Habs 3, Sabres 2: Bored to win

What a boring, sloppy win. But I'll take it, so long as they don't do this next game versus the Kings because nevermind what your glowing historical record is on them...

- This win was made possible thanks to the fourth line, who was the best line tonight. And a Prusty goal to boot.
- I wish the Habs had drafted Zemgus Girgensons... How can we free him from Fuckalo?
- And Luke Adam.
- Both would be with the Bulldogs tho.
- Someone needs to remove Steve Ott's smelly ass from Price's face.
- Or just remove Steve Ott.
- The schedule appears to have hit these guys. PK and Markov are making sloppy errors, guys are just leaning on their sticks, staring at the puck and not going at it. My favourite is the attempt to clear the zone by waving their magic curve wands at the puck hoping to invoke the power of wind to move it.
- Price masks many of the errors though...
- For the second time this week, Desharnais nearly had his knees blown out by someone pretending not to knee-on-knee hit him.
- How purple did your face turn when Ennis did a spinorama on Markov's knee? He's fine! You can breathe!
- Considering how both Rinaldo and Thornton declared this "Grab A Guy Who Doesn't Want To Fight and Throw Him Down On the Ice and Punch Him in the Face Day" the Sabres were remarkably quiet and somewhat well behaved. Even shitface Ott! (Other than the knee thing with Desharnais).
- I think Nolan just really likes us.
- I had to check but I had no idea Matt Moulson played tonight. How weird is that?
- Of course Ennis scored so we could see his fugly face on screen.
- But it's ok because HAD PLEKS.
- Galchenyuk scored. Apparently he scores every 3 games now.
- Nice to know you can maybe play 5 minutes of hockey and win eh? AND get tied with the Pens as first in the East.

See you at the bar, jerks!

Habs 3, Devilzz 2: Old men bested by young men

HEAAAAAA!

Hell yes. The Devils and their old farts can get their discount trip back to New Jersey for the rematch in thist first of a home-and-home series. Speaking of which, who the fuck thought "A home-and-home series with the Devils is JUST what we need! Let's pick the speedy Habs team to do it too!"

Kill me.

- PK Subban had more saves than Brodeur.
- Carey Price had more saves than Brodeur. Haha Habs were outshot 22-9 by the end of the 2nd. And were up 2-1.
- Obligatory goal by Bernier. Seems to remind himself he's a hockey player when he plays here. Still not enough to warrant that 3rd star though. Wondering if he has family in the media or they've promised him a job later..
- Obligatory goal by Ryder. Because of course.
- Jagr has big feet.
- Bourque LIVES!
- What is with the slide whistle? Did Molson hire a clown to provide musical entertainment?
- Remember folks, Galchenyuk could technically join the USA WJC team. But won't, obviously.

Also this.

- Needed more yakety sax.
- I found video of Desharnais forchecking the Devils with great puck pursuit.

- PK Subban and Carey Price combine like Voltron into Subbrice, Ultimate Goaltender!
- Moen crunched Fayne and it was loud. And crunchy.
- Zidlicky tried to take out Desharnais knees. The refs ignored it.
- This game was so dull even the puck was refusing to join in.
- Pacioretty fist pump celebration, still being reviewed by Toronto.
- Plekanec and Eller went all beast mode preventing Brodeur from going to the bench.
- Regardless of the win, the broadside of the barn is totally safe. (Practice those empty net shots or give it to Price dammit).

Oh my god we have to deal with these fuckers again? At least that takes care of two Devils game.

Habs 3, Lumbus 2 (SO): Obviously

Columbus "scores" two garbage goals in the first, one off Gorges' skate and another that shouldn't have counted due to incidental contact. Galchenyuk scores a gorgeous goal to end the first and Eller bangs home a rebound on the powerplay in the second. Both teams dick around for the rest of the game. PK Subban skates circles around everyone in OT only to have Markov turn the puck over. Galchenyuk make a hilarious fuck up in the shootout. Lumbus sends out some guys I have no idea who. (Sure as hell ain't no Rick Nash anymore). Desharnais does the only thing he's really good at now: scores in the shootout.

TAKE THE POINTS AND RUN.

My eyes are still hurting from squinting with how terrible this game was filmed. Shame on you, Lumbus. Get some real cameras.

