Habs 3, Panthers 2 (OT): Happy WizNewYear

If you squint you can maybe make out Wisniewski smacking in a rebound in OT (his second of the game) to give the Habs their 2nd win on this disastrous roadtrip. RDS was so shocked that they lost the feed. Happy New Year to you too.

Should Auld's acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should Auld's acquaintance be forgot,
And Auld lang sigh!

For Auld lang syne, my dear,
For Auld lang syne.
We'll take the Cup o' hockey yet,
For Auld lang syne.

Team Canada probably would have been better off using Auld tonight as well.

(Note: I'll get to Lapierre later...)

Habs 1, Bolts 4: Too many men on the ice...

...is just another way to say the "Montreal Canadiens".

Welcome to the team, Wisniewski. Bet you probably wished you were back in Long Island.

Ever see a team of guys who's minds go completely blank the moment they cross either blueline? Fire Jacques Martin, and Perry Pearn too for gross stupidity. Should have done it to counter Tampa Bay's offer to Guy Boucher.

Wonder if Martin St. Louis found Stamkos' penalty shot disrespectful? (Never mind the wimpy little hook he got never stopped him from shooting on net in the first place, which he did twice. A penalty? Maybe. A penalty shot? No fucking way).

Be sure to cancel practice again, Coach, because that did wonders.

Caps 3, Habs BIG FAT ZERO: Pugs make it all better...

This is Zoe. She's my mom's cousin's Pug. She has a jean jacket that finally fits her again 'cause she lost weight. Funny little thing, always has her tongue out like that. She snores when she sleeps, and was licking me like crazy as we went over for dinner in Chateauguay. She snorts when she does that.

Her sad little face is the face I'm showing to my Habs.

Price had a good game, only 2 goals with Ovie getting the empty netter 'cause everyone was soft on the boards. Pleky and Gomez couldn't win a damn faceoff, while Halpern and Eller were our best faceoff guys even though they barely played 10 minutes all game... One day, Louis Leblanc will show us his strong board play in a Habs jersey, but that won't be for a long time now. And that can't hit the broad side of a barn practice? Yea, bring back the barn.

Penalty kill did good though.

So it's up to you, James Wisniewski. Not ENTIRELY up to you, but you can't really do worse than this current motley crew... Maybe we now finally have someone that can hit the net on the powerplay? Habs usually go out and get guys that score on them lots. Maybe we can also get Lubomir Visnovsky just so I can laugh at that long name pairing and match them with my own alphabet of a name (Niedzviecki).

Or, you know, someone can ship Martin off to another planet. I'm cool with that.

Jacques Martin's notebook: A day in practice

After last night's snowed-in lackluster affair, the Habs practiced in the rat-infested confines of the Nassau Memorial Coliseum before an afternoon charter out to Washington DC. "I really don't want HBO to capture my squinting, constipated face with another shitty performance by you guys!" He bellowed. "Time for practice."

Item 1. The barn


Flown in special delivery, two rink-wide barns were placed at either end and players were instructed to simply "hit it with hockey pucks" without any goalie in front. Baby steps, here.

Exercise 1.2 involved "hitting the broadside of a barn with hockey pucks while in movement". Players were instructed while going end-to-end to carry the puck into the zone and shoot at the barn, then repeat the other way. This was slightly more advanced.

Item 2. Skating


A lot of falling down occurred last night. Perhaps the turkey residue of Christmas dinner went to their knees? Or perhaps new skates were in order. Special delivery, 23 pairs of brand new figure skates were delivered with the barn to the rink and players were instructed to put them on. Once that was done, the instruction was "to skate around the rink, first in a forward motion, then in a backwards motion, then in a large figure-eight (forward/backward)". This seemed pretty easy, though Benoit Pouliot kept getting the toe pick caught on the faceoff dot (all of them) and was seen repeating these exercises on his own later.

Item 3. A new challenger!


Price was last seen doing some Zen stuff in a quiet room with Alex Auld and Pierre Groulx after the skating drills (he's been overused anyway) so the boss flew in, special delivery with with barn and skates, a new friend! Players were simply instructed to "hit the holes, not the goalie, with pucks". Similarly a more advanced exercise involved skating in the zone, 3-on-1 to pass or shoot at the holes around the lone defender.

Exercise 3.2 involved shooting at the goalie then hitting the rebound it gave into the holes. They weren't allowed lunch until at least 55% successful. Needless to say, lunch was a little late...

Item 4. The Walkman


After the stretching exercises and a late lunch, players were each handed out their airplane entertainment. Special delivery from 1979 (because Coach Martin is old school) were these Walkmans, each with the same tape inside. On the tape was a recording of Jacques Martin explaining the System, the Keys to Victory, and what they have to look forward too against the Capitals. No worries if the players fall asleep as the tape had the same information on either side and the Walkman automatically changed sides. Players would learn this information via osmosis so when they wake up in Washington DC they would know everything and anything Coach Martin has tried to instruct them and what the game plan is against the Capitals Tuesday night.

Item 5. Stay healthy


Rumour has it the flu is going around the room, getting Alex Auld and Alex Picard after the Colorado game and last affected Travis Moen so badly that he missed the game against the Islanders (and since he didn't even miss a game when he got a skate to the face, that must have been one hell of a flu). So each player was given a gift basket containing a bottle of Purell hand sanitizer, Tylenol Cold and Flu, and various Fishermen's Friend pouches.

Conclusion:
No idea if these practice tactics will have any effect on the club but "it was worth a try," said assistant almost-coach Kirk Muller.

Habs 1, Islanders 4: Obi-Wan says...

...this was not the hockey game you were looking for.

He also says you're an idiot for scratching PK Subban against the Islanders, Coach.

All Chris Neil wants for Christmas are his two front teeth

I don't celebrate Christmas. Bonus to being Jewish: I can hide while the parking lot apocalypse unfolds! But happy holidays to you all and have a happy new year!

For out Habs, here's what I hope Santa left the boys as they continue on their grueling quest for Lord Stanley.

For the Forwards!
Tomas Plekanec - Recognition that he's doing everything Price can't. And a shiny Selke for the mantel.
Michael Cammalleri - Last year's hockey sticks.
Andrei Kostitsyn - Pleky.
Scott Gomez - People who realize he's the SETUP MAN and NOT the goal scorer.
Brain Gionta - Thinner goalposts.
Max Pacioretty - That the only steel he smells is the steel of the Champlain Bridge as he goes to and from Brossard.
Jeff Halpern - Chinese food and a movie?
Travis Moen - A bigger meanstreak.
Benoit Pouliot - For that damn faceoff dot to stop stop tripping him. And the smarts to use that slapshot of his more than once a month.
Lars Eller - Linemates with hands.
Max Lapierre - A mouthguard that has "SHIT EATING GRIND" written on it. CHEERS MOTHERFUCKERS!
Darche - Just happy to be here.
Tom Pyatt - A few goals.
Boyd - To be useful. Oh wait, Hamilton? Christmas came early!

For the Defencemen!
Andrei Markov - Bionic knees. Or Eric Staal's.
PK Subban - To be free! And for people to stop blaming him for everything.
Jaroslav Spacek - A "5 years younger" potion.
Roman Hamrlik - To play forever like that first round pick Tampa Bay selected five hundred years ago in Montreal.
Josh Gorges - Adamantium bones.
Hal Gill - A boat. Because I think it would be hilarious.
Alex Picard - To NOT give me an excuse to lock him in the trunk of a car and ship him back to Ottawa.
Yannick Weber - Ice time.

For the Goalies!
Carey Price - A goal. And X-Ray glasses to see through Hal Gill.
Alex Auld - That he plays a game before next season.

And for the Coaches!
Jacques Martin - Offensive strategies and to trust the youth.
Perry Pearn - To realize the age of his defense.
Pierre Groulx - More laughs as he puts on the pads and joins the team on the ice in practice.
Kirk Muller - Jacques Martin's job.

