Habs 4, Islanders 2: Kiss it

Now, can we please stop breaking up this line and leave Parros benched? Thanks. And yes, Denis Coderre, I've been on the "send Desharnais to Hamilton" for months now. No one will pick him up on waivers.

Habs 3, Wild 4: Coaching a loss

Hey coach. I know you like those fourth line guys and all, but not noticing the pattern pretty much cost you the game. They're on the ice, they get scored on. You benched them after the 2nd goal, then allowed them back out in the 3rd just as your team was rolling fine with 3 lines and boom, another goal against. That one was particularly terrible because of the terrible lack of attempt to backcheck on Parros' part and the statue-like attempt by Murray on the passer.

And then we get to watch Frankie Bubbles just stand around while the puck bounces to an open Pominville. C'est pathetique.

- Lars Eller, Alex Galchenyuk, and Brendan Gallagher are just so beautiful.
- With Markov and Subban, we're talking glorious.
- Too bad they can't play all game...
- NO ONE LIKES YOU POMINVILLE. POPULATION 1.
- Seriously fucking cherry picker.
- I can't wait for Briere to return so Leblanc can go back to Hamilton, SAID NO ONE EVER.
- Just look at him! You can't tell me this team is better with Briere.
- Though at this rate, maybe he can also just replace Desharnais...
- Bournival is also fantastic. All he missed was a goal tonight.
- PK goal? Big Karl on my TV!
- Seeing the dads all up in the stands watching their boys was just great. Too bad the coach had to fuck it all up.
- I have a suggestion: Play Douglas Murray at home, play Greg Pateryn on the road.
- Do it.
- JJD's stupid "fronting" defence is what happened on the winning goal. It was equally dumb because the puck could have just as easily bounced off Bubbles and in.
- What makes it worse is it was right after a killer shift by Markov showing WHY he should be a Hab for life. Even falling on his butt he still made an amazing play.
- The game needed more TV time of the dads. PapaPK, PapaGallagher, PapaGionta, and PapaBournival got some TV though.
- Let's go Wi~ld!
- Dudes, your team's name is one syllable. What is that chant?
- PK protecting that empty net because he's such a defensive liability guys!

Josh Harding is probably the best story in hockey. That said the Habs deserved better tonight. If not for their own inept coaching decisions, they probably would have taken this game. And tomorrow it's off to Denver to dance dizzying with Patrick Roy. I hear Pacioretty might be back. I'm also taking my family out for dinner. Thinking I'll enjoy that way more...

Habs 4, Oilers 1: Thankful for that warmup game yesterday

I spent much of the first half of the game wondering if future Hall of Famer Devon Dubnyk was going to one-up JoeyMac's easy night in Calgary. Then Gallagher happened. Saved by the 5'8" (with skates) wunderkid, and his twin Galchenyuk!

- It's amazing what those two can do with just 13 minutes of ice time.
- Yakupov also had 13 minutes of ice time. Ended minus 1.
- The old "get other guys who are stuck in neutral going" has caused Therrien to split Eller from his bros. Plekanec (who is still rather lost in space) got the Gallys while Eller got Briere and Pacioretty.
- I'm totally behind Eller with Pacioretty, but when stuff wasn't happening you had to wonder if our ONE working line was going to make a guest appearance in the 3rd. Didn't have to happen.
- Desharnais got tossed over to Gionta and Bourque. Did one fantastic takeaway, then fell on his ass so...
- And while he was completely non-existent last night, Bourque did the "fly down the wing and snipe one top shelf" that he always did to us. Except he hit the post. Or Dubnyk's face.
- For what seemed like an eternity, Habs did everything but score. Posts, simple practice shots, and a puck that walked the line...
- And of course PK plays Smyth properly on the penalty kill by clearing him from the crease only to have the puck deflect off the falling Smyth and in behind Budaj. That ended up being the premature play of night for the Oilers Sportsnet joke of broadcast.
- Of course they picked it right before Gallagher and Galchenyuk went 2-on-1 to score.
- Then again it's Sportsnet. You should see their Senators games. (Re: DON'T!)
- Budaj was surprisingly less of a ping pong super lucky goalie than he usually is and actually looked quiet and solid. However someone really needs to tell him to stop playing the puck. It's scary when he does. But it's PAYS to play him before December!
- Bournival's second game. Can we stop pulling him from the line up? Rest Moen if you want to play White.
- Beaulieu hasn't played much hockey lately and it kind of shows. Also pairing him with Bouillon is just a disaster. Tinordi is suffering because of it as well! If you're going to put a kid with a veteran, Bouillon is like not even on my first 10 pages of names. (GET ME HAL GILL!)
- Lars Eller did no score but was in absolute beast mode. So much so he lost his brain and hit Taylor "I get flattened 3 times per game" Hall. (It was indeed the 3rd time that game). Though a bad hit, the image of him standing completely remorseful over Hall with 5 Oilers hanging off his other arm was kind of funny.
- PK could stick handle in a phone booth with 2 other defenders in there with him.
- It only took Captain Planet Ference two periods before he remembered he's a douchbag and went after Gionta because HOCKEY!
- Speaking of douchebags, Perron seems like a douche.
- Dallas Eakins is upset another team is on the ice getting in the way.

