and then grabbing their pitchforks a few days later...

Back to our game.
It was one of the weirdest, flukiest performances by Jaro to date, but the defence backed him up well enough to cover that problem. Rhino was a beast tonight. Definitely NOT the way they played while in Vancouver where they essentially forgot their lifeforce in Calgary and hung Price out to dry, embarressing him in front of his friends and family.

I'm guessing the majority of those 45 shots came in that sequence when Jaro couldn't freeze the puck and finally after what felt like 5 minutes, Maxwell was able to clear?

And in the spirit of opposites day, Sergei Kostitsyn gave up hoping someone will finish his perfect passes and decided to put the puck in the net himself. It stood to remind everyone why Bob ran after him to calm him down and prevent him from leaving the team. With Cammy gone until after the break, we'll probably get to see that lovely SK74-Pleks-AK46 line that was always good when Carbo put them together.

Is it a full moon outside? Because I noticed Lapierre too. There should be a giveaway when he scores. Maybe he'll do it more.

And after 5 tries Plek gets the weirdest goal of his career.

Problaby the most important part of tonights game? All 3 Habs goals were 5-on-5 goals. It has been a REDICULOUSLY LONG TIME since the Habs scored any even-strength goals!

But like I said after that Rangers game... Dammit Habs, stop teasing us. Of course with the news that Cammy's gone until after the break, I'm hoping this win will give them that confidence and realization that they CAN win games when they play in the other end of the rink.

Whatever you do, just beat the Bruins so PJ Stock can whine about it when he does the sports news on CHOM in the morning.

Bruins have lost their last 8 games...and we see them twice this week.

My 15 lines of fame

This afternoon I was listening to Randy Tieman on the Team990 while at work, like I sometimes do. Today I caught my nemesis, Brian Wilde (known as Mr. Tennis by my brother which says it all as far as his hockey smarts go considering how long he's covered the team), talking for maybe 40 minutes about the Habs. Aaaand of course, like ALWAYS, the conversation turned to Carey Price. He openly congratulated the CTV cameraman for setting up his camera on Price in practice for the whole time during that retarded 2-on-0 drill catching the frustration and the stick breaking. He mentioned how he'd be happier if Price had a better practice work ethic (which is contradictory to reports on how he's got a stellar practice work ethic this season). He was talking about Halak's amazing numbers and on the side mentioning Price's own amazing numbers considering the competition he faces behind a porous defence and how they'd both be in the higher echelon of the 900s if they were on actual good teams. (Cough, Fleury's at .909 and his backup is at .913 if you were curious). So I decided to try an experiment. Granted I was at work, in a rush, and he got to my email before I was wisked away to a long meeting... In any case, the way Randy edited my email pretty much confirmed slightly what I figured: That the city's media has an agenda to drag Carey Price down and feed the brainless population that laps up their drivel.

Good practices do not necessarily mean good play. How many times have we seen this team go through solid practice play only to come out like a pack of zombies? How many times do the players rip at their goalies, nearly taking their heads off in practice, yet act like they're afraid to even will the puck towards the net in a real game? As the kid was standing on his head yet losing games while making 40 to 50 saves or being eaten alive by backdoor plays (like that Atlanta game), how much fun is it to be behind a team that acts like it couldn't bother to put up more than one goal? If the 2-on-0 drills were to bring them confidence, it sure didn't show in the next game. And if you stick a camera on a guy long enough, then for sure you'll find something.

As to the Halak/Price thing, no one seems to talk about the rebound control and how it affects the shot total in that almost every shot on net for Halak gives a player at least 5 chances whereas with Price, you get maybe one more chance if you're lucky...

Practice is a touchy subject, and Randy brought up something about baseball, which ain't hockey... The late, great Terry Sawchuck was noted as horrible in practice, but for some guys, practice is just there. However, when they step onto the main stage, it's like a switch goes on. Ever watch Kovy in practice? Most of the time he's at center-ice stickhandling around someone while the team does stuff but he does drills when called upon, however if you had the camera on him all day and wanted to prove a point on a lazy attitude he might have, which clip would you show if you filmed practice? Whether he does well in practice or not is moot, that excercise wasn't exactly set up for his benefit. And frankly when the team was in a slump earlier last season, Price would soften up his goaltending in practice to try and help his teammates gain some confidence, earning him a pad-slap of thanks from Coach Carbo on one occassion. He even mentioned how he tried to help his buddy Gorges score by giving him something to shoot at.

Anyway, Randy ignored what I was alluding to with the camera, but I didn't expect him to read out the whole email anyway. What I was alluding to was that I wonder how Halak was handling those 2-on-0 drills. I'd like to see that tape. Judging by how much trouble he has in breakaways/penalty shots I don't think he did much better if he even was part of that drill (could have been off with Pierre Groulx doing some other stuff). What the CTV cameraman captured was a tiny, one sided, snapshot on a bad day just so these guys could come on air and go "eh eh see see he's throwing a fit, he's frustrated, look at how crappy he is". And honestly, if I had a dollar for every stick Price has snapped in practice I'd be fucking rich.

He also ignored my observations on the rebounds, but hey, you can't mention that because that might get some people thinking. While the Habs were running around on the PK, I even got my dad to notice this annoying problem of Jaro's in that he has a hard time freezing the puck because of his rebounds, and he knows absolutely nothing about hockey (case in point my brother and I were passed out in front of the TV with the 67s vs Oshawa on and he thought they were the Sens winning yet another game). Because you just can't criticize anyone except nitpick Price. You can't mention the defence allowed those "crappy" teams to win those games. You can't mention how much Halak inflates the shot total by being made of rubber. You can barely mention that the team couldn't be bothered to score more than 1 goal (if he's lucky) or take advantage of weak goalies or act like they'd rather just stand around for 60 minutes. Only Pierre McGuire mentions the passive aggressive play of the team, but even he will throw his two cents out like the Harvey Two-Face that he is. As my twitter buddy Kyle mentions: "So when Marc-Andre Fleury is joking w/teammates, McGuire says he's unflappable. When Carey Price jokes, his "care level is zero". Explain?"

