Habs looking to corner that "crazy last name" market

KLUBERTANZ!

Hey Don Cherry, I dare you to pronounce his last name. I wonder what he would come up with... Clubbertank?

So while most of us are still drowning in our sorrows over the fate of the Habs, and now the fate of the Bulldogs (OMG that hurt and I'm so upset I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT *sob*), Mr. Gauthier was actually doing some work and signed Kyle Klubertanz, another 24-year-old offensive defenseman project for the year. He'll probably go to Hamilton. Hey, he did manage to get 12 goals and 19 assists in the Swedish Elite League last year (if you don't know, it's not easy to score in that league). Wonder why a 3rd round pick of the Ducks ran off to Sweden to play for two years... After falling off the depth chart, maybe he didn't want to wear a pig on his jersey in Iowa or get tossed on some random team that might not need him only to bury him in the ECHL or some other random lower tier league (like poor Pogge).

He was also a Badger for four years!

He also has a lot of penalty minutes... Hmm...

Hockey's Future has him listed as a fiesty, smooth-skating blueliner with great puckmoving skills and a chip on his shoulder.

Clubbertank it is.

Survival Playoffs 2010: The Montreal Canadiens

What if Jaroslav Halak could play the puck properly?

For one, it would alleviate the stress on the D instead of having to come back deep every time (not that they're capable of accepting a pass from Price, mind). But when it mattered the most, hesitating to come out and fanning on it then colliding into Hamr and helplessly watching Mike Richards basically will it into a cold and lonely empty net... What if.

What if Jacques Martin weren't a stubborn old goat?

Sergei Kostitsyn would be brimming with confidence as he blasts accurate one-timers from the point on the powerplay. But you never knew that eh Coach? Funny how everyone else, including a rookie AHL coach, did. And as the powerplay went 1-for-a-zillion, and Bergeron was completely and utterly useless/overused, well... What if.

What if our team weren't so short? Last I looked Briere, Giroux, and Richards weren't over 6ft either.

There could be hundreds of "what ifs". What if this great run didn't come to such a smack in the face end? Of course there's plenty of talk of pride in how this team went through the playoffs. Never discount the pride, ever. But for a team like this, the opportunity was there for the taking. A team like this can only depend on belief, hard work, and what people call a convenient convergence of events. The perfect formula. Together with one goal in mind: the Cup. It's the reason why Mike Cammalleri never jumps into the glass whenever he scores. A subtle simple fist pump will suffice until he finds himself raising Lord Stanley over his head. While Mike Richards ran off like the goblin theif with the Prince of Wales, happier than a kid in a candy store, I think Cammy would make like Jonathan Toews and the epic look-away from the Clarence S, almost as if it would turn him to stone. (Hey I'd be happy to hold one of those myself, but some athletes are a strange animal). For Scott Gomez, any season which ends without a Stanley Cup is a bad season.

What if everyone had the spirit and determination of Brian Gionta?

The biggest bummer now? There won't be much on TV.

Is it October yet?

Round 3 Game 5: The end

This is all I'm going to say for tonight.

Group hug.

They tried. They really tried. In the end, they couldn't do it on the backs of Gomez and Gio alone.

Here's to next season and hopefully a non-idiocy filled summer. May Pierre Gauthier not screw this team up.

Go Habs.

Go Bulldogs.

Survival Playoffs 2010: The San Jose Sharks

As it remained 2-0 for the Sharks in Game 4, a nervous Blackhawks crowd clutched their brooms nervously watching their team get outshot, outworked, and outplayed in the first period. It's the Slow Start Trap: lull your opponent into a false sense of security, then kick them in the groin and steal their lunch money.

Habs could take a cue from that. All it took was one lucky break goal, by a guy who never really scores from totally outside his position. Basically, picture Josh Gorges cutting across the middle below the hash marks and just shovelling the puck towards the net hoping someone will bounce it in only to see it squeak in just enough to blow the roof off. Then Bolland makes Jumbo Joe eat his words. Big Buff steals their lunch money. Versteeg kicks them in the shins afterwards for good measure.

Game. For the love of god, man, let Duncan Keith go to the doctor instead of interviewing him so he could get those teeth out of his throat and stop gurgling on his own blood.

And after fighting through all that adversity, the Sharks basically delayed the inevitable. Close but no cigar isn't even a factor considering their big names not named Marleau refused to get down and dirty with Niemi who wouldn't even be a name if he were behind any regular defence. If the Flyers go on to the finals, he and Leighton could trade enermously bouncy rebounds.