Eakins does look like David Tennant.

- Dallas Eakins pulled Dubnyk with 4 minutes to go. Normally I'd be excited over this, but the Habs are allergic to empty nets.
- Pacioretty saved us from embarrassment and took the pass from Briere to score on the empty net. That said, I lost confidence in Briere actually scoring there.

Tonight we found out that a not-100% Josh Gorges is indeed better at hockey than a healthy Josh Gorges. Someone needs to re-tweak his MCL or whatever it was he had broken for 6 years. And in terms of tracking, Galchenyuk 1 Yakupov 0.

Habs 4, Flyers 1: Da Da Da

Continue kneeling before Lars. He has like 5 points in 2 games now.

Meanwhile Briere has a shitload of nothing and took two annoyingly stupid penalties tonight. Did I mention Gomez even scored his first (and probably only) goal already? Help us! Save us!

The Flyers are morons at hockey and spend all their time taking stupid penalties. And goaltending is the least of their problems right now. However, if you want Briere back, you can have him.

Tonight's shutout buster was brought to you by Frankie Bubbles being completely useless on the penalty kill, losing the puck and ending up on his belly.

Bournival had the mother of all blocks, just as I was bitching they left that far point man wide open. Merci!

Gorges cleared the puck just as Couturier was coming out of the box and broke the inside glass as the door opened. It must be made of that movie trick glass because I don''t think Gorges can shoot that hard...

Also, PK Subban shot the puck INTO the pocket on the side of the net. That alone should give you 5 points bonus. Skillz.

First win of the season smells good. Going West now.

Tonight's game song.

Habs 3, Bolts 2: Hey ugly

It really didn't have to be that difficult. Honestly. But why Galchenyuk gets a pitiful 8 minutes of ice time despite being on fucking fire I have no idea. And wouldn't you know it? Remove Patches from Desharnais and put him with Pleky and he still produces! SHOCKING.

Except for that powerplay. Holy face of palming, coaching staff. The Lightning were literally giving you this game, and you throw out the same unproducing lines you broke up? Does that make any sense? It was a miracle Gionta managed to get that goal with 40-something seconds left in the 3rd. On the 6th powerplay attempt.

Never mind how many breakaways they allowed Stamkos have while on the powerplay.

And the D-zone is still a rather wonky. Whenever Frankie Bou--who I will forever call Bubbles from now on--was just atrocious. And yet, he was out there every time I looked. Price was throwing up the flippers and doing everything possible to keep the puck out and there's Bubbles getting outworked by Pouliot of all people, made worse by watching Markov not cover Lecavalier for his goal. Yep. Markov was equally brutal. You can even fancy it up to brütal.

Other guys who needed this:
- Gionta with the two goals, including the winner.
- Weber smells playoffs. He always plays good in those.
- Price de Nice.
- Price's goalposts responded well to the beating he gave them in yesterday's game.
- Gallager/Eller/Galchenyuk were doing their job but now got to play together. Keep them like this please? Better yet, give them more ice time and powerplay time?

The empty net is still a mystery. What a fucker.

