Habs 4, Whalerjerks 1: Go East young men

Start like you look like you're already on vacation. Lose Pacioretty to some douche who can't play defence and shoves him into the goal post. Get down 1-0. Suck around for a bit. Rely on Price to bail you out continuously. Magically pull game out of your asses.

Formula!

Ryan White is hot. Desharnais discovered he can score goals when he's not dishing to Pacioretty. Rene Bourque looked interested. Gionta with the best wrap around on an empty netter I've seen. Another 30+ shots saved. Ho hum.

And it only took an in-game 40 minute warm up.

Alright. Let's get these Olympics on. No worries, Team USA. Pacioretty will be fine in the morning, if not in an hour.

To Russia!

Habs 3, Whalercanes 0: That's nice, now do it again.

Amazerful.

Lars Eller back at center? Check. His line produces the first goal.

Bournival freed from 4th line purgatory to play wing with Plekanec and Gionta in a speed game? Check. And FINALLY.

PK Subban dislodged from the Douglas Murray barge? Check.

Only 8 minutes for Daniel Briere? Check.

Shortest amount of minutes for Murray? Check

No Dump and Chase, but actually carrying of the puck? Check.

And yet Price still had to do the circus routine. Many stupid turnovers, too many more odd-man rushes, wide open slot, Murray tipping pucks into him, outshot by a rather large margin...

Oh and the powerplay was stinky. Dump and Chase isn't something you want to see, but when they're stacking up at the blueline and not letting you carry the puck in, THAT'S when you need some dump and chase. Flip it over them and attack with speed you lazy bums.

You might want a proper fourth line because Moen floating around with Parros (useless) and Briere (uselesser) is absolutely a waste of bodies.

Nice it was a shutout. However they owe Price at least 5 more of these...

Habs 4, Whalercanes 1: Let's break some bread

Dig in, my friends.


Whalercanes tried real hard to bore the game in their favour
- Not bloody likely.
- Happy 300th for Price!
- PK gets the Molson Cup and NHL's 2nd star of the month. One step towards the Norris ya?
- First goal was thanks to Emelin knocking Price into his net... Yea they didn't score first for a change.
- But that's ok. Markov got one on their rare powerplay opportunity soon after.
- Markov and PK are 1 and 2 in powerplay points in the League!
- Bouwmeester! Regehr! Handzus! Zolnierczyk! Trade deadline shows everywhere just flipped their collective tables. Ready for a Wednesday of conditional pick swaps?
- Really. Flyers trading Zolnierczyk for Jay Rosehill... I'm thinking they did it just to troll everyone into writing Zolnierczyk, because Jay Rosehill?
- Habs automatically win the Sabres-Kings Regehr trade by not trading for Regehr.
- Price haters still back in their caves, chewing their fingers.
- Been some time since Gorges swooped in and blocked shots that way too.
- Gord Dwyer releated to Patrick Dwyer? (Actually, it was the other douche Marc Joannette that deserved some chin music, hockey style)..
- Seriously, find me where it says "holding the legs of a player trying to get back up and then tackling him back down to the ice" is allowed? Even my dog vomited over your putridity.
- In your face because the Whalercanes went 0-for-all-your-attempts-at-giving-them-a-chance.
- About time Patches went to the net to bang one in. You make your own luck.
- Though the monkey seems to have jumped now from Patches to Desharnais. How you wiff on a perfect wide open toe drag................?
- If anyone deserved a goal, it was Jeff Halpern. Waivers anyone?
- First point for Booleeoo on the assist. (Is it that hard to pronounce Beaulieu? Boh-le-yuh. Repeat it). He's actually playing better than I thought he would. And hasn't given up a shortie yet.
- Sucks for Armstrong but...yea, might want to look where you're going guys...
- The crowd wanted Price to go for the empty net. Some fucking Whalercane got in the way. Guess they couldn't handle the thought of TWO goalies scoring on them in one year (even though Brodeur's was really them putting it in their own net).
- But that's ok. After the 80th try, Patches finally put it in.