Habs 3, Whalercanes 2: Worst win ever...

On the Heart Attack Grill menu!

Dear Jacques Martin

You look a little tired. I dare say constipated. When the going gets tough, I notice you squint just a little more until your head turns bright red. Maybe if you didn't tell your players, who are in a bit of the usual December slump, to defend the entire 3rd period on a 1-goal lead you wouldn't look so pained. My heart, and probably Carey Price, would also thank you if you didn't tell the boys to sit back and let the play come to them. I mean, you're already relying on two old guys who look gassed, a rookie and a journeyman, a boat, and a guy we all love but wish would take a day off to heal whatever is hurting him on defence. Thankfully the powerplay clicked twice on the 5-minute boarding call. Thankfully Chris Lee actually called that properly. Maybe there really is such thing as a Christmas miracle...

Signed,
#31

Oh and happy birthday Gomez. Cam Ward was in the spirit of giving. But the two points were giant because Boston won. Is this how it's going to be the entire year?

Habs 2, Stars 5000: Clods

If you're looking for the Habs in that picture, they're the little balls of dirt clods because that's what they looked like tonight. The shot clock must have been smoking something because how they managed over 20 shots in what was absolute suck I have no idea.

Hilarious observation: The arena got pretty empty when the game was nearing the end. Either Stars fans are like Sens fans and have to get out of a parking lot from hell, or the Habs fans invaded Big D. And in that case, nice of you few Stars fans to bring some official looking "Crush the Canadiens" signs, which was rather douchey considering who brought you a Stanley Cup...

Josh Gorges is usually a hero. Tonight he played the worst game of his life and scored a goal...into the wrong net. His stick looked like a feather duster as he waved it around aimlessly, causing a shorthanded breakaway to Jamie Benn of all people (who scored, obviously, because it's Jamie Fucking Benn) and to the little Fuckity Fuck Ribeiro (who didn't score 'cause Price deflected it up, which may strain the Gorges/Price relationship a little).

Stars ran through the Habs zone like Montezuma's Revenge. Putrid. Leaky. Extra sloppy. Everyone knows scoring on Price is usually a tip-in, but when I see guys covered and then un-covered for no reason end up tipping in the goal, that's when I get pissed.

Sum it up on Pouliot's total bail on Lapierre's PERFECT 2-on-1 pass to where he was behind Lehtonen with a wide open net, stick on the ice, and he just...lifted his stick to let the puck go by into the corner. Lapierre gave him an earful for that. The fourth overall pick once "touted" to be in the same class as Crosby HAS NO BUSINESS doing that. It's Latendresse all over again. Actually Guimauve would have scored that. Whether he would have made it up the ice is another story, but I digress.

And before Gionta's 2-on-1 goal shorthanded with Gomez, the only Habs goal wasn't even a shot on net.

Sad. Pathetic. And don't you ever scratch Kostitsyn again before benching Pouliot, Coach.

If Kirk Muller blowing a fuse doesn't work, what will?

Habs 2, Avs 3: Stormtrooper aim

Don't worry! We can't aim!

Story of the night:
- Powerplay.
- Giving up a goal with 5 seconds left. Is it possible guys just freeze 'cause they expect everyone else to wait it out 'til the next period or what?
- Turnovers.
- Holy fuck TURNOVERS.
- Picard is the new Breezer: able to do 2 wrongs and 1 right. And turnovers aplenty.
- Can't expect Price to be 100% perfect and frankly he had the other guy to think about considering the speed those two were going and how out of position Picard was.
- The way the guys were chugging along, I'm thinking the Swiss Mister's lungs were better suited for the high altitude.
- Guess mauling the goalie is allowed. Hey guys! Why not try that on Anderson?
- A lot of meh for the rest of the game.
- Sucking on said powerplay that earlier gave you 2 goals.
- Who's able to miss 3 crosschecking/interference penalties in under a minute? Wes McCauley and Tim Peel.
- On that note, remember when Rhino used to get penalties for doing that? Yea, another example for the conspiracy files...
- Who's able to miss 3 wide open empty nets in under a minute? The Habs.
- Know what Stormtrooper aim is? Six forwards trying to tie a game with two minutes left.
- Next time we try six defencemen, ya?

Guess holding the highest scoring team in the League to 3 goals is something...? Whatever, I'm on vacation for two weeks. Can't wait for the WJC! Also I'm happy the Caps won so the Habs won't play slump busters for HBO next week.

You Maybe Can't Aim

Habs 4, Bruins 3: Resilient Cockroaches

It's unfortunate that the sour grapes of the CBC is all anyone is really talking about concerning this game. And while I couldn't give a damn about biased commentary, it's really disgusting on the NATIONAL broadcast with two bitter Bruins (and a bitter 20-game Hab) bitching like two drunk buzzards at a local pub over their favourite team being "punched in the mouth" (to quote HackswithHaggs) while the lameduck official sits there quietly with his arms crossed. Last I looked it was called Hockey Night in CANADA, not Boston.

The real story is this number 76 Mac truck that has appeared on the ice in recent games. (Actually there are two stories in this game and both involve the number 7 and 6).

Brad Marchand will be seeing this truck in his nightmares.

Ouch.

PK stands for PLAYER KILL!

Mister Max Pacioretty, with a number on his back that burns the eyes of Leafs fans everywhere, is the other story. Number 67 is showing why the nickname "Patches" is so appropriate. Ever since joining Giomez, he has patched the two together in a way Benoit Pouliot was too lazy to realize how. Gomez got 2 assists, Gionta a goal and nearly two, and Pacioretty finished with a goal and assist and first star honours. Isn't it nice seeing a large body muck it up in the corners, on the boards, and around the net AND have the ability and vision to produce? And his skating stride... I swear he's able to skate the entire length of the ice in 3 strides. Also has a knack for crunching old ex-Habs as Mark Recchi now joins Schneider and Zednik as his victims.

Of course McMoustache tried very hard to ruin this great playoff type game of absolute hockey, and for the second night in a row. Greg Campbell probably e-mailed his dad before performing a perfect pirouette the little fake artist.

I really don't know who whines more between the Bruins and the Flyers but I do know this: When you do to them what they do to you, they don't like it, which is standard when the bully gets punched in the face.

"Cammalleri! He's a hot guy!" Yes Bob, we know. *swoon* But I doubt he was looking for the ref to interfere as per Glenn Healy's assumption when Krejci challenged him to a fight 'cause boohoo Krejci lost a board battle for the puck. He was most likely quoting Slap Shot in his head. That was the proper levels of pugnacity, testosterone, truculence and belligerence. Flipping those tractor tires over the summer sure toughened up the hands eh?

Habs 3, Flyers 5: Life on Mars

Because that sucked, here's a cup of bunnies

So apparently I was hit by a car and found myself in 1973 because all I heard this morning was how PK Subban should drop the gloves on the opening faceoff and challenge Mike Richards. I thought we got over this Richards-Subban crap last month? Are we going to hear it every time now?

Tonight's game was a comedy of errors. We thought when Subban sent Carcillo onto his ass at the RIGHT opportunity from puckdrop (without taking a penalty, without interference, and without a dirty hit) that something special would happen. Carcillo wanted to fight but one of his coaches grabbed him off the ice to tell him to stop. The Habs had control, but no finish. Light fluffy shots at The Bob for the most part, or clear view on shots that were hard. Looked like McMoustache was having one of his nights were a Flyer would have had to take a gun out and SHOOT a Hab for them to get a powerplay and even that was iffy. The puck over the glass was fairly automatic except for people named Pronger.
Period one ending.
PK with a turnover on a clearing pass.
One lazy stride by Gomez as Carter strolled by him.
Picard in another dimension with Carter waltzing by him.
Deke.
Score. 0-1 Philly.
May as well have fucking hooked him and taken the goddamn penalty instead of looking like you misplaced your drool cup.