(On a side note, I'd like to take this time to yell at McGuire because I couldn't before... WE ARE NOT PISSED OFF AT TONY MARINARO BECAUSE HE REPORTED THE PRICE/MARKOV SPAT! WE ARE PISSED BECAUSE HE OPENLY SPECULATED HIS OWN OPINION AS FACT THAT THERE IS A RIFT IN THE ROOM, THAT THE PLAYERS ARE DIVIDED, AND THAT THE TEAM IS FALLING APART AND SOMEHOW PRICE IS THE CAUSE OF IT ALL WHEN HE ISN'T YOU MONUMENTAL JACKASS! There, I feel better now).

The only competent players on this team are the goaltenders. But why can't we be satisfied with having two different, but equally good young goalies who have a very tiny injury history (mostly play injury rather than wear and tear like some young tenders)? And why does this town have some vendetta on the youngest of the two? Is it because his only failure was not winning a Cup in his rookie year, ignoring the fact the number 1 powerplay in the East couldn't even be bothered to try and score on a lengthy 5-on-3 that would have turned that Philly series around? What no one realizes is that if you trade one of them, what was once a "richness" in goal suddenly becomes a questionmark as no one understands that after Price and Halak, there is no one NHL ready (and Desjardins is a long stretch). I bet these same people are bitching about how the Habs let Vokoun go for nothing eons ago when in reality it took him 15 years to finally play his position properly. But as Gainey said, be careful what you wish for...and thank god that Lecavalier trade fell through.

However, when you guys do run the kid out of town, may you all enjoy two more decades of "mediocrity".

Habs 2, Sens 3 (OT): We who are about to die salute you

Dear Lord, why do you hate us?

I'm crying here. I'm seriously crying here.

Spending a Saturday afternoon watching our Habs try to be the Devils after Martin said he wanted them to be more aggressive (if that's his idea of aggressive...) wasn't really ideal. We can't score 5-on-5 anymore, but the Eastern Justice (the powerplay) brought this to OT at least courtesy of Pleky banking one off Pouliot and Gio being sneaky. We were happily cheering small victories like Rhino destroying Michalek clean, Sergei knocking down Sputza, and Pouliot breaking the rink with Karlsson. And then Volchenkov collided with Cammalleri, knee on knee, and our world got rocked.

Watching him try to get up but couldn't... Watching Sergei and a trainer drag him off, unable to put weight on his right knee... I died. I seriously died inside.

And with the 1 point, the Habs were sent back into 8th. For now.

This happens the day before a bunch of lucky fans get to skate with the Habs, a treat Cammy would have loved. Instead, he hobbled out of Kanata with an inflatable leg cast and crutches.

Right now as it stands, and if Cammy is out with an MCL, I pray Bob doesn't do anything stupid like trade our prospects for a quick fix attempt to patch up the hole by Pleky's side. This season isn't worth losing prospects over to save regardless of the chance a .500 team has. I suspect he'll check the waiver wire, like Philly did for a cheap bandaid... But right now, the best most sensible option would be to call up a guy like Brock Trotter to finally let him have a taste of the NHL. Why Trotter? He's the same size and style as Cammy, obviously not as experienced, but when I think of who would best fit in that mold, I think Brrrrrock Trotter.

Also as cliché as it sounds, there's a handful of players that need to seriously step the fuck up. Gomez and Pouliot have been doing great (though keep your stick on the ice and tip in some goals 5-on-5, Benny), Gio's been doing ok, Pleky's been outstanding, but after that? Metro's line has to do something. Lapierre needs to be that "most improved forward" again. Someone, by the holy ghost of Howie Morenz, can someone please finish Sergei's beautiful passes?! Moen is a lion but some dirty goals would be nice. And the defence has to seriously do something other than shovel pucks to the corners or annoy our goalies. Markov? Third time he was there for the OT goal. Is he going to yell at himself in the mirror now? Certainly can't yell at Jaro for that. Gorges? Needs to fucking AIM. Bergeron? Has to stop failing and start scoring. (With all the pucks he has sent into player's shinpads, I'm shocked Foligno's is the first broken leg). Hammer could start scoring like we know he's capable of. Gill too.

The goalies just gotta continue doing what they're doing.

So keep the faith Habs fans. Light a candle for Cammy's health. And maybe the Gods will send us Nino Niederreiter in June?

Dear Bored Montreal Media,

Fuck you.

Love,
Carey Price and Andrei Markov

Oh-for-Florida

I bet this little guy could make a better game plan...

"Look how stationary the Canadiens penalty killers are. No one is attacking the puck. Downie could just walk out in front and take a shot if he wanted to."

If you wanted one sentence to describe tonight's game, that was it.

Turnovers.

Unable to finish.

Unable to skate.

Unable to deal with a hard, fast skating team.

Unable to deal with forechecking.

Niittymaki had nothing serious to save tonight.

How do you allow Downie and St. Louis to go at your net as they please leaving Price lunging every which way to follow their pass-and-go and try to stop that?

How do you stand around and stare at an opposing player waltz around, and all your goalie sees is your fat ass in his face, while you act like you don't give a damn about the puck?

Hey Lapierre, nice to see you on the PK, but you forgot about STAMKOS.

