Laugh it up, Cue Ball... That's the closest anyone will allow you near an NHL bench.Hi, I'm Pierre McGuire. You may know me from such hits as "DOUBLE DION!", "BIG BODY PRESENCE!", and "WHAMMO!" What you DEFINITELY do know is that I am an aspiring GM. I mean how could anyone not want me?! Well, other than the Canadiens, and the Lightning, and the Wild... But they don't know what they're missing. I spend more time between the benches than the Gatorade container! I know the over-value of every player because I've over-hyped every one of them in my pre-game rants! I HAVE PLANS! YOU TEAMS YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE MISSING! KABONG!
Look at this example: Halak for Eller and Schultz?! FOR REAL? I would have played hardball until my NHL10 simulated trade fell through completely! How else do you work in an over-saturated market of goaltenders with more size and experience than this little Slovakian wunderkin?! They made STOP SIGNS in his honour! Never mind his annoying agent either. There's just no way they would refuse sending me Perron or Oshie with Berglund. After all, what's the point of trading an expendable asset if you can't plunder some other team's core?! Frankly the Canadiens dropped the ball! And if they still said no, I would have just kept him and completely screwed my cap situation. I mean, who needs Plekanec when you have a little goalie with bouncy pads eh?
It's just like that Ryan O'Byrne trade. Never mind he's on his way to becoming the next Hal Gill with less-funny video questions and will most likely finally reach his potential when he's 32. Never mind he needs a solid babysitter to point him in the other direction should he find himself spinning on his heels and putting his back to the play. BIG BODY PRESENCE! The Avalanche HOSED those guys. They were the desperate. They had a blue-line decimated by injuries. They have a pack of young forwards that score more goals than anyone so even Marc-Andre Bergeron would be a +15. Instead of Bournival, Canadiens could have plucked out Stewart or Galiardi and a couple of picks. What's the point of trading if you can't handcuff and screw your trading partner!?
You people out there just don't understand and appreciate how easy it is to trade hockey players. Just look at the work Burkie is doing in Toronto. That bidding war for Tomas Kaberle is going to EXPLODE by the end of the month! And just you wait and see what he's got cooking for Giggy! Also Versteeg will never know what hit him. THAT'S AGGRESSIVE TRADING! So AGGRESSIVE that everyone screens their calls and never picks up the phone when you're out fielding interests.
With the upcoming trade deadline, the hype machine is going at a HELLACIOUS pace. And I insert random big words to prove my point! I have two GREAT trades for you to get working on, Canadiens! To Calgary: Hamr for Iginla and Nemisz. To San Jose: Spacek for Clowe. MONSTER DEAL! Then go the way of the Devils and CIRCUMVENT that Cap! How about THAT, Goat!? I SHOULD HAVE YOUR JOB!!
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