AND HALPERN DESERVES THAT FIRST STAR! I don't give a shit what anyone says. Fan voting just proves the fans care more about this team's players and appreciates the hard workers more than the mediots. And Bobby Dollas.

Habs 3, Whalercanes 0: Double shutouts

Clearly the Habs were waiting for me to come back from my (STUPID RAGE-Y) condo association meeting to pour on the goals in the third... That's for waiting, guys! But really, if you had a leak in your apartment for 3 years now and supposedly had mold forming and water coming in wouldn't you allow the builder who offered to fix the problem for not 30k to...fix it? RAGE. Crazy annoying people upstairs fix your damn apartment already before coming to us with demands! ARGH.

And I come to pick up Toaster at my parent's house, at 9pm, and no one has walk the dogs... Seriously. Without my mom those two guys would starve, wear dirty clothes, and forget to breathe.

Anyway. Thanks to Cam Ward for the biggest Toskalol in Max Pacioretty's favour.
- Seriously. I suggested Patches would end the season with nothing but assists when THAT happens. Even Toaster was confused.
- I missed Galchenyuk getting a roughing penalty. I have to see this.
- Speaking of Galchenyuk, stickhandles on a dime.
- I see PK threw his backwards asschecks around. The best kind of checks.
- Pleky tried to decapitate Cam Ward on his goal. The best kind of Czechs.
- Whalercanes were red hot, also riding a 3 game win streak. Well....
- Save of the game goes to Carey Price, from the bench, putting him at 100% on the night as well. And saved Marc Denis' pretty face!

- Bobby Dollas thinks it would have gone through Denis' legs anyway.

- Kirk is Work! But the rest of his team forgot about it.

- I wanted to give Budaj a hug on his first shutout in years. Congrats!

Off to New York. Why do the Rangers always get the Habs at the tail end of a back-to-back? So not fair...

Habs 4, Whalercanes 3 (SO): Win ugly

Weird bounces are weird, but they happen. No clue why that second goal was even allowed considering the Canes knocked the puck down off the net with what is technically a high stick. But hey, crawling back in a game is good for the soul. My heart? Not so much.

Felt like every time the puck was in the Habs defensive zone, Habs would auto-switch into pylons. It was so easy for the Canes to just walk up to the front of the net, either alone or with a friend to flip a pass to.

Let me talk about Lars Eller, though. HE WAS A WINGER ON THE FOURTH FUCKING LINE!!! Yes, let's slam this incredibly talented big CENTER onto the wing with Nokie and Darche. Result: Does not work! But then Eller goes out on the penalty kill, as a center, and with his pure strength and determination causes absolute chaos in the Canes zone, gets rewarded with a goal. And not just any goal. It was an important goal that brought the game within 1. It was a shorthanded goal.

Then Gomez pulled his groin and couldn't play in the 3rd. Sometimes Hockey Gods are dicks. Here? They looked down upon Lars Eller and said "Rise, my son, for you are totally better than this". He really is a completely (and more awesome) player while at center eh? Maybe it's because HE'S A FUCKING CENTER! So there he is, Habs tied the game early in the 3rd. He wins a faceoff in the offensive zone, and immediately battles hard on the boards with the puck for what felt like 30 hockey seconds. Even when he loses a faceoff, he continues to battle hard for the puck. He picks up an assist on Moen's game tying goal. All that good work and what happens? Doesn't even see the ice in overtime.

He ended the game with a goal, an assist, +2, 2 shots on net, a shmidge under 13 minutes of ice time (where, criminally, 22 seconds was on the powerplay)...and was the game's first star.

Put that in your damn notebook, Jacques.

Also put this in your damn notebook: FIX THE POWERPLAY! Another 4-minute powerplay wasted where the Canes had more shorthanded chances to score than the Habs had with the man-advantage.

By the way, Erik Cole kind of sucks when he plays against his old team. C'mon man, you're supposed to be trolling them!

Habs 4, Whalercanes 0: The kids are alright

That's right, JMart. CREDIT your kids on D tonight because they were fantastic. (Of course he danced around the issue. Dude's a waffle). But man Carolina is terrible. How the hell did this team beat the Penguins?

