Habs 1, Avalanche 4: My what fantastic high draft picks you have

Yea it pays to leech off the top of the draft for a few years. Just imagine a few Galchenyuks on the Habs. That's basically the Avalanche.

Suck to win!

- Retiring a grand number like 52 just seems odd. Also seems like a "they gave me this number out of camp" number. Or a "I combined 5 and 2 because I used to wear those and they were both taken" number.
- I can't send enough flowers to the Eller line that would fully express my love for them.
- Sucking thin air.
- The Avalanche have FIVE guys in the net. FIVE. You could put a block of wood in there.
- That's fronting done fairly properly. Basically not enough room to do shit so the guys at the point can shoot all they want and pray something bounces in. But get close enough together and the puck won't bounce to the hidden open man like last night.
- Pretty sure there were too many players on the ice when Landeskog took the puck and scored but HAHA who am I kidding.
- These refs are fucking morons. Ok don't call the first trip on Pacioretty but the punch to the back of the head was a fucking joke. And of course they scored right after that.
- Giguere is not a god of goaltending. He was tossing rebounds left and right. Mostly Bourque just skated over them. STICK ON THE ICE!
- I hate you filet desert. Especially when the puck does not go into you.
- Gallagher was absolutely possessed. Fitting it was he who cashed in on PK's perfect wrister to the net.
- Looks like DD has reached the end of his rope. Benched in the 3rd. Galchenyuk took the center position between Gallagher and Pacioretty.
- Speaking of Pacioretty, I was thinking his return in a game with thin air might not have been the best. But then normal Pacioretty showed up in the 3rd for a bit.
- Yup. Apparently the ref has to explain to the crowd that the high stick was not a penalty because Bourque had shot the puck and therefore it was a follow-through and not a penalty. Maybe just hand out rule books at the door?
- Seriously. They're a rather stupid crowd. I'm sorry.
- Everyone will pile on PK for that giveaway behind the net but you know what? No one will pile on Markov basically waiting for the puck to come to him. O'Reilly never stopped moving.
- Probably no one will pile on Bouillon for that lazy fucking attempt to clear for a change which was basically him leaving the puck at the red line and just going "oh well" then stepping off the ice while play went back to their own zone...
- Hey Therrien. You lost the game. I don't ever want to see the fourth line out on the ice like that. That's not how we do things.

Take your thin air and suck on it.

Habs 3, Oilers 4: Signs

Do you know the giant oarfish?

According to Japanese mythology, the giant oarfish which normally lives deep in the ocean tend to surface and beach themselves as a warning bell to major earthquakes.

Two of them have washed ashore on the coast of California. Doom and gloom, folks. It's a sign!

Meanwhile the Habs come out like gangbusters, get a 2-0 lead, then piss away the rest of the game to lose 4-3 because without Lars and the Real Gallys, NO ONE ELSE DOES ANYTHING. And I think PK Subban's wheeling and dealing is being wasted of non-finishers. It's annoying. He creates so much magic, and then his target fails to complete anything. May as well just do it all yourself, PK. DAMN THE HATERS.

But if Dallas Eakins needed to use Lars Eller's misquoted pregame factual commentary on the Oilers to motivate his team, then he should probably quit his day job now. And his night job.

And by the way, Eller's comments essentially echoed Eakins and other Oilers staff own commentary on how their players need more structure and have to stop playing like a Junior team who focuses solely on personal stats with a more two-way game so I don't know what the fuck he's gloating about. You fucking scratched Yakupov last week over the same fucking thing you fucking asshat. Enjoy your win of the week.

(By the way, I'm not shocked at this outcome. Frankly I was shocked the Oilers didn't take the lead earlier. Habs always shit the bed against unstructured teams like this. See Islanders games).

However, this game wasted a gorgeous play by Gallagher. It's a shame. I haven't seen a Hab shoot off the bench, steal the puck at the blueline, walk around a defenceman and score top corner like that since Cammy did it in Winnipeg two years ago.

Habs 1, Perds 2: EMBEZZLEMENT

Tonight's officiating crew.

The truth is out. And people called us paranoid. People called us ridiculous. Well, where are those people now?!

