Habs 3, Flyers 5: Outeverything

Is there really that much to talk about?

Sure why not. Everyone not named Carey Price, stay here while I slap you. We have some rules when facing the Flyers...

Rule 1.
NEVER. EVER. EVER. ENGAGE WILLFULLY IN A FIGHT. Especially you, Moen. You could barely skate to reach a puck, you think you can take Wayne Simmonds? LOLS! For one I can't wait to hear the endless "Flyers took the momentum after those two fights" instead of "Habs stopped skating and deflected pucks into their own net giving the other team life".

Rule 2.
It's Bryzgalov. SHOOT THE FUCKING PUCK. Exhibit A: Desharnais' shot he ducked out on. Once that went in, Habs decided--on the rare occurrence they managed to get over the blue line--to do the fancy cute drop passes instead of stepping on the throats of a down and out team that just lost their momentum after that putrid goal.

Rule 3.
Well you were pretty good on the penalty kill but holy shit fuckballs STOP IT.

Rule 4.
When the Flyers outwork you for what should be an icing (Bouillon) don't back up, don't stand around, pressure the puck, HIT SOMEONE, and never ever EVER stand in front of your goalie facing the wrong way with your ass in the air. Hell if you're not blocking the shot, get the fuck off the ice. And yes, I'm still fucking pissed Bergevin rushed to sign Bouillon up for next season, who's been useless and outplayed by every random rookie and now newcomer Davis Drewiske. He'd be the next Press Box Man if he weren't Therrien's boy...

We leave this game in shame. Yes, shaaaaaaame. I can take loses. I cannot stand games like this where they just stand around and don't even help Price out much. In fact they hindered him because 3 goals went bouncing off skates and one went off the backboards to the backdoor guy no one picked up while he was screened and couldn't get over fast enough. The only reason this wasn't a blow out like that Pens-Rangers game is because we have him instead of Fleury... I'm told Switzerland's Women's team had more shots in the last two periods of their game against Canada, and they lost 13-0! One whole shot in the 3rd. When you throw 4 shots in the 2nd and TWO are goals, you think that would inspire you to fire on all cylinders? And you gave up the empty netter. And to cap off this shit, we lost Pleky to a day-to-day groin injury. And then Patches went down late in the 3rd to an ankle injury.


Just hope that sweater Bryzgalov knitted in the 3rd period is actually nice.

Habs 1, Flyers 4: Say cheeeese

I wasn't expecting much with this one since they basically poured their hearts and souls out last night. At the very least they didn't back down. Also it took such favourable conditions for Bryzgalov to get like his first win ever against the Habs.

However it was kind of funny that it took 3 powerplay goals to basically get the win... I am thankful the magical spearing midget didn't get a hat trick.

Shame though. Pleky was a beast tonight. And it really just wasn't fair to Budaj...

Here's a picture of Ziggy with his Habs sweater! Toaster will get one once he's big enough. (Nothing fits him).

Habs 2, Flyers 5: Resistance is futile

So is shooting yourself in the foot.

Stop me if you've heard this one before: Habs look to be patiently setting themselves up to at least have a fighting chance only to take 3 consecutive penalties and put themselves behind the 8-ball early. And it ain't goaltending either. You can thank the weak effort to protect or clear the crease for tonight's ills. Even Hal Gill was uncharacteristically soft. Hamr? He's always soft.

Wiz should spend the next week purging his inner-Komisarek. Turnover city. The ghost of blindly clearing up the slot. Lucky for him Price is a nice guy and made the saves. Too bad the best D on the evening were back home rehabbing their knees.

It's annoying to see nothing good really come out of this game. The top lines looked like they just wanted to go on break healthy and the D looked like they didn't want to strain themselves. The kids seemed the only interested parties. OK I'm being facetious. But the same old refrain... Like, without Price this would have been 11-0 before Desharnais (or Eller) scored to make it respectable. By the way, no one really saw his incredible stick save behind those pylons until way later when RDS decided to slow-mo something that wasn't Briere or Giroux. Like the only line that seemed capable to do anything were the 3rd/4th lines, giving us the only 2 goals. They did valiantly attempt to claw back in the 3rd, however, with Price squeezing in by Auld on the bench for an extra attacker, the wrong and weakest line of the night was out. Seriously, this team has no idea what to do with an empty net behind them and finally gave up a goal to the magical spearing midget Briere.