Habs 2, Sens 3 (OT): MONSOOOOON

They had the game in the bag despite the usual Tim Peel shitshow. While I didn't think the Zibanenoonepronouncesyournamerightanywayjad's goal was enough to be called kicked in, there was a guy in the crease who interfered too much with Price to get him set back to save his team from an end of period of fail and that's probably where he was hurt. I saw enough of a tug in the wrong direction to think it was a problem, and when he moved on the final save he probably aggravated it.

Don't look now but Gonchar and Karlsson are still going for those two "icing" calls. The rest of the team are all back in the dressing room.

Oh and right now, Bourque, Pleky and Ryder should feel like high holy SHIT for floating around that empty net and even allowing that final sequence happen. Especially now that Price is injured.

And you can't really blame Budaj. The guys in front of him were just standing around. In OT. NOT THE BEST PLAN.

I also have to question once again Therrien's bench management. The only reason that maybe kicked-in goal happened was because he had the wrong people on. Halpern should have been there to backup Desharnais on the faceoff. Instead Gallagher was forced to take it and lost (duh). Also Galchenyuk scores and got benched for it.

Well, it's gonna be FANTASTIC when they end the series here at home. May as well. Now with Prust and Price hurt. They've tried hard enough. These playoffs were gravy after a 15th place finish in a transition year where they somehow managed to fight to first. It'll make them better.

Unless of course Therrien still benches Galchenyuk after he scores and doesn't let PK play the PK next season...

To make myself feel better, I'll laugh at the Canucks. At least we won a fucking game DESPITE the injuries. Last I looked, Canucks are quite healthy, just...mostly invisible.

If you don't like watching the Canucks fail at life, he's a cute photo of Toaster and his new toy to make you happy.

Habs 5, Listless Sabres 1: X marks

Things are looking up.

My day started with the best kind of foreshadowing when Toaster stepped into his own shit. I went to work and discovered they shut down our studio because they have zero idea what the hell they're doing. (Not worried yet, as I have a meeting tomorrow for possible new employment). Then my brother, while dealing with a shit head tailgater and a shit head who wouldn't let him merge over, accidentally bumped a BMW that suddenly stopped. Nothing major, but still annoying. Oh how could this day turn around?

Well, the Islanders beating the Bruins and the Habs beating the Sabres would definitely help. Especially after that deliciously GIANT burger I ate at the Dublin that filled me with beefy rage.

The last thing you want to say in a Buffalo arena is "go for the jugular"...
- But outshooting them 42-15 is indeed going for the throat.
- Plenty of powerplay practice to boot! Sabres got so complacent they couldn't give a shit anymore. Even had Gerbe abuse an official.
- When Ryan Miller gets scored on you can hear his sighs.
- My brother on the booing: Yessss your anguish sustains me.
- First Niagara Center was invaded by a mass of Habs fans. Business as usual.
- Rene Bourque is definitely back. When you see his line doing a 3 man attack, check your pants. Or your net.
- Galchenyuk is blazing.
- The only worry I had in this game was when some moron (Ott, Kaleta) would attempt to injure one of our guys. Prust punched Kaleta down. Bouillon took care of Ott.
- And THAT'S the Frankie Bou I know. Where was that guy?
- It's easy to forget that Gallagher is camping around your net.
- PK puts two more notches on his Norris tally.
- The first shorthanded goal they allow this year and it has to be to the Sabres...
- Only one player I'd rescue from Buffalo, and that's Luke Adam. He just looks confused to be there right now.
- Desharnais and Gallagher screening Enroth. They're all pretty much the same height.
- Thinking Steve Ott wondered if Halpern tasted of fried chicken and doughnuts. That or what 900 games tastes like.
- Seriously. Just burn that visor. We have no clue where that tongue's been...
- Happy smiling coaches on the bench!

Habs get an X and retake their top spot at #2.

Tastes...like victory.

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Habs 2, Bruins 1: Got the slow moves like Jagr

You know you're in Montreal when, you're eating at the local Indian restaurant, enjoying some mild (spicy) Indian food when the waiters interrupt the Bollywood on the TVs for the hockey game.