And Slippy playing D against the Stamkos/St. Louis line = WTF Jacques?!

Apparently Coach Martini wanted his team to force the Lightning to play defence. Well, I saw them play defence. Way better defence than our team. Everyone was pushed to the outside, forcing turnovers for the wrong team, causing havoc in front of the wrong net. But we all know forechecking teams give the Habs trouble. That's why I said the Devils game wasn't much of a measuring stick. And the Rags are just terrible.

They weren't scored on by the dregs of the Lightning either... We're talking St.Louis, Lecavalier, and Stamkos. This isn't the Florida Panthers, and we saw how that went yesterday. The only difference is Price doesn't allow 5 rebound chances for every shot, but the Bolts still managed 30. I don't even remember how the Habs got to 33 shots. I think I can remember 5... And 11:26 was the only time they had any inkling of a drive to try and score but that was in the 3rd period.

As Bob Mackenzie said, don't lump this on Price. He made some crazy hard saves for a guy who's in cold behind a back-to-back team that probably spent too much time on the beach. "The Canadiens were a no show".

However, they were a no show for the 2nd time in a row. And that is troubling, Coach. Shut out for the 5th time this year. I dare say...bring back Carbo?

And the frustration can be summed up by Price slamming his stick on the ice as he watched his team turnover some more and run around in circles. It was an attempt to say "hey guys, DO SOMETHING". And if Markov questions his heart once more, maybe someone should get into Markov's face and ask him if his heart is on the CH right now or if he's thinking about the Olympics, because from my vantage point Mr. MVP has turned over the puck as many times as Slippy and has found himself caught on the wrong end of a pinch way too many times these past horrible games.

TSN also claimed tonight's game looked a lot like that Edmonton-Chicago game last night. You get three guesses who looked like the Oilers, and the first two don't count.

Habs 1, Panthers 2: You snooze you lose

Waldorf: Just when you think this show is terrible something wonderful happens.
Statler: What?
Waldorf: It ends.

Trap hockey is no fun. The only excitement one gets is when the final buzzer rings, signaling freedom. Lucky for the crowd, those tickets weren't expensive.

This evening was snuffed by a kid named Shawn Matthias. And by Jaro's inability to deal with penalty shots. And by Martini allowing his team to fall into the trap.

And as Kirk Muller screams for "Intensity! Crash the net! Get on their D!", he may as well be screaming at the wall.

Guess they used up all that energy smacking the Rags around on Saturday.

Coconuts

I do wish I were there right now... I have family in Florida. My mom's semi-estranged sister and her family have lived there for I guess nearly 30 years now. We used to visit them often, and then things went bad between us concerning their late mother (long story). But on this sunny Sunday, the only waterfront I get to see is the icy shores of the St-Lawrence river.

We went skating yesterday on it!

Sadly for Max Pacioretty, the only waterfront he'll get is the smokey, factory strewn shores of Lake Ontario, as the Habs finally sent him down into the warm, welcoming arms of Guy Boucher to fix our lost and wandering first round manapult. You're in good hands, Max! And a welcoming edition to your former linemate Ben Maxwell, who's been heating up recently.

Edit! Holy crap! Maxwell is now up with the Habs! And Dagger's back down with the Bulldogs too for conditioning. What took you so fast, Habs? Help us, Obi-wan Guy Boucher! You're our only hope!


It's currently a lovely -5 degrees celcius here, and I'm going to stuff my face silly at Verses tonight (part of the Happening Gourmand). It's 24 degrees celcius in Flordia, and maybe good for the Habs in that there's supposed to be a few rain storms hitting the area to keep them focused. Just because you're on the beach doesn't mean you get to forget the lovely display of team hockey you showed us the past two days!

Habs 6, Rags 0: Zaba Daba Do

As seen on twitter (from yesterday): @Voros34 Me and SeanAveryDotCom in Montreal hitting the "Montreal Pool Hall" for a hotdog and poutine.

As seen on the ice, Voros going for Markov late in the 3rd meets our big, mean manchild Rhino who introduces him to his fists. See Georges? That's how you do it.

Wow, the Rangers really sucked tonight. Here I was looking for a good hard smackdown, and I got it, but it's kind of disappointing when the team you want the Habs to seriously smackdown don't even show any fight in them... I honestly don't know how the Rags got over 30 shots though. Someone trigger happy on the shot clock?

Credit bigtime to the Habs once again showing us their mysterious ability to play strong as a team and seriously shut down Gaborik, but even he seriously lacked that goalscoring bite he always seems to have. Actually other than a few missed nets for the Rags I think their best shot in two periods came from Higgy, who shot it wide anyway (same ol' Higgy).

The Gong Show started early with Avery being Avery, complaining all the way to the box. By the 3rd period, Torts was sitting there with this face of absolute disbelief. We didn't get a tirade after the game though, but his press conference was still kind of funny. (Better questions than Cassie Campbell's STUPID MORON UNPROFESSIONAL question... Seriously lady? Trying to cause trouble? Way to put Jaro in an uncomfortable position there). Serious ownage, thy name is Michael Cammalleri! (His dad was there cheering tonight). I wonder how much Matt Zaba was sweating as he watched Stunndqvist get pulled...

BennyPoo, we love you. Lapierre with a greasy goal. Gomez makes his old teams cry. Holy SuperPleky what an awesome goal. BIG night for Cammy and Spacek. Darche got another assist! Sergei came back and traded missed chances with Patches but also smashed someone on the boards in a typical Sergei-smashy fasion (though his foot problem was pretty evident all game).

It's nice when the other team doesn't bother to defend for once.