The comedy continues as the Habs apply more pressure only this time they either hit post or miss by 500-feet. I've never seen a team so inept at the simple things, like aiming. Pacioretty discovers the "joys" of playing with Gomez who seems to have re-cursed Gionta. The kid is impressive, the kid is good, he threw his weight around but couldn't get enough stick on the puck through a sea of Flyers. Then comes his alter-ego: Benoit Pouliot.
Pouliot has the puck.
Inexplicably falls on his ass despite not being touched by anyone.
Puck goes the other way.
Hal Gill deflects the puck into the net, 0-2 for the Flyers.
We start wondering if 24/7 has their camera crew lurking in the shadows for whatever reason.

Almost makes it 0-3 as Moen takes the puck away and stickhandles in the slot to Hartnell. Wrong team. Carey Price is bailing them out as best as he can...though the opposite of The Bob, who was probably playing his best game ever.

PK Subban appears to have had enough. He cradles the puck on his stick and goes coast-to-coast, gets tripped, no call of course, makes a pass. Finally Pronger jobs Gionta and then Coburn punches Darche in the face. Cammalleri disrespects Richards by taking the puck away from him, tic tac toe. PK Subban was definitely working on his one-timers from the LEFT point and it's 1-2.

Ridiculous as it sounds, Habs forgot they were on the powerplay still as Gomez ignores the puck PK left for him right next to Price's net and almost allows a Flyer to take it if PK had not come back to get the jump on him.

A lot more of the same happens in the 3rd. The Wonder Twins have a tough time in their own zone but oddly enough get bailed out one way or another. And maybe I should just copy and paste this because it happened way too often.
Hal Gill passed out while skating backwards instead of poking at Zherdev the same way Picard found himself on another planet with Carter.
Wrap around and a lucky bounce. 1-3 for Team Douchebags.

Strange thing though, Habs don't stop even though they looked like they stopped skating before Zherdev's goal. It's Martin's stupid system that forces them to watch and wait instead of pounce and trounce. SuperPleky makes it 2-3 by poking in a lose puck and Gio ties it up on a gift from The Bob's five-hole where he didn't break his stick.
There's 10 minutes left.
Pouliot is on one of his "good" shifts.
Pouliot, in front of the ref and the Flyer net, is whacked hard in the face with a Flyer's stick.
No call.
Puck goes the other way.
Spacek tries to clear it but passes it to a wide open Flyer streaking in and Pleky has to snap his stick to save the day.
God bless Tomas Plekanec.
And may Spacek take a night or two in the pressbox as he caused the penalty in the first place.
Moen takes the team on a 3-on-2 shorthanded but really, it's Travis Moen with Jaro Spacek and Lars Eller and all 3 get caught deep.
Flyers rush back the other way 2-on-1, Price makes 2 point blank saves and another slips through his pad. Moen makes it back, Eller manages to follow.
Puck sits there in the slot and Hamr swats it blindly away onto the stick of Rip van Winkle who sneaks up behind Eller facing the wrong way. Easy goal makes it 3-4.

Another missed penalty as Richards trips Gomez behind Price's net. The evidence is on the ice, the Habs go insane with 500 turnovers and stand around forgetting Clod Giroux has a tête-a-tête with Price and his entire net. They did a fucking jig together for at least a minute, and he scores 3-5.

For once, just ONCE, I'd like to see Jacques Martin open his sad muttering mouth and RIP the officials a new one because shit like that is BUSH LEAGUE. How does Lindy Ruff get it done? They pull Price for one last hurrah. Kostitsyn misses a perfect backdoor set up while on the fucking doorstep. Briere tries for the empty net but PK muscles him down.

Should have just punched him like they did in 1973.

- First 3-game losing streak of the season
- Habs can't score more than 3 goals. It's against the System.
- The streak of not giving up more than 3 in regulation (not counting empty netters) has snapped officially.
- Bruins lost too, and someone forgot to tell the Habs that 1 or 2 points would have been fanfuckingtastic.
- Lars Eller was probably pissed off at that Rip Van Winkle goal, and that this pukefest was his father's first foray into NHL hockey.
- Tomorrow is a fight for 2nd/3rd or a dip between 5th/6th/7th/8th in the East. (Depending on how they break up the tie of 38 points).
- I've been suspect of all NHL officials ever since the e-mail fiasco was quietly swept under the rug. Consequently who is in town tomorrow but Greg Campbell.
- We take solace in the fact that Pronger was gone in the 3rd with a lower-body injury. Hopefully he tripped on his douchebag.

Habs 1, Leafs 3: Things that never were...

Summary:
- Pregame ceremony was poop. No idea why there was a ceremony anyway...
- Habs were stinky poop.
- Cammy missing on a breakaway was total poop, even though he scored later.
- Auld was total poop on that 2nd goal.
- Clarke MacArthur going apeshit on Spacek for...playing hockey? Poop. Respect your elders (and former teammate/captain), shithead.
- And the 4 minute roughing on each side for it was WTF poop.
- Spacek probably broke a hand falling down in that stupidity too so that's poop.
- Refs were big poop.
- 3D was poop.
- The 6-man attack with the goalie pulled thing was poop.
- Empty net goals are poop.
- Jacques Martin planting seeds of doubt into PK psyche is POOP. (Jerk).
- Dion Phaneuf looks like prehistoric poop.

Conclusion: Big stinky poop.

Habs 2, Red Wings 4: Things that could have been...

"Cleary there is something wrong here."

Is it just me or do all the Red Wings fans in the crowd look like they spend their days at some local truck stop sipping coffee, reading USA Today, and chowing down on greasy fries? But I digress. A Friday night in Motown NOT HOCKEYTOWN was there for the taking and the Habs let this one slip away...

Red Wings home uniforms make them look like Santa Clauses:
- Penalties make me want to throw waffles.
- Especially your stupid hooking penalties, Cammy.
- But you know, the only reason we question them is because the refs don't call any on the OTHER team.
- Then again, no one has called the Red Wings for blatant interference since forever. Just ask the Penguins.
- Talking about the refs, they got in the way at least 10 times per period. All of them. Including kicking the puck out right in front of Price (luckily he was watching and there were no Santa Clauses around). Don't know what the big deal is about the Swedish dude, he sucks. So did his partner, whoever the hell he was.
- Cammy misses the net so many times it's getting annoying. Thankfully Moen bounced the rebound off Howard's ass.
- The rest of the first and most of the 2nd was OMGPRICE. Just about 20 shots in the first alone.
- Hal Gill should just remain lying on his side during the PK. Can't do anything when he's there.
- But really Gorges, you couldn't put your foot on the puck for 1.2 seconds more? Sigh...
- Pleky VS Datsyuk was like Fight for the Selke. And frankly Pleky VS 5 Red Wings, twice, by himself? Pleky wins.
- Also was killer on faceoffs but those mean shit when your wingers never get the puck you've won.
- Pouliot really needs to show up for more than just one fucking goal on his lone 60ft shot of the game.
- That fluttering rebound shot with Howard on his ass that went right into his glove? Yea, you would have only scored that if this were against the Senators...
- Jimmy Howard didn't like hearing the Carey chant. Too bad for you, the Habs fans from Windsor can jump over the river to fill you old, empty rink where no one cares to chant your name.
- I perked up with interest whenever Eller had the puck and flew into the opposing zone. I liked that he was with Cammy. Then I promptly facepalmed when Cammy wasted his efforts and gave the puck away by flubbing the pass...
- We assume the extended playtime with Gomez has caused not only Cammy to miss the net continuously but Kostitsyn too. Especially those wide open ones.
- Piss poor effort at the end to tie it up with the empty net behind you guys. And by guys I mean what the hell were the Wonder Twins doing?
- And I don't regard empty netters as real goals so the LOLstat is still "No Habs goalie has allowed more than 3 goals in regulation".

Habs, I am disappoint. If you could have NOT taken 5-billion penalties in the first half of the game, you could have either won this or gone to OT easily. Regardless, playoff hockey is fun even though it's not the playoffs. A series with the two teams would be great, if not for the annoying League-assisted handicap.