My dad orders way too much food.
- He also HATES spicy food, yet...didn't order mild.
- But this time my brother finally paid for me!
- BOORUINS!
- What's that they say about if you're going to run around, you better be ready to stand up for yourself instead of running away like a twat hoping your big buddy will take care of it?
- Meanwhile, Krejci: asshole.
- Galchenyuk stuggling you say? Do go on.
- Emelin's fall bent his knee the wrong way, otherwise that hit on Lucic wouldn't have been so bad. Get well soon, Cage Face
- Bruins offense? Jagr's foot must have fallen asleep.
- Please, extra cross check to the head all night, Lucic. Clod needs to yell at the refs more.
- So is Ryder haunting you yet?
- The tipping the puck by smacking it down to the ice and bouncing it technique. I'd take Ryder back JUST for that.
- PK with 2 more assists. NHL still not recognizes him for Norris.
- Price spins in his crease, still gets square.
- DD is gonna kill me with the turnovers...
- Eller/Galchy/Prust BFFs for life.
- Eller with the quote of the year: "I must be really strong to take Chara down. Are we gonna say the E-word?" I love you.
- Unfortunately that was a penalty, for holding, as he did grab the jersey. But hey, 6-on-4 and no shots so it's cool. Bruins blamed the ice afterwards. Apparently it's slippery. Who knew?
- Tim Peel did not fuck up this game for once.

NHL have graced us with "Top of the Heap" headline. Heap of what? Shit?

Ryder haunting~

Habs 4, Jets 1: Newfoundland!

Great glorious Newfoundland! Thank you for Michael Ryder. Sure he'd be the last person I'd put in a shootout, despite being a sniper. And if you're counting on him to play some defence you'll be very disappointed. And no one's asking him to skate like the wind. But he's done everything else right eh?

He's so awesome he even threw a first star puck down the corridor into a bucket.

Bounce back
- We knew Budaj was taking today's game 'cause his family is in town. Some people missed that memo.
- Apparently his mom didn't want to watch live in the Bell Centre. I can understand how nervous she might be watching him play.
- Is it me or are the Habs sucking on purpose in their first game of a back-to-back just to play well in the 2nd game.
- Point all you want to the open man, Drewiske. No one is listening.
- Remember when Habs fired Perry Pearn, and all we heard was how his teams never missed the playoffs and his powerplay/penalty kill plans are fantastic?
- Galchenyuk did his best Malkin. All he didn't do was score but oh my god that sweet little move was gorgeous.
- Lars Eller will really miss the Jets once they move to the West. And I still qualify that goal his, not Gionta's inner thigh.
- Lars Eller was extra beastly on the penalty kill.
- PK broke a piece off the scoreboard. Now that's impressive!
- Don't look now but Blake Wheeler just went offside again.
- Someone give Dustin Byfuglien a poke. I'm not sure if he's awake or not.
- Go ahead, Jets. Trade Burmistrov. Enjoy future years of regret.
- Galchenyuk scored a goal after taking 3 laps around the Jets' zone.
- Evander Kane needs a cup of camomile. You're a hockey player. If a defensive shove is all you need to flip out, you might want to change professions.
- And good on you ripping Emelin's helmet off to fling it at him, missing, while you fight a non-fighter with your visor firmly on your face. Enjoy your 10 minute misconduct.
- And I won't hold my breath on a suspension. Maybe a fine. Maybe nothing.
- PK's point sheet reads 10-20-30. So tidy!

The Southeast is so weak that with this loss (their 5th in a row!), the terrible Washington Capitals are currently in 3rd. We can officially call them the Winnipeg Threshers.

Habs 3, Rangers 0: Are you not entertained?

Is this not why you are here?

Awww Torts. You mad, bro? Or just upset your "supposed to win the Stanley Cup" team has the collective shooting accuracy of Chris Higgins?

And let's not kid here. The Rangers had the first period. They were pretty much in control, taking turnovers, blocking the Habs from coming up the ice at all to the point the Habs had 1 shot on net for most of the period. I mean Cube gave the Komisarek Special (saved by Price). Then I come back from walking Toaster, and it's 1-0 Habs. From there, looks like his team (save a few players of the lower-6 variety) packed up and played out the rest of the game with what looked like a "better luck next time" mentality.