Habs 4, Sens 3 (SO): Slumber party

Thanks for coming, Sens. Next time bring milk and cookies, and your own pillow.

They're the New Devils. Snoozerrific, and taking the game to OT/SO. (Most likely a shootout, because they'll just bank on Silvferberg to score every time and pray their goalie stops all).

And their boring plan almost worked too.
 - It's funny how when Price makes all these big key stops, no one remembers those. Nor the pylons in front of him.
- And when Markov opted to pass on an empty net instead of most likely scorring, then offered Wiercioch tea as he just gave up the zone... I don't care if Wiercioch is an AHLer. He's got a heavy shot. He's a hockey player. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING BACKING UP ON HIM.
- But seriously. The "what have you done for me lately" shouldn't go by the fucking second.
- The guys have to pressure the puck carrier more and not allow a fucking passing clinic go on in their own zone if they want to continue being the best.
- Next fat coach who bitches about "diving" when his fucking player has his stick so far down a Habs pants that it's fucking DIRTY, I say throw a puck at him.
- And what the hell is wrong with you? Your fucking player crosschecks then hooks DD on the fucking NECK. Why don't you tell your players to stop it or bench them you whiny walrus?
- Also Markov's face is not a puck. Stop high sticking him.
- Eller: Harlem Globetrotter.
- You got Larsed.
- Euro Staal.
- Don't call him Larry.
- Hey, PK! You're underpaid.
- And who told you the Habs will be paying him later if they didn't pay him earlier? This girl. Better start this summer, Bergevin.
- Habs scored 17 power plays goals this year. PK was involved in 16 of them.
- By the way, Drew Doughty has 0 goals.
- Still laughing at how Gallagher snuck in and stole Pacioretty's goal. That's revenge for the rookie dinner bill.
- I thought for sure Alfredsson would end the game in the shootout. Thankfully, no. He scored his obligatory goal.
- Silfverberg, on the other hand, well that's all he does. I think 80% of his goals are breakaways/shootouts.
- Galchenyuk asked Budaj if Lehner was the same goalie he went up against in Ottawa. Nope, this one is shorter. Only 6'3.
- Thank god you guys realized to shoot high on him.
- Eller pretty much mirrored Galchy's goal.
- GO HOME, TURRIS.
- "It sucks. I'm biting like it's awesome." Lehner on his shootout problems.

Habs are first in the East, and first in the East to reach 40 points. Take a bow, boys!

On a more serious note, Blake Geoffrion announced he's considering retirement because he feels there's no significant improvement to his condition. I'm so sad about this news! I'll never forget the noise of the hit. However I am glad a hockey player has put his priority on his life and his health over a game. A game that has already claimed a member of his family...

Good luck, BamBam.

Habs 6, Vanek 1: Free Buffalo Wings

PK is back! And his skate had it out for him in the first period. But once that was fixed, you could see just how good this team is with him. And an assist in his first game back thank you very much.

Other than PK, today's game was billed (locally) as Grigorenko VS. Galchenyuk! The two players Habs could have drafted but only could have one! How will this look? How will they perfom? Who will get more points? Build up, controversy!

...and Grigorenko may as well have not been playing.

As for Galchenyuk? He OWNED.

Ryan Miller discovered 2 Gallys are better than 1

Steve Ott is still a douche
- The "New Look Sabres" were supposed to be scary. Or that's what I was TOLD because of that shitstorm in Boston.
- I can say, as a fan of the Blackhawks, that John Scott is fucking useless. You will learn to understand this, one day. Just like how the Rangers did.
- Do you like Rene Bourque now? When he's not drawing penalties, he's crashing the net. Two goals!
- You see the difference with PK. He's our only D capable of matching the speed of say Cody Hodgson running full steam on a breakaway as Kaberle does his best impersonation of a wet noodle.
- THE KIDS! Highlight reel stuff. With a little help from Ehrhoff.
- First time Ryan Miller was pulled in a game against the Habs.
- First time since like 2008 (or 2009) the Habs scored this many goals on them. Maybe Lalime was in nets.
- HEY THERRIEN! IS LARS ELLER PLAYING INTENSE ENOUGH FOR YOU?! All it takes is a little bit of ice time, and a flying chance.
- DD did things right today! TWO GOALS. But those penalties negating powerplays........
- We had 3-on-3 hockey. And it was awesome.
- It would have been awesomer if Pleky, who literally walked up to Enroth, would have scored instead of shoving the puck into him...
- Funny how PK hits 6'8" John Scott, and Scott throws a punch at PK, gets a penatly while Cube (all 5'8" of him) comes to PK defence (PK stopped him).
- My biggest problem was Diaz's inability to stay calm and hold the blueline. That was like a vintage Hamrlik fuckup....
- Prusty vs Ott. Ott tried to get Gallagher to fight him first. Still a fuckwit.
- Ott went after Gallagher with a minute left in the game too...
- Lindy Ruff's face turned many shades of red.
- My nemesis Cody Hodgson didn't score for once!