- Seriously. PK skates down the ice with Nystrom on his back who finally pulls him down and the ref calls a hold and dive.
- Instead of "embellishment" (which was ass over fuck you crazy), the ref calls it "embezzlement".
- Freudian slip! Check his ProLine!
- Perds went nuts when they scored a goal that basically bounced off Prust and Gorges on the end of a 5-on-3.
- I was sure they were going to call another penalty on PK for "skating with the puck", or "attempting to cause offense", or "existing".
- Shooting the puck over the glass like a boss. The ghost of Roman Hamrlik has come to haunt us.
- Gorges gets a blindside hit to the head, no call. Briere gets a leaping hit to his head without the puck, no call. Not even interference. But Tinordi be damned if he battles on the boards with someone!
- The 18-year-old Seth Jones is trusted more by his coach in all situations than 24-year-old NORRIS TROPHY WINNER PK Subban is by his own coach. Think about that for a second or five.
- Gaustad still goes after smaller guys, pisses his pants when Tinordi comes to say hi.
- Markov forgot how can haz hold blue line.
- Half the team looked like they were stickhandling with telephone poles. Which caused Jones' goal to happen, Moen.
- Rinne nearly did a Bernier.
- The only players that showed up really were Price and the Eller line. Guess who scored for the Habs? The Eller line. Twice.
- Except the ref at the goal pointing at the net calling the second one a goal was overturned by 3 guys at the other end of the ice. And apparently the call on the ice stands, just not on this ice.
- Price continues his trend of posting ridiculous save percentages against the Perds and losing.
- This team doesn't know what to do when forechecked. Especially Diaz.
- They pull Price for the extra man, but considering how shitty the power play was all game I don't know why they even bothered.
- Also they broke the rounded glass. I thought for certain they'd make 25 seconds into another 5 minutes...
- I guess we can play with broken glass now.
- Shockingly didn't give up the empty netter no matter how hard they tried.

Considering how shitty Briere was playing, I wanted Leblanc up in his spot for various reasons. One, he's actually playing as a winger. Two, Lefebvre is once again wasting our time and sabotaging his by putting him with a grinder and a facepuncher. And three, he can probably skate more, do more, want more than what Briere is showing us. That said they probably won't even call him up. They'll probably call up Dumont for whatever reason. With Briere and Prust probably out now, maybe they'll call both...

Also can we please just keep Brolieu up? That 2nd powerplay unit is SHIT.

Gallagher was always precious

Prepare to die from absolute cuteness.

Also notice the big A (for awesome assistant captain) already pinned to his jersey. He was 10 years old. And crashing into the goalie.

Honey, I Shrunk the Forward!

Clearly someone shrunk Brendan Gallagher or swapped his jersey with Price's.  (Yes I know he's modelling the new Habs Snuggie).

Habs 4, Leafs 1: THE BEARDS ARE COMING

Sweet HNIC tears. Your anguish sustains me. Especially after that stomach turning pre-game stuff.

Lars Eller, who LOVES playing against this team proclaimed after the game, "We do not fear anyone." CBC seems to think so! Apparently they've never watched them play the Big Bad Bruins. And now with Eller centering the Gallys, Habs have struck gold.

Jarred Tinordi, your hired. Please stay.

Memo to Carlyle: you're a fucking fuckwit with a shitbag full of goons and sending out Colton Orr with 13 seconds left proves you're a fucktard. And nice of your Captain to crosscheck White from behind while he was busy giving Orr the hairy eyeball after the buzzer. COWARDS. Ditto for your other goon Frazer McLaren, who third manned on Tinordi after taking a boarding call which got him tossed from the game. No one cares for your stupidity. Go to the NAHL if you want to play that shit.

Lars Eller with two assists had more points in the second period than the Leafs had shots on goal.

See you in the playoffs, fuckers.

(Maybe).

(Unless the Bruins put Tuukka Rask's milk crates in nets and throw their

game tomorrow just to have the fun in beating your ass in four).

(Which is entirely possible).

Habs 4, Jets 2: Crash, burn, etc

Oh Winnipeg Threshers. So close, yet so far.

Thanks to Bubbles being a shit defenceman you got two goals, and some hope, despite Price playing out of his mind. And then the Rangers and Senators won. You were eliminated by the time the 2nd period ended.

I will miss you, especially when you get tossed from the WORST division in the League to one of the best. But right now, too bad so sad. You were first in your shit division and failed to hang on to it. Claude Noel will now be curt with more reporters and probably get replaced this summer. (Maybe). Habs needed this, secured home ice, and can now played the Bulldogs on Saturday to laugh in HNIC's face. (Maybe). (Well, Markov better NOT play).

Tinordi stays. If we can just find a replacement for Frankie Bubbles......

By the way, thanks to that twat Rihanna, looks like the playoffs start Tuesday.

Habs 5, Listless Sabres 1: X marks

Things are looking up.

My day started with the best kind of foreshadowing when Toaster stepped into his own shit. I went to work and discovered they shut down our studio because they have zero idea what the hell they're doing. (Not worried yet, as I have a meeting tomorrow for possible new employment). Then my brother, while dealing with a shit head tailgater and a shit head who wouldn't let him merge over, accidentally bumped a BMW that suddenly stopped. Nothing major, but still annoying. Oh how could this day turn around?