While most hockey fans were hoping they'd at least make a series out of it, I'm sure there were plenty who were just waiting for the Hawks to put them out of their misery. Perhaps the Sharks need a bigger boat? At least Dan Boyle didn't put it in his own net a third time to permanently piss off Nabokov.

Round 3 Game 4: Sigh...

Here we have the latest model in Montreal Canadiens skates. Not shown: the skate guards that fall off at inappropriate moments which hinder a defenceman's skating ability.

This ain't looking good, folks.

And on the birthday of her royal highness, the Habs could be heading for summer vacation.

About the only highlight of this game was the HMCS Hal Gill docked behind Jaro and preventing anything from crossing the goal line. What a man! RDS probably enjoyed MAB's desperation dive to save an empty net regardless of how meaningless it was more... It's the thought that counts, I guess. But seriously. Where was the desperation earlier?

With the possiblity of going back to Philly down 3-1, you would think the Habs would have come out the way they did in Game 3... Sadly, the early afternoon start looked more like a mid-February game against Carolina where the possibility of one point seemed like a good idea.

Can they pull out another comeback? Or will Tuesday be Solidarity Day?

Round 3 Game 3 and 4: Everything is bigger in Texas
After a piss-poor effort the other night that made Coach Boucher want to vomit, the Bulldogs came out and stomped all over the Stars, frustrating Jamie Benn to the point of taking a bunch of stupid penalties, and taking a 3-2 series lead with a 3-0 shutout win. Would have been 4-0 if the idiot ref didn't accidentally blow the whistle. Appologies don't cut it, jerk! Lucky the game was already totally in their favour...

Dogs finally head home to try and close out the series, and maybe face the perennial Calder favourites the Hersey Bears. Oh hey Washington Capitals. We would like to try and rain on your parade. Again.

In other franchise news: The Cincinnati Cyclones won the Kelly Cup for the second time in three years! Woo! One down.......

Round 3 Game 3: Refreshing 5-1 smackdown

Leighton's 5-hole openeth.

So much better, Habs. This is how you're supposed to play. This is what brought you success. Attack, attack, and attack some more. Did Guy Boucher give Jacques Martin a call? And no you stupid fans, getting outshot does not mean instant victory. This time Habs outshot the Flyers again, but finally played smarter and played better, and won by a convincing margin.

Hugs on the bench. Hugs on the ice. Back in business. Though we gotta talk about Rhino, Coach. WHO CARES if he put the puck over the glass on his first shift. Don't punish the kid for that! It didn't cause any damage anyway. That 1:34 is a fucking travesty. Yet Bergeron can fail and fail and fail some more, but hey he scored the meaningless 5th goal so that means he can continue to play almost 20 grey-hair inducing minutes regardless of how much of a trainwreck he is 5-on-5 (or how many flubbed bluelines he had when it was actually time to care). At least PK seems to stay out the entire powerplay now.

Of course once the game was completely out of reach for the pumpkins, the goonery resurfaced. Most notably Briererere tossing his purse around. Seems to enjoy whacking PK with it.

Keep going for the head you little pissant.

Cammy continues to woo my heart. BabyPyatt and the rest of his line saved the game. Lapierre keeps making funny faces and pissing off the League. Dominic Fucking Moore will now terrorize the OTHER teams for a change and remain the meaning of life. Holy shit how fast was Gio going on that goal? So fast Pronger forgot to breathe past his -3. Hamr, the number one star tonight, with 2 assists and a plus fucking 4, and the only one fed up enough to tangle with Sideshow Bob Hartnell. Gets bonus points for not ploughing into his goalie, or putting the puck in his own net, and for looking like the good Hamr we love (but will promptly poop on the next time the old man resurfaces and chugs around the ice looking like he wishes he could retire).

Versus called the Habs play "pack mentality". They were hounding the Flyers all night. It was so exciting Bob Cole fell asleep.

Despite the honks you heard on the streets and the happy parade outside the Bell Center, Habs aren't out of the woods yet. But that fortuitous bounce is heading right for Michael Leighton and regardless of how big he is, in the end, he's still Michael Leighton. Especially if Pronger is too busy worrying about Gionta skate figure eights around him.

Round 3 Game 2: I want my Big Sexy back!

