Habs 3, Sabres 2: Bored to win

What a boring, sloppy win. But I'll take it, so long as they don't do this next game versus the Kings because nevermind what your glowing historical record is on them...

- This win was made possible thanks to the fourth line, who was the best line tonight. And a Prusty goal to boot.
- I wish the Habs had drafted Zemgus Girgensons... How can we free him from Fuckalo?
- And Luke Adam.
- Both would be with the Bulldogs tho.
- Someone needs to remove Steve Ott's smelly ass from Price's face.
- Or just remove Steve Ott.
- The schedule appears to have hit these guys. PK and Markov are making sloppy errors, guys are just leaning on their sticks, staring at the puck and not going at it. My favourite is the attempt to clear the zone by waving their magic curve wands at the puck hoping to invoke the power of wind to move it.
- Price masks many of the errors though...
- For the second time this week, Desharnais nearly had his knees blown out by someone pretending not to knee-on-knee hit him.
- How purple did your face turn when Ennis did a spinorama on Markov's knee? He's fine! You can breathe!
- Considering how both Rinaldo and Thornton declared this "Grab A Guy Who Doesn't Want To Fight and Throw Him Down On the Ice and Punch Him in the Face Day" the Sabres were remarkably quiet and somewhat well behaved. Even shitface Ott! (Other than the knee thing with Desharnais).
- I think Nolan just really likes us.
- I had to check but I had no idea Matt Moulson played tonight. How weird is that?
- Of course Ennis scored so we could see his fugly face on screen.
- But it's ok because HAD PLEKS.
- Galchenyuk scored. Apparently he scores every 3 games now.
- Nice to know you can maybe play 5 minutes of hockey and win eh? AND get tied with the Pens as first in the East.

See you at the bar, jerks!

Habs 3, Jets 0: The Price is Right, Bitches!

 While TSN is still popping champagne over the Leafs easy win against a Wild team that sucks/played yesterday/played their shitty 3rd string rookie goalie, Habs were having fun in Winnipeg. Well about as much fun one can have in Winnipeg. Which means BEATING THE JETS.

- J! E ! T! S! JETS! JETS! JETS!
- All the same to me.
- Prust opens the scoring, Desharnais had a fantastic view of it, RDS popped the champagne. Brolieu helped out!
- I'm reasonable. Desharnais did well tonight. Well enough.
- PK Subban scored another goal for Team Canada. Unless they really do want Hamhuis to score for the other team.
- Pacioretty got tangled up with two players in the slot and did the splits. Didn't return.
- Fuck you hockey gods.
- I figured once the Habs were up 2-0 the Jets would start a fight. Didn't think Tangradi would go with Ryan White though. Didn't last too long. Actually looked more like a glomp than a fight. (Lucky for Tangradi).
- Habs missed so many gifted empty nets...
- Jets pretty much took over the rest of the game, but Price was there.
- Price was so huge he willed the puck off Andrew Ladd's stick and off harmlessly to the corner WITH HIS MIND!
- Price also one-upped on Tuukka and blockerd some guy who was skating right for him. Tim Peel was unimpressed.
- Tim Peel is a dumbo.
- Diaz's best game ever. I'm serious.
- Byfuglien was probably the most invisible giant man ever tonight.
- PK Subban and Brolieu went the whole length of the ice a few times. I'm in love, guys.
- PK was probably the only other awesome part of this game after Price. A 2-on-1? No problem.
- TSN probably still thinks Suckmeester would fit better on Team Canada. PK would make us look too good.
- I wanted the Habs to draft Trouba but he was gone by then. Imagine PK, Brolieu, and Trouba on one team?
- Tim Peel hates Evander Kane more than PK Subban.
- Blake Wheeler delivered a headshot on Plekanec. Doubt he'll get a call.
- Just as I was yelling at how annoying and useless Briere has been, and was fucking around with the puck, turnovers and all, he finally gets out and hits the empty net.
- How about you score on a goalie now, Briere? I'm not asking much. I'm just asking more than one play a game and less killing of plays...

Successful roadtrip West! Minus the injury to Pacioretty... That could hurt if it's bad.

Habs 4, Oilers 1: Thankful for that warmup game yesterday

I spent much of the first half of the game wondering if future Hall of Famer Devon Dubnyk was going to one-up JoeyMac's easy night in Calgary. Then Gallagher happened. Saved by the 5'8" (with skates) wunderkid, and his twin Galchenyuk!

