Lo there do I see my hockey

On this tumultuous (weather-wise, and personally stomach-wise) day, the Habs convened upon a Lavalois golf course to knock some mini-balls around, exchange smiles, quote some clichés and pass a few cheques into their children's foundation. Also for Carey Price to show off his "better than Bergevin's Draft Day" pants.

It's good to see them again.

And I'm still ignoring the fact the Magical Spearing Midget is part of the team.

To help you make this glorious day more fun, I've created a Habs Charity Golf Tourney Bingo card! Prepare to BINGO in 5 minutes!

Welcome to the 2011 All-Star Game - Live!

Best looking goalie around.

Montreal had the Cirque Éloize, Raleigh has...ice ballet with Rod Brind'Amour and Ron Francis. However CBC wouldn't know. They're showing curling. REALLY. Grand Slam goes to the curling equivalent of overtime. RDS saves the day, for once.

I'll be looking for the All-Star LOLs! But first, what's the over-under on Dan Boyle putting the puck into his own net? The All-Star Game is all about YouTube moments.

Anthem time! There's an echo appearing before the sounds appear and I don't know how this is possible. The Canadian Tenors got their harmonies warped by it. Clay Aiken also suffering from time-warping echo.

First Period (Ward/Fleury)
- Staal starts off with a breakaway that Fleury stops. Gets the crowd going early
- Duncan Keith one-ups Dan Boyle and kicks the puck into his own net for Ovie. Cardboard 1, Wood Log 0
- Stastny 2-on-1 with Sharpie. They'll be back to hating each other tomorrow. Cardboard 2, Wood Log 0
- The Devils may suck and Elias thought he didn't deserve to be there but dude, you're the best player on your team! Cardboard 3, Wood Log 0
- At half the speed, Giroux reminds Fleury the Pens and Flyers might meet in the playoffs. Cardboard 4, Wood Log 0
- Team Wood Log in trouble early? Ya right. This is just warmup.
- Chara had the puck at the point and it was like the parting of the red sea. But he didn't shoot.
- Kopitar could patent that move and earn some residuals for it. Tinted visor and all. Backhand top-shelf. Cardboard 4 Wood Log 1
- Skinner gets his first All-Star Game POST. Crowd is heckling Fleury. Seriously?
- Big Buff shows the bigger you are, you can still sneak in backdoor unnoticed. Cardboard 4, Wood Log 2
- Eric Staal mic'd up and squealing like a girl.
- Oh we've seen this before. Letang with a terrible turnover, Mr. Underrated scores. Cardboard 4, Wood Log 3
- Duchene sprung by the big boys. Sick breakaway. There's a YouTube moment! Game tied at 4.
- Marc Staal already a -3. Mike Green just happy he's found a fit on a team where he's not a liability and can play his game properly. Perfect!
- Cam Ward happy he gave up only 4. His personal goal was under 5.

Intermission: Corey Perry secretly watching 3 Doors Down. Auto-tune is great though. Also didn't know Sergei Kostitsyn was their lead singer.

Second Period (Price/Hiller)
- Price gets the worst period (typically the 2nd is usually hell for goalies). Actually he's probably used to guys not playing in front of him.
- Already starts off with a pretty solid pack of saves too and earns some big time cheers in enemy territory. (If you tell the Caniacs he's good buddies with Ward maybe they'll love him more?)
- Sharp goes high on Hiller. Sharp knows all. Cardboard 5, Wood Log 4
- If there was one save Price had to make it was his save on Kessel.
- Trying really hard to get Skinner a goal but he keeps missing.
- Price standing on his head.
- Letang with a golf swing from the hashmarks. Cardboard 6, Wood Log 4
- Price has bribed his goalposts.
- Too many breakaways (lol All-Star Game!) but a 3-on-0? Kopitar. And Price almost had it too. Cardboard 6, Wood Log 5
- Letang tries to take Hiller's head off. (He apologized after).
- Perry gets post and a wave from Hiller. (Doesn't register as a shot).
- Price gets run by his own guys even in the All-Star Game!
- Ovie brings the LOL every time.
- If you would write a book on the ASG, it would be titled "A Pass Too Many".
- Stamkos finally appears. Impossible angle of course. Game tied at 6
- Oh fuck off Briere, no one actually wanted you here in the first place. Cardboard 6, Wood Log 7.
- Trading breakaways and saves, best kind of open hockey. Then Price springs Staal who...fucks up. I was rooting for Carey to pick up a couple of assists.
- Someone's mic falls off and is swinging around, attacking players. All-Star Game with props!
- Pricey did pretty good out there in a half-paced all offense game. Beat Fleury's save percentage too HAW HAW (small victories). He and Hiller pulled off some of the nicer and more difficult saves so far.

Intermission: Stan Lee's Recycled Rebranded Heroes! Yea, what the fuck I don't even...

Third Period (Lundqvist/Thomas)
- Tiny Tim is mic'd up and CBC pours their annoying love on him. I might start projectile vomiting.
- Kessel has 20 minutes to avenge his insult at being drafted last or Nick Kypreos will feel compelled to write another article on how the world is disrespecting the Leaf.
- Finally Staal scores on a breakaway and ties it at 7.
- YouTube moment! Ovie throws his stick and gives Duchene a breakaway. Friedman gets Price to call it like he did with Kovy's breakaway. Price takes a look at Duchene and calls it, "Forehand backhand." He was bang on but Duchene didn't score this time. Unreal.