...Ugh. I totally didn't say that. But seriously. WHERE O WHERE IS RYAN O'BYRNE?! What have you done with him, coach? Puck handling problems? IT'S THE FUCKING FLYERS! AND IT'S FUCKING RYAN O'BYRNE! He's not going to dipsy doodle around 5 guys. That's PK's job. But he is going to line someone up and give them more than a love tap worthy of Lady Byng herself. And who knows, he might surprise you standing at the blueline and slapping the puck on net. Who knows. HE MIGHT HIT SOMETHING CALLED NET! IT HAS HAPPENED BEFORE! I HAVE SEEN IT! (As rare as it might be).

And why is Bergeron not locked in a suitcase shipped off to Alert?

Sergei was playing. Pouliot was finally pressboxed. Frankly all I saw was Sergei get called off for a line change almost immediately after he started his shift so he was pretty useless. I expect Pouliot will be back next game and Sergei ordering the hot dogs...

If Price sharpied Philippians 4:13 on his blocker ("I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"), we need him to sharpie something on Jaro's glove. That thing only seems to catch pucks going wide. But the Jaro in these two games looks more like the Jaro from a season or two ago. You know, the one everyone selectively forgot about. The one that needs a 5-goal cushion to get a win.

One question to Bob Cole: Who the FUCK is "Brionta"?!

Best thing I saw all night was Dominic Moore fake like he was slipping by the bench to trip Pronger as he skated by. Seriously. I laughed for 10 minutes because of that.

And now for something completely different. Or maybe just the Habs powerplay.

Round 3 Game 1: An orange slap across the face

I wonder if this is how Muller and Martin sit down to decide on the lineup. Make the argument about sticking in Ryan "Rhino" O'Byrne so that we might have a big, hitting defenceman who could maybe toss guys out of our crease without having to worry about 50 stitches in his leg, or the merits of a gritty Sergei Kostitsyn who just wants to be believed in and not benched when he makes one little mistake only to watch Pouliot continue to coast and Bergeron continue to fail.

I could probably say the same argument about a goalie that is, like Leighton, 6'3" and can see around some of the net crashing bodies, but I digress. It doesn't matter anyway since no one scored, but hey people have blamed him for games they were shutout in. It would help if the players in front would not be pylons. And if Gomez would not take stupid penalties.

But seriously guys? You got outskated by a dude with a BROKEN FOOT!

If Adrian Monk were involed in this game, he'd use up a whole box of hand sanitizer wipes.

Round 3 Game 2: When Alex Henry scores, the world gets confused.
Actually Henry is a guy the Habs could use. Big, mean, eager to punch you. Bulldogs take a 2-0 series lead over the Stars, beating them 3-1 this afternoon. Trotter had two assists. Russell scored on the powerplay! And Glumac finished it off. Also the Bulldogs didn't allow a powerplay goal and covered Jamie Benn so well that some ex-Flames dude had to flip the puck off Sanford to score.

Top 10 ways Habs can win Round 3

10. Jaro learns the sacred secret art of giving wedgies so when Scott Hartnell decides to park his large, nasty frame in his face he'll at least remain rather uncomfortable.

9. While O'Byrne is sleeping, sneak into his room and play tapes that repeat "I hate orange. It's a colour that releases my deepest rage. Anything orange must be destroyed." Guaranteed to see some results. Just keep him away from the Orange Julep...

8. Give Plekanec some boxing lessons. It's a given Carcillo will try to disrupt him. What a shock it would be if Plekanec actually bops him one square on the nose.

7. Let Cammy bring his lightsaber.

6. Whenever Gionta and Gomez are out there against Pronger, Flight of the Bumblebee must play for added effect.

5. Lapierre must actively, and loudly, ask what kind of sauce they prefer their Nodl with.

4. Subban will learn to blind approaching Flyers with a radiant and glorious smile. That smile could very well destroy all forces of evil.

3. As the Flyers head for their 10th goalie, remind them what they could have had. "You want it? TOO BAD, BITCHES!"

2. Keep blaming Coburn.

1. Take it to Game 7, then epically destroy the Flyers. That's how you do it, Boston. That's how we roll.

Survivor Playoffs 2010: The Boston Bruins

What if the Bruins didn't epically fail and implode? History will be made.

After Game 2, Sarah Connors reported Bruins fans were chanting "BRING ON THE HABS!" at a train station. I was hoping the two teams, rivals for life who can't meet in the Cup finals ever again, could meet in the Conference final. What a story that would be.

