Habs 1, Sens 5: Roadkill

Do everyone a favour and don't drive down the 417.

So what happened tonight? Well, I spent much of the game walking my dog so I'll recap the game with pictures.

We had lots of annoying penalties.

Yup.

Yup.

Habs 4, Jets 3: Find a way and win

Remember that clusterfuck of a game in Edmonton with the millions of stupid calls and Yakupov's heroics saving the game? We just got a taste of that. But no sliding across the ice to land in prayer on a game tying goal. Instead, the Gallys took over the game and saved this team from what would have surely been a loss last season.

Four in a row.
- I do not, will not, ever not give a fuck about Perry Pearn. Good bye.
- Habs/Jets (Threshers) games tend to be weird. Tonight was weird and wonky. Could have easily gone 7-8.
- Dear PK, you have no idea how much the PK is missing you. Also every D outside of Markov/Emelin ae starting to show their warts, and Gorges could really use you next to him. Can't get back soon enough.
- Price had a better 3rd than the first two periods. Especially with the zero clean up in front. Good thing for him, he's not playing tomorrow.
- Good thing for him Gorges is a pretty good goalie too.
- DD is still sucking. Tonight they tried Prust, Gally, Galchy, Moen, Youppi. Seriously, you're running out of options. Apparently Patches doesn't need you (though we know this already) but rather the other way around. And even then nothing is working.
- Am I the only one who thinks Gallagher looks like a micro Channing Tatum?
- Off the schneid: Bourque finally didn't shot for orbital sattelites! And Erik Cole collected a gift from the Gallys.
- Honestly, I thought they were playing Lacrosse half the game...
- Did you know 27+73=100?

By the way, RDS math.

- Prust says he was hit from behind and fell down. Apparently that's now a penalty.
- Though you have to admit, it was funny seeing everyone go after Antropov. Like, don't piss off the dwarves!
- That call, however, made my dog vomit.
- Markov and the powerplay = Norris, Masterton, Hart. All the accolades!
- Ron Hainsey scored a goal for the Habs.
- Gally had a goal and assist with the least amount of ice time on the whole team (about 9:22). He knows how to compensate.
- Emelin says привет! Kane does not approve. Boohoo.
- The last 30 minutes killed me.

Taking 8 of 10 points so far? Excellent. Keeping the Gallys? Excellent. Best players on the ice. We'd be lost without those crazy kids. Onwards to Ottawa!

Guess what?

Boom!

OK, well I'm glad this is over. I am NOT happy we get to go through this all over again very soon. Which also means I'll be punching people in their offer sheets.

Just in time too because Markov played almost 30 minutes last night.

Now go, young man. And may you absolutely flatten someone on your first shift.

Habs 4, Devils 3: The Markov Process

This is not Andrei Markov

Andrey Markov was a Russian mathematician with a crazy beard who helped develop the theory of stochastic process, particularly those aptly referred to as Markov Chains. Don't ask me how to tie this to hockey. I studied art not math.

Andrei Markov is the reconstructed Russian defenceman of the Montreal Canadiens who developed the ability to not give a damn about errors in overtime (but will bitch about them if they prove costly) and score game winning goals. Also I don't think he can grow a beard.

I HATE THE FUCKING DEVILS
- But wait! What was that?! Actual exciting back-and-forth h...h...hockey?! I swear I think I even saw the Devils players enjoying themselves while their coaches got super uncomfortable.
- Then again, the Habs scored two goals in the first period. This is like foreign territory for the Devils.
- Ryan White, guys. Ryan White! BAMF!
- Gallagher's first NHL goal was so beautiful, the video and a photo of the moment was whisked over to the Habs Hockey Hall of Fame!