Habs 4, Sens 1: Wake me up before you go go

You can watch the 1st and fast-forward to the 3rd because that 2nd period was brutal... I don't know what they were doing. Sleepwalking? Squandered a 5-minute boarding powerplay and a double-minor on a high stick... Frankly, maybe Clouston should play the Sens shorthanded the whole game if he wanted them to play better and the Habs to suck more.

Definitely the type of game that needed a extra shot of PK Subban...

And I bet Tony Marinaro will be doing happy cartwheels on the radio tomorrow now that Gomez hurt his back. Unfortunately what he will fail to realize is the powerplay went to poop BECAUSE Gomez couldn't play and PK's watching in the stands. But, never underestimate Pascal Leclaire's ability to be the suckiest goalie that ever forgot he's got arms to go with those legs.

Excuse yourself, Pascal.

Scoring by committee:
- Pleky has 25 points already.
- Though a minute in, passing the puck to Spezza right in front of your own net is probably not a good idea.
- Pleky, Gionta, Kostitsyn, and Cammy all have 9 goals even.
- Halpern and Pouliot have 6 goals and 9 assists even.
- Three Sens assisted on 3 of the 4 goals.
- Price says all he's doing is taking up oxygen out there. And giggling with Hal Gill.
- First intermission facepalm: Darren Pang with the Freudian slip of the year. (He apologized later for the oopsie).
- Though honestly to be fair, I find Pietrangelo's personality to be a block of wood compared to PK's...so screw that.
- Now I know why Picard looked so terrible with the Sens: Kuba and Phillips are absolute crap.
- Hal Gill had Carkner in one hand and Winchester in the other while everyone else was trying to punch with Neil.
- PK looked like he raided the wardrobe from the set of Newsies. Very sharp! But I'd rather see you in uniform, as would the many chanting "PK!PK!PK!" when the powerplay was sucking and the game was boring.
- If there was any truth to Bruce "Malkin to the Kings" Garrioch's bullshit story about Kovy maybe coming back to the Habs, HAHAHAHAHAno.
- Creepy McCreepers can shutup about Lars Eller being traded for Halak. I'm guessing he heard you because that was some mighty fine work to set up Gionta for Hamr's baseball bunt goal.
- For a moment, Maxim Lapierre thought he was Mario Lemieux. Then he woke up and hit the side of the net.
- Uh oh! Coach is cracking jokes while at the press conference! Time to make yourself a healthy scratch because we can't have this thing called "personality" get in the way of your speaking with the media, coach!

I didn't go to work today. While the weather wasn't so bad (it's still snowing) it took us an hour to get from St-John's blvd to Sources, which shouldn't even be a minute normally. Rediculous. I was trapped in the West Island. I mean, I like my job but not that much. Spending the morning with the puppy, then the afternoon sleeping/cleaning, and a Habs win at night. That was my day.

Habs 3, Sharks 1: Jump the shark!

Saturday 2pm and the snow starts to fall. This ain't San Jose. Team Teal walks in with their Gold Medal line and a pickle on defense. Half the Habs are asleep except for Eller's line. Niemi felt so bad he left his net wide open a few times, but nothing doing. End of the first period and it's tied 1-1. Shots were 10-4 for the Sharks. No problem, guys. Carey Price is here.

But getting pinned in the backend was an issue, especially with the olde Wonder Twins inability to clear the zone cleanly. They missed PK's creativity. Price was working overtime to make up for his missing breakout passes.

Through 25 minutes, Eller's line was the only one capable of getting to Niemi and shooting on net. At 7:11, Picard registers the first Habs shot on net. This is after killing Pleky's hooking penalty. Finally, Plekanec out-muscles McGinn in a Datsyukian manner and makes it 2-1. Maybe McGinn will blog about it later.

By the way, Dan Boyle was on the ice for 20 minutes already. He would end the night playing a total of 30 minutes. Basically he played half the game. And here I thought we were burning out OUR guys. Is this why he was shooting pucks in his own net in the playoffs?

Quote of the night by Joe Thornton at the second intermission: "If we keep them under 5, I think we'll be good." Guess he missed the first period.

Third period was the only time Habs outshot the Sharks (by two whole shots). Joe Thornton looses his helmet and doesn't want to mess with the hair to properly stop the Hamr Train from rolling in on Niemi. All I could think of while watching Hamr on a breakaway was that this game officially jumped the shark.

Same crowd reaction too!

Cammy punts in the double rebound with Doug Murray totally back on a beach somewhere. One phantom holding call later and Lars Eller is twitching in the box, giving the stink-eye to the ref. Niemi was never in his net to begin with and goes for the extra attacker. Price stones Heatley. Annoying (and booing) Dany Heatley is fun.

Empty net alert! Cammy misses. Price tries but some Shark leaps to glove his shot off to the side. No fair, no fun. Habs win! No triple low fives makes us all very sad. Someone needs to fix this!

And memo to Kelly Hrudey: Both PK and Weber are the future of the Habs D. Actually that's the future powerplay unit right there. So I beg to differ that Weber is the guy who sits. Why do you think Picard was hired? Picard could easily be switch for Carle. Not to mention the older guys should be given a night off here and there. Like Spacek. (Notice who was always hemmed in the D-zone? Hamr/Spacek pair. Lucky it was kept to the outside for the most part).

Habs 5, Devils 1: Clash of the Giontas

OK it wasn't that epic a showdown, but we got pictures of BABY GIONTAS on our TV so we all instantly win.

This was how you were supposed to play the Oilers yesterday. Consequently those cocky little bastards beat the Leafs 5-0 so I'll Nelson laugh at that. But it was a good bounce back game, particularly to take advantage on the Devils who suck and don't have Brodeur playing. Oddly enough the Devils were on a 4-game winning streak at home and won their last few games in shootouts or shutouts so it was really up to the Habs to make a statement and crush them like the bottom-feeding team they are. Regardless of the score, it got to the point where the Habs weren't really trying to score but nearly did anyway. I swear Price took extra steps on his saves to keep himself awake.

My only problem for tonight's game other than falling asleep on Arnott's goal: PK was a healthy scratch. He manned up for what happened last night. He spoke like a veteran while Cammy pouted in the corner. He wasn't the only one at fault. Either way he better not sit for a long time. Picard can take his erratic play to the pressbox. And see what happens when Weber plays defense? He's actually effective! A shocker! I know! (Of course you could always give one of the old dudes a night off but LOL who am I kidding, this is Jacques Martin we're talking about).

Release the Kraken:
- It took 11 seconds for Gionta to score.
- And he hit the post right after that.
- Lars Eller made roadkill of the Moose.
- The only guys incapable of taking a pass from Price are Ye Olde Czech Defense pairings, the Wonder Twins of Hamr and Spacek. The rest? Well, when they skate, and he passes, there's an even flow of movement. Who knew moving your feet works?
- Rookie ref? How could you not see that was a goal by Pyatt.
- When Gomez scores on the powerplay for the 2nd time in 2 games can we stop with the call-ins asking to dump his ass in Hamilton?
- Of course missing that wide open net and his lone -1 kind of stands out.
- Also Weber is WAY better than Bergeron so stop wondering why the Habs don't want that liability on the roster.
- I noticed Cammy had an A on his sweater. Happy now? (Yes, I know Markov's A now floats around the group).
- Pouliot's 2 wrongs and 2 rights, but he scored a laser so he's only slightly pissing me off.
- And I swear I saw Lou Lamoriello heading for the light switch once it was 5-0 with still 10 minutes left in the 2nd.
- Honestly, with 2 minutes left NOW you send a 3-man forecheck on the Habs? A little late, no?
- And with 10 seconds left in a 5-1 game was a little futile as well.
- Brian and Stephen Gionta are the same height but Brian has the hands.
- No triple low-fives, no fun. Instead, Price gets Pleky's smelly gloves stuck in his mask.