Now the Eastern Conference Finals will be between two teams that made history. The Habs who toppled giants. The Flyers who came back from a 3-0 series and 3-0 score in Game 7. The two teams who despite whatever ails them, be it injuries or size or questionable goaltenders (Boucher? Leighton?), came together to get where they are today.

The East is represented by the number 7 and number 8 seed.

The West is represented by the number 1 and number 2 seed.

The spectrum is complete.

And please, stop comparing this year's Habs to the 1971 team... That team had 8 Hall of Famers on it and were basically like the battle tested veterans of the Red Wings that came to the finals the last two seasons (only backed by a surprise 24-year-old rookie giraffe in nets). The Bruins and Blackhawks they beat had a combined 7 Hall of Famers. I think the only guy with a shot at the Hall of Fame on this team, and it's probably a long shot, would be Brian Gionta.

And now for some Bears playing hockey.

By the way, Round 3 Game 1, the Bulldogs beat the Texas Jamie Benns, I mean, the Stars, 3-2 in OT. Trotter with 2 goals, Desharnais with 1. Who scored two for the Stars? Take a wild guess...

Survivor Playoffs 2010 Double Header: The Vancouver Canucks and the Pittsburgh Penguins

I didn't mean to group these two together but I may as well. Where the Habs powered their way through a seven-game series with hard work, skill, and heart, all while having fun, I can't say the same for the other two.

When Game 7 was over, Jaro, Gill, Gio, Cammy, everyone they spoke to said the same thing: "It's not about one person but about everyone doing their jobs and believing they can win." It was really something to see Cammy talk at the 2nd intermission, basically shrugging off the 4-on-3 they had to kill at the start of the third. Just kill the penalty and keep going.

Probably the quote of the 2nd round was when someone asked Lapierre what are the keys. He responeded that keys are small metal things that open doors. Ha!

You could say the Canucks were like the Anti-Habs (not Antti). The Blackhawks, while they waned on two occasions, played with reckless abandon and had a swagger that didn't care how weak their options in net were because they believed they could disrupt Luongo, the Sedins, get Burrows to take bad penalties, and attack an already devestated blueline to win. What the Canucks failed to do enough of was play as a team and a coach that failed to adapt. You could make a movie on Joel Quenneville's epic time outs. And when it came down to staying alive, in front of their home crowd once more, ironically the only player that appeared to have balls was the one who just lost one.

Effort, and commitment. Canucks were way too individual and their effort not very consistent enough to win when it mattered for them. A glaring example was the effort to stop that shorthanded goal... Maybe they should have hypnotized Demitra that he was playing in the Olympics for Team Slovakia and there was a good chance they would get a medal?

As for the Pens, it's rare to find something on Puck Daddy that actually makes sense. But Orpik basically called it like it was:

"A lot's going to be put on us like it has been all series," Pittsburgh defenseman Brooks Orpik said. "I mean, they've beaten Washington and now they've beaten us. I think it's time to give this team some credit for what they've done rather than picking apart why we didn't do what we were supposed to do."

While my confidence in the Habs made me believe they would win the game 5-3 and give us free wings, my inner prediction wasn't far off. However even I couldn't believe how shellshocked the Pens looked in a Game 7 that not only meant the possiblility of going on to the next round and to a much wanted second consecutive Cup and third consecutive finals appearance, but defending one's barn in what would be it's farewell game in a loss. I think the only comparable I could make would be if the Habs came out during the Centennial game and let out a big, nasty fart.

I'm sure the Pens can find a way to fix their problems exposed from this series (ie. need scoring wingers, and shut down D), I don't have much confidence in the Canucks to do the same. Perhaps there is wisdom in doing contract talks once the season is over after all?

And now for an exploding penguin.

Round 2 Game 7: THIS!

First, stop with the "Cinderella". This team isn't Cinderella. This team is a TEAM. From the net, to the D, to the forwards. One team, a team that played as a full roster for ONE GAME all season. A team with playoff tested veterans like Gionta and Gomez and Moen and Gill who aren't propped up by the League's posters and are already putting on their business face for the next round. Cinderella doesn't set up a structure to frustrate and shut down the other team's shooters. Cinderella doesn't take full advantage of opportunities handed to them. Powerplay. Penalty kill. Five on five. They know how to handle it now.

