No cabers were tossed in the making of this post

Not eating that.

Bulldogs had their preseason opener against the HATED Toronto Marlies in Edinburgh, Scotland today. Jet lagged and faced with the enormous Olympic sized rink, the boys dominated the Leafs for 3 periods but Marlies goalie Reimer showed why Pogge wasn't very important anymore for them. Finally in the 3rd period, J.T. Wyman got the only goal of the night for the double goalie shootout (Desjardins and Mayer). But the thing I found more interesting, or maybe worrisome, was that the boards in this old arena are made out of concrete blocks covered in wood... Needless to say, if Rhino had gone to the tourney, 5 Marlies would be out with massive injuries from being destroyed into them.

Also the crowd in that rink is awesome. You think Habs fans sing? You should hear these guys.

Habs have one more game before they head out to the Ranch. Tonight was the Bruins. For some reason, the Bruins have been annoited Saints and don't get penalties anymore even when they run your goalie full-speed ahead. Can't even punch the guy to make him pay for it because they whisked him away quickly. I can see this is going to be a long year with those fucking zebras. They even stopped Stewart from going at it, but he got to anyway. Not like he had much choice in the later bout considering it was a mutual glompage. Bruin was covered in Stewie's blood and looked rather amazed from it all (seems the cut came from when he hit the ice before the fight during the mutual glompage).


Anyway, we saw the first real inklings of Martin's system and I gotta say I think it's great. The D and the forwards switch positions to keep the cycles going while in the offensive zone, and everyone gets back to defend. Gomez can kill penalties on his own. I think Pleky was out there the entire OT. Sergei scored the lone goal and made Thomas angry. Jaro needs to stop playing the puck. O'Byrne could teach Komisarek how to play with the way he's going. I'm thinking the HMCS Hal Gill is a better mentor for the big guy, except Rhino hits more while Gill is a shover. Oh and the powerplay was looking way better than the Bruins, even without Markov there. Just saying.

Tonight we retire the tag "lock Breezer in a trunk please" as the Breezerpalooza has officially come to an end, pending any dramatic returns in the future. And for a guy like him to have lasted this long, we salute you Patrice Brisebois. Farewell to one of the last bastion of the wooden stick. So without further ado, I present my favourite Breezer moment.

Stewie's back to kick your ass for one more year (or more!)

Wearing his newly scalped Bruin. So avant-guarde!

Probably the best quote I've seen to describe Greg Stewart would be "he's ambidextrous so you never know which of his fists is going to break your nose." He's also made of rubber, and never seems to bruise. My brother thinks he's made of stone. Maybe he's a golem! Still, not bad for a guy who basically took up hockey on a whim. Bonus, he'll be RFA next season too, like a pack of other players we got. Montreal HEARTS you, Stewie!

And now, we reminisce on Stewie's accomplishments.

BIFF!


POW!


ZING!
(Oh yea, who won that game? Yo. Suck it Western Conference TV guys. It's like they've never seen anyone stand up to a wrecking ball before. Oh right).

In other news, the Leafs have given up on Pogge and sent him to the Ducks, while going out to sign Joey Mac, instead of using their newly acquired so-called goaltending guru to mold the young lad better than the waste of a system he was festering in previously. Say hi to Scott Clemmensen and Tuukka Rask, part 3!

The Valiant Battle of Les Glorieux

'Twas the 12th of Adar, 5769. The men stepped forward into the State of Texas, blinking blindly into the warm sun. They looked ragged, beaten. Young Lord Price stepped forward and breathed in his surroundings.

"We should set up camp here," he called out softly.

The campaign felt like it has dragged on for an eternity, and the effects were starting to show not only on the men but on the people back home. A terrible defeat in the land of Buffalo came shortly after the King announced they would not be getting any reinforcements was followed by another defeat in Atlantia. While the effort was lacking in the first, they were not without character in the second. Kari the Finn was the only keeper blocking their path to glory that night. Nevertheless the people back home were getting restless, some may say angry. There is a fear that Les Glorieux will fall.