Well, the Islanders beating the Bruins and the Habs beating the Sabres would definitely help. Especially after that deliciously GIANT burger I ate at the Dublin that filled me with beefy rage.

The last thing you want to say in a Buffalo arena is "go for the jugular"...
- But outshooting them 42-15 is indeed going for the throat.
- Plenty of powerplay practice to boot! Sabres got so complacent they couldn't give a shit anymore. Even had Gerbe abuse an official.
- When Ryan Miller gets scored on you can hear his sighs.
- My brother on the booing: Yessss your anguish sustains me.
- First Niagara Center was invaded by a mass of Habs fans. Business as usual.
- Rene Bourque is definitely back. When you see his line doing a 3 man attack, check your pants. Or your net.
- Galchenyuk is blazing.
- The only worry I had in this game was when some moron (Ott, Kaleta) would attempt to injure one of our guys. Prust punched Kaleta down. Bouillon took care of Ott.
- And THAT'S the Frankie Bou I know. Where was that guy?
- It's easy to forget that Gallagher is camping around your net.
- PK puts two more notches on his Norris tally.
- The first shorthanded goal they allow this year and it has to be to the Sabres...
- Only one player I'd rescue from Buffalo, and that's Luke Adam. He just looks confused to be there right now.
- Desharnais and Gallagher screening Enroth. They're all pretty much the same height.
- Thinking Steve Ott wondered if Halpern tasted of fried chicken and doughnuts. That or what 900 games tastes like.
- Seriously. Just burn that visor. We have no clue where that tongue's been...
- Happy smiling coaches on the bench!

Habs get an X and retake their top spot at #2.

Tastes...like victory.

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Habs 3, Rangers 0: Bring out the brooms

Habs sweep the season series with the Rangers each by scoring 3 goals and only giving up 1. But what makes this win more sweet? The Bruins lost to the Flyers earlier in the day, widening that gap between them and the Habs by a bit.

Meanwhile this is the 2nd time in a row the Rangers fell 3-0. Same results in Ottawa just this past Thursday. Torts, no goals for you!

You know it's bad when...
- Sean Avery is advocating your imminent firing and calling you a clown. Hey he'll do you a solid and create a nice ad campaign over it.
- All the morons who frothed out loud that Budaj should start this game despite Price having a now running quadruple shutout streak on the Rangers at the Bell Centre: BACK IN YOUR CAVES.
- And despite the score, and the fact the Rangers suck, it's not like they didn't have grade A chances. Habs enjoy leaving the slot wide open for milk and cookies. May as well paint the ice with a "Come in we're OPEN" sign.
- Ryder opening the scoring, marking him down for the game winning goal. Last Ranger's game Cole had the game winner. Feels like the Universe is happy now.
- My brother: Ryder skating is what Hal Gill would be if he were a forward.
- Nathan Beaulieu paired with Frankie Bouillon gives you the Honey Boo Boo pair?
- First shift, gets a nice shot on goal too. He looks like Mike Green but less faily.
- There is truth to that notion that a player looks better and does better in the NHL than in the AHL. For one, players know what their doing and aren't usually paired with a spot-goon. There's more control and less garbage in the NHL too. (Which is also why Leblanc did better in the NHL with Eller/AK46 than what's going on in Hamilton on a line with a goon and a career ECHLer).
- Though the penalty kill ended perfect, one does not want to see Marian Gaborik cut in on a partial breakaway...
- But that's ok. Pleky and PK blew down the ice on a two-on-one for the 2nd goal. You will know this, and you will fear it!
- PK adds 3 more assists to his tally. Was a man possessed on the powerplay when Derpface Nash ran Price.
- My brother: Rangers are losing. Watch Nash attempt to injure someone because superstars don't get suspended. (He ran Price twice).
- The Tsawwassen Terror's 11th goal of the year was just so perfect. Never quit, aim high kids. And I'm talking top shelf.
- My brother: They're just backing up on that Ranger crossing over the blue line! Oh, it's just Richards. Never mind.
- Prust comes back from separating his shoulder, blocks a shot in the 3rd to help preserve the shutout. Walks it off.
- Emelin checked RDS off the air.
- PK did that Joel thingy on his 2nd star skate.

So Torts? Were you entertained enough?

Habs 6, Bruins 5 (SO): STONES

HUGE FUCKING STONES.

After shitting the bed in the 2nd period and blowing the patented 2-goal lead because defense decided it was all cool to just not move/play/exist, Therrien dusted off his paint peeler, replaced Price with Budaj to kick the rest of the boys' asses and BOOM. It was like a replay of that 5-0 come back game against the Rangers. It even had an ALMOST hat trick by Ryder.