Second, be proud Pittsburgh that the team who opened your arena will shut it down. It could have been some expansion team or something like that.... After all, isn't it more mystical and historical to say "the Montreal Canadiens, who opened the building with a 2-1 win, played a great game to beat our team 5-2 and sent the Igloo out in a stunning fashion".

Third, Bob Gainey is smiling for reals.

Fourth, all day I called it: "free wings".

Fifth, this franchise.... The Cincinnati Cyclones are the first team in ECHL history to come back from a 3-0 hole to win a Game 7 (and it was a 1-0 shutout by Robert Mayer to boot). The Habs are currently the only playoff team with their AHL and ECHL teams still in their own playoff runs.

GO HABS GO!

Round 2 Game 6: Take it to the Igloo

This is what we missed during the TV time out after Cammy scored that sexy sexy sexy 2nd goal. I dare you to beat this Morgueloo. Or will you be busy knitting behind the bench. (A Dickens' fan?)

I'm thinking all those people who wrote premature eulogie and apologetic excuses feel kind of weird right now eh.

Ladies and gentleman, you're current League-leading goal scorer is MICHAEL CAMMALLERI! Also leapfrogged Damphousse.

Bullet points in bullet time:
- Is it possible for four players to win a Conn Smythe? Cammy, Gorges, Gill, and Jaro in that order.
- That 'A' looks gorgeous on you, Gorges.
- PK had 30 minutes of ice time. THIRTY MINUTES! All mostly in Crosby's face. I wonder if he dreams about PK's lovely smile flashing by as he smokes down the ice with the puck...
- Bergeron is NOT Hal Gill. Notice? No Gill, Crosby scores 1... Versus guy says Hal would have had him.
- Marry me, Cammy.
- According to Cammy, AK46 is awesome. Our BelaBear is waking up again. Two assists and a solid hit on Staaaal. Also would have scored if he wasn't being hooked by Crosby. (Oh sorry, a "great defensive play" that would have been called a hook if done by any other player wearing red YES I'M WEARING MY TINFOIL TUQUE!)
- Gomez suffers from Hisics (Higgins Physics) in that a sure goal will turn into a miss. However, Gomezics allows him to pass the puck through a thicket.
- Does Crosby have a special Gretzky clause in that the refs just really can't call him for any kind of penalty? Really?
- I'm really hoping the boys rallied around Gill missing the game to get him into Game 7.
- Saskatcheplough ploughed the front of the net and saved a goal.
- Spacek should have more vertigo if it makes him score like that.
- Mad Max smells Dumont coming up behind him eh? What a goal!
- M. Beliveau air fist pumping to Metro while in the hallway was the most awesome thing ever.
- Cammy accepting his first star to thunderous applause worthy of a Koivu return.
- We've officially dumbfounded PJ Stock. Of course, I thought he was already dumb...

Game 7. It's cold out. It snowed yesterday. The Bruins might also be going to 7. We simply cannot have Spring until the Habs and Bruins meet. It's like the groundhog day of our lives. The planet demands it, boys! Make it so.

The Habs won the first game ever played in the Morgueloo. They have a chance to close that barn down and totally come full circle.

Off topic, though semi related. Someone on twitter mentioned the Habs D was basically taped together with duct tape, but if there's one thing Red Green taught us it's that duct tape solves everything. My hamster's water bottle appears to have broken. I don't have duct tape, but I do have clear hockey tape. That works too!

Round 2 Game 6: THE GOOD GUYS WIN!
Playfair didn't explode from what I know. Sanford had a shutout. It was a 4-0 smackdown on the goondsquad Abbotsford Heat. North Division Champs! Bulldogs are going to the Western Conference finals!

Yea, the Habs are the only team with both teams still in the playoffs. And we know they're watching and cheering.

Can you believe the Blues traded away Palushaj (a 2nd rounder) for Dagger (a sixth rounder). Tonight he got a goal, 2 assists, and the 3rd star. Desharnais and Trotter also scored with Glumac getting the empty netter.

Next up, it'll either be the Stars or the Wolves. (Hi Ron and Don and Stewie!)

Survivor Playoffs 2010: The Detroit Red Wings

DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD!

Yea. I don't like the Red Wings. Therefore I will plan a parade for their elimination. Well, a parade in my mind.

And this year, nothing would have pissed me off more than to see that fucking joke Bertuzzi raise the Cup over his head and kiss it.

Petty? Maybe. But you're the ones that signed that idiot.