Of course historically we all know that whatever ails the Whalercanes, they usually cure themselves on the Habs. But the Habs were just so damn solid tonight that there was no way this was happening. They got the right game plan, they went for the kill, they kept the Canes to like 5 shots for most of the game and kept pressing for more.

Hey, Canes even had a 4-on-3 turned 5-on-3 to play with, so it's not like they didn't have opportunities.

We got a Gremelin!
- Yup. Emelin's best game since coming over. You could see it building. The more he plays the more awesome he gets. He threw 7 hard hits, blocked 7 shots, a little over 18 minutes of ice time with about 2 and half on the penalty kill. I just love his game. Introduced Tlusty to the new Bell Centre glass early.
- PK Subban scored a goal and jumped into the glass. It's a good day when PK Subban scores a goal and jumps into the glass.
- Young defence? No problem. With Price moving the puck it was a lot easier for the kids to play. Picked up an assist for his effort on the opening goal. Was busiest in the 3rd and a key to shutting down the Canes' powerplay.
- Cam Ward needs help. His team ain't giving it.
- I mean for all of Staal's troubles, he wasn't invisible. Most of the time.
- As much trouble the Whalercanes have been to the Habs, I still kind of really like Tuomo Ruutu. (The only good Ruutu in my books).
- And Ruutu was mercilessly trolled by Erik Cole as he sat in the penalty box.

Cole Troll

- I know everyone shits on Gomez. Even the TSN Panel had a "what to do with Scott Gomez" question. (And no, buying him out is NOT the option). Sure he sucked at faceoffs, and had one crap shift, but I honestly think he played real well tonight. And was there to give some support to Eller, who's designated linemate is now on the IR. Regardless of what the fans say, the young guys really look up to him.
- None can stop the Saskatcheplow!
- Weber actually wiffed on his powerplay goal but hey with the goals Ward was giving up I half expected the Canes to score on their own net all night.
- Also I think RDS is the only channel that pronounces Weber's name properly...
- SteadFreddy's NHL debut! Took two penalties, but the rest of his game was simple and fairly solid for a nervous first game on home ice. He also blocked a shot in the final moments of the game to help preserve Price's shutout. That's why we love him so.

Habs were in 8th spot for a few seconds (then the Devils beat the Sabres). They've been pressing hard this month and deserve everything for working so hard. And the best way to bounce back from the heartbreak and anger yesterday is to not allow another team that's in tough to have their way with you on your home ice. Especially when that team usually breaks out on your home ice.

Now it's time to continue and do the same to the Islanders. I think if they play like this, they'll do just fine.

Habs 4, Whalercanes 3: PUPPIES AND RAINBOWS

And CBC is in mourning. Especially after this ridiculous article. They even got a Hamlet quote! And the "Big Grabovski? Vomit. Only thing big is his ego. I mean they quickly switch to the 5-5 game between the Leafs and Pens mere SECONDS after the guys went to give Auld a big victory hug. There's a good chunk of time left in the 3rd and they're already salivating at the two points the Leafs will get even though they didn't win yet and didn't win in the end anyway (Hi Kovy!).

Makes me ill. Have we all not learned the pattern? Hi, I'm the Leafs! I plan the parade in October, suck balls for most of the season, then win a bunch near the end and cause my delusional fanbase to dream of playoffs that'll most likely never come.

Even when they're not playing something about the Leafs has to be said for no reason other than shoving them further down our throats. This is why most of Canada HATES them.