Oh and he benched Marian Gaborik. Gold star, Torts. No goals for you!

Maybe Torts should ask new Als coach Dan Hawkins for advice.
- By the way, play Biron, play Lundqvist. Either way, Rangers kryptonite is the Bell Centre.
- I'm so happy Lars Eller has LINEMATES. Cole and Galchenyuk have given him something he didn't have since Andrei Kostitsyn was taken away.
- Sorry, if you think Pacioretty's hit on McDonagh is suspension worthy you're off your rocker. No, he didn't leave his feet. The blood was from McDonagh's visor. And what the fuck McDonagh DON'T TURN YOUR FUCKING BACK AFTER MAKING EYE CONTACT.
- Also Akim Aliu just did the same hit, but actually FLEW into Stoner in this Flames/Wild game and didn't even get a penalty (even though it should have been charging). Probably because Stoner is a big man who didn't turn stupidly.
- That said, Patches is a Hab. Shanabingban will probably bow to the Rangers and suspend him. (Even though the fucking Luke Schenn hit on Gallagher was way worse).
- Lucky for Luke Schenn, Gallagher was back. That first shot on net was thanks to his hard work.
- Carey Price finally knows what it's like to play for the Blues with the easiest shutout of his life.
- I prefer that second unit powerplay, thanks.
- Bronze that passing play. Keep the tapes for future references. Non-stop passes. Galchy, PK, Cube (?), Eller, with Cole standing around in the front. GOAL.
- Apparently Cole claims to get him going, he needs to be abused on the ice. Crosscheck him. Slap him around. Hit him into the boards. He wants it.
- Guess it worked. I don't remember him getting hit though.
- Galchenyuk has the ability to make something really good out of absolutely nothing.
- Lars Eller enjoys pissing off Torts.
- Torts should be happy. With a 5-on-3 at the end of the game, the Habs put out Ryan White, Colby "WHATPUCKWHERE" Armstrong and Travis Moen. And they almost scored.
- And with the game all but over, Girardi blocks a PK rocket right on the ankle. High probability that's broken.
- Guess we really know who's the worst of the two teams.

Weird factoid of the night: My Star Wars shirt is on a winning streak. Seriously.

May the Force be with you.

Habs 3, Rangers 1: No puck for you

I guess the Habs are a good team. I mean for one, they didn't shit the bed like they normally do at MSG on the tail end of a back-to-back game.

Naturally you could just watch the game on fast-forward for the best effect. I don't have that fancy PVR stuff so I get to watch it in real-time. Sure, it was no classic. But it was a win, with two points, while the Leaf lost, and the Habs are--as of now--first in the conference.

Call it a boring road game. A neutral clogger. Call it "bad" all you want. The game actually got Torts to construct a full sentence in his post-game press conference so it couldn't have been THAT terrible.

I can honestly say I find the Rangers kind of boring. All they do is shot block you to death... It's like Jacques Martin hockey with a team you know could actually pot a few goals but won't 'cause their coach told them to shot block forever. Besides, I thought they were supposed to win the Stanley Cup.

Sometimes you have to win boring.
- Hey! Third game in a row Habs were the better faceoff team. Clearly the Russian meteor had an effect world-wide.
- I mean CLEARLY the Habs waited for their chances and gave little to the Rangers, which is why the Habs got only 17 shots while they gave up 25.
- Because clearly the Rangers didn't take advantage of Cole and DD shitting the bed after a delayed penalty where everyone but Price stopped playing.
- I guess it's ok that Cole and DD made up for the shits by helping create Pacioretty's first real goal of the year. And I could hear the Official Pacioretty Cheering section under the empty din of MSG.
- WHO LIKES ICING?
- I prefer my icing on cupcakes.
- Yesterday, Pleky got Cam Ward in the head. Tonight PK rocketed Lundqvist.
- Later, Pleky and PK combined into a goalie.
- Galchellerusty combined for the best 3-on-1 practice drill. Galchy get the goal and Eller asploded into a giant ball of laughter.
- Combined with trademark Torts facepalm.
- The Rangers were losing. Cue Rangers powerplay. Thankfully their powerplay was still worse than ours.
- Diaz decided to show us that Swiss military training with his Swiss precision on the long shot empty netter.