Round 2 Game 5: You sunk my battleship

Gill getting cut by Kunitz's skate is bad news. Though he was in a suit standing behind Price and was walking on his own. Then again so was Markov.

Top 10 reasons why an injured Hal Gill is bad
10. He just blocked his 50th shot
9. Slippy out there against Crosby now. Coach, you are rediculous.
8. No seriously, 20 minutes of ice time for Marc-Andre Bergeron. Are you trying to kill us?
7. Gorges now has to work even more overtime. There's only so much room on his shoulders left to carry this team!
6. FUCKING BERGERON!
5. We're running out of defencemen.
4. May as well put Price on D. I can't take anymore Bergeron.
3. Leadership from the ice > leadership from the room
2. Did I mention more Bergeron? And more Hamr?
1. A dizzy Spacek has no choice but to play.

Crosby unable to bury that empty net should be a "history will be made" video.

Round 2 Game 5: Goonsquad must be squashed
FIVE UNANSWERED GOALS! (Two empty netters) Suck it, Abbotsford. One more game to bury that goonsquad for good.

Glumac: 2 goals
Benoit: the go-ahead goal assisted off a clean faceoff win by Facecage White
Russell: first empty netter
Desharnais: second empty netter right at the buzzer
Sanford: he's baaaaaaaaaack (which is good 'cause Desjardins was getting raggedy)

Round 2 Game 4: Out for Justice

Only team "out for justice" are the Habs, you whiny twerpy pricks.

Speaking of playoff slogans, what are the Habs using? I don't think they ever had a slogan...considering their jersey is a slogan. Or the slogan over the door that connects the room to the rink. Or the slogan (quote) on the wall from "In Flanders Fields".

Dominic Moore gave us "blood in the beard": a slogan that defines this team's character. No matter the odds, get smacked in the face, don't depend on the shitty officials, and keep on going.

I have never seen this team this close together since '93 where, when things were looking bleak, they were practically in each others arms terrified together at the prospect of being eliminated until fortune finally shone on them with an illegal stick. Tonight, as the final seconds ticked away and the Pens pulled Fleury for an extra man, not ONE person was seated on the bench. Each player were on their feet, some leaning over the boards, on the edge, Price was snuggled in close and banging on the glass. When the puck cleared the first time they all jumped and cheered like they scored a goal. When the game was over they poured over the boards as if they won the Cup already. They're so close and excited you can't help but fall in love with them.

...Can Gionta get his C now, please?

Round 2 Game 4: Why you so far, Abbotsford
What a silly system of 2-3-2 for the playoffs... Heat currently lead 2-1. C'mon Bulldogs, do like your big brothers did tonight. (*edit* Doesn't look like they will, now it's 4-1 Heat).

Quote of the night (during 2nd intermission):
Patrick Williams "Habs are the Abbotsford Heat of the NHL"
Derek Wills "...but more skilled and less stupid."

Round 2 Game 3: Another robbery!

Stolen: Rope-a-dope system. If found please chain it to a concrete block and dump it in the river. It's for the greater good.

Pittsburgh out-Montrealed Montreal tonight.

Missing: Sergei Kostitsyn. Probably locked in Jacques Martin's trunk. If discovered please return him to his brother's side on the ice and lock Jacques Martin in the trunk. Kirk Muller approves.

Yea coach, get your head out of your ASS and play one of your best young passers please? Darche Vader and his ZERO TOI ain't cutting it right now.

Found: Whiny little twerp wearing the number 87, dressed in white black and gold, crying constantly about injustices whilst slashing a random player on the legs.

Please pick him up at the service desk and return him to Pittsburgh asap.

Discovered: Bad Officials. Punishment for screwing the Red Wings/Sharks obviously means rewarding them with protecting Lady Crosby and Sir Malkin's honour.

Interesting application of specialty rules for what happened at the end of the 2nd but obviously a glorious gift to Commissar Bettman who enjoyed it immensely. And for good measure keep holding Andrei's stick, Orpik. We know you want to.

Actual game review: Fleury finally woke up and made the bigger difference in tonight's game. Good for him.

Round 2 Game 3: Bulldogs are currently in Abbotsford...
...and I hate their fucking timezone.

*UPDATE!* Bulldogs win 3-2 and Olivier Fortier (aka. QuebecPleks) scored the winner without getting injured! And Gabby scored the tying goal! That's right, Lapierre... Gabby is already inching his way into your roster spot. Rear view mirror, check it!