And we hate the diving Whalercanes just as much:
- While at the Bulldogs game, we glanced at the scoreboard and saw Carolina beating the Penguins. My brother growled that he wished someone would take out EStaal, give him a taste of his own medicine because he's a "diving whiny cheapshot puke" (actual quote!). Well no one took him out but he managed to run into Niskanen and take himself out, so thank my brother for this one. He HATES EStaal very, very much.
- Sopel looking snazzy in a Habs jersey. Probably his best fit since his Blackhawks suit.
- Price in a warm tuque with a towel for a scarf looking mighty green by the bench. I was hoping he'd leave Gargamel a present on his shoe. (Looked even worse when he went out on the ice to congratulate everyone. OK back to bed for you, kid).
- It was "roll up those socks and win" day. Sure Auld isn't Price, but that doesn't prevent them from scoring goals so SCORE.
- And they kill off a 4 minute powerplay to start off the game. It was awesome.
- The goal given up right after, not so much. Auld, please don't play the puck if you're going to do that...
- But Cammy is scoring again! The Number Line of 13-14-15 is surprisingly very effective.
- Rejoice! For Eller finally has a winger! That goal was courtesy of AK46. Signed, sealed, and delivered.
- No matter what happened, RDS' camera was constantly fixed on Jerome Samson. They probably followed him to the airport after the game with a full report and video.
- So like what rock did Cory Stillman crawl out from under?
- Awesome goal by Pleky for his 20th though Cam Ward might want that one back. He's an All Star!
- It took PK getting spun like a top in full grapple mode by Skinner to get a fucking penalty call.
- And of course with the puck totally loose next to Ward they give them a quick whistle right when Gionta buries it. McReally.
- I'm sure they were trying to find a way to call back Andrei's awesome tip right after too.
- Pleky was apparently allergic to empty nets today.
- PK saves the game and Hal Gill desperately flings the puck down the ice to the empty net only to hit the post. Auld was dying of laughter.
- In your grumpy face, Maurice.

Watching hockey with my puppy is the best. He loves watching hockey. Keeps him nice and quiet until he starts barking at the TV 'cause he wants the puck.

Random awesome tweet of the night:
@DaveLozo Hello. My name is Al Montoya. I'm off my angle. Prepare to score.

Habs 7, Whalercanes 2: Picking apart the carcass

Diver.

It's been a while since the Habs had a good old smackdown on a struggling team. And yet despite the score, the Whalercanes were outplaying the home team for the first period and a half.

The last thing you want to do with a team like that is take a bunch of penalties to give them any kind of confidence in themselves, especially after they were recently demolished by the Flyers 8-1 and have their dad's along on the trip watching from the stands. Naturally the Habs took a zillion penalties, but killed them all in the first period and scored 2 goals right after. Divercanes already had 15 shots, which was 5 more than the Habs. Not so in the 2nd as someone forgot to cover the backdoor on Cammy's silly penalty, followed by a hashmark snipe by Kostopoulos (REALLY?!) where I was actually more shocked to see him receiving a pass from Staal over the goal. Perhaps it was a wake-up call? Habs turned it on right after and Captain America sniped the right corner over Cam Ward after a lovely game of hot potato with Plekanec.

Then, came the impossible...

What's more annoying?
Knowing Lapierre scored a spin-o-rama on you where you hesitated and found yourself completely out of position, or the fact your entire team was rendered absolutely lost and confused from the goalie out by Lapierre?

Cam Ward found himself pulled for the 2nd straight game and Peters faced the Habs for the first time in his life. Not a fun night there! He found himself flopped on his back for Pouliot to riffle one top-shelf (with Spacek below the goal line...doule-u tee eff mate). And just to piss off their whiny coach, Habs capped off the night with two more powerplay goals bringing the total to three on the night and SIX in the last three games. Oddly enough they were the exact same goals by Kostitsyn and Darche. Talk about a 2.75 million dollar goal differential you cap friendly sniper you.

I don't want to talk about Markov. I'm too upset to even think about it. I'm even more upset because the knee-on-knee went unpenalized. Superstar rule? Maybe. Or Staal's hilarious Oscar-worthy act to wiggle his arms in the air after kneeing Markov. I do know that if a Hab had even GLANCED a Whalercane by the knee they'd have been TOSSED to protect Gary Bettman's All-Star home team. Hopefully it's just pain from the recent surgery. Hopefully the "medical experts" on RDS who diagnosed Markov immediately after the game without an MRI or even seeing him claiming he'll be gone 3 months are full of crap. Hopefully Markov slaps on a brace to protect the damn thing. Hopefully Markov doesn't retire like Bobby Orr because of this knee, though if such a thing were to happen SOMEONE PLEASE HIRE HIM TO COACH OUR DEFENSEMEN (not like Perry Pearn, I mean in practice and with the farm team to better our prospects). I'm really worried about his knee...