Random picture of Diaz and a mutant pineapple.

Wondering what tonight's media excuse will be... The refs were a non-factor. The Rangers showed up. The road-weary Habs walked in and grabbed two points off their potato field-like ice. Price proved all those bad games at MSG were either pre-renovations or just the general HABS FUCKING SUCKED EVERY BACK-TO-BACK THERE. Either way, it may just be for tonight but the Habs are first in the East.

Stick it on the fridge.

Habs 1, Panthers 0: We need more Galchenyuks

How does one make a dull game that looked more like a day at the practice rink and turn it into a win? Take one 0-0 tie to overtime, add one Alex Galchenyuk, put a little bit of muscle as he powers his way to the net, send a pass over to the slot, hope it bounces off a flailing Shawn Matthias, and as the chaos unfolds watch Rene Bourque baseball swing the puck over Jose Theodore.

And that's about it, because nothing else really happened all game. In fact, I spent most of my time wondering what back breaking stupid shot by Filip Kuba will bobble it's way off 50 possible candidates and into the net to end it. A couple of saves on both sides, and a lot of flash from PK, but other than that, a barnbummer. In fact, Canadiens Express can just play the OT and be done with it.

Florida sweep! Oh and Habs traded Ced for Tokarski. Our small goaltending pool just got extra adorable. And punchy.

Habs 4, Sabres 5 (SO): I got a few things to say

I'm sorry. I can't even be angry with Ryan White.

Oh yes I've heard the "Ott is a master prick and did his job, White should have controlled himself better". All game long Ott was going after Gallagher, after Markov, after Gionta...kind of like that game in Dallas when he went after Kovy and Koivu and Greg Stewart punched him in the face. Only in that game, Price was the goalie and the penalty killers did their job.

Which brings me to this point: Maybe your penalty kill unit should have a guy named PK Subban on it? I don't know why he magically disappeared from the kill tonight. Having PK out there killing penalties for basically 46 seconds does not help your cause, especially in a back-to-back game. And yea Diaz had a good game. But seeing him channel his inner Hal Gill on a 5-on-3, while heroic, is not something you want to see regularly. Guess who was out there killing White's penalty? NOT PK.

It would also help if Budaj knew what a goal line stand was... Or how to close his giant 5-hole. Or use his glove to freeze the puck instead of allowing the puck to fly off him wildly in random directions.

So go ahead. Blame Ryan White for doing what all you fans were crying about, how no one ever stands up when douchnozzles take liberties on our players. Go ahead and ignore the fact that every time the Habs scored, DD's line was put out there and totally zonked out allowing the Sabres to score one right back. Go ahead and ignore the wet noodle attempt to kill the clock with the empty net staring in their face. Because you do not put your faith on Tim Peel to call Steve Ott for pitchforking Budaj into the net to allow Vanek to score. Because Tim Peel is a big twat.

Also would it kill you to win a faceoff? This team's most glaring wart. The other wart being how bad Desharnais and Cole have been. Pacioretty is starting to catch the suck bug.

In the future, Habs should send Galchenyuk out for all three attempts in the shootout. Just switch the jersey every time. My how big you've suddenly grown, Gionta!

Speaking of Gionta, he took a really stupid random penalty in the middle of the 2nd period that I can only describe by this photo....

Meow, bitches!

NUMBER THREE

Thank you, Edmonton. Thank you, Columbus. I white knuckled those first two picks, desperately hoping you wouldn't take him. Edmonton goes with Yakupov. Columbus takes Murray. HARK the angels sing, I GOT MY GALCHENYUK!

Bonus: His number his totally available. Get ready to re-customize those Tom Pyatt jerseys. What?

Brian Gionta and Brendan Gallagher can be his Yakupov. Also he can easily go to the wing if needed. Basically, he's got the net drive of Erik Cole so we've checked off the "clone Erik Cole" box. Add in a bit of Pacioretty and voila!

Stop saying he's Russian please. His father is BELARUSIAN. You know. Like Gretzky.

Meanwhile...Malcolm Subban is a fucking Bruin. Jay Feaster is still a fucking moron. Stefan MATTEAU!MATTEAU!MATTEAU! is a Devil. Trololololol...

I'm so sorry, Malcolm...