A full team effort, a full 60 minutes of effort, two nights in a row? Able to match two different systems consistently and not panic with the puck. Able to shut down the only scorers on two teams (minus that Parise cherry picking breakaway). Able to excel to almost perfection with special teams (though that lackadaisical routine on the powerplay drives my brother up the wall). Can they continue this? I think I've asked this before.

Dammit Habs, stop teasing us.

I love you, man!

"The Rangers were shut out for the second straight game and for the fourth time in seven contests." Ouchie?

Check the calendar

No, it's not Friday the 13th!

Why is that important? Because the Habs have some unreal win record when it's Friday the 13th. Well today wasn't the 13th but they still surprised the world with a solid effort for a good win over the Devils in New Jersey on a Friday. And it's been 20 years since they won on a Friday in New Jersey.

Does it surprise me? No, not really. I'll be frank here. The Devils win games by scoring 1 or 2 goals. However they rarely win games when they ALLOW 3 goals. Also the style of the Devils is just like the way Coach Martini tries to get his team to play, while our boys end up being the inconsistent version of the New Jersey Devils.

So there you go, Habs. When you put your mind to it, even though you give up the first goal (cherry picker!) and your goalie appears to be made of rubber (BOING!), if you put your fucking mind to it and play smart, play hard, play good, you win. What a concept.

Oh and Mathieu Darche with a goal and an assist and solid Bulldogs-type forechecking hockey. Even without him, the Bulldogs DESTROYED Rochester 6-1! (And chased Salak from his net with 3 goals on 12 shots early). But Darche's effort behind the net, fighting off two big Devils guys, passing the puck to Markov who quickly passed it to Cammy was the highlight of the night.

Benoit Pouliot continues being our Manapult of awesome. Guimauve would have never done what he has... Slippy was back on D (and actually did good for once!) as Mara appears to have reinjured his hand. D'Agostini went out in the 3rd and grabbed the biggest man he could find to fight him (and didn't do so bad, actually managed to cut the guy). Gorges was a shot-blocking machine. And everyone protected the net instantaneously, even Markov jumped someone twice. And at the end Cammy got mugged by Price. Feel the love!

Now the boys need to win one tomorrow. The Rangers aren't a passive-aggressive team like the Devils are. If they implode again like they did last week, well this excercise will be moot. But if the Habs weasle into the playoffs and meet the Devils? Well, I wouldn't worry so much about it... But the Habs need some Ragtime revenge!

Big Georges has left the building

Laraque has been told to stay home. Well, his two minutes of ice time weren't doing anything anyway, and he usually just stood around and watched as the players he was paid to help protect got concussed.

Yea, I'm gonna tell you something about this. I was very happy when BGL was signed. But I don't know what happened to him the summer after getting that contract. I knew he wasn't the Laraque that played with the Oilers, but he wasn't even the same Laraque that played with the Penguins...

I'm not happy about the buyout. I can only hope he retires after realizing he's not going to get anything and focus himself on doing the good deeds he's famous for. On one hand, it's honorable of Bob to give a seasoned vet the no-movement clause because any classless organization would have waived him and buried his ass in the minors. But the Habs are all class. So yea, I was none too pleased of Laraque's spur of the moment morning outburst on how the Habs have no class to do this to him during these difficult times what with the earthquake in Haiti and all. However, Bob was gonna dump him LAST week, but decided against it because of the earthquake. They even offered him the option of taking time off to deal with it (like they did with Rhino to tend to his ailing parent). But how long do you wait eh? I've had colleagues fired from work as they came back from paternity leave even though they were the savior of the company (no joke, long story about quality assurance and idiots) and did nothing to merit their dismissal. But in Laraque's case, it was going on too long. Yes, he's a good guy, a good teammate, but it still hurts them and us fans when we see him not doing his job...not even checking anyone...not even reacting to being checked by a so-called willing partner. He didn't scare anyone.

Later he changed his tune on the earlier outburst. However he still thinks some team will want him. Bob tried to trade him to no avail...

So this is where we are. A 22-man roster. I don't much understand the cockamamie rules of the NHL but fucking hell Jacques, call up some Bulldogs and make yourself a proper 4th line. The Habs need bite. They need energy. They need White, Pyatt, Conboy or Neilson. Hell, Stewie could probably go there too. But Martin is too incompetent to use a proper ass-kicking fourth line and instead wants our big boy Rhino who was being groomed into being a meanie defenceman regressed into a confused child.

Good bye Big Georges. Please, just retire. You're past your due date. And it'll save us the cap space.

And fuck you, Jacques Martin. You're game plan makes me wish Guy Fucking Carbonneau was still coach for fuck's sakes. May Kirk Muller yell in your ear more as he tries desperately to energize this lifeless team.

Hey Bob. Hire me to coach. I'll do it for free.

In serious news, I send my well wishes to Jean Beliveau who was admited to hospital today after suffering another stroke. All news indications I've heard claims he's doing fine so hopefully he'll be up and about soon. Let us all hope so!

Atomic Habs

Perron: Dude! I am le home! I'll score les goals on my favourite team and RDS will love me beaucoup!
Price: ...
Habs Defence: *drooool* *zzzz*
Gomez: I make $5 per horrible back-breaking turnover.
Crowd: Boo.
Coach Payne: Crombeen! Use your Cross Chop!
Crombeen: CROMBEEEEEEEEEEN!
Moen: Uh no.
Price: ....
Conklin: You guys need me? 'Cause I'd like to go shopping for stuff.
Coach Kirk: AFJOIGJEGQPOIEJGPROWIGJWPQOWIR!!!!!!
Blues: Haha pylons. I smack your goalie and he poops pucks! Score!
Price: .....
Habs Defence: *drooool* *zzzz*
Janssen: Looooooooooose puck get! OH SHIT GOALIECOLLISION! BOOM!
Price: DRAGON PUNCH!!!
Ron Hextall somewhere: *smiles*

Pouliot: Guiwho?
Habs Defence: *drooool* *zzzz*
Gomez: Defending a 2-on-1 would cost you $10.
Crowd: Boo.
Price: Boooooooooo.