I don't know what to make of it now. I know the Habs will have plenty to stew on as they rest their weary bones and Price goes to play with the All-Stars. However, I have one request for Gauthier: Hamr, honorable man he is, needs to go. Find him a team with young kids, get a pick or whatever back, and call up someone with younger legs or at least someone that can turn around. He's not helping...

Gotta give major props to Pacioretty though. When Hartnell sent Desharnais into the boards with a dirty hit, he was the first one to stand up to his little buddy, bad ribs and all. Also to Ryan White, who was itching for a fight (chicken dance and all) but the refs kept stopping him so he just turned his attention to pissing off Mike Richards.

Thumbs down to Peter Laviolette. Up 4-1 and you still have that shithead Carcillo on the ice? Result: 10 minute misconduct for major unsportsmanlike fouls. Seriously, why does this tool waste a roster space?

Habs 3, Flyers 5: Life on Mars

Because that sucked, here's a cup of bunnies

So apparently I was hit by a car and found myself in 1973 because all I heard this morning was how PK Subban should drop the gloves on the opening faceoff and challenge Mike Richards. I thought we got over this Richards-Subban crap last month? Are we going to hear it every time now?

Tonight's game was a comedy of errors. We thought when Subban sent Carcillo onto his ass at the RIGHT opportunity from puckdrop (without taking a penalty, without interference, and without a dirty hit) that something special would happen. Carcillo wanted to fight but one of his coaches grabbed him off the ice to tell him to stop. The Habs had control, but no finish. Light fluffy shots at The Bob for the most part, or clear view on shots that were hard. Looked like McMoustache was having one of his nights were a Flyer would have had to take a gun out and SHOOT a Hab for them to get a powerplay and even that was iffy. The puck over the glass was fairly automatic except for people named Pronger.
Period one ending.
PK with a turnover on a clearing pass.
One lazy stride by Gomez as Carter strolled by him.
Picard in another dimension with Carter waltzing by him.
Deke.
Score. 0-1 Philly.
May as well have fucking hooked him and taken the goddamn penalty instead of looking like you misplaced your drool cup.

The comedy continues as the Habs apply more pressure only this time they either hit post or miss by 500-feet. I've never seen a team so inept at the simple things, like aiming. Pacioretty discovers the "joys" of playing with Gomez who seems to have re-cursed Gionta. The kid is impressive, the kid is good, he threw his weight around but couldn't get enough stick on the puck through a sea of Flyers. Then comes his alter-ego: Benoit Pouliot.
Pouliot has the puck.
Inexplicably falls on his ass despite not being touched by anyone.
Puck goes the other way.
Hal Gill deflects the puck into the net, 0-2 for the Flyers.
We start wondering if 24/7 has their camera crew lurking in the shadows for whatever reason.

Almost makes it 0-3 as Moen takes the puck away and stickhandles in the slot to Hartnell. Wrong team. Carey Price is bailing them out as best as he can...though the opposite of The Bob, who was probably playing his best game ever.

PK Subban appears to have had enough. He cradles the puck on his stick and goes coast-to-coast, gets tripped, no call of course, makes a pass. Finally Pronger jobs Gionta and then Coburn punches Darche in the face. Cammalleri disrespects Richards by taking the puck away from him, tic tac toe. PK Subban was definitely working on his one-timers from the LEFT point and it's 1-2.

Ridiculous as it sounds, Habs forgot they were on the powerplay still as Gomez ignores the puck PK left for him right next to Price's net and almost allows a Flyer to take it if PK had not come back to get the jump on him.