Seriously, these are not the Devils you were looking for. Late in the second, Hamr and Eller took minor penalties at the same time putting the Devils on a full 2 minute 5-on-3. You got Kovalchuk out there. I think the Devils only got 2 shots on net and I don't think any where his... What few fans that team had in the stands that night booed them mercilessly and pretty much all left save for a few masochists.

Habs 3, Oilers 4 (OT): Meltdown

Games like this piss me off. I don't have a nicer way to put it. And the sad part is I knew they would do this.

The Habs come out onto the ice tentatively, unsure about how to play or what to do. Defensively they're confused with the balls out manner of the Oilers who play without a care because they have nothing to care about because, frankly, they stink and aren't going anywhere. They have no system, so more often than not you find yourself caught following them when you should be stomping on them. Basically it's a game of big foot vs a herd of hamsters. Offensively, when Mathieu Darche is the only reason why you've scored all three goals, YOU GOT A PROBLEM. And when you're going down the ice with Gomez and he passes you the puck, why the hell would you pass it right back to him when you're more open and he's covered by two players?

Note in OT, if there was a worse time for Cammy to lose the puck like he's been doing a lot lately, that was it.

Shame on you, Habs. Shame on you for allowing chronic underachievers like Hemsky, Gagner, and Penner look like Wayne Fucking Gretzky. And all we heard was how awesome the Oilers were, which was garbage considering two of the goals should not have even happened due to blatant uncalled penalties, especially that shorthanded one...

The conspiracy theorist in me wonders if certain words were exchanged to make Oil Change Episode 4: The Northeastern Trip look better than it should be. Bottom line, SHAME on the Habs because now they'll forever be immortalized while playing one of their worst games of the year against the Western Islanders in that bullshit show.

Shame!
- A TWO GOAL LEAD IS NOTHING.
- Hey coach, calling for a line change with your guys in the D-zone is NOT how it's done. I could be wrong though.
- If that was Spacek's 800th game, then it was 800 games too many.
- Benoit Pouliot is back to pissing me off...
- Will Don Cherry call out Taylor Hall for his diving? At least the Bell Center crowd recognized it and booed him mercilessly.
- Rush those shots on the powerplay any more, guys. It's not like you're good with the man advantage or anything.
- I swear PK shattered Kostitsyn's knee with that shot. Pleky had to drag him off the ice he couldn't move. (Thankfully he seems ok for now).
- I see now why the officiating in the NHL is in shambles. Stephen Walcom is an ass.
- Going to have to seriously clean up the Bell Center after Pierre McGuire leaves...
And finally:
- Can't you guys win a fucking game with the Grey Cup in the house while we honour the Alouettes or what? What the fuck is your problem?!

Devils tomorrow. Better be angry, Habs, because the Devils are worse than the Oilers with less hope for their future.

Know what? I need a shower to wash off this game. Also, I need to cuddle with my puppy. I'll share this latest adorable picture with you to cuddle with, my 3 readers, in hopes he makes you feel better after that garbage.

Lookie. He left a noose.

REPEAT!

CAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON! *hugs*

It's COOOOOLD in Edmonton, and probably colder in Saskatchewan right now.

The Montreal Alouettes have repeat as Grey Cup champions in what was an intelligent, defensive game that ended 21-18 in front of a gazillion frozen melon heads. It also illustrated CFL officials incompetence who were confused at the coin toss, but I digress. Though, it probably wouldn't have been so stressful a game to watch if Damon Duval could kick the damn ball properly... Be glad Durant raised your choke with a gag.

Memo to Rider fans: don't sing the Hey Hey Goodbye song before the game even starts.

Right after the game, TSN's crew started listing a bunch of excuses for the Riders. Well, we found out our quarterback has a lesion in his throat and that they'll have to remove half his thyroid. The stunned look on their faces was pretty amazing after learning that. Any more excuses? I wish Calvillo a speedy recovery. He's been through a lot...

Apparently it's going to rain on our parade though. My brother said, "See! Even Mother Nature is conspiring against the Als and is a Riders fan! Damn green!"

Thrasher 3, Habs 0: Well...

Since the Habs didn't bother showing up until a bit of the 3rd and had Alex Auld face 47 shots while doing fuck all, I won't bother showing up for this blog. I also think they won 1 faceoff and it was Lars Eller sometime in the second. I will say that the Habs have a very strange or unique streak going on...and it's the fact they still haven't given up more than 3 goals in regulation.

You know how pissed off we get when stupid Habs fans start singing the Good Bye song in non-playoff games? Yea, the Thrashers were playing it with 11 seconds left. As in their organ grinder was playing it, with some singalong via the 10 fans that showed up while coddling the Tin Foil Cup. Now that's douchey.

Hey! The Islanders won today! So did the Baie Comeau Drakkar! Which totally ruins my bet for who will win first between the two.... God damn equal suckage opportunity!

Habs 4, Kings 1: King me

Check mate.

If there's one thing I like about this year's Habs, it's their want to bounce back after a piss poor effort to lose a game they could have taken in Philly. And while you'd think the Kings would be bitter over that lost point in Ottawa (it was totally a goal but the cameras there are crap), the Habs ran over them after some early feeling around and it was game set match.

I was going to convert my game review into a rewriting of Murray Head's One Night in Bangkok. Then I realized how long that song was. Praise be, bullet points!

- Our puppy Ziggy went to the groomers yesterday, came home a new dog.
- Drew Doughty should lay off the Hollywood and shave. He's looking chubby, and greasy.
- And the first star: Andrei Kostitsyn! What looked like a complete mass of failure up and down the ice, even giving up a shorthanded chance, turned into something good.
- Beeeernieeeeer probably didn't appreciate that.
- Warning to Ryan Smyth: Carey Price will bite your legs off next time you trip him.
- Cammalleri scored. Gomez caused the whole thing.
- Beeeernieeeeer probably didn't appreciate that.
- Plekanec scored.
- Beeeernieeeeer probably didn't appreciate that.
- LARS ELLER SCORED!
- Beeeernieeeeer probably didn't appreciate that.
- Ryan Smyth should stop whining.
- I would not pick Kopitar over Price, and I'm not basing it off this one game.
- PK Subban > Drew Doughty
- Stop whining about Gomez.
- A certain radio guy can also shut up about Lars Eller and stick to soccer.
- A nice win over a very good team that got rightfully owned and stopped trying.
- Well they still tried, but endless forechecking does nothing and Pleky giving the forearm to Dustin Brown was awesome karma.

Can I just say that people really need to stop with the "yea but" crap? The Habs are a really good team, full of experienced players, proven winners, and determined, hardworking kids. Though Pouliot needs to stop falling down, and if Weber is going to be used then PLAY HIM AS A DEFENSEMAN.

I'd also like to say Pacioretty is on fire, with TWO more goals yesterday (Conboy scored the game winner) in a 3-2 win over the annoyingly dirty BabyFlyers. And whoever suggested giving him up and a draft pick for Penner needs to be slapped.

Habs 2, Flyers 3: In the spirit of brotherly love...

We, the Habs, come bearing gifts in the name of peace and pretzels. As a sign of good faith we present the following:

- Two easy goals to make you weary enough to mistrust your goalie so much you'll actually clog up the net later to give him a friendly hand.
- Decide to only play 20 minutes then give the rest to Carey. Hey he's a big kid, he can take it.
- What's that? You only managed 20-billion shots in the second period? So sorry! Next time you'll get 30-billion.
- And please sir, step right up to my goalie so he can make the highlights in amazing fashion.
- He'll even take one off the chin and face for you.
- We won't even bother you when you want to really score. It's only a mater of time before he gives up 1 or 3 (but no more than that).
- Hey we won't even try to stop you if you want to score on the empty net! Oh, well, Price might have something to say about that. (Next time we'll tell him to jump over the puck and just head for the bench, we swear).
- Graciously distracted Cammalleri with Angry Birds. It's addictive and totally numbed his thumbs so now he can't shoot straight.
- Hamr and Spacek were busy practicing their Synchronized Staring. They plan to take the world championship.
- That evil offside faceoff dot will be programmed to jump Benoit Pouliot every time he nears it to graciously turn over the puck for you.
- Faceoff wins? We don't need no stinkin' faceoff wins!
- We promise next time Briere wants to spear Eller in the groin he won't get angry about it. (Though you may have to talk to his wife later).
- And finally since we felt we were a little harsh on Brian Boucher, we promise to continue shooting weak long shots either right in his gut or to continue missing the net completely. It's all about confidence building.