Coach Payne: Oshie! Use your Razor Leaf!
Oshie: oooSHIIIIIIIIIIIE!
Powerplay: OH SHIT!
Slippy: Barrel roll! Barrel roll! Do a barrel roll~!
Price: Goals. Score them.
Pleky: Ow. Foot.
Crowd: *GASP*
Pleky: I'm good.
Crowd: *breathes*
Hammer: Puck goes where?
Ref McMoustache: FIVE ON THREE AND NO SOUP FOR YOU!
Price: Save.
Save.
Save again.
I can't do this all night yo.
--- As seen leaving the ice
Gill: You go first.
Pleky: Nah you go first.
Gill: I insist my dear friend.
Pleky: It's ok, you can go.
Gill: Go.
Pleky: OK.

Perron: OK Bell Center crowd, I will make you love moi.
Price: Save.
Pouliot: Latenwhat?
Conklin: This feels like Edmonton.
Spacek: C is for cookie!
Cammy: I think I tipped it.
Gomez: I think I ducked. That cost you $5.
Price: Hey pulling me for an extra man DOES actually work for once... Can I be the extra man next time, Coach?
Martin: *zzz*

OVERTIME: Fail.
Crowd: What did we just witness here?

Kicking kittens: Habs 2, Rags 6000

The seething anger over yesterday's epic fail just got dealt a new one. After actually taking advantage of the Ranger's shitfest and jumping up 2-0 before the 1st period ended, we were all amazed that there was actually a team that managed to look worse than the Habs.

Of course this went a complete 180 from the second period on as the Rangers stomped on our heads and pissed on our rotting corpses for 6 brutally unanswered goals including one weaksauce shortie. (At least yesterday's was a killer shot...)

It was an epic failure of grandiose proportions. One I have not seen since Patrick Roy told his boss he's fucking out of here.

But I'm taking a deep breath.

I made some chocolate chip cornmeal muffins, and they're delicious.


Also my mind is blown at the trade rumor on RDS with Dallas: MARTY TURCO for Jaro. Excuse me while I try not to get excited about this, as it's just a rumor. (No, I'm not being sarcastic... I love the guy!) Though after watching these past two games, I'd say Turco and Robidas for Jaro and maybe Dagger. We need defence..........

And someone needs to lock Slippy into the trunk of a car previously occupied by Breezer. Dump it on Mars or something.

Do a barrel roll!

Hey Slippy! Yea, you #47 manning the point on the powerplay. Do a fucking barrel roll.

Don't get me wrong, though. Sens deserved this win. They were the better team. But I'll rant anyway about my team.

The first time in like forever you guys are actually given proper powerplays, in plural, because the Sens were playing like a bunch of undisciplined idiots and you can't take advantage of it. Wiffed, soft passes easily picked off. Pouliot flubbing bad and turning over the puck to give them a shorthanded goal. (And don't get me wrong, that was a stunning goal... I don't even understand how that got past Price as he was way out covering the angle. It was like a curve ball, if that's even possible with a puck. Maybe it was remote controlled). And then there's Slippy... SLC has Kuba and Picard to hate on, we've got Slippy. He shoots it wide! He bullseyes a shin pad up close! He turns over the puck right by his own net and gives Price more problems than the kid needs! He never looks where he's going or where he's sending the puck! He makes me want to kick kittens!

I mean, holy shit. I've never seen a guy like him.

At least Pouliot made up for his facepalm error and scored an immediate reply.

I knew Mike Brodeur was going to be a pain in the ass anyway from what I've seen of him when he played the Bulldogs, and the Sens protected him well. Which was more than I could say for our poor goalie who will probaby have a stress induced heartattack by the time he's 25 behind this team. Why is it so difficult to exit the zone or clear the puck? Why is it so impossible to take a pass or make a pass? It's like they're stickhandling with saplings and two-by-fours. They also displayed zero intensity in what was an important game. The Sens had their full options when in our end, forcing Price to make difficult saves what with all the bouncing pucks, traffic, stick deflections and his own teammates. Markov also has to stop giving him the puck to start the breakout...

And the powerplay is becoming predictable.

Which brings me to Jacques Martin. I really don't understand his game plan anymore. The moment Habs got some momentum, he put out the crappy fourth line. I'm guessing he forgot White wasn't on the team right now. He's so concerned with matchups that he forgets about maybe, just maybe, taking advantage of something. I think I understand now why he hasn't done well in the playoffs. If Guy Boucher were on the bench for tonight's game, he'd be standing on it, screaming, and waving a pitchfork already having skewered Slippy with it. It's kind of sad that even Kirk Muller's screams for intensity go unheard or generally get ignored. I just don't understand how they have supposedly good, intense practices, yet come to the rink and suck out all the oxygen.

Oh and I don't give a damn about Guimauve's hattrick. That twerp checked out right after training camp probably when he realized the coach wasn't going to leave him chocolates on his pillow nightly. It's Mike Ribeiro 101: When you suddenly find yourself with zero protection from the Chez Nous media, you wake up and start playing else you find yourself in Europe or selling cars for H Grégoire.