Ovie brings the LOLs

- Kessel with the shot! CBC awfully happy for that! Should have been "A Kessel appears!"
- Letang fools Tiny Tim and goes five-hole. Cardboard 8, Wood Log 7. Timmy says, "Made me look bad."
- Go away Briere. Tied again at 8.
- Toews spins around and around! Cardboard 8, Wood Log 9.
- CBC talks to Briere's annoying little twerp and they miss Lundqvist's best save.
- "Here comes Phil Kessel...!" And there goes Phil Kessel. Shoots it wide. CBC really trying to make him Mr. Relevant
- St. Louis ain't gonna miss from that close. Cardboard 8, Wood Log 10. Rolled right off the shoulder.
- Rick Nash, WOAH. Cardboard 9, Wood Log 10.
- Crowd wants Skinner to score. Briere being a bitch and trying to steal the show. No one cares about you, you Magical Spearing Midget.
- It's Cardboard 9, Wood Log 11 as they pulled Lundqvist. Mike Green shits the bed. Mr. Underrated gets an empty netter.
- Staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal crawls back within 1. Cardboard 10, Wood Log 11.
- No time left. Team Wood Log wins. Hawks fans stuffed the ballot for Sharp as MVP but he deserved it (and got an assist taken away, seriously). But you wouldn't know it 'cause CBC left quickly to Heartland.

I think I really enjoyed this All-Star Game. The side show was a little cheesy but the events were fun. Even the game was pretty cool. And I'm proud of Pricey. Roenick actually gave him some love! Yes! Roenick praising goalies, gaving him and Hiller much deserved praise! Kevin Weekes even thought he deserved an MVP nod and Roenick didn't dispute it! Apocalypse should be coming soon, guys! I'm preparing my survival kit now! (In truth you don't give a goalie an MVP award at the ASG. There's just no way). In all, about 45 shots were launched at either net and Price was just slightly under Hiller in the best save percentage on the night, but was the best goalie with the most shots on his respective team (like Hiller). Dealing with the killer second period won Weekes' and Roenick's approval because of all the difficult saves and breakaways he had to deal with. Unfortunately he didn't get a chance to pose-off with Fleury like they were planning...

Welcome to the Awkward NHL All-Star Fantasy Draft - Live!

We're coming to you semi-live from Raleigh, North Carolina, where the NHL's best have descended for a weekend of corporate schmoozing. The stars have all voted for their captains, and it's about time they collaborate with their alternates to select their enemies and some friends for a team. So let's meet our two teams!

In red: Team Cardboard

In blue: Team Wood Log

OK Team Cardboard wins the puck toss so who will you pick first?

TC - Gonna pick my boy, Cam Ward, and hope the 10 fans will love me for it. C'mon down here, Five Hole!

Really? A goalie with your first pick in an All-Star Game? Well that wasn't shocking. Your turn, Wood Log!

WL - Yea, that kid with all the goals, and they're usually all against Five Hole over there: Stamkos.

Nice choice, plus with Corey Perry and David Backes out there, you might just get a powerplay! What do you think about that, Pierre?


Wow, totally not creepy. Moving along...

TC - The Geico Caveman. BULLSEYE!

WL - Duncan Teeth can stop him. We take him.

TC - Maybe last year...

Ah the spirited banter! We were definitely hoping for some of that, but perhaps it's not the "right way" of the NHL, eh Panger?

TC - Well, I'll take a Sedin but I can't remember which is which so I'll take the one with all the goals.

Daniel?

TC - Sure.

WL - We take the other one.

The one with all the assists. Maybe they can switch sides every period?

TC - Right, I guess we need some defence. (Mike Green - Hey!) I take Chara.

WL - I see your Chara and raise you Shea Weber.

TC - Well fuck that shit, RICK NASH BABY!

WL - Pfft, whatevs. Let's take a goalie that is basically the width of the net. C'mon up, Timmy.

TC - Well, we have his defenceman. Comfort zone: Gone! So from the New York Rangers, I pick...

(Mark Staal twitches slightly)

...Henrik Stunndqvist!

(Mark Staal remains disinterested)

WL - He's just lucky Gaborik isn't here.

Let's fast forward to the end, my friends. On one hand we have Paul "Not Peter" Stastny and Phil Kessel. And no you can't trade Kessel for a first round pick in the next two All-Star Drafts.

TC - Yea, no, I'm taking Stastny. We got a whole victory routine set up between him, Price, and Skinner. And maybe Subban can jump in since he's on our rookie team. Just you watch.

Hopefully it won't disrespect Mike Richards. Well it's all yours, Team Wood Log, for the final pick!


WL - With our final pick, we proudly selected BizNasty2.0!

"..."

WL - What? Vegas? Ok...we pick that chair next to Phil Kessel. At least the chair would go into the corners against Backes.

Excellent choice for Team Wood Log. Sorry, Kessel, you'll just have to head home or something. And with that, I declare the first ever NHL All-Star Fantasy Draft a success! Enjoy the weekend, folks. Triple low-fives all around! Now, where's the free food and booze...