- It's amazing what those two can do with just 13 minutes of ice time.
- Yakupov also had 13 minutes of ice time. Ended minus 1.
- The old "get other guys who are stuck in neutral going" has caused Therrien to split Eller from his bros. Plekanec (who is still rather lost in space) got the Gallys while Eller got Briere and Pacioretty.
- I'm totally behind Eller with Pacioretty, but when stuff wasn't happening you had to wonder if our ONE working line was going to make a guest appearance in the 3rd. Didn't have to happen.
- Desharnais got tossed over to Gionta and Bourque. Did one fantastic takeaway, then fell on his ass so...
- And while he was completely non-existent last night, Bourque did the "fly down the wing and snipe one top shelf" that he always did to us. Except he hit the post. Or Dubnyk's face.
- For what seemed like an eternity, Habs did everything but score. Posts, simple practice shots, and a puck that walked the line...
- And of course PK plays Smyth properly on the penalty kill by clearing him from the crease only to have the puck deflect off the falling Smyth and in behind Budaj. That ended up being the premature play of night for the Oilers Sportsnet joke of broadcast.
- Of course they picked it right before Gallagher and Galchenyuk went 2-on-1 to score.
- Then again it's Sportsnet. You should see their Senators games. (Re: DON'T!)
- Budaj was surprisingly less of a ping pong super lucky goalie than he usually is and actually looked quiet and solid. However someone really needs to tell him to stop playing the puck. It's scary when he does. But it's PAYS to play him before December!
- Bournival's second game. Can we stop pulling him from the line up? Rest Moen if you want to play White.
- Beaulieu hasn't played much hockey lately and it kind of shows. Also pairing him with Bouillon is just a disaster. Tinordi is suffering because of it as well! If you're going to put a kid with a veteran, Bouillon is like not even on my first 10 pages of names. (GET ME HAL GILL!)
- Lars Eller did no score but was in absolute beast mode. So much so he lost his brain and hit Taylor "I get flattened 3 times per game" Hall. (It was indeed the 3rd time that game). Though a bad hit, the image of him standing completely remorseful over Hall with 5 Oilers hanging off his other arm was kind of funny.
- PK could stick handle in a phone booth with 2 other defenders in there with him.
- It only took Captain Planet Ference two periods before he remembered he's a douchbag and went after Gionta because HOCKEY!
- Speaking of douchebags, Perron seems like a douche.
- Dallas Eakins is upset another team is on the ice getting in the way.

Eakins does look like David Tennant.

- Dallas Eakins pulled Dubnyk with 4 minutes to go. Normally I'd be excited over this, but the Habs are allergic to empty nets.
- Pacioretty saved us from embarrassment and took the pass from Briere to score on the empty net. That said, I lost confidence in Briere actually scoring there.

Tonight we found out that a not-100% Josh Gorges is indeed better at hockey than a healthy Josh Gorges. Someone needs to re-tweak his MCL or whatever it was he had broken for 6 years. And in terms of tracking, Galchenyuk 1 Yakupov 0.

Habs 4, Whalercanes 2: Eat crow

The trolls have slunk back under their bridges. The slight aberration in Price's play fixed by a second period of 21 shots, including a penalty shot by a fairly good player of the Staal variety. A menu of crow shall be served shortly.

And those asking why Price hasn't stolen any games for them? Voila.