- OK it wasn't, but it should! Gally Squared!
- Lost in all this fun was the Double Giontas...
- And Pierre Gauthier was back, scouting for the Hawks...
- You know who pisses me off? Patrik Elias. If that goal had sound it would be BOING.
- Naturally the fun we had in the first period was quickly snuffed back to bore you to death Devils style hockey. How dare we have a good time, right?
- A Prusty goal is a pretty one! And it wasn't shorthanded either.
- Price thanked his goalposts, Siegfried and Roy, with a stick tap to Goon.
- My heart stopped seeing Kovalchuk break through on a breakaway (cherry picker). Cassé!
- The Cole Train is just warming up...
- We STILL need PK. The penalty kill is really reaching with those tiny legs in the back.
- As is the players who can't seem to skate fast enough to get that one icing that turned into a really stupid goal.
- Meanwhile I advocate no-touch icing.
- DD appears to have trouble handling anything these days, including pucks. Yet somehow Eller gets punished for it. Truly fascinating.
- Zubrus was a fairly useless Hab, by the way.
- OK so I really don't hate Patrik Elias. I just hate him as a Devil. He's a pro and totally didn't cry about the OT penalty like most players do.
- Of course various random Leaf fans on twitter called it a dive when it was clearly a penalty. They're just upset the Leafs blow. And not just at hockey.
- I'm stunned every time Rene Bourque does something really good then absolutely misses the net. If the goal were in orbit, he'd be Wayne Gretzky.
- And I was stunned watching Markov leave the point only to make his way down to the side of the net and get replaced by Bourque. He shot it wide. Markov fixed it.

The Devils could do us all a favour and kindly fuck off back to Kansas. No one will miss them.

Well, this is good.  Doing it without Patches who had an appendectomy the night before. Oh right, Kaberle was scratched, whatever. It was ugly but they powered through it to beat an actual team that was rolling 3-0. Whatever Therrien did or fed them, keep doing it.

WOO!

Habs 4, Caps 1: No ribs for you

Ultimate poker face

What is this? This...thing called goal cushion? It was such a rarity in these recent years I don't think we know how to react to it.

It's like Markov and how everyone is remembering how he used to play. It's been THAT long. Coincidence this is coming as he's actually playing. That's the problem with this fan base: selective, short, and sometimes revisionist memory. It's already starting with regards to PK.

I was initially scared, then curious how HCMT2.0's Habs would play on the road against the Caps who haven't won a game yet. He claimed they will play their game and not give much of a crap how the Caps come out. You could understand after years of being promised things like "puck possession" and such that one would be wary of a coach's promises, Or too often the Habs would just be boring on the road. Pretty much everything the coach said was done.

Of course it helped the Caps continued to play like shit.

Somewhere Mickey Ribs is complaining about something
- Waaaahhhh.
- You could shoot Price with a poison dart and he wouldn't flinch. Actually you could probably toss a nuke in his lap and he'd knock it away to the side.
- Don't look now but I think Adam Oates' brow furrowed!
- Of course it took four (FOUR!) goals in the second period for that poker face to crack, slightly.
- Then again it could have just been the lighting.
- Markov! Pleky! Gionta! Gorges!(?)
- Incredible set up by Bourque on Gionta's goal. If this GOOD Bourque continues and BAD Bourque remains buried somewhere in the trunk of a car then no buyout for him!
- Can't say the same for Kaberle. The KaKa-Cube pairing was killing me, even when they were up 4-0. Dump him and give the money to PK.
- Only other problem in a rather perfect night was the faceoffs. Putrid. I think I only remember one win, and it was Ryan White. And they lost the puck right after anyway.
- I don't know about you but the Caps haven't been the same since they lost that playoff series to the Habs. They keep trying to change, but honestly, maybe they should just go back to their old selves. At least they were a better show...
- And stop fuxing with Ovechkin. Let him play!
- Cole takes some time to warm up, but DD still isn't good... Here's a suggestion: Put Galchy between Cole/Pacioretty and let Eller play between Prust/Gally. If it doesn't work, switch the two and see how that looks.
- Emelin was epic on the penalty kill.
- I think we have a winner! The better Swiss Mister is Diaz. Though to be fair he did play a long time in the Swiss League so he has that edge over Weber...

Ça roule...

The bottle-mic is Gallagher.

Habs 4, Panthers 1: Gally Squared

As perfect a game can be against a Florida team playing it's 3rd game in 4 nights. But I will repost that we've seen the Habs come out flying against a tired team only to shit the bed in the final 40 minutes and lose in a shootout, so I will take this victory for all it's worth!

Still. After watching Desharnais flop all over the place like he suddenly forgot how to play hockey against actual competition for now the 2nd game in a row, I hope HCMT lives up to his need to reward-sit players and for the love of god reinsert Lars Eller please! He didn't even win more than TWO faceoffs all night! Or is he still stuck on his L'Antichumps chair with a direct line to the mouthbreathers making sure le gars de chez nous is forever safe...