Oh and Chara bounced the puck into his own net off a Markov shot with 8 seconds left. No cartwheels required.

Price could have legally sued the team for abandonment though.
- Price still ended the night with a better save percentage than Rask.
- PK getting ignored for Norris nods because people obviously pay too much attention to the usual trio of fancy names. C'mon, Karlsson won it without even playing defence!
- By the way, PK ended +3 while Markov ended -3. And played 30 minutes.
- Back to backs are brutal. Oh that's right. My tired team took your rested team to a shootout. Next excuse.

Spin that wheel!

- Maybe next time the media will hype this as a bloodbath statement game where the Bruins will send a message to everyone. Oh wait.
- Just like that part where apparently Galchenyuk was supposed to be in the pressbox for this game for protection or some such rot, he helped set up PK's goal through absolute will and a determination unmatched by MOST of his teammates.
- I had no clue Pacioretty was playing though. Seriously, if Eller gets the short end of the stick for not being "intense" enough, someone needs to kick Patch in the ass.
- Yup, that was David "I got 1-punch KO'd by Benoit Pouliot" Krejci trying to pick a fight with Gionta. And Nathan "One punch to my head will probably mean 6 months in a dark room" Horton trying to pick a fight with Subban, who just laughed in his face.
- We blow leads. They blow leads. All that matters to me is the Habs proved they can match the Pens and the Bruins, and the media still won't give them credit. Or will make up some excuse. Or pull up some fact.
- The "Iron Curtain" was more the "Chiffon Curtain". Horrible game by Emelin and Markov.
- Bruins had as many shots in the 2nd as some teams put up all game...
- My god that penalty kill in the 2nd was really just Price VS the Bruins. You ain't helping anything standing around with your stick around your waist guys. Halpern may as well have just lied down on the ground too.
- Similarly, leaving a Bruin all alone in front to not only have one attempt but TWO? And all those odd-man rushes...
- I can totally live with Ryder if all he does is score on Boston.
- Oh to watch Chara throw a fit like an 8-year-old at the local Walmart. You speared Armstrong in the balls. And THAT didn't even get called.
- Bruins fans bitching about the DOG penalty, may I present you Roman Hamrlik who did that at least once a month. In the exact same manner (tipping the puck out). It's a penalty. Deal with it with your supposed #1 penalty kill in the league.
- Budaj was a rock in the shootout. He must have sprayed himself with Enroth's Old Spice Hawkridge.
- The guy with the biggest stones on this team is the smallest kid on the ice. Gallagher for life!

No quit. No surrender. Well, after they get yelled at or whatever. Therrien said he'd keep the game on DVD, but would skip the 2nd. By the way Bruins, you just got trolled by Pittsburgh over Iginla.

RASK RAGE!

(Thanks @TPBAdam for the gif)

Habs 5, Islanders 2: The pattern

This is what happens when you skate into Brad Boyes' ass.

This team's formula is probably first period (pile it on) -  second period (take a break) + third period (world beaters) = success! That or they're just bored and want to challenge themselves by fucking themselves over. I don't care where they are in the standings. If they can blow this game and only manage 2 powerplay goals on Poulin they deserve an F.

But hey, let's ignore all the bad stuff and praise that third period right?

Hey Islanders?
- Move already.
- So sick of radio hosts holding up Price's stats in Long Island. Did it ever occur to you just how SHIT the team plays there as a whole? He was great tonight and they could have easily lost the game anyway. Mostly because it's like there's no defence when they come here...
- Islanders repeatedly came screaming down the ice 3 guys wide and the Habs did nothing to counter it.
- I was waiting for them to pull out the Flying V.
- But hey, at least the penalty kill was spot on tonight.
- Or at least Price was on that second period kill...
- I will not survive an extra year of Frankie Bou backing up instead of closing the gap between himself and say John Tavares.
- Every time Matt Carkner takes a blatant penalty he turns around and bitches to the ref about it.
- PK Subban: Two goals bitches~! Now up to 9 with 22 points in 24 games. Maybe you should work on THAT contract instead of Frankie Bou...
- Yes Drew Doughty finally scored a goal.
- Hey Desharnais, it's amazing what happens once you extract your head from your arse eh?
- Gionta has somehow managed to quietly collect 10 goals on the year.
- If I could, I'd have a team of Ellers and Gallaghers.
- Good job putting the puck in your own net, Islanders. Gally thanks you.
- With 5 minutes left, the Islanders started diving up and down the ice. Of course the dive they called was a dumb one.
- Thumbs up to taking a penalty with 3 minutes left.