Game tomorrow in New York. If the Habs lose that one, it's going to hurt. And we already knew the goalie of tonight wouldn't play tomorrow regardless of the outcome anyway so fuck off Bob Hartley.

And on that note, here, have some twitter humor:
@BruceGarrioch Leafs floating a package for Kovalchuk and Pavelic including Blake, Bozak and Schenn and Gustavsson.

By the way, you can see a Jerry Price goalie a mile away! Watching the Pens getting destroy by the Canucks, after chasing Curry away, Alex Pechurskiy has stepped in. He's a rookie Tri-City goalie and is currently holding the fort. I thought his style looked familiar and then CBC said he was called up from the Americans (and isn't being paid either). Sure enough, there he was on the roster. Even flashes the Price-like stickhandling too. Good pick for the Pens.

Where were you when Georges Laraque scored?

401 Blue, row A, seat 13. The Herb Gardiner section.

That boom you heard was Georges Laraque Ovechkining the glass after a net scrum second's effort slammed the puck behind Marty Turco's beautiful golden pads. It was a goal of truth, justice, and all that stuff.

It was the battle of .500 teams, and it wasn't pretty. Never mind the fact the Stars suck bad and the Habs were off for four days. We all know how well they play after a break, Christmas vacation notwithstanding. Price hasn't played in like 10 days, and I don't know what these idiots do in practice that they had zero defensive structure until the mid-second. Usually you don't want to start off the game by giving up a few 2-on-1s or 3-on-1s or 4-on-2s... All while your goalie is trying to find his comfort zone and defence is standing around drooling. And to the mini-Halak fan club sitting in front of me? I don't know if you were watching warmup, but he wasn't going to stop any of that...

Toby Petersen did the craziest of fakeout passes, and Gorges fucked up covering the center anyway. Everyone and his dog thought he was going to pass. Instead, it was a wicked wrister. It was like he had a radar on his head because he was looking down the hallway when he scored.

The Stars are in a pretty bad winless slide. Combine that with the 4-day rest, it was the trap. Fortunately for the Habs, Turco sucks pretty bad. And the powerplay was 2-for-2! Even so, Hal Gill had to remind Devorski that it would be nice to call those penalties like that tripping penalty on Gorges that caused yet another odd man rush Price thankfully saved by a centimeter. He decided to wait until the 3rd period to get around to it, and ended up calling everyone on everything at once.

I do believe there's something behind you.

FOR GREAT JUSTICE
- Still outshot by significantly larger margin and outshot in every period (though tied the 2nd)...
- Do you know why Price plays the puck so much? BECAUSE HIS FUCKING DEFENCEMAN DON'T! And they don't know what to do with it when he does pass it to them. Basically his playing the puck is to eliminate or alleviate forchecking. However, he always finds himself surrounded by the other team before he finds his teammates. Nice of them to slap his pads after every error he saved or missed though.
- Also can someone please call goalie interference please? I've seen Metro called for weaker, but Price was run way too much for my liking...
- That other boom you heard was when old man Spacek sent Jamie Benn into orbit, leaving the kid wondering what planet he was on.
- No one sees Gionta, that's why he's so good at what he does. Two goals on the powerplay, right in front of the net, a one-timer and the quickest rebound goal ever, in his 500th game.
- I thought Laraque was going to take out the glass when he scored.
- Slippy did a barrel roll! My brother laughed.
- Crowd call of the night, from a guy who stood all game in the last row of the Blues my brother called the Assistant Coach, after he wasn't called for something behind the play: "Fuck you, Robidas!" Yup. Welcome home.
- So why exactly did you guys fire Dave Tippett? Considering where the Coyotes are compared to the Stars, I'm not quite sure...
- Manapult keeps scoring! And we're not the only one with terrible turnovers!
- The lady next to me was wearing a homemade Habs shirt...with Mickey Ribs' name on the back. Barf.
- Cammy decided against the spin-o-rama and it apparently worked better. Hey! Price finally got an assist!

I'm happy I finally got to see Marty Turco live and in shiny-golden padded glory. Yes he stinks pretty bad right now, but I still love him. Only saw one Marty Poke Check. No spin.

Habs still need work, but thank god they won... This could have been as shitty as last year's Ducks game after they had the week off. Doubly important because Toskala shut out the Flyers (bwah?) and Ottawa finally gave up to give Brodeur a second start who then shut out the Rangers (not surprised). We finally see 50 points and a carbon copy record as Ottawa. Freaky. And crappy that they're coming to visit Saturday.

Soapbox: And now a word from our sponsors

When was the last time the Habs had almost a week of me-time between games? I think it was some time last season... All this means is I get to hear more bitching and whining, speculations, and idiocy! Yay!

Thankfully Montreal gets a radio station from Burlington, Vermont. Escapism, thy name is rock alternative.

Are you a douchebag or do you just play one on tv?
I'm not too sure I understand the logic behind game star selections by our local media anymore. Earlier this week in a 1-0 loss, Carey Price stopped 29 shots and kept his team in a game against the number 1 team in the division. Star selection was Pouliot for his -1 and forgetting to back check on the lone goal, Tyler Myers for being tall, and Miller naturally. In a similar turn, the slumping Panthers rolled into town to give Jaro a 1-0 shutout with the game star selection going to Pouliot again (with good reason, as he scored the only goal), Vokoun who kept his team in the game while flopping around, and Jaro of course. Does this logic seem a little flawed? In both games both the winning team's goalie and losing team's goalie face the same amount of shots (30 for the Sabres game, 38 for the Panthers game) yet they snubbed the losing goalie against a top team but give the losing goalie of a weaker team that second star? And by that brownie point logic for Myers, why not give Plekanec the #2 star for his yeoman work on the penalty kill?