We still want PK!
- People may have forgotten what the powerplay looks like when Markov is on it. Even more so, I think they've forgotten what it looks like when Markov is on it with PK.
- Just like I think they've forgotten that Diaz is a sneaky point getter, not to mention a power play specialist.
- Remember when that line of Kovy-Pleky-AK46 was like the best in the League then sucked the year after? I'm getting deja vu with Cole-DD-Patches.... (Which is why I think DD needs a sit down. All about accountability).
- Carey Price has a tender groin? Or was it a goaltender groin? Because really, the guy is ridiculous.
- Kovalev looks like the opposite of the guy who had a goal and 2 assists in their first game of the season. Actually he helped out on Pleky's goal. For old times sake.
- Ryan White doesn't own a copy of the Georges Laraque Code Book. You throw a stupid hit on Josh Gorges, you get pounded. And he doesn't care if your name is Tomas Fleischmann.
- We clearly needed the extra power play/penalty kill work.
- Also that epic kill of White's misconduct, plus an extra interference penalty to Markov for an extended 5-on-3 needs to be bronzed and placed in the lobby.
- Galchy's tip was the thing Habs fans dreamed of...
- Gallagher gets his first assist on it too. And dished out a handful of hits
- Emelin wears a cage to contain himself.
- WHOberdeau?
- Really I'm just happy they finally scored goals. And scored goals on Scott Clemmensen.

New line: Prust-Galchy-Gallagher. Keep this please.

I'd like to personally thank the Florida Panthers for this extra practice game. Because I'm sure our asses are going to be kicked in Washington, who are still winless at 0-2. Then again...

The curtain rises, and Les Glorieux fall 2-1 to the Blue Foliage

Snow fell gently on a city brimming with excitement. They're back! Les Glorieux have finally been released from the dark shackles Count Bettman forced upon them. Half a season in the dark. The men scattered about the globe, some like mercenaries lending their abilities to whomever would have them, some returning to their homelands for work. Many played for charities, reminding us that no matter how high on the pedestal they rest they still remain fine upstanding citizens.

And down to the city center of sport. The Legends passed the torch, calling us to a new season. The team was joined by a bright young newcomer, the young prince Alex Galchenyuk. Tonight he would make his debut with his family watching, as Les Glorieux would fight the Blue Foliage of Toronto. A new era was beginning.

But the contest looked the same as years past. The warriors were sloppy, the defenders somewhat unsure. Missing was the fantastic young PK Subban, without question the team's best defender and future bright star but still without his contract and unable to join. The gritty muckers pounced the Keeper of the Blue Foliage, and got penalized for it. One after another, another penalty, another penalty. For most of the game, not much happened. Young Galchenyuk showed us his fantastic shot, but not much else went right for the team. We can be thankful for the work of the Keeper Price. Despite a minor tweak in his leg he was fantastic. Especially considering he was hunting coyotes only a few weeks ago. And yet despite his fantastic performance, the powers above neglected him a game star.

However Les Glorieux fell short by 1, with the Blue Foliage besting them by 2. In the first contest of the season there is much work to be done. Meanwhile the Blue Foliage are probably planning their parade already...

A quick glance around the League:
- Tthe Kings raised their crown, but fell to the Blackhawks 5-2.
- The Jets were grounded by the Senators 4-1.
- The Capitals were bewildered by Lightning 6-3.
- The Panthers chased Keeper Cam Ward and blew out the Hurricanes 5-1.
- The Winged Wheel are currently desperately trying to convince their retired captain to return as they were blasted 6-0. And Keeper Jaro made a mere 14 saves in total.
- It's currently 6-2 for the Mighty Ducks over the Canucks. Keeper Schneider was pulled in favor of Keeper Luuuuuu.

I walked into the Bell Centre and a hockey game broke out!

Oh how I missed my Habs...

And good on the people who lined up since 6am in -20 weather (but it wasn't that cold if you dressed right and the wind wasn't too bad either, unless you're me carrying a drink from Five Guys and didn't put my gloves on). They got the good seats and met a few players for their effort. Personally I just got to work early to leave early (5:30) and walked right in without a lineup.