In the end, I don't know whether to applaud or line you all up and slap you.

Habs 2, Sabres 3 (OT): I am in NO mood to take this right now

We're having a shit-ton of snow right now, which is WONDERFUL. I'm serious, I'm happy. I love snow. What I hate though? I have a dog in one arm ('cause the German Shepherd was in the parking lot and Toaster flips out when he sees her) and I'm getting my bags out of the car with my other, and then I close my door and POOF my car keys disappeared. (I had already locked the doors). I pushed the snow out of the way all over, I turned my car inside out, I dumped all my bags contents on the floor, I checked everywhere: Nothing. Thankfully living near my parents who have a spare key has it's perks, but holy shit my day just went from a pretty meh of a good-ish day to FUCK YOU UNIVERSE DIE EVERYONE. And Toaster wouldn't shut up until he finally realized how pissed off I was and I didn't need him barking in my face to throw his fucking ball.

And of course the Habs are playing like they're still guzzling all the Guinness left over from the St. Patrick's Day festivities and losing to the Sabres 2-0 and looking like they couldn't give two shits of a damn.

With the loss of my keys I'm in no mood to recap this shit fully. So, Habs missed FORTY SEVEN times. Steve Ott is fuckhead and someone should have punched him on his game winner in OT when he fell on Price right after. Someone should have punched Markov and told him HE DIDN'T NEED TO PLAY THE WHOLE PK IN OT, especially with the effort of a wet noodle. Gallagher is the real MVP. Lars Eller should be cloned so he could play all game. Colby Armstrong has enough games left to get 20 goals. Accountability apparently doesn't apply to Desharnais and I'm already pissed off with that contract if he's going to be lazy defensively and spread that laziness to Pacioretty. And what a bullshit phantom penalty call on PK, especially after not calling blatant shit like when Eller dragged someone down the length of the ice like he's a fucking sled.

Good thing I have chocolate, or this news that Bouillon's agent has spoken to Bergevin about extending his contract an extra year that just showed up on my timeline would have made me punch walls...

Missed 47 times.

Jhonas Enroth must have sprayed himself with Old Spice Hawkridge.

Habs just lucky the Jets beat the Bruins in regulation. Habs still first in the Northeast. Yay lose point.

PS. I now found the keys buried in the ice in the parking lot. But then Bergevin extended Cube's contract. WHY? Couldn't wait til fucking Summer and see if maybe someone else out there was available? Unless you trade him for Hal Gill to fix the shit penalty kill...

Habs 4, Bolts 3: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Habs

Habs 2nd periods.

Thinking about skipping those 2nd periods from now on, Habs. I mean, if you guys do it, then why shouldn't I?

Good teams find a way to win. Good Habs teams find a way to piss off their fanbase while looking like a bunch of pylons for a whole period then come back to win it in the 3rd. Whatever works. Just as long as we got a steady supply of booze and things to throw at the TV set.

Hope you enjoyed that 1st place spot for those 5 minutes, Bruins.

Meanwhile, after the Habs powered back in the 3rd, the Lightning got their first shot on Price with about 1:40 left. Probably why Boucher stormed off after the final buzzer.

Are you really really really sure you want to join the Northeast guys?

Grrraaaaaaaah!

Scoring by committee. Pleky, Gionta, Emelin and another winner by Gallagher. Michael Ryder is apparently now a playmaker. And most of that 3rd was without Prust, who looked like he aggravated something whatever was already bothering him. Though it might be a good week for Prust to take off with only tomorrow, Wednesday and then Saturday with games. Ice bag that shoulder, Prusty. You deserve a break.

Welcome to the NHL, Pateryn. I'm sorry you have to play with Bouillon...

Habs 5, Leaf 2: Bite me

AIR GUITAR!

Harlem Shake is the Leafs' goal song.

Gorges is retweeting some chatter about someone wishing he were hotter than he is.

And Price is tweeting about Duck Dynasty.

Hockey jumped the shark.