Perfect for SuperBowl Weekend: Free Wings! Would have been cool if there was say A TRIPLE LOW FIVE celebrating this awesomeness....

Habs 4, Jets 3: Find a way and win

Remember that clusterfuck of a game in Edmonton with the millions of stupid calls and Yakupov's heroics saving the game? We just got a taste of that. But no sliding across the ice to land in prayer on a game tying goal. Instead, the Gallys took over the game and saved this team from what would have surely been a loss last season.

Four in a row.
- I do not, will not, ever not give a fuck about Perry Pearn. Good bye.
- Habs/Jets (Threshers) games tend to be weird. Tonight was weird and wonky. Could have easily gone 7-8.
- Dear PK, you have no idea how much the PK is missing you. Also every D outside of Markov/Emelin ae starting to show their warts, and Gorges could really use you next to him. Can't get back soon enough.
- Price had a better 3rd than the first two periods. Especially with the zero clean up in front. Good thing for him, he's not playing tomorrow.
- Good thing for him Gorges is a pretty good goalie too.
- DD is still sucking. Tonight they tried Prust, Gally, Galchy, Moen, Youppi. Seriously, you're running out of options. Apparently Patches doesn't need you (though we know this already) but rather the other way around. And even then nothing is working.
- Am I the only one who thinks Gallagher looks like a micro Channing Tatum?
- Off the schneid: Bourque finally didn't shot for orbital sattelites! And Erik Cole collected a gift from the Gallys.
- Honestly, I thought they were playing Lacrosse half the game...
- Did you know 27+73=100?

By the way, RDS math.

- Prust says he was hit from behind and fell down. Apparently that's now a penalty.
- Though you have to admit, it was funny seeing everyone go after Antropov. Like, don't piss off the dwarves!
- That call, however, made my dog vomit.
- Markov and the powerplay = Norris, Masterton, Hart. All the accolades!
- Ron Hainsey scored a goal for the Habs.
- Gally had a goal and assist with the least amount of ice time on the whole team (about 9:22). He knows how to compensate.
- Emelin says привет! Kane does not approve. Boohoo.
- The last 30 minutes killed me.

Taking 8 of 10 points so far? Excellent. Keeping the Gallys? Excellent. Best players on the ice. We'd be lost without those crazy kids. Onwards to Ottawa!

Habs 4, Devils 3: The Markov Process

This is not Andrei Markov

Andrey Markov was a Russian mathematician with a crazy beard who helped develop the theory of stochastic process, particularly those aptly referred to as Markov Chains. Don't ask me how to tie this to hockey. I studied art not math.

Andrei Markov is the reconstructed Russian defenceman of the Montreal Canadiens who developed the ability to not give a damn about errors in overtime (but will bitch about them if they prove costly) and score game winning goals. Also I don't think he can grow a beard.

I HATE THE FUCKING DEVILS
- But wait! What was that?! Actual exciting back-and-forth h...h...hockey?! I swear I think I even saw the Devils players enjoying themselves while their coaches got super uncomfortable.
- Then again, the Habs scored two goals in the first period. This is like foreign territory for the Devils.
- Ryan White, guys. Ryan White! BAMF!
- Gallagher's first NHL goal was so beautiful, the video and a photo of the moment was whisked over to the Habs Hockey Hall of Fame!