Habs 2, Leafs suck: Take yer lumps

What I ate at mom's birthday dinner. Now I feel like a gnocchi.
And gorgonzola cream sauce is OMG!

Apparently Pat Burns sent Carey Price an inspirational note before the season started. I dare say tonight's game was extra important for a good showing and extra special considering the outcome.

And with all the crap the refs didn't call on the Leafs, I could just picture Burns standing on the bench, screaming at the top of his lungs over this stupidity. But hey, Habs scored shorthanded and on their ONLY powerplay (perfect centering pass by Komisarek). I'm sure Burns loved that.

It's called justice. Or karma.
And our secret agent Komisarek gave himself away.
What say you, Monster?

Heh.

Ron Wilson was pissed his iPads don't work in the Bell Center. It's a hockey rink not a net cafe. If you need to look up "hockey" and "defense" do that before you come to play. Also whiteboard, pen, use it.

By the way, I dare say a playoff series between the Habs/Leafs would be nice this year. Last night was a playoff type game, complete with one-sided calls (a game with Stéphan Auger and Tim Peel is corruption city) and speed to burn. I mean, c'mon Leafs. You gotta stop rebuilding Boston and start playing some hockey already!

Bulldogs Birthday!
Unfortunately they lost in a shootout but it was Max Pacioretty's birthday! How did he celebrate? With a hat trick and a goal in the shootout. Actually he was the only offense the Bulldogs had in a 4-3 shootout loss to the fucking Marlies.

They rematch Sunday, live on CBC!

Note: RYAN WHITE HURT HIS KNEE AND IS VERY UPSET ABOUT THIS! ARRRGH!

Habs 0, Preds 3: Filed under F for Forget

Just one of those games, eh.

Considering the Habs have not scored on the Predators in 2 years now is slightly disturbing, but knowing how that team plays I'm not in the least surprised. Also considering how they blew chunks in Toronto just before, this was their response game. Sadly the Habs were their victims.

Preds brought their A game, Habs brought their Meh game. Chasing, reaching, and behind the play all night, they just didn't look interested and allowed the puck to not only get behind them but allowed the Predators to do whatever they felt like up and down the ice. Outshot 16-8 in the first, not exactly playing smart. All it took was Spacek ignoring Goc in front of the net to go hold hands with Hamr in the corner and they got their one goal. One goal is all that team needs, then it's Trap City, USA, in typical Western team fashion. I suppose the only silver lining is the Habs still haven't given up more than 3 in regulation. And while that 3rd one was I'd say the first week goal of the year, with 10 minutes left, Price looked really annoyed and made sure no more went in as best as he could regardless of the bees buzzing around his zone. I'd say the guys sort of attempted to pick it up a bit in response to that, but just ended up trapped and on the outside again. In the end it doesn't matter if you lose 1-0, 2-0, or 3-0, they really just didn't look like they were going to score at all tonight.

Gold Star: Lars Eller
The only forward on the Habs that looked interested, intense, and wanted the puck so much that he was bang on in their faces. Sadly he's not experienced enough to do it all himself nor has the linemates to compliment his skills. Gotta give him props for how he played.

Silver Star: Carey Price
Second time in his career he was basically left to fend for himself against the Predators. Found himself making saves with 5 guys suddenly on his back, even managing to make a save while losing his footing and falling on his ass. Like Rinne, he rarely allowed any second chances however he didn't have the defensive support his counterpart enjoyed, most notoriously Spacek and at least 10 suicide passes to right in front of his crease. Both guys faced a surprising 30 shots each though, if that's interesting or not.

Bronze Star: Hard pressed to find one... PK's hit on Tootoo? That was pretty awesome. The rest was ass.

Since there isn't anything else of interest to talk about...what the hell happened in Philadelphia?! Here we were, making #DanEllisProblems jokes and it's suddenly 7-7. Both teams ran out of goalies by then and Stamkos had like a thousand points. I don't even know who won but I gotta know if Mike Richards went whining to the media about how Stamkos scoring all those goals shows he's got no respect and a kid like that can't go around doing such things. Eat it, asshat. (Tampa won in the end 8-7 in REGULATION).

Meanwhile
- Florida shutout by the Bruins? Yawn.
- Toronto beating the Devils 3-1? That's like kicking a sick kitten with 3 legs who just wants to be loved.
- San Jose choking in OT again? Getting it out of their system early or falling deeper into that hole.

Habs 3, Flyers 0: Would you like some salt with your crow?

I think we've been here before. Actually it was last week when the Habs rolled into Boston to face the big bad Bruins. Despite shutting out the well-rested big tough Canucks, all I heard that day was how the Bruins would paint the glass with their brains and burn the red-light glare of the goal light into the back of Price's mask. How did that end? Oh right, 3-1 win.

Today a friend of mine at work asked me "Do you think the Habs will make it 4 in a row?" as I made my way to the kitchen for some much needed breakfast (perks!). I answered him "Yes" without hesitation. Thanks for proving me right, boys!

The Flyers are hot and were on a 9-0-1 kind of roll, beating Ottawa 5-1 yesterday. I saw that game, and since I know Price watches highlights I think he was totally prepared for tonight's game. They beat Elliott with a bunch of tip-ins and redirects, and even though Ottawa did manage to give it to them, Bob the Goalie stopped them when they actually managed to hit the net, and Karlsson/Gonchar make Hamr/Spacek look like awesome defenseman when it comes to holding the blueline on the powerplay... Naturally we heard it all day, how the Flyers were the best in the East, and they probably are. They can score, they can defend, they finally have decent goaltending. They also smacked Carolina for 8 goals and had many blowouts.

But maybe the Habs are right up there with the best in the East. For now, they're making a case for best in the Northeast. And while Price is a HUGE part of it, don't overlook the excellent work by the entire team. All four lines are working hard, every defenseman is keeping tabs on his man, and you can see/hear them communicating with one another as they give their teammates suggestions or make up plans. Ye Olde Czech Defense really stepped up, and found out the pokecheck is mightier than the shorthanded goal. The powerplay went 2-for-7! And Subban... People are so jealous of how good this guy is that they're trying to kill him.

Statement Game
- That's 41 saves so don't tell me the Flyers didn't show up. Shots were 33-18 for the Flyers by the end of the 2nd.
- I want to marry Cammy when he's like that on bended knee.
- Pleky is so sneaky... Totally fooled Bob the Goalie, using Travis Moen as a decoy.
- Gionta would like to thank Timonen's skate.
- Were the Habs always that quick? Flyers had problems keeping up.
- Claude Giroux went full Bobby Clarke on PK's ankles like 5 times before the ref blew a whistle. Gnat.
- PK is playing with O'Byrne's stick. The spirit of Big Sexy lives on!
- Mike Richards is a whiny little bitch. And I'm not just talking about after the game.
- I do believe Carey Price has ESP and x-ray vision.
- Alex Auld is his biggest fan. Seriously. The guy is in awe of how he's playing.
- Keep booing Briererererere! Fuck that dirty little prick.
- Now that's class, Laviolette: a 3-0 game, 1:30 left, on the powerplay and you send out SHELLEY AND POWE?! Thankfully Carcillo's knee will keep him out for 3 weeks or you'd have sent him out too.
- If Markov didn't get hurt last game he probably would have gotten hurt in this one. Thankfully Gorges is Gumby. Worried about Halpern but Dr. Mulder was seen in the bench area not long after so that's a good sign. Hoping he'll just have a really bad headache.
- So Gionta had to get the puck from Pronger to give to Carey. He claims he was going to toss it to a kid. This isn't your rink, Pronger. Price threw the puck to the fans anyway like he always does.
- Hockey > Asshats

Hilarious but if the playoffs started tomorrow, Habs would be facing the Bruins.