Even Red Fisher was wondering what was up with that.

Are you a douchebag or do you just play one on the radio?
On the same subject of goaltending, I'm really tired of Team990's team of whiners bitching about Price's emotions. Sometimes he says he wishes the kid would show more emotion. Other times he says he's fed up every time he sees Price raise his hands after a goal. I don't know if he has ever noticed, but EVERY goalie in the NHL when they let in a goal they were screened on by their teammates raise their hands in a "if you're going to block me, block it, otherwise get out of my way" manner. Price is pretty reserved compared to most goalies really. Though we've seen him smash post even after he makes a save (it's a sign to his teammates to get their ass in gear after he's stopped the 5th breakaway on the night). It's the right kind of emotion. It's telling everyone that he's here to compete, what are you doing? Unfortunately, he tends to take it out on himself by punching a wall or snaping a goalie stick in two (which should strike fear into anyone, really, considering those are pretty solid sticks). Though everything is back to normal the day after. However, would you guys rather Price does like Vokoun or Turco and call out his teammates to the media? Let's face it, in that Washington game, ending the night with .930 save percentage behind a team that did fuck all against a weak goalie blowing a prime chance to take it to an over .500 team, Hal Gill was directly responsible for those two first goals. Bad luck off the skate is annoying, but backing up into your goalie's face is unacceptable. And since Jacques Martin doesn't seem to say anything during games except mutter cuss words under his breath for every penalty assessed, who else on the ice is going to tell them to wake up?

At least he has a pulse! Too bad the majority of you don't seem to realize how much he cares about playing and winning games, and are drooling about trading him and ruining everything.

And on the subject of radio, Joel Bouchard is one grim reaper to wake up to every morning when he calls in to CHOM (the only station my shitty clock radio picks up properly unless there's a shift in the wind). No wonder the Juniors are having a tough time this year? I'd be pretty depressed listening to this guy coach every day would probably ruin my confidence too. Well, coupled with his dull insight, this morning his thought on the Devils game was that the Habs should have won it and it was probably a point that evened out from a previous game Jaro or Price stole to no points. I don't know about you, Joel, but a previous stolen game where there were no points in the end, do not come back to you later rather they come back to haunt you. It's the old "should have could have" thing. The game against Calgary they should have won and could have won as the team play great that night but Jaro was letting everything in. Every game a defenceman has kicked a puck in their own net that ended up costing them big time in the end (Colorado, Chicago, Washington, etc). How about that game where Price faced 55 shots? Oh yea, that was a 2-0 loss. How about the Pens game Chris Lee stole away, or the Ottawa game Kerry Frasher put his hair on? How about the list of games the team didn't show up in where they looked content in letting their goalies just do everything? If one or more of those game had brought the Habs an extra point in each, they would be higher in the standings, Joel.

While I've got your attention...
...stop trying to trade everyone.

Keith Ballard is evil
He chopped his goalie in the head. He ran into his former goalie and injured him for a bit. He now injured Senators' Jesse Winchester (who ran into him, actually) adding more pain to their hurt. And we learned this weekend that his low hit on AK46 sent our Big Brother to surgery for knee ligaments. On the shelf for four to six weeks. Probably won't go to the Olympics. Team Belarus will only have one Kostitsyn now. And poor Andrei... it seems every time he heats up this season, someone hurts him. Though this would be a nice time to give Brock Trotter a little taste of the NHL, Bob. He's only the highest scorer in Hamilton, and came off a hat trick last night. Considering Pleky and Cammy have fallen into a funk without their Belamullet, it wouldn't hurt to try. Just saying.

We wish you could stay
I know they're off for four days and it's probably better for White to head back down, save some pocket change, and get some playing time...but can we please keep him up here? No one brings the energy like that rosy-cheeked forechecking cherub. That fourth line actually has some use, and he does more in 6 minutes than BGL does sucking air off the bench. Plus he kills penalties.

GAME!
This Thursday I'm going to see our Habs fend off the Dallas Stars! I'm hoping they don't come out flat after the four day layoff. I'm also hoping Turco and Price will play... And I don't wanna see Alex Auld. He doesn't have golden goalie pads.

I'm sick of seeing nothing but football on my TV. Go away, football!

Habs 1, Devils 2 (OT): 10 minutes for entertainment

Lou Lamoriello seen here heading for the circuit breaker.

Last night in New Joisey, the Devils were sucking the life out the building while sucking so bad that they finally managed to suck the lights out to aptly cover up the 3-0 lead the Lightning had on them. The game was postponed until tomorrow.

Today they rolled into Montreal ready to suck out our souls and instead found themselves forced to play something uncharacteristically entertaining. Well, for 10 minutes anyway. The majority of the game was played along the boards, round and round, and then in the neutral zone. Habs lost in OT, but Gomez scored.

Hal Gill almost tipped a goal into his own net again just as I was muttering "watch your feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet". Lucky for us all he lifted his foot and the puck bounced harmlessly away. Please step away from the net?

However, my main concern is where was this great defence in previous games? We know you can do it, Habs. The inconsistency is maddening. As my brother and I were talking about it, either the goalies are left to their own devices while the team forgets to show up, or the offense is clicking and the defence is on vacation which causes all kinds of problems for the goalies, or the defence is shutting the other team down but the offence has died a horrible death.

Jaro needs to challenge lone or breakaway shooters more...especially when the puck is sitting out there all alone for a few seconds with no one around it.

It's so nice to have a legitimate fourth line. I also notice more hitting when Ryan White is playing. Of course it's mostly him doing the hitting. Can we keep him, Bob?