- OK it wasn't, but it should! Gally Squared!
- Lost in all this fun was the Double Giontas...
- And Pierre Gauthier was back, scouting for the Hawks...
- You know who pisses me off? Patrik Elias. If that goal had sound it would be BOING.
- Naturally the fun we had in the first period was quickly snuffed back to bore you to death Devils style hockey. How dare we have a good time, right?
- A Prusty goal is a pretty one! And it wasn't shorthanded either.
- Price thanked his goalposts, Siegfried and Roy, with a stick tap to Goon.
- My heart stopped seeing Kovalchuk break through on a breakaway (cherry picker). Cassé!
- The Cole Train is just warming up...
- We STILL need PK. The penalty kill is really reaching with those tiny legs in the back.
- As is the players who can't seem to skate fast enough to get that one icing that turned into a really stupid goal.
- Meanwhile I advocate no-touch icing.
- DD appears to have trouble handling anything these days, including pucks. Yet somehow Eller gets punished for it. Truly fascinating.
- Zubrus was a fairly useless Hab, by the way.
- OK so I really don't hate Patrik Elias. I just hate him as a Devil. He's a pro and totally didn't cry about the OT penalty like most players do.
- Of course various random Leaf fans on twitter called it a dive when it was clearly a penalty. They're just upset the Leafs blow. And not just at hockey.
- I'm stunned every time Rene Bourque does something really good then absolutely misses the net. If the goal were in orbit, he'd be Wayne Gretzky.
- And I was stunned watching Markov leave the point only to make his way down to the side of the net and get replaced by Bourque. He shot it wide. Markov fixed it.

The Devils could do us all a favour and kindly fuck off back to Kansas. No one will miss them.

Well, this is good.  Doing it without Patches who had an appendectomy the night before. Oh right, Kaberle was scratched, whatever. It was ugly but they powered through it to beat an actual team that was rolling 3-0. Whatever Therrien did or fed them, keep doing it.

WOO!

Habs 4, Panthers 1: Gally Squared

As perfect a game can be against a Florida team playing it's 3rd game in 4 nights. But I will repost that we've seen the Habs come out flying against a tired team only to shit the bed in the final 40 minutes and lose in a shootout, so I will take this victory for all it's worth!

Still. After watching Desharnais flop all over the place like he suddenly forgot how to play hockey against actual competition for now the 2nd game in a row, I hope HCMT lives up to his need to reward-sit players and for the love of god reinsert Lars Eller please! He didn't even win more than TWO faceoffs all night! Or is he still stuck on his L'Antichumps chair with a direct line to the mouthbreathers making sure le gars de chez nous is forever safe...

We still want PK!
- People may have forgotten what the powerplay looks like when Markov is on it. Even more so, I think they've forgotten what it looks like when Markov is on it with PK.
- Just like I think they've forgotten that Diaz is a sneaky point getter, not to mention a power play specialist.
- Remember when that line of Kovy-Pleky-AK46 was like the best in the League then sucked the year after? I'm getting deja vu with Cole-DD-Patches.... (Which is why I think DD needs a sit down. All about accountability).
- Carey Price has a tender groin? Or was it a goaltender groin? Because really, the guy is ridiculous.
- Kovalev looks like the opposite of the guy who had a goal and 2 assists in their first game of the season. Actually he helped out on Pleky's goal. For old times sake.
- Ryan White doesn't own a copy of the Georges Laraque Code Book. You throw a stupid hit on Josh Gorges, you get pounded. And he doesn't care if your name is Tomas Fleischmann.
- We clearly needed the extra power play/penalty kill work.
- Also that epic kill of White's misconduct, plus an extra interference penalty to Markov for an extended 5-on-3 needs to be bronzed and placed in the lobby.
- Galchy's tip was the thing Habs fans dreamed of...
- Gallagher gets his first assist on it too. And dished out a handful of hits
- Emelin wears a cage to contain himself.
- WHOberdeau?
- Really I'm just happy they finally scored goals. And scored goals on Scott Clemmensen.

New line: Prust-Galchy-Gallagher. Keep this please.

I'd like to personally thank the Florida Panthers for this extra practice game. Because I'm sure our asses are going to be kicked in Washington, who are still winless at 0-2. Then again...