Clearly it was my fault...
- Seriously. Every time I take my dog for a walk something happens. Spent the whole 2nd walking the dog.
- I wondered if they all caught an intestinal infection in the 2nd period.
- For once, I'd like it if Therrien used his damn time out when the team goes off the rails instead of waiting for his damn icing. (Hint: they ice the puck a lot...how do you  know which to call it on)?
- The bonus of 42 saves is it re-balances Price's save percentage.
- Brandon Prust also played out of his mind.
- He and Eller ended with a goal and two assists, while Galchenyuk pitched in for some solid assistance. And I'm sure Pierre McGuire is thinking up a way to backtrack on his assessment of Eller.
- Don't hold your breath on that, by the way.
- Don't hold your breath in second periods with the Habs either.
- But Eller's goal was fantastic. He just came out of nowhere, backdoor. Usually WE are the victims of those.
- Josh Gorges, POWER FORWARD. No really.
- Did you see Emelin's spin-o-rama on the first goal?
- Shut up, Eric Staal.
- You too, Skinner.
- You know, considering Marc Staal's eye ate a puck the other night, you'd think the Staals would stop the macho crap and put on visors? Still visor-less.
- Then again, I bet Pronger would still growl something about cold dead hands and visors or whatever. Dude can't even play with his kids without some light or noise problems affecting him.
- PK Subban has 6 goals and 15 points in 18 games, including tonight's BOMB on the powerplay. And apparently Gaston Therrien thinks he should do more offensively. Also played 27 minutes.
- Could stop turning the puck over in front of your net, please? Especially while on a power play.
- I wish everyone would hound the puck the way Gallagher does. Pin him to the boards, he'll still go through you for the puck.
- The Hurricanes stole the HONK!HONK!HONK! LET'S GO CANES! from the Caps.
- I feel really bad for Weber. He finally gets to play, his play is rather odorous to say the least (that penalty shot call was weaaaaaaaaaaaaaak though), and then ends up injured. Gee I wonde why this happened? Maybe because he's been siting forever!
- Ryder was benched in the third. This is why they won. (Well, it helped).

42 saves, bitches. The answer to life, the universe, and everything.

Except a game star, apparently.

Habs 4, Jets 3: Find a way and win

Remember that clusterfuck of a game in Edmonton with the millions of stupid calls and Yakupov's heroics saving the game? We just got a taste of that. But no sliding across the ice to land in prayer on a game tying goal. Instead, the Gallys took over the game and saved this team from what would have surely been a loss last season.

Four in a row.
- I do not, will not, ever not give a fuck about Perry Pearn. Good bye.
- Habs/Jets (Threshers) games tend to be weird. Tonight was weird and wonky. Could have easily gone 7-8.
- Dear PK, you have no idea how much the PK is missing you. Also every D outside of Markov/Emelin ae starting to show their warts, and Gorges could really use you next to him. Can't get back soon enough.
- Price had a better 3rd than the first two periods. Especially with the zero clean up in front. Good thing for him, he's not playing tomorrow.
- Good thing for him Gorges is a pretty good goalie too.
- DD is still sucking. Tonight they tried Prust, Gally, Galchy, Moen, Youppi. Seriously, you're running out of options. Apparently Patches doesn't need you (though we know this already) but rather the other way around. And even then nothing is working.
- Am I the only one who thinks Gallagher looks like a micro Channing Tatum?
- Off the schneid: Bourque finally didn't shot for orbital sattelites! And Erik Cole collected a gift from the Gallys.
- Honestly, I thought they were playing Lacrosse half the game...
- Did you know 27+73=100?

By the way, RDS math.

- Prust says he was hit from behind and fell down. Apparently that's now a penalty.
- Though you have to admit, it was funny seeing everyone go after Antropov. Like, don't piss off the dwarves!
- That call, however, made my dog vomit.
- Markov and the powerplay = Norris, Masterton, Hart. All the accolades!
- Ron Hainsey scored a goal for the Habs.
- Gally had a goal and assist with the least amount of ice time on the whole team (about 9:22). He knows how to compensate.
- Emelin says привет! Kane does not approve. Boohoo.
- The last 30 minutes killed me.

Taking 8 of 10 points so far? Excellent. Keeping the Gallys? Excellent. Best players on the ice. We'd be lost without those crazy kids. Onwards to Ottawa!

Habs 4, Devils 3: The Markov Process

This is not Andrei Markov

Andrey Markov was a Russian mathematician with a crazy beard who helped develop the theory of stochastic process, particularly those aptly referred to as Markov Chains. Don't ask me how to tie this to hockey. I studied art not math.

Andrei Markov is the reconstructed Russian defenceman of the Montreal Canadiens who developed the ability to not give a damn about errors in overtime (but will bitch about them if they prove costly) and score game winning goals. Also I don't think he can grow a beard.

I HATE THE FUCKING DEVILS
- But wait! What was that?! Actual exciting back-and-forth h...h...hockey?! I swear I think I even saw the Devils players enjoying themselves while their coaches got super uncomfortable.
- Then again, the Habs scored two goals in the first period. This is like foreign territory for the Devils.
- Ryan White, guys. Ryan White! BAMF!
- Gallagher's first NHL goal was so beautiful, the video and a photo of the moment was whisked over to the Habs Hockey Hall of Fame!