Oh crap I talked about Markov. Now I'm upset again. Hey Carey! Hey PK! Cheer me up?

The Giggling Goalie.

Jekylls 2, Hydes 3 (SO)

Ok, take those two points and run my little Habs. Run far away. Because if you keep playing like that, it will be a short postseason. Or will it? It seems the Canadiens can only win games when they are outshoot and outplayed. (I'm talking more even teams, not games against the Leafs and et cetera).

Things of note:
- Pre-game nod to legendary coaches Scotty Bowman, Dick Irvin Sr, and Toe Blake. Bruce Blake came out in his late-father's team sweater and put on the HAT. There was much rejoicing.
- The Bello-Mullet is back~!
- I don't think I remember a game where the Habs won by scoring un-assisted goals. One beautiful pot-stuffer by Kovy that soared right over Wardo's head as he picked a pocket and waltzed right in. The other was Tanguay on a penalty shot (another hand-on-the-puck thinger). Koivu with the patented 5-hole deke for the win.
- Price played goalie and defensemen and tried to generate offense for the team while catching the 'Canes napping on line-changes. Unfortunately no takers, and an inevitable off-the-glass play soars too high for the officials. Thankfully he's also the top player on the penalty kill. I sure if they'd allow goalies to go that far down the ice, he'd probably be a top forward on the team too. (Wrist shot!)
- I lost count at how many wide open nets were missed despite each player being within a foot from the crease.
- Samsonov came in expecting to be booed. Said it felt like old times.
- The bigger the Staal the harder they fall? When Cube is telling you to stop whining, please, just stop whining.
- Ya, no one knows what the hell happened on that second Carolina goal. Bounced out Price's glove to Markov who proceeded to ignore it while Cullen chopped it back to the net just as Price was getting back up to reposition himself. It was a facepalm.
- Are the ghosts angry or are they just challenging the current lineup? Broken sticks galore! And Hammer blocks a shot and leaves the game with a "leg injury". WE'RE FUCKED!
- Brind'Amour is one ugly dude.
- It takes 30 seconds for Pleky to feel pain. Either that or he burries it for 30 seconds because he's THAT focused and just doesn't want to move out of position.
- Another 30+ shots on goal night for Price, and perfect on the shootout.
- Wardo Voodoo Hex broken! First win (sort of) against the Hurricanes in the Bell Center since...ever.

Bring your pillows: Next, Minnesota Wild. It's Koivu VS Koivu! The Wild have just received their first regulation loss, against the old Minnesota team, and Backstrom was pulled after 3 quickies. Seriously, Steve Fucking Ott scored and Dallas didn't even have Turks in nets. (Which, considering how he's been playing lately, was probably a good idea. Poor Turks...) Guess it was one of those nights eh Nik? You can trade notes with Pricey on "My Team is Trying To Kill Me Early With a 32 SOG Per Game Average". They should get along fine.

PUNK'D! Marty... Devils lost twice to the fucking Flyers, giving them unneeded confidence, and tonight the Devils LOSE again. To the farking LEAFS! Granted it was also a shootout. But final scores like 6-5 do not look good, especially since Toskala was nearly yanked for Cujo. I think I know the problem though. It's Patrick Roy! Brodeur is very close to beating his wins record and he needs 8 more for the equalizer. But like the Habs and Cup Championships after St Pat ran off, as he nears the record, St Pat is threatened and did something to Brodeur! Don't worry, Marty. I'm sure the Thrashers will be pleased to lend a hand and breaking the Curse of St Patrick.

You are not the REAL Tim Thomas! Seriously, 2nd straight shutout? Are the Oilers and Canucks that bad or did Tiny Tim learn a few things in goalie camp this summer? Either that or the Bruins are just offensively challenged and can't score more than 1 goal, shootout or otherwise. What is going on?!