Round 2 Game 2: There's been a robbery!

Stolen: Home ice. If located please contact your local official so he might hand out the appropriate penalties.

And after the one error that caused a hilarious "what the fuck are you doing" look by Muller to Martin (oh that was awesome), the Habs wised up, pushed the Pens outside, kept them clear of the front of the net and the center and generally annoyed the piss out of them so much so that Crosby completely flipped out. The shot total? Who cares. Most were perimeter shots and fairly routine. If there's one thing people have discovered this year it's that you can't win on the back of one player alone. Sure you can win a game, but not a series.

First off, this goal was fucking awesome.

Oh and McAwkward? Cammy doesn't even reach over the crossbar. That's like calling Gio for highsticking.

Where would we be without Mike Cammalleri? Well, we wouldn't have any goals scored. Likewise it's tough without Markov but Subban totally makes up for his loss. That kid, the kid I called a mini Bobby Orr and no one believed me, over 20 minutes of ice time in only his fourth playoff game and he's already got a goal and two assists. Hal Gill, oh what can we say of Hal Gill that even Crosby wants to give him hugs. Gorges, Hamr, even Bergeron was decent enough on D, that a ragged Jaro was able to get his form back and not worry too much. Gomez and Gionta, joined at the hip, and Pouliot is slowly figuring out what to do in the playoffs. Pyatt doesn't need points, he's supposed to prevent them. Moore and Lapierre, organized and defiant.

We know what this team is made off. Character. Will their character win out in the end? No idea. But they'll continue to work on it, and continue to try, and hopefully continue to befuddle TSN and CBC and all the annoying sports network talking heads that just don't get it. (Memo to Brian Wilde: please shut up, you make yourself look and sound like such a tool after every game).


Round 2 Game 2: Same for the Dogs!
If character is what describes our Habs, the same could be said for our Bulldogs in their own 3-1 win on the Heat to tie the series back up. Take Ryan White: scores a goal early in the first, takes a puck to the face near the end of the 1st, spends the whole 2nd period getting stitched up, and returns in the 3rd with a full face shield, doesn't miss a bit, doesn't let up on how he plays, comes out to accept his game star covered in blood.

Now they spend 3 games in Abbotsford to try and win this series.

Top 10 ways Habs can win Round 2

10. Recreate the Titty-Pleks line. "You bench my little brother for no good reason, my mind goes blank." Is Jacques Martin an only child? Because he sure as hell doesn't understand the connection between siblings. Bet he'd split up the Sedins if he had them.

9. Carey and Jaro switch jerseys and spend the entire series living with their masks on to conceal their plan. Makes eating difficult and looks weird in the shower, but the rest of the guys have already come to the conclusion that goalies are a little bit crazy. The plan could fall through when someone asks "Jaro" how he grew 5 extra inches and looks incredibly buff. Carey will practice his best Slovakian accent to reply "Chlots o' chokolet michlk". Jaro needs to start liking country music fast.

8. Andrei Markov, all-star defenceman. A man barely held together. Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world's first bionic man. Andrei Markov will be that man. Better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster. He is the 5.75-million dollar man!

7. Put Bergeron in a box, wrap it up pretty with nice paper and a golden bow, and leave him by Dan Bylsma's office with a lovely card that reads "It's tradition to give the opposing coach a gift". Trojan horse, set!

6. Lure Fleury into playing the puck. Guaranteed at least 3 goals!

5. Give Subban the puck. No really, just give him the puck! And follow him.

4. Kirk Muller becomes the first player-coach in a long time. Taking over the team on the ice was only HALF his plan, now it's time to take over the bench. Martin will just do the press conferences to please RDS, CKAC, LaPresse, and Le Journal de Montreal. Ultimate puppetmaster and politically correct by Quebec standards.

3. Constantly comment on Crosby's big ass. Follow him around on the ice whilst whistling. Get Lapierre to do it.

2. Set the Saskatcheplow (Travis Moen) to destroy and aim him right for Matt Cooke. Might not be instrumental in winning a game but it'll make everyone feel better.

1. Hal Gill reveals he's not a Pretender battleship but the Green Lantern! Nothing in the rulebook against power rings. Pretty sure he's got enough willpower to build a couple of green walls. Shot blocking taken to a whole new level!

Bonus (because it's the Pens): Pens wear black. Hypnotize the Habs to believe they're playing the Bruins. Habs in 7.