Habs 3, Coyotes 1: Tornado warning

Look out, Pacioretty!

Mike Smith Tornado Zone!

A cold front has slammed into the area. This mass of cold air hitting the mass of warm moist air from the south has caused instability for goaltenders 6'3" with curly hair and a short temper. Tornado warning in effect. Do not skate near the goaltender or you'll find yourself deposited in the penalty box.

Mike Smith is going to the Olympics. In Brazil.

After a cacophony of goal posts, Habs decided they remembered how to hockey in the third period, scored 3 goals including that elusive empty netter, pissed of Mikey Ribs, and added another victory in their sparkling record versus the Coyotes. That's right, Pacioretty. Next time you score, just walk over to the bench and shush their players. That's Mike Ribeiro approved!

Gorges saves a 4-on-1

Habs 3, Sabres 1: Suffering SUCKotash

The Sabres are so bad that they even lost to a sleepwalking Habs team. In other words, Habs played down to their competition and still came out with the win. But there's only so many ways I can tell you how much they sucked... So, let's play Where on the Ice is Grigorenko!

Actually never mind. Didn't even notice he was playing.


Meanwhile Lars Eller showed everyone how it's done by mesmerizing Ryan Miller then passing it to Markov who shot it into a wide open net. They gave the goal to Galchenyuk because it apparently grazed his jersey.

I think we'll call this Buffalowned.

Also if PK Subban can kindly teach Diaz how he grabs the puck and fires it out of the zone whilst on the penalty kill, it would reduce my stress level immensely. NO ONE does it better than PK. But he's a defensive liability right guys? Right.

By the way, Buffalo sucks so much they gave the 3rd star to Drew Stafford. How hilarious is that?