Do I need to remind you Michael Ryder is a Hab again?
- You know what sucks? THIS FUCKING SLUSHSTORM.
- Why the flying fuck is Colton Orr playing 15 minutes? With Kadri? With more ice time than Kessel and JVR? Oh right, Carlyle thinks goons = wins.
- It's because of that, Mike Douchechops Brown's hit from behind on Gorges was a 5 and a toss instead of a 2. Yes, I think he was tossed simply to send a message to the bench to quit their shit now.
- Once again, Dion Phaneuf goes after things smaller than him and runs from Prust. But really, Gallagher doesn't give a crap who you are, he will skate through you and will usually end up under your goalie in the net.
- Which prompted a hilarious thing! CTV's Brian Wilde mentions a prayer for Gionta to teach Gallagher how to avoid dangerous situations. I totally disagree with this, as this is not in Gallagher's DNA. And anyway if you've watched Gally play most of his hockey life, teaching him to avoid danger is ridiculous and would kill his game (in any case, he knows what he's doing). Long story short, my disagreeing with his statement prompted Tennis Man to bite my fucking head off for being "contrarian on every bloody thing", of which I politely did not appreciate and clarified I'm merely disagreeing with his statement because Gally can take care of himself thank you very much. Plus, teaching him to go do the complete opposite of what made him an NHLer? Yea that's smart... In any case, he has deleted his side of the small exchange and probably blocked me like the insecure twat he appears to be. It's called a Twitter exchange. Deal with it or get off. (ie, Bite me).
- By the way, the Phaneuf hit on Gallagher? Gallagher stayed on his feet while Phaneuf tumbled over. Remind me who knocked Georges Parros on his ass in Florida? OH YEA, Gallagher.
- Still, some progress: Scrivens didn't attack Gally this time.
- Both goals against were total fails in coverage. You just can't stop skating guys...
- So Patches gets two glorious chances on the 5 minute major, misses both (including an absolutely abandoned net). PK breaks his stick on a shot, Scrivens bounces the rebound off Patches' leg and in. Typical.
- Though Patches made up for it on a Kovalev-esque shot after little DD out-muscled Phaneuf to get him the puck. (Suck it Phaneuf).
- Penalty shot: denied. Maybe next time Grabs should try biting the puck.
- Somewhere, Tyler Bozak is still bitching about losing the faceoff clean to DD on Gally's goal. YOU LOST THE DRAW. Deal with it.
- Every time I saw a Habs goal, I saw JVR float by after it. It was the only time I noticed JVR, really.
- When Emelin scores, I get real happy.
- And Gionta adds the rare empty netter for free wings!

So, Gallagher gave Ryder his number back and took his old 11 on. Happily took his number 11. Then again, Gallagher is basically synonymous with happy.

Suck it Leafs.

Habs 4, Flyers 1: A week of wins

Exactly a week after the bull of shit we saw against Toronto, where the Leaf apparently won the Cup (not saying which Cup...maybe a Cup of Coffee), somehow the Habs won 3 in a row and bounced up to 2nd in the Conference. But lo! The Leaf hath defeated the reeling Senators of Ottawa, who just lost their best "defenceman" to a tendon slice. Andrei Markov sends his sympathies.

Though Philly has some excuses for their Buffalo of a record. An incompetent GM who gets praised for trading players he probably could use right now just so he could overpay a goalie who masqueraded his abilities behind a team no one gave much of a shit to play against (and were ok defensively). Coupled with injuries. And more trades of a budding power forward for a piece of shit defenceman (IF GALLAGHER IS INJURED BRING ME THE HEAD OF LUKE SCHENN) no one really wanted. Coupled with more injuries. Hey, Clod Geerou can't do it all. Can't wait for Holmgren to trade him this summer.

That light you see is Mike Richards and Jeff Carter reflecting the sun against their Stanley Cup rings sending signals of thanks and lol across the country to his office window.

Do not play unless you're below this line
- Until the 3rd period, no one above 5'8" scored a goal. Though a shrivel of critics in this city believe Pleky is below that line...
- Yes, for the first time in a while we saw something from DD and some chemistry from his line of the day. Of course then his wingers go down. However, I'll remain cautious to the fact DD has now "shown up" once ever week or two and remains fairly consistent with last year in regards to his weak performance on the road (shootouts don't count)... This new inconsistency, and the fact he's below the chin-line, does not warrant a long-term contract. Sorry to the Cranky Franky Gagnons of the world. You don't have to be a member of ENGLISH MEDIA (as he so charges) to realize the fact he's got no future on this team considering his size in relation to the fact we've got too much of his size, and he's on the wrong side of 25. And there are centers coming up in the system that can do plenty more (Kristo, Vail, Bournival, etc).
- And no, Cranky Franky Gagnon. We will not trade Plekanec or Eller to make room for him either. Put your pompoms away.
- (Of course, if they do trade those guys away, the collective facepalm from actual fans who care more about wins/abilities over place of birth/language will blow the Bell Center on it's backside).
- Price was sick with the shits (stomach flu), so Budajbar came in. The haters immediately coined this as a loss and probably went out for dinner. Who needs you!
- The haters obviously forgot neither goalie for the Flyers could be considered "solid", nor a "starter" for that matter. Tonight we had Bouuuuuuuuucherrrrrrrr.
- I was also told that Clod Geerou would "light it up". He did nothing of the sort. In fact, the only thing he did was sting the back of Emelin's leg. Actually for some reason he was after him all night... You don't like Russians?
- Yes, get your goal out of the way, Briere.
- PK Subban had the save of the game after Budaj temporarily believed he was able to play the puck like Carey Price and wandered behind his net. PK dove in front for the save, stinging his arm in the process. Keith Jones then accused PK of being selfish, believing he only did that to get attention. I really hope he was being facetious, but I somehow have my doubts.
- Am I the only one who thinks Pacioretty will end the season with nothing but assists? Team player!
- I'm fine with the Habs getting trapped in their own end, so long as they spend those 5 minutes keeping the puck along the boards. It might not be exciting hockey, and might be rather frustrating, but it's efficient...
- For a moment in the 3rd, Pacioretty did his best Erik Cole and drove to the net down the wing. Timonen held him up and Pacioretty fell on his skate. A "deep cut" by the ribs for Pacioretty that healed 3 weeks ago.
- You know Armstrong, that puck hitting you in the eye wouldn't have been a problem if you had a visor on.
-  Rene Bourque twisted the knife by being clobbered on a breakaway to the empty net. Automatic goal.


