Habs 2, Flyers 5: Resistance is futile

So is shooting yourself in the foot.

Stop me if you've heard this one before: Habs look to be patiently setting themselves up to at least have a fighting chance only to take 3 consecutive penalties and put themselves behind the 8-ball early. And it ain't goaltending either. You can thank the weak effort to protect or clear the crease for tonight's ills. Even Hal Gill was uncharacteristically soft. Hamr? He's always soft.

Wiz should spend the next week purging his inner-Komisarek. Turnover city. The ghost of blindly clearing up the slot. Lucky for him Price is a nice guy and made the saves. Too bad the best D on the evening were back home rehabbing their knees.

It's annoying to see nothing good really come out of this game. The top lines looked like they just wanted to go on break healthy and the D looked like they didn't want to strain themselves. The kids seemed the only interested parties. OK I'm being facetious. But the same old refrain... Like, without Price this would have been 11-0 before Desharnais (or Eller) scored to make it respectable. By the way, no one really saw his incredible stick save behind those pylons until way later when RDS decided to slow-mo something that wasn't Briere or Giroux. Like the only line that seemed capable to do anything were the 3rd/4th lines, giving us the only 2 goals. They did valiantly attempt to claw back in the 3rd, however, with Price squeezing in by Auld on the bench for an extra attacker, the wrong and weakest line of the night was out. Seriously, this team has no idea what to do with an empty net behind them and finally gave up a goal to the magical spearing midget Briere.

I don't know what to make of it now. I know the Habs will have plenty to stew on as they rest their weary bones and Price goes to play with the All-Stars. However, I have one request for Gauthier: Hamr, honorable man he is, needs to go. Find him a team with young kids, get a pick or whatever back, and call up someone with younger legs or at least someone that can turn around. He's not helping...

Gotta give major props to Pacioretty though. When Hartnell sent Desharnais into the boards with a dirty hit, he was the first one to stand up to his little buddy, bad ribs and all. Also to Ryan White, who was itching for a fight (chicken dance and all) but the refs kept stopping him so he just turned his attention to pissing off Mike Richards.

Thumbs down to Peter Laviolette. Up 4-1 and you still have that shithead Carcillo on the ice? Result: 10 minute misconduct for major unsportsmanlike fouls. Seriously, why does this tool waste a roster space?

Habs 5, Pens 3: In which we suckerpunch you and steal your lunch money

When I saw the lineup for today's afternoon game I said that I hope they make it interesting at the very least. I know the Pens don't perform so good in afternoon games, so Jacques Martin's "sleep them to death" system would have been horrible. Thankfully it looks like they were following Guy Boucher's system. Add a little bit of luck to it, and we got free wings!

Thirty seconds in and Craig Simpson is already preparing his speech about the kids on line 4 and how Crosby will eat them alive once Disco Dan gets his matchups working when Darch collides with wandering Fleury behind the net and Pleky scores. If Chris Lee were reffing, he'd be all over that. Marouelli was probably just shocked at the forchecking Habs to notice. I'm actually more shocked the 5 Pens players standing around looking at the ref didn't just turn around and maul Darche...

Not long after Staal crashes the crease and Dupuis flings in the rebound. They looked at it but it was a good goal regardless.

I muted the game and put yakety sax on for a good five minutes and nearly died laughing. It was that kind of afternoon. Think of the weirdest things this side of Kronwall's skate blade coming off during play. It was that kind of weird. Players falling down, falling over each other, Gorges' stick getting stuck in between two glass planks, Fleury throwing a fit every time Ryan White did his job, etc... It started in warmup when Gomez took a puck off the back of the head and realized he was bleeding. My mom even called me from Ikea saying that she's making a leg of lamb and wants me to come over for dinner. Talk about random.

Zebras love watching the Habs too!

All hail we got a fourth line!
- Brrrrrrrrock Trotter makes his debut, gets 5 shots on goal (more than any player on the whole ice), draws 3 penalties, nearly scores but is stopped first by Jay McKee and then by a post, and gets an interview with Cassie Campbell. He's so pro!
- Desharnais proves someone can be shorter than Brian Gionta. Almost scores too.
- Ryan White gets attacked by Old Man Guerin for checking Malkin clean and legal. Didn't know Malkin's honor needed protecting. Either way, Guerin got owned by a kid 20 years younger than him.
- When a flying Gio scored and knocked himself out into the boards I thought "Great! Now we can't score without injuring ourselves!" You could see the stars rotating around his head.
- Gio kneeling on his second goal doesn't make him any shorter either.
- Just as Craig Simpson was chewing out Gomez for not getting any goals lately he scores on the powerplay.
- And when Markov was down on the ice after falling awkward and pulling his back, the entire crowd, bench, and coaches were silent with an "oh shit" look on their faces. You could hear a mouse fart from the basement. I saw our standings drop by 10. Then he rose like Jesus and the crowd rejoiced. The PA guy played Tragically Hip's "Courage".
- Jaro no likes breakaways. Seeing Malkin coming at him was like watching a squirrel starring at a car before it hits him.
- And the 2-on-1 was saved by old man Spacek of all people, otherwise Jaro's short legs no make the save.
- Outshooting the Pens by a 10:1 margin has something to do with things. Offensive hockey works, Jacques! You should try it more often!
- Disco Dan tried to take advantage of our Kids Line by slipping Crosby and Malkin over the boards. Never underestimate the Bulldogs, Dan. Probably too busy with the lucky burritos.
- When Darche Vader scores, Montreal is happy. Fleury is not.
- It's not every day we hear a Habs goalie makes 18 saves for a win.
- This team is just so much happier when Ryan White is on it. He's like a cherry-faced bundle of happy energy.

Bottom line is the Bulldogs kids are uncorrupted by Coach Martini.

Bruins lost again to the Canucks in a shootout even while launching 40+ shots at Luongo. Fucking annoying! I don't want them to end their streak tomorrow. Habs better win! If there are teams I can't stand losing to, the Bruins are top of that list.