A lot more of the same happens in the 3rd. The Wonder Twins have a tough time in their own zone but oddly enough get bailed out one way or another. And maybe I should just copy and paste this because it happened way too often.
Hal Gill passed out while skating backwards instead of poking at Zherdev the same way Picard found himself on another planet with Carter.
Wrap around and a lucky bounce. 1-3 for Team Douchebags.

Strange thing though, Habs don't stop even though they looked like they stopped skating before Zherdev's goal. It's Martin's stupid system that forces them to watch and wait instead of pounce and trounce. SuperPleky makes it 2-3 by poking in a lose puck and Gio ties it up on a gift from The Bob's five-hole where he didn't break his stick.
There's 10 minutes left.
Pouliot is on one of his "good" shifts.
Pouliot, in front of the ref and the Flyer net, is whacked hard in the face with a Flyer's stick.
No call.
Puck goes the other way.
Spacek tries to clear it but passes it to a wide open Flyer streaking in and Pleky has to snap his stick to save the day.
God bless Tomas Plekanec.
And may Spacek take a night or two in the pressbox as he caused the penalty in the first place.
Moen takes the team on a 3-on-2 shorthanded but really, it's Travis Moen with Jaro Spacek and Lars Eller and all 3 get caught deep.
Flyers rush back the other way 2-on-1, Price makes 2 point blank saves and another slips through his pad. Moen makes it back, Eller manages to follow.
Puck sits there in the slot and Hamr swats it blindly away onto the stick of Rip van Winkle who sneaks up behind Eller facing the wrong way. Easy goal makes it 3-4.

Another missed penalty as Richards trips Gomez behind Price's net. The evidence is on the ice, the Habs go insane with 500 turnovers and stand around forgetting Clod Giroux has a tête-a-tête with Price and his entire net. They did a fucking jig together for at least a minute, and he scores 3-5.

For once, just ONCE, I'd like to see Jacques Martin open his sad muttering mouth and RIP the officials a new one because shit like that is BUSH LEAGUE. How does Lindy Ruff get it done? They pull Price for one last hurrah. Kostitsyn misses a perfect backdoor set up while on the fucking doorstep. Briere tries for the empty net but PK muscles him down.

Should have just punched him like they did in 1973.

- First 3-game losing streak of the season
- Habs can't score more than 3 goals. It's against the System.
- The streak of not giving up more than 3 in regulation (not counting empty netters) has snapped officially.
- Bruins lost too, and someone forgot to tell the Habs that 1 or 2 points would have been fanfuckingtastic.
- Lars Eller was probably pissed off at that Rip Van Winkle goal, and that this pukefest was his father's first foray into NHL hockey.
- Tomorrow is a fight for 2nd/3rd or a dip between 5th/6th/7th/8th in the East. (Depending on how they break up the tie of 38 points).
- I've been suspect of all NHL officials ever since the e-mail fiasco was quietly swept under the rug. Consequently who is in town tomorrow but Greg Campbell.
- We take solace in the fact that Pronger was gone in the 3rd with a lower-body injury. Hopefully he tripped on his douchebag.

Habs 2, Flyers 3: In the spirit of brotherly love...

We, the Habs, come bearing gifts in the name of peace and pretzels. As a sign of good faith we present the following:

- Two easy goals to make you weary enough to mistrust your goalie so much you'll actually clog up the net later to give him a friendly hand.
- Decide to only play 20 minutes then give the rest to Carey. Hey he's a big kid, he can take it.
- What's that? You only managed 20-billion shots in the second period? So sorry! Next time you'll get 30-billion.
- And please sir, step right up to my goalie so he can make the highlights in amazing fashion.
- He'll even take one off the chin and face for you.
- We won't even bother you when you want to really score. It's only a mater of time before he gives up 1 or 3 (but no more than that).
- Hey we won't even try to stop you if you want to score on the empty net! Oh, well, Price might have something to say about that. (Next time we'll tell him to jump over the puck and just head for the bench, we swear).
- Graciously distracted Cammalleri with Angry Birds. It's addictive and totally numbed his thumbs so now he can't shoot straight.
- Hamr and Spacek were busy practicing their Synchronized Staring. They plan to take the world championship.
- That evil offside faceoff dot will be programmed to jump Benoit Pouliot every time he nears it to graciously turn over the puck for you.
- Faceoff wins? We don't need no stinkin' faceoff wins!
- We promise next time Briere wants to spear Eller in the groin he won't get angry about it. (Though you may have to talk to his wife later).
- And finally since we felt we were a little harsh on Brian Boucher, we promise to continue shooting weak long shots either right in his gut or to continue missing the net completely. It's all about confidence building.