Alright. Another week of work ahead. Habs hanging on to a playoff position and creating a fair amount of buffer should they need that cushion later in the season. Let's just hope the injuries that happened in this game aren't big ones...

Habs 4, Sabres 5 (SO): I got a few things to say

I'm sorry. I can't even be angry with Ryan White.

Oh yes I've heard the "Ott is a master prick and did his job, White should have controlled himself better". All game long Ott was going after Gallagher, after Markov, after Gionta...kind of like that game in Dallas when he went after Kovy and Koivu and Greg Stewart punched him in the face. Only in that game, Price was the goalie and the penalty killers did their job.

Which brings me to this point: Maybe your penalty kill unit should have a guy named PK Subban on it? I don't know why he magically disappeared from the kill tonight. Having PK out there killing penalties for basically 46 seconds does not help your cause, especially in a back-to-back game. And yea Diaz had a good game. But seeing him channel his inner Hal Gill on a 5-on-3, while heroic, is not something you want to see regularly. Guess who was out there killing White's penalty? NOT PK.

It would also help if Budaj knew what a goal line stand was... Or how to close his giant 5-hole. Or use his glove to freeze the puck instead of allowing the puck to fly off him wildly in random directions.

So go ahead. Blame Ryan White for doing what all you fans were crying about, how no one ever stands up when douchnozzles take liberties on our players. Go ahead and ignore the fact that every time the Habs scored, DD's line was put out there and totally zonked out allowing the Sabres to score one right back. Go ahead and ignore the wet noodle attempt to kill the clock with the empty net staring in their face. Because you do not put your faith on Tim Peel to call Steve Ott for pitchforking Budaj into the net to allow Vanek to score. Because Tim Peel is a big twat.

Also would it kill you to win a faceoff? This team's most glaring wart. The other wart being how bad Desharnais and Cole have been. Pacioretty is starting to catch the suck bug.

In the future, Habs should send Galchenyuk out for all three attempts in the shootout. Just switch the jersey every time. My how big you've suddenly grown, Gionta!

Speaking of Gionta, he took a really stupid random penalty in the middle of the 2nd period that I can only describe by this photo....

Meow, bitches!

Habs 6, Vanek 1: Free Buffalo Wings

PK is back! And his skate had it out for him in the first period. But once that was fixed, you could see just how good this team is with him. And an assist in his first game back thank you very much.

Other than PK, today's game was billed (locally) as Grigorenko VS. Galchenyuk! The two players Habs could have drafted but only could have one! How will this look? How will they perfom? Who will get more points? Build up, controversy!

...and Grigorenko may as well have not been playing.

As for Galchenyuk? He OWNED.