- OK it wasn't, but it should! Gally Squared!
- Lost in all this fun was the Double Giontas...
- And Pierre Gauthier was back, scouting for the Hawks...
- You know who pisses me off? Patrik Elias. If that goal had sound it would be BOING.
- Naturally the fun we had in the first period was quickly snuffed back to bore you to death Devils style hockey. How dare we have a good time, right?
- A Prusty goal is a pretty one! And it wasn't shorthanded either.
- Price thanked his goalposts, Siegfried and Roy, with a stick tap to Goon.
- My heart stopped seeing Kovalchuk break through on a breakaway (cherry picker). Cassé!
- The Cole Train is just warming up...
- We STILL need PK. The penalty kill is really reaching with those tiny legs in the back.
- As is the players who can't seem to skate fast enough to get that one icing that turned into a really stupid goal.
- Meanwhile I advocate no-touch icing.
- DD appears to have trouble handling anything these days, including pucks. Yet somehow Eller gets punished for it. Truly fascinating.
- Zubrus was a fairly useless Hab, by the way.
- OK so I really don't hate Patrik Elias. I just hate him as a Devil. He's a pro and totally didn't cry about the OT penalty like most players do.
- Of course various random Leaf fans on twitter called it a dive when it was clearly a penalty. They're just upset the Leafs blow. And not just at hockey.
- I'm stunned every time Rene Bourque does something really good then absolutely misses the net. If the goal were in orbit, he'd be Wayne Gretzky.
- And I was stunned watching Markov leave the point only to make his way down to the side of the net and get replaced by Bourque. He shot it wide. Markov fixed it.

The Devils could do us all a favour and kindly fuck off back to Kansas. No one will miss them.

Well, this is good.  Doing it without Patches who had an appendectomy the night before. Oh right, Kaberle was scratched, whatever. It was ugly but they powered through it to beat an actual team that was rolling 3-0. Whatever Therrien did or fed them, keep doing it.

WOO!

ATTENTION EVERYONE part 2!

CAREY PRICE FOREVER! Well, OK, six more years. But in hockey terms that's forever. Proceed to triple low five the person next to you. Hey pro goalie dudes, explain to us what Carey Price is please.

Price is one of the best damn goalies in the universe. You guys want me to explain the "CP31 Speed Bubble" I always talk about? I'm bored. The CP31 Speed Bubble is a trait that only he displays. It's a mental awareness in which he moves at his own speed and his own pace regardless of the speed or the pace of the play around him. Regardless of what happens around him, he always moves and flows at HIS pace. So there you go. Price lives in a speed bubble, and this is why he looks so even-keeled, moves so effortlessly. He's almost always unfazed.

Fans often get disgruntled because he'll look passive or "lazy" at times, but that comes with the territory of the CP31 Speed Bubble. Deal. Price reads and processes plays with calm precision, moves similarly. So positionally structured & economical, he could play until he's 45. -- Justin Goldman (the Goalie Guild)

Translation: Price is the goalie equivalent of the Matrix, and WE GOT HIM! So fuck off the reservation, McGuire.

What else did GMMB get us? Some familiar faces and some better bottom-six rugged dudes to make life a little more comfy for the top-six guys.

Who's back?
- Travis TOUCHDOWN Moen for four more years!
- Alexei Emelin for two more years! BOOM!
- Brendon Nash for another year! Now don't get destroyed in fucking training camp again please.
- Petteri Nokelainen for another year! But there's a big chance he gets waived early. Again.
- Michael Blunden is back even though he didn't get the qualifying offer.
- Cedric the Entertainer Desjardins is back for Hamilton after, well, realizing our other goalies still kind of suck.
- FrankieBou is back! Proving that he does indeed have a life clause that stipulates he can only play with either the Habs or the Preds.

Who's new?
- Brandon Prust for four years! Will help block the shots with Gorges.
- Colby "Closet Habs Fan" Armstrong for a year! And he's still getting paid by the Leafs so BONUS!

You can stop dreaming about Jagr. Either he signs for a reasonable price already or he stops using Montreal as leverage for other deals. Anyway, the dude is 40. I doubt he wants to really play for this team...