My brother thinks Cage aux Sport should give away one giant free baked potato if the Habs score 1 goal only in the game.

As for you, Don Cherry... Please don't compare Phil Kessel to Mike Bossy or Brett Hull.

Habs 2, Panthers 0: It was entirely possible...

Wake me up when something interesting happens...

...to win a game whilst sucking so much.

You know those types of games where the Habs score first and then don't score for the rest of the game? Kind of like that one in Tampa Bay? You know the feeling of those, right? Always on the edge of your seat, worried all those missed chances will come back to bite them eventually? You get worried every time a fart knocks over a player that maybe some overzealous ref will call a zillion penalties to make it interesting for the other team.

Yea, this game didn't have that scary sensation at all. Well, maybe everytime Jaro looked behind him even though the puck was far away from him. About the only thing I felt about this game was boring, boring, boring. And pity for how terrible the Panther's looked.

Habs played great defensively though. They kept everything outside, they DIDN'T screen their goalie... Hell even the Panther's knew they were outside, resulting to desperation shots coming from below the goal line to hit the sides of the net which produced chuckles from themselves. I don't know where the 38 shots against came from as I only remembered maybe 10? I think 15 was a stretch. Offensively, Habs continue to suck a big one and Vokoun wasn't even playing well tonight either (bobbled pucks left and right). Pleky looks out of gas. Dagger is still useless. Defense either shot into a crowd or shot way wide. Rinse. Repeat. But I never really felt like the Panthers would score, even when Hal Gill was called for playing defence, and pretty much just waited for the empty netter (thank you, Gionta).

Oh, Poo scored again. I think Benoit Brunet exploded.

Watching the Sens fail miserably against the Capitals on TSN was more entertaining than this crap. But thank you, Dutchy, for calling the Habs the "grandaddy of hockey" in your on-the-fly news. (Also found proof of Ovechkin using an illegal stick...bet you someone is dying to call it during a playoff game!)

Of course the Jaro vs Price crap returns. Goaltending is such a non-issue it's ANNOYINGLY AGGRAVATING that you people keep harping on it. Hey you know who had an enormous amount of shutouts too? Brian Boucher. Just saying.

If I pray nicely will God make sure the Devils come in Saturday tired and wasted from their game the night before? Oh right, I don't believe in God...and the Devils are evil. Sorry, Habs. You're on your own with that one.

In other news, I just found out someone is making an Eddie the Eagle movie!

Habs, why do you do this to me?

Allow me to sum it up for you: When your goalie has let in 4 goals (though I won't count 1 because Hal Gill kicked it in) and still has .930 save percentage on the night, YOU 18 other guys fucked up royally. Yea, YOU kept Ovie quiet. But YOU did fuck all the rest of the night. OK, well Gorges got a goal kicked in by a Capital, and Poo got a powerplay goal. But YOU did fuck all for 60 minutes against a shakier than shaky AHL goalie. Get a fucking plan, Double-O Martini. Beating weak teams is fine and dandy but how about something that makes your team look able to beat elite teams rather than hope and pray? Hell our AHL boys look like seasoned vets over these guys. Afraid of the net, unable to connect a pass, slow, backing up on defence instead of playing hard... Oh and waive BGL or trade him back to the Oilers (who like him for sentimental reasons apparently). His 2 minutes of uselessness could be given to Andrew Beastly Conboy who can at least snarl at someone, and skate somewhere quickly, and hit things while fitting under the cap. Actually he'd probably give you more than 2 minutes. Do it.

I'm watching a real hockey game: Team Canada vs Team USA and it's EPIC. Tied at 5 and going to OT. Eberle is king clutch.

EDIT! Team USA takes it in OT. Carlson snipes it for Gold! Epic game. And well deserved for a great team. And to Kristo, our new golden boy!

Maybe Team USA's coach would like to coach the Habs?

Habs 0, Slugs 1: You just got Rick Rolled

Yes. Brok. That's exactly the noise I would use for this game.

This is the kind of game that makes you go bald. Oddly enough Coach Kirk looked to be the only one actively coaching today but I guess that's because he has more hair than Double-O Martini.

And this is why Price ain't going to the Olympics. His team just doesn't know what it's doing... Score and he'd win more games, you bastards! Or he'd try to bring you to OT. (Though I still hold my stance on NHL players should be banned from the Olympics, but I'll write about that later). However, in the two Sabres games he played in, he only gave up a goal in each. Put that in your notebook and stuff it up your arse, Coach.

The funny thing is that the Sabres didn't seem too interested in trying to score more. I guess we're not the only ones content with sitting on one goal.

There's really nothing to say about this 3 hour waste of our time. I could have done something productive with it. Like race vats of molasse. The best scoring chance came with only 2 minutes to go, but even then it was a textbook Markov cross-ice pass to Cammy that Miller saw on video two days ago. Benoit Pouliot got the 3rd star for what I assume is speaking the local language, ignoring the goalie who was playing goal, defence, and forward, and backstopping as catcher for baseball, and seemed to be the only one interested in getting the puck, other than the Sabres. Pleky and Cammy must have lost their bodies in Florida, and their brains. May as well have pulled Price for the extra attacker for the whole 3rd period just to make it interesting.

Meanwhile Kovy had a hat trick today, plus another goal and assist against the Flyers so nothing really moves in the standings. That's also probably his quota production for the month. The only other significant thing NHL wise was the Panthers smacked around the Penguins 6-2. Yea, you done real good.

Team Canada vs Team USA for gold. Try not to duck, Jake.

For the 100th time...

...it is not a new decade yet.

A decade is 1 to 10.

There is no year 0 people, and 2010 is still part of the current decade. So all these perspectives are moot.