Ryan Miller discovered 2 Gallys are better than 1

Steve Ott is still a douche
- The "New Look Sabres" were supposed to be scary. Or that's what I was TOLD because of that shitstorm in Boston.
- I can say, as a fan of the Blackhawks, that John Scott is fucking useless. You will learn to understand this, one day. Just like how the Rangers did.
- Do you like Rene Bourque now? When he's not drawing penalties, he's crashing the net. Two goals!
- You see the difference with PK. He's our only D capable of matching the speed of say Cody Hodgson running full steam on a breakaway as Kaberle does his best impersonation of a wet noodle.
- THE KIDS! Highlight reel stuff. With a little help from Ehrhoff.
- First time Ryan Miller was pulled in a game against the Habs.
- First time since like 2008 (or 2009) the Habs scored this many goals on them. Maybe Lalime was in nets.
- HEY THERRIEN! IS LARS ELLER PLAYING INTENSE ENOUGH FOR YOU?! All it takes is a little bit of ice time, and a flying chance.
- DD did things right today! TWO GOALS. But those penalties negating powerplays........
- We had 3-on-3 hockey. And it was awesome.
- It would have been awesomer if Pleky, who literally walked up to Enroth, would have scored instead of shoving the puck into him...
- Funny how PK hits 6'8" John Scott, and Scott throws a punch at PK, gets a penatly while Cube (all 5'8" of him) comes to PK defence (PK stopped him).
- My biggest problem was Diaz's inability to stay calm and hold the blueline. That was like a vintage Hamrlik fuckup....
- Prusty vs Ott. Ott tried to get Gallagher to fight him first. Still a fuckwit.
- Ott went after Gallagher with a minute left in the game too...
- Lindy Ruff's face turned many shades of red.
- My nemesis Cody Hodgson didn't score for once!

Perfect for SuperBowl Weekend: Free Wings! Would have been cool if there was say A TRIPLE LOW FIVE celebrating this awesomeness....

Habs 4, Devils 3: The Markov Process

This is not Andrei Markov

Andrey Markov was a Russian mathematician with a crazy beard who helped develop the theory of stochastic process, particularly those aptly referred to as Markov Chains. Don't ask me how to tie this to hockey. I studied art not math.

Andrei Markov is the reconstructed Russian defenceman of the Montreal Canadiens who developed the ability to not give a damn about errors in overtime (but will bitch about them if they prove costly) and score game winning goals. Also I don't think he can grow a beard.

I HATE THE FUCKING DEVILS
- But wait! What was that?! Actual exciting back-and-forth h...h...hockey?! I swear I think I even saw the Devils players enjoying themselves while their coaches got super uncomfortable.
- Then again, the Habs scored two goals in the first period. This is like foreign territory for the Devils.
- Ryan White, guys. Ryan White! BAMF!
- Gallagher's first NHL goal was so beautiful, the video and a photo of the moment was whisked over to the Habs Hockey Hall of Fame!

- OK it wasn't, but it should! Gally Squared!
- Lost in all this fun was the Double Giontas...
- And Pierre Gauthier was back, scouting for the Hawks...
- You know who pisses me off? Patrik Elias. If that goal had sound it would be BOING.
- Naturally the fun we had in the first period was quickly snuffed back to bore you to death Devils style hockey. How dare we have a good time, right?
- A Prusty goal is a pretty one! And it wasn't shorthanded either.
- Price thanked his goalposts, Siegfried and Roy, with a stick tap to Goon.
- My heart stopped seeing Kovalchuk break through on a breakaway (cherry picker). Cassé!
- The Cole Train is just warming up...
- We STILL need PK. The penalty kill is really reaching with those tiny legs in the back.
- As is the players who can't seem to skate fast enough to get that one icing that turned into a really stupid goal.
- Meanwhile I advocate no-touch icing.
- DD appears to have trouble handling anything these days, including pucks. Yet somehow Eller gets punished for it. Truly fascinating.
- Zubrus was a fairly useless Hab, by the way.
- OK so I really don't hate Patrik Elias. I just hate him as a Devil. He's a pro and totally didn't cry about the OT penalty like most players do.
- Of course various random Leaf fans on twitter called it a dive when it was clearly a penalty. They're just upset the Leafs blow. And not just at hockey.
- I'm stunned every time Rene Bourque does something really good then absolutely misses the net. If the goal were in orbit, he'd be Wayne Gretzky.
- And I was stunned watching Markov leave the point only to make his way down to the side of the net and get replaced by Bourque. He shot it wide. Markov fixed it.

The Devils could do us all a favour and kindly fuck off back to Kansas. No one will miss them.

Well, this is good.  Doing it without Patches who had an appendectomy the night before. Oh right, Kaberle was scratched, whatever. It was ugly but they powered through it to beat an actual team that was rolling 3-0. Whatever Therrien did or fed them, keep doing it.

WOO!

Habs 4, Panthers 1: Gally Squared

As perfect a game can be against a Florida team playing it's 3rd game in 4 nights. But I will repost that we've seen the Habs come out flying against a tired team only to shit the bed in the final 40 minutes and lose in a shootout, so I will take this victory for all it's worth!

Still. After watching Desharnais flop all over the place like he suddenly forgot how to play hockey against actual competition for now the 2nd game in a row, I hope HCMT lives up to his need to reward-sit players and for the love of god reinsert Lars Eller please! He didn't even win more than TWO faceoffs all night! Or is he still stuck on his L'Antichumps chair