Round 3 Game 1: An orange slap across the face

I wonder if this is how Muller and Martin sit down to decide on the lineup. Make the argument about sticking in Ryan "Rhino" O'Byrne so that we might have a big, hitting defenceman who could maybe toss guys out of our crease without having to worry about 50 stitches in his leg, or the merits of a gritty Sergei Kostitsyn who just wants to be believed in and not benched when he makes one little mistake only to watch Pouliot continue to coast and Bergeron continue to fail.

I could probably say the same argument about a goalie that is, like Leighton, 6'3" and can see around some of the net crashing bodies, but I digress. It doesn't matter anyway since no one scored, but hey people have blamed him for games they were shutout in. It would help if the players in front would not be pylons. And if Gomez would not take stupid penalties.

But seriously guys? You got outskated by a dude with a BROKEN FOOT!

If Adrian Monk were involed in this game, he'd use up a whole box of hand sanitizer wipes.

Round 3 Game 2: When Alex Henry scores, the world gets confused.
Actually Henry is a guy the Habs could use. Big, mean, eager to punch you. Bulldogs take a 2-0 series lead over the Stars, beating them 3-1 this afternoon. Trotter had two assists. Russell scored on the powerplay! And Glumac finished it off. Also the Bulldogs didn't allow a powerplay goal and covered Jamie Benn so well that some ex-Flames dude had to flip the puck off Sanford to score.

Top 10 ways Habs can win Round 3

10. Jaro learns the sacred secret art of giving wedgies so when Scott Hartnell decides to park his large, nasty frame in his face he'll at least remain rather uncomfortable.

9. While O'Byrne is sleeping, sneak into his room and play tapes that repeat "I hate orange. It's a colour that releases my deepest rage. Anything orange must be destroyed." Guaranteed to see some results. Just keep him away from the Orange Julep...

8. Give Plekanec some boxing lessons. It's a given Carcillo will try to disrupt him. What a shock it would be if Plekanec actually bops him one square on the nose.

7. Let Cammy bring his lightsaber.

6. Whenever Gionta and Gomez are out there against Pronger, Flight of the Bumblebee must play for added effect.

5. Lapierre must actively, and loudly, ask what kind of sauce they prefer their Nodl with.

4. Subban will learn to blind approaching Flyers with a radiant and glorious smile. That smile could very well destroy all forces of evil.

3. As the Flyers head for their 10th goalie, remind them what they could have had. "You want it? TOO BAD, BITCHES!"

2. Keep blaming Coburn.

1. Take it to Game 7, then epically destroy the Flyers. That's how you do it, Boston. That's how we roll.

Who's the failiest of them all?

Oh look, photo evidence of the Flyer's defence being troglodytes.

Seriously?

Are you fucking kidding me?

That game was a game to see who could out fail the other, and frankly they tied.

If that were anyone but the slumping grumpy Flyers, it would have been ugly. And I see why the Flyers have problems... They appear to spend more time waving their sticks in the air or looking to bowl/punch someone over actually playing hockey, and when they do, it ends in failure.

Kind of like sending Arron Asham cherry picking for breakaways. That's the equivalent of sending Mathieu Darche out in the shootout.

I didn't even know Mike Richards was playing until the mid-3rd. Must be the gold medal weighing him down.

As for the Habs, they're not fooling anyone if they think they can continue to get away with this. Even Toronto would have out-scored them tonight.

And for the love of god keep Bergeron and Hamr away from each other. At least Hamr didn't put the puck in his own net this time.