Really didn't need to be reminded how shitty the music is in that place...
- Seriously. Did someone let Blunden troll the sound booth with a Casio keyboard? This is what happens when you put him on waivers!
- Over 17k at the scrimmage. Right away Shitsburgh is loling that they had 18k. Well that's nice, but really I have no idea how they counted. The nosebleeds were getting people, and it was fucking cold outside.
- Really don't know if Bourque's backhander works in a real game or not...
- Desharnais to Pacioretty. All sauce. Top shelf. Goalies won't have a chance.
- It's a meaningless scrimmage but Price makes 3 quick saves and robs a goal with his glove. Then laughs.
- Yes. We were booing the refs. It's all in good fun.
- After Erik Cole's lame penalty shot, the refs actually called two penalties with actual powerplays,
- And OMFG Kaberle scores his one goal for the year.
- WE WANT PK! *clapclapclapclapclap*
- And I want the little brats sitting next to me to go away.
- Emelin was wearing the bird cage since he came back. Takes a puck in the throat. Team White zooms by his fallen body for a two-on-one that Price stops but the rebound is ignored by his confused defenseman for a goal. Bastards! You killed Emelin! (He was OK).
- Fans were chanting Carey and he was saluting back. Then Budaj got some love on his side of the rink. I loves my goalies.
 - Speaking of Budaj, he's rocking a mullet.
- Shootout time! Also known as the Galchenyuk Bonanza.
- And he scores.
- Gallagher does his best Patrick Kane, and scores.
- Chants for PK in the shootout.
- Cube gets a huge welcome home cheer.
- Prust tries to do the fancy spin through the legs and fails. Gets an A for the effort.
- Tinordi is like WTF is a shootout.
- Markov celebrates his goal in a Markovian cheer.
- Well Patches broke Price. Should be ready for Saturday though.
- Was waiting for the puck to bounce off the post in the shootout and smack Emelin in the face. From the bench.
- SHOULD HAVE LET THE GOALIES GO!
- Ref actually asked Price if he could continue and he just waved.
- Prust ends the shootout, Scott Hartnell style.

Seriously. I missed my Habs. Fuck you NHL.

Riding high horses

Remember while the lockout was going on and some fans were so steaming angry they proclaimed they'd never return to the NHL once the lockout ended and we all laughed at that. Oh silly fans who are you kidding. You'll be back in droves. You'll be buying the overpriced beer and super expensive hot dogs while rocking the official team gear and booing the Bruins live.

We all knew it would happen. We're not stupid. You think I was going to stay away from my Habs? No fucking way. In fact, I've always hated the NHL. It's just unfortunate that the League my team helped create has turned into the slimy spithole of corporate lawyers and bad markets where MY team is one of the few who's helping pay the bills of those drowning money pits.

Of course there are a few who are staying true to their word. No purchasing tickets, no buying merchandise. Some will go cold turkey. Some will stay home to watch it on TV or enjoy the game at a local bar, the noted casualty of the lockout. Personally I'm not going to the Bell Centre other than to see the Bulldogs. (Yea, that free scrimmage? The end of the line will probably reach Toronto). I might take them up on the 50% off though. My t-shirts have shrunk in the wash...

But the highest of horses have come from the radio and TV media. They tut tut and chuckle, wagging their collective fingers at the fans who piled in to watch their boys practice for the first time since the lockout ended. (In Habsland, also called EVERY PRACTICE unless it's the rare closed to the public occasion). The smugness is reaching Gary Bettman levels. "Oh look at the fans, the flock of sheep! Where is your anger now?"

All this while reporting live from a desk set up all week at practice.

This after literally play-by-playing CBA negotiations since it started. A bloody PODIUM became the star of the show one night on Twitter. And lets not forget that the NHL's lockout greatly affected their own bottom line, never mind their schedule.

Of course they have a mandate to "go find news" by their bosses. But please, save us the mockery. Especially when you are also flocking back to the NHL and hanging off its every word, jumping at every twitch.

Waking up to 350 tweets

Forgive me on this because I'm currently typing with my left hand while lying on my sofa on what is officially my final day of vacation. And it's pouring rain. And Toaster is literally sleeping comfy on my right arm with his ass in my face. Oh dogs. Gotta love 'em.

With everything technically ratified last night, I went to sleep. No way was I waiting for the news that the Flyers to trade for Brian Boucher again. And PK's contract WILL GET DONE but I was pretty sure it wasn't going to happen at midnight. I did, however, go to sleep unhappy with how Louis Leblanc's been treated. No invite to camp. Fans crapping on him without even knowing one bit what's going on with him. Or how Hamilton ABSOLUTELY SUCKS this year and how Sylvain Lefebvre was indeed not the right choice for the team thus completely validating my fears that this new batch of kids will be under the guidance of a rookie coach who sticks a guys like Leblanc on a line with an ECHLer warming a roster spot and a blockhead who barely belongs on a fourth line. (And don't get me started about his apparent obsession with Stortini). Never mind the lack of powerplay time. Never mind NOT EVEN USING HIM IN A SHOOTOUT, in which they lost the game because of it. And I didn't even get to his high ankle sprain, which is obviously still a problem.