Young Price busied himself with his equipment, while his counterpart young Halak did the same. The two were friends but equally rivals. Lord Price earned his stripes with many hard won victories including a valiant campaign early in his career over the hated Bear tribe of the East, while young Halak filled in effortlessly when they need him to. On the other side of the camp Captain Koivu, leader of the assault brigade, oversaw the men in their own preparations. Tonight's battle won't be any easier and he knew this well. Tonight they face the Gargoyle, Turco. The Captain glanced over at the two young keepers with a look of sympathy that these poor young children may face a massacre tonight. Injury and self doubt has plagued them through their campaign. What would another defeat do?

"We need to win tonight," young Halak said suddenly as Lord Price looked over his trusty wooden paddle. "Worried?"

Lord Price had a strange look in his eyes as they traced the contours of the wooden paddle. It wasn't a look of worry. To young Halak it almost seemed like they were glowing. Lord Price sighed, "There is always worry, but I am confident we will win." He put the paddle down and headed out. "We have no choice," he said as he reached the tent's opening.

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The Gargoyle stood poised in his domain and Les Glorieux could not get near him. For what seemed hours, the dark suited men of the Gargoyle circled Lord Price's stronghold, trapping his men in their zone. One of the Gargoyle's most hated soldiers, Ott the Bold, was unstoppable. It seemed whenever one of Lord Price's fighters attempted to reach the Gargoyle, Sir Ott was there ready to take them down. Harder the Gargoyle's men pressed, dangerously attacking Lord Price until finally the keeper was knocked off his feet.

Darkness. Silence. Was this the end? Lord Price didn't believe he was finished. Slowly he rose, and picked up his trusty paddle. He pointed it at the Gargoyle, eyes ablaze. "You will not defeat me," he called out. Young Price's men looked at their keeper. They knew he was there for them. They knew he would stand his ground.

Again Sir Ott was on the attack, only this time he was met with resistence. Young Stewart of Hamilton stepped up and knocked the bold fighter to his knees. As the boy continued attacking him, it seemed Sir Ott would cower with every blow. "He is but a weakling," Young Stewart told his fellows. "Do not fear him. This is but an illusion from the Gargoyle!" The men looked at each other. They knew the boy was right.

Every opportunity seemed in the Gargoyle's favor with Lord Price's men left shorthanded for what seemed days. But nothing would come of their attack. Plekanec the Magnificent, a great cleric, would neutralize any attempt the Gargoyle tried on them and Lord Price would hold them at bay. Finally, Captain Koivu seized an opportunity and pounced on the Gargoyle. Left and right, back and forth they battled when finally Kostitsyn the Bald struck! Moments later, Kovalev the Magician got the Gargoyle with a lightning bolt. The Gargoyle appeared visibly shaken, his troops in disarray. He was completely foiled by young Master Higgins, squire to the great Captain, with what seemed the final blow.

Though the Gargoyle attempted to regain the upper hand, with a little help from wily old Fraser, his men could not break through Lord Price. The battle seemed out of hand. "Better to surrender than face death", thought the Gargoyle, no matter how much it pained him.

The Gargoyle grumbled and glared at young Lord Price. "You win this round, boy," he hissed as his men retreated. "But do not think the rest of your campaign will be easy. Until we meet again!" With that, the Gargoyle disappeared in a puff of smoke. His supporters stunned by this defeat had long abandoned the stronghold.

"We won," Lord Price said quietly, dropping to his knees in exhaustion. "Finally." His men, smilling, jubilant in their hard won victory surrounded the boy. They waited for him to move. Finally, the young Lord looked up. The sight of his men standing over him smiling was probably the greatest sight his young eyes had ever witnessed. "Together we won," he said smiling. "And together we will continue on."

The End.

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Yes I'm officially a dork. Thank you.

But anyway this win was fucking huge. Epic huge. Because the HATED Bear tribe of the East failed to foil the HATED Rangers of New York. And the HATED Penguins of Pittsburgh defeated the Capital fuckups of Washington. And the HATED Carolina and the HATED Buffalo are nipping at our heels. A loss would have dumped the Habs into 10th or something. Now we leap back to 5th. Assuming the HATED Penguins can smack down the HATED Panthers, it's still too close for comfort. (We'll see you in 6th after that one). I hate the East right now.