The fog of Whistler mountain has reached the Bell Center

Well that was shit.

After the emotional 3rd period last night, Coach Martini thinks he's a genius by putting in Jaro ignoring the burning anger of Carey Price and any momentum he might have had, by starting a line of Gionta-Desharnais-Darche, and incidentally forcing Rhino to fight Laperriere since he was the only one with size there. Well that's what you get. Too much chocolate milk for Jaro. Only Gomez and Gionta capable of doing anything offensively. Subban and Gorges seemingly the only capable defensemen.

Bad night for Hamr and Spacek, even if Spacek ran over Hartnell for bumping Price later.

And we're back to not being able to score unless it's a powerplay.

The penalty shot was bullshit too. Did they change the rules or something? Not only did Briererererere get a good shot on net as he was hauled down, but his teammate shot a rebound on net (Price save both). The ref had his arm up like it was a delayed penalty and play only stopped after the second save with everyone in Price's net. Way to bend the rules, new NHL. I don't like the ref having the ability to decide if a guy should have one or not even if he already shot the puck.

Sad that Subban's parents had to witness their son's home debut in that suckfest. At least they got to see their boy shine, completely own Pronger who tried to hit him, earn another assist, and hear the Habs faithful chant his name.

I welcome the Olympic break because I think this team needs it bad. Just don't get fat, guys. And don't get injured, Pleky!

Thanksgiving Monday, or How I Wish Someone Would Shove Their Stick Up Steve Downie's Arsehole

Here's my self-made Flyers shirt

Ok so maybe that wasn't very nice of me to say but fuck it. It's no secret I hate the Flyers and what they have brought to hockey since spawning from hell in 1967 and intimidating their way to a few Cups. It's no secret I think Bobby Fucking Clarke is a toothless douchebag who should have been banned for life for just breathing and not allowed near the NHL in any shape or form. It's no secret I think Steve Fucking Downie is a basketcase two steps shy of murdering someone on the ice. (Sergei! Your patented hip-checks are beautiful). And don't give me his sob story. He's a psycho, on skates, wielding a stick.

When you look at the history of this club, from the maniacs tending the net to a record of suspensions from all corners of the ice, you gotta wonder how long this club will go on before some dies by their hands. In Dryden's book, he takes a look at what the Flyers have done. Like myself, he believes they destroyed hockey. Sure the Bruins were "big and bad" but they paled in comparison to the Flyers, who's mantra appears to be based on how many crackheads they can draft by how many penalty minutes they've got in relation to how many goals they've scored.

So sitting for my morning coffee, I picked up the Sports section and took a gander at the pre-game article where actual players will face the goons at the "Bankrupt Bank Centre" tonight at 7. My only consolation is that half their D is awaiting surgery already, Biron was pulled from their home opener with a 15.00 GAA, Downie's got sore knees and Hatcher the Skating Gorilla is sideline indefinitely. Maybe there is a god?

Ok, I do like Niittymaki. I think he was robbed that starter position from Biiiiiirooooon. Even though he's still recovering from surgery, I'm hoping he'll be in nets tonight instead of that Nords-loving chirper (you are not Ron Hextall, Biron). Still, some things don't sit right.

Flyers coach John Stevens says Downie will be in the lineup and that the Habs can expect a physical game. Translation: I can't coach these idiots to play well enough so they'll come in elbows-first, as usual.

Captain K, meanwhile, is paging Serge Savard by saying he hopes the momentum of whipping the Leafs and last years playoff loss will fuel his team's confidence. Translation: Let us show you how it's done.

"This is not only a victory for the Canadiens; it is a victory for hockey. I hope that this era of intimidation and violence that is hurting our national sport is coming to an end. Young people have seen that a team can play electrifying, fascinating hockey while still behaving like gentlemen." - Serge Savard

Sorry, Serge. It's 2008 and we're still seeing it.

The Flyers are pissed from their home opener loss, the Habs are stoked from crushing Toronto's hopes of an 82-win season. All I want is a win, boys. And please, no one gets hurt...