With the new schedule released once the Sochi thing got cleared up, the NHL announced what they're calling their new clusterfuck of divisions. Sorry guys, no Floreast in sight. My brother also proved that he's too smart for the NHL with his A, B, C, D division names. Instead, the evil geniuses have graced us with these sparkly jewels:
The Atlantic Division
Teams: Boston Bruins, Buffalo Sabres, Detroit Red Wings, Florida Panthers, Montreal Canadians, Ottawa Senators, Tampa Bay Lightning, Toronto Maple Leafs.
If we're in the "Atlantic" division, I demand easy access to a real Atlantic beach that doesn't require 5+ hours in a car.
My pick: This Division
The Metropolitan Division
Teams: New York Rangers, New York/Brooklyn Islanders, New Jersey Devils, Washington Capitals, Pittsburgh Penguins, Philadelphia Flyers, Carolina Hurricanes, Columbus Blue Jackets.
Because when I hear the word "metropolitan" I totally think of the Carolinas, or Columbus, or Pittsburgh.
My pick: That Division.
The Central Division
Teams: Chicago Blackhawks, St. Louis Blues, Nashville Predators, Minnesota Wild, Colorado Avalanche, Dallas Stars, Winnipeg Jets
Fairly bland in the "well you're technically in the middle of the countries" definition.
My pick: The Other Division
The Pacific Division
Teams: Los Angeles Kings, Anaheim Ducks, Phoenix/Arizona/Seattle Coyotes, San Jose Sharks, Vancouver Canucks, Calgary Flames, Edmonton Oilers.
Four out of seven that can actually see or physically touch the Pacific is better than nothing, I guess.
My Pick: The Bob Division.
Now go pat yourselves on the back, kids. Clearly you've strained your brains real hard for these names and the effort absolutely oozes from my screen. I mean, really. No "Joy Division"?