But then I woke up, late. And my Twitter feed was like trying to read the Dead Sea Scrolls of repeated information and rapid fire camp updates. And someone was live-tweeting a football game (Euro football). What a mess. Took me hours between feeding a dog, feeding myself, and throwing a ball down the hall for the dog to figure out that:

1. Gomez has been sent home to fish happily in Alaska because the Habs don't want him getting injured playing hockey and therefore wouldn't be able to use that fancy amnesty buyout. He will be put on waivers though, and once he clears, he won't take a roster spot.

2. Leblanc will be one of the Bulldogs newly invited to camp, sort of, afterall! And he should be here for the intra-squad fun time at the Bell Centre on Thursday that's going to be a riot of a mess of fans BUT I'll still try to get in if I finish work on time. Right now the Bulldogs are in fucking Abbotsford for a back-to-back game. That's going to be a mess though... Guess there's no way the AHL pauses itself for the NHL.

3. Cam Barker mysteriously has a job. Playing hockey. Now with the Canucks.

4. Galchenyuk was on the wing with Eller and Gionta (because Pleky is day to day with those ribs). And when I typed that, I first typed "Galchenyuk was on the win".

5. NO EXCUSES is now on the wall in the dressing room, and Bergevin put a carpet over the CH logo so the press will no longer be stomping on it ('cause they're stomping jerks).

So yea, hockey and stuff. Woohoo!

Voting process one and done

So the BoG voted, and surprisingly it was unanimously in favour of the new CBA. I mean I thought for sure some asshat was going to say no just 'cause he's an asshat. What I didn't need was Gary Bettman's terribly insincere apology. The only time I want to hear him speak is when he stands in front of a camera and bobbles his head into his termination speech.

Now the players just have to include their vote in the matter, which seems rather arbitrary right now. Official things need to be official!

And as the players made their way back to their practice rinks, Dave Stubbs tweeted this photo of first and only on the ice Erik Cole celebrating the end of the lockout with a skate. By himself.

Don't worry, Erik! Your friends are coming soon!

Oh right, Brian Burke was fired before the season started. Proof that Toronto just wants to one-up Montreal every time, because firing him mid-game on the 19th was so last season.

We're number....4?

 Who's number 1?

(Murray: Shaddup I didn't even get to play)

Congrats to Galchenyuk and Team USA on their Gold medal win. Congrats to Collberg and Team Sweden on their Silver medal. Russia gets Bronzed. Canada gets a delayed flight home.

Hey maybe you guys should scout up how Sweden's hockey program is creating such fantastic teams?

Oh by the way, the NHL lockout may be over and the season may start at the latest on the 19th. This is, of course, assuming everyone votes YES, the BoG don't fuck it up, and everyone can come home on time or whatever.

I woke up for the fail...

But in our defeat, we will still cuddle. Full marks to Team USA on this victory. GO FOR GOLD, GALCHY. Go back to bed, Team Canada. Oh wait, you were already there.

Happier New Year to 2013

"I don't like fireworks....."

I'm sorry but 2012 sucked. Except for Toaster!

To the supposed non-apocalyptic 2013.
- No NHL hockey yet but Canada has a pretty good shot at the WJC gold.
- May all the Bruins on that WJC roster suck royally once they're done obtaining that medal. (Sorry Malcom, but you're on the Dark Side).
- May Sylvain Lefebvre figure out that rolling the troglodytes out regularly does not help the Bulldogs score goals.
- May Zack Stortini kindly go to Wheeling (aka Hell, West Virginia. Seriously, the players live in cabins in the woods).
- May the CBC, and all of Canada, finally realize Gerry Dee is not funny.
- May PK Subban steal the job of EVERY SPORTSCASTER IN CANADA. BECAUSE HE'S FUCKING GOOD AT IT! But also manage to play hockey by night.
- Either jump off that fucking fiscal cliff already or get your fucking shit in order, USA.
- And grow a pair to get some gun control already.
- And for the love of whatever, TV shows, please stop putting Twitter comments on the bottom of the screen! If I wanted to see those I'd look for them on Twitter. Twits.
- Speaking of which, can you imagine having those silly Smart TVs that has your Twitter on one side of the TV and those fucking Twitter comments on the bottom of the show at the same time? REDUNDANT.
- May someone please clean the damn snow off these sidewalks...preferably before Spring.
- And finally may Gary Bettman go the fuck away. Forever.