A call for calm and reason

Can we all take a step back?

My heart sank when Markov fell to the ice and punched the boards in frustration. Every SANE and TRUE fan of this team knows what this man means to the franchise. We love him, he loves us, he wants to be a Hab for life, and now this is in jeopardy. The "realists" now think he shouldn't be resigned, or should just retire. We're being told his season is over. We're being told it's 3 months. Someone said 3 weeks. Then 8 months to a year.

All this without an official word from the team, the doctors, or seeing any MRI result.

"More testing is needed," claimed Jacques Martin in his usual cardboard calm after he switched back his defensive pairings to the October Habs. The rest of the team is back on the ice, absolutely wired by Price's first-star of the week honours, and working hard to ready themselves for the Flyers. They'll remember to play smart and play as a unit, which is their Markov-less Recipe for Success. Of course they're stronger when Markov is healthy! The organization knows this more than the fans and will hopefully find some kind of deal for him regardless of the injury. Besides, the Habs don't do deals or contracts until the season is over (which is smart).

We the fans don't need the media trying to out-scoop not only each other but the organization in this case. We're dealing with a guy who is a key member of the team and it's leadership group. Markov is one of the best defensemen in the NHL, and you can't replace a guy like him. On the list of potential UFA defensemen, he's at the top. And while he started his season late, he was dying to get back on the ice, so much so that it looked like he stood the entire Islanders game, watching, waiting.

We don't need this circus in our time of worry. Markov is a loyal member of not just this team but this city, so much so that he enjoys his South Shore home in the offseason and became a Canadian citizen. He deserves our respect in this difficult time and patience, but more importantly he needs our support. The Habs will tell us when they know for sure and getting angry at their "secrecy" while jumping to rehash every speculative rumor isn't helping. They just want to make sure how long he'll be injured and what can be done. Ever hear about a second opinion? Unless Markov seriously cannot return from this injury, he will be back. Just look at Jeff Halpern after McGuire so graciously reminded us almost weekly of his terrible knee injuries that apparently "ruined" his career. (Looks OK to me, Pierre!)

Meanwhile, the Carolina Hurricanes have once again injured one of our stars. First Koivu's eye, now Markov's knee. And while Georges Laraque wonders how he got 5 games for a knee-on-knee hit on Niklas Kronwall, Gary Bettman's star member of this year's All-Star Game's home team didn't even get a penalty on the play. Karma might be our only hope. As in I hope the Carolina Hurricanes have a terrible season and keep getting blown out every game. (Sorry Cam Ward). Call me petty if you want, I'm sick of that team.

I send out this call for calm and reason. All we can do now is hope he heals up and that the team can continue their strong play without him until he's healthy and ready to return. And please, stop talking about Bergeron. We need a defenseman not a fail-train. (Anyway he's also out with a knee injury).

Markov 2.0?

Habs 7, Whalercanes 2: Picking apart the carcass

Diver.

It's been a while since the Habs had a good old smackdown on a struggling team. And yet despite the score, the Whalercanes were outplaying the home team for the first period and a half.

The last thing you want to do with a team like that is take a bunch of penalties to give them any kind of confidence in themselves, especially after they were recently demolished by the Flyers 8-1 and have their dad's along on the trip watching from the stands. Naturally the Habs took a zillion penalties, but killed them all in the first period and scored 2 goals right after. Divercanes already had 15 shots, which was 5 more than the Habs. Not so in the 2nd as someone forgot to cover the backdoor on Cammy's silly penalty, followed by a hashmark snipe by Kostopoulos (REALLY?!) where I was actually more shocked to see him receiving a pass from Staal over the goal. Perhaps it was a wake-up call? Habs turned it on right after and Captain America sniped the right corner over Cam Ward after a lovely game of hot potato with Plekanec.

Then, came the impossible...

What's more annoying?
Knowing Lapierre scored a spin-o-rama on you where you hesitated and found yourself completely out of position, or the fact your entire team was rendered absolutely lost and confused from the goalie out by Lapierre?

Cam Ward found himself pulled for the 2nd straight game and Peters faced the Habs for the first time in his life. Not a fun night there! He found himself flopped on his back for Pouliot to riffle one top-shelf (with Spacek below the goal line...doule-u tee eff mate). And just to piss off their whiny coach, Habs capped off the night with two more powerplay goals bringing the total to three on the night and SIX in the last three games. Oddly enough they were the exact same goals by Kostitsyn and Darche. Talk about a 2.75 million dollar goal differential you cap friendly sniper you.

I don't want to talk about Markov. I'm too upset to even think about it. I'm even more upset because the knee-on-knee went unpenalized. Superstar rule? Maybe. Or Staal's hilarious Oscar-worthy act to wiggle his arms in the air after kneeing Markov. I do know that if a Hab had even GLANCED a Whalercane by the knee they'd have been TOSSED to protect Gary Bettman's All-Star home team. Hopefully it's just pain from the recent surgery. Hopefully the "medical experts" on RDS who diagnosed Markov immediately after the game without an MRI or even seeing him claiming he'll be gone 3 months are full of crap. Hopefully Markov slaps on a brace to protect the damn thing. Hopefully Markov doesn't retire like Bobby Orr because of this knee, though if such a thing were to happen SOMEONE PLEASE HIRE HIM TO COACH OUR DEFENSEMEN (not like Perry Pearn, I mean in practice and with the farm team to better our prospects). I'm really worried about his knee...

Oh crap I talked about Markov. Now I'm upset again. Hey Carey! Hey PK! Cheer me up?

The Giggling Goalie.

So you want to be an NHL All-Star?

It's fairly easy! Though the rumor is the League simply throws darts on a roster, but really there is a science to it.

If you're a goaltender the requirements state you must have at least one of the following qualities:
- Some kind of knee injury that's preventing you from playing indefinitely.
- Your save percentage puts you on page 2.
- Must have given up a handful of bananas and made your coach and fans collectively facepalm.
- Have more losses than wins and you totally have a hand in it.
- Old man legacy effect.
- Make shooters look real good in shootouts. (A plus for the skills competition).

Defensemen rarely get noticed for playing their proper position as all the love goes to the offensive defensemen. After all, that's way sexier than a 6-foot stud laying his life on the line to block a shot right? In order to find your way to the squad, here are some of the qualifications necessary:
- You've put the puck into your own net.
- You're just playing defense because there are already 3 forwards on the ice.
- You're featured on many highlight reel goals for the other team.
- Pinching in like an All-Star in real games is your top skill.
- For an offensive defenseman and powerplay specialist, you've score 4 goals in a year and a half.
- You currently have less teeth than goals.

Forwards are a toss up. After all it's mostly hype and face value. Considering there are more players at this position than the rest the real heroes usually remain quietly doing their job in obscurity without the pomp. But they know the fans appreciate their efforts. Here are some of the qualifications for the selection process:
- Your face is on 90% of the posters.
- Your team traded two potential top futures and you've yet to live up to that loss.
- Your fans want you traded before the All-Star Game.
- Your plus/minus is waaaaaay minus.
- Despite being the guy your team leans on for offense, you provided next to none.
- You can score hat tricks when no one defends.
- You're injured indefinitely. Bonus if it's your hands or ankles.
- Technically you suck at shootouts.

All-Star Game fan movement: We, the fans of hockey, hereby solemnly declare to write-in vote Paul "BizNasty" Bissonnette to the All-Star Game in protest at it's ridiculousness and so he can tweet about it all.

Disclaimer: Yes I am annoyed Price isn't on the list but the omission of PLEKANEC is a shame and shows how stupid the NHL is. He was not only breathing down the neck of Crosby, Ovechkin, Sedin, and Stamkos in terms of points last year but he shut them down regularly. But don't expect players who play in Canada to be given a spotlight of recognition considering the media down south pays no attention to the nordic land that doesn't even appear on the weather map.

Also Pierre McGuire freaking out randomly on TSN at Price's omission was hilarious (though not as hilarious as the surprised look on his fellow panelists faces). Need I remind you that this is the guy who came on air screaming (well he's always screaming) that trading Jaro was a bad idea.

It's cool though. While they're partying down in Raleigh (if such a thing were possible) I'd rather see our guys relax. Maybe we'll send Cammy to razzle-dazzle.

Habs 3, Bruins 1: Hello old foe

All day long I heard nothing but shock and awe at how the Bruins destroyed the Pens in the 3rd period the other day to win 7-4. No one mentioned how horrendously soft the Penguins were defensively, looking absolutely shellshocked and incapable of stopping the assault in their own rink. All day I heard about how the "small" Habs were about to get crushed, how the big bad Bruins will paste their girly figures into the glass, and that the slow defense will be unable to contain the mighty Horton or Bergeron or the quick rookies like Seguin and Caron. That the Habs have no size! The defensive giants will shut them down! The ferocious forecheck will give them fits! After all they can't possibly beat a big team like the smoking hot Bruins!

Well poppycock. Didn't the Habs just shutout the big tough Canucks not two days ago with a smart plan and solid team play?

Also another factor: Carey Price owns the Bears, especially with the way he's been playing recently.

Extra motivation factor: Hal Gill was an ex-Bruin and semi-local resident, Gomez felt the rivalry on his previous teams and was in his 800th career game, Gionta hails from Boston College.

Andrei Kostitsyn and PK Subban combined and ran a highlight reel pair of rings around the giant slowfooted defence. If it had produced a goal, it would be on every sports network around.

Bruins #1 penalty kill vs Habs #30 powerplay.
Habs scored 2 and killed all 4 penalties.

Two rare powerplay goals and a no-quit play from Kostitsyn for Gomez, and that's all they needed. PK Subban sent a one-timer on a superb low shot he claims wasn't even a good one but he's just being modest if that's possible. Cammy learnt the Czech Sausage from Pleky for Gionta to baseball bunt it top shelf. They had more chances but Tuukka Rask was there unfortunately going through what Price went through last season (plays well enough to win but gets zero support). For a while I felt like the Habs and Bruins were canceling each other out. They were playing ACTUAL hockey instead of the typical asshattery that tends to slip into the Bruins game on occasion.

Another game, another stellar performance in shutting down the top guns of the Bruins. Of course one small lapse in defense and Chara was left wide open with only Price challenging him and the entire net at the mercy of his freakishly long stick. Only being struck down by God himself would have prevented that goal.

Tonight, Lars Eller was given an assignment. First rounders like him are given tests and challenges, and the true quality of the player comes out depending on how they do. Case in point, Price was given the test of the AHL playoffs which resulted in him stealing the show and winning the Calder in 5 against perennial favourites the Hershey Bears (hmm, more Bears). Martin gave Eller the test of penalty kill. Test result? Success. He wasn't on the first unit, but he didn't make any errors, and you could sing the confidence meter rise over his head. Hilarious encounter with Chara later in the 2nd period. I don't think he knows who Lurch is but he didn't cower or hide. And when Eller has the puck on his stick, it's an absolute wonder. The way he protects the puck, the way he wants that puck, this kid is gold.

Also new name for the line: EMP. Eller-Moen-Pyatt, the electromagnet pulse of the team. They may not score, but they'll be responsible and will work hard, and hey Pyatt had a team high 6 shots on net!

Can't discount the penalty kill, not just Pleky but Halpern has been gigantic. Pyatt, Moen, the defense, and of course Price. This aspect of the game is a big reason to why the Habs have been so successful recently. And they have the occasional chances while shorthanded too!

Hilarious board ad.

Free Rhino
I'm very sad to see Rhino traded, but very happy he'll be going to a team that really needs help on D right now because of injury so he'll finally get to play. It's a fair trade too, with the Habs getting a very good prospect in return in Bournival. People need to understand that the Habs are overflowing with defensemen, including Brendan Nash who took over for Rhino when he left Cornell (plus he can play the powerplay). And Rhino left with his head held high, not a bad word towards his former club, and a big smile. I'm sure he and his good buddies on the team, especially his hockey wife Josh Gorges, shed some tears and exchanged hugs but Rhino's such a good guy. No sour grapes like Latendresse. No complaints. He worked hard when he wasn't playing, had bad luck when he was playing, and who knows...maybe he'll come back to us with a few years of experience under his belt so he can be with his friends again?

Take care of him, Colorado. Free Rhino!

Habs 2, Canucks 0: Priceberg!

My heart has only now just returned to normal.

Seriously, if you don't like that happy little song you have no soul. Excuse me while I happy dance to the tune of my childhood (watched it every time we went to visit my Bubby Betty) and my goalie.

Even Chris Lee didn't fuck this one up for once!

Last year, Price was abandoned in Vancouver and shellacked for 7 goals. The guys owed him this one. He wanted it. They knew it. And through my heart attack I nearly cried at how together they were tonight. He also tried to hit the empty net but ran out of time. One shorter Canuck and a few seconds more, and that would have been gold.

Bold and Glorious Victory Points!
- Our ambassador for the evening: PK Subban says welcome to Montreal with a thunderous check. Boom.
- I'm still a little miffed about the lines, Coach...but Lappy looked almost like PlayoffLappy, Cammy's old self returned in the 3rd (and came close), Gio was a buzzing gnat, Gomez was fierce on everything but passing and 9-12 on faceoffs.
- Creppy Twin #1 was 2-15 in the faceoff dot.
- Tip my hat to Ye Olde Czech Defence who kept the creepy twins in check, surprisingly enough. And only two penalties between them.
- You know he's on when you feel him punching you in the back. Price beat up anyone in his face whether friend or foe. I love it when he does that. Also seemed to keep them away from his net as the game went on.
- Only one line gave the Habs real fits and it's their own version of the PhD line (the one with Malhotra). Not shocking considering they've been the best forwards for the Canucks lately.
- Ferocious penalty kill against the League's best powerplay. Gap control was solid, Pleky was Pleky, BabyPyatt wanted them to remember his last name, Gill didn't obstruct Price, and Halpern was just unbelievable.
- Can we just give PK the puck and watch him skate through everyone? I never get tired of that.
- The PhD line didn't score but they were fierce. Darche threw his weight around regardless of the weird penalty they called him for. Pouliot utilized his long stick and speed. I already mentioned Halpern.
- Eller! Came close again and was a ferocious forechecker. Maybe he can develop into our EuroStaal? The line is Eller-Pyatt-Moen with is the Habs equivalent to the Bulldogs' Avtsin-Engqvist-Conboy line. The creator, the defensive specialist, and the bodyguard. And while he was limited in the 3rd, it's not a problem. Martin is just protecting him. Perhaps Pacioretty's comment opened his eyes.
- Markov is aaaaaaaaaaaaalmost back!
- Regardless of outshooting the Canucks somehow for half the game, I forgot what Luongo looked like so I'm not entirely sure how they were outshooting the Canucks then. And yes, on a 4 minute powerplay, the Habs were outshot and gave up a 3-on-1 where Price needed to be gigantic...
- Thankfully they scored a powerplay goal thanks to the DoG penalty. O'Byrne smiled somewhere.
- The sequence with the empty net needs to be rewatched. And that's a Stanley Cup Caliber winning save.
- I'm all for the cause, but damn...those Movember 'staches are nasty, boys. I'm not a fan of facial hair.

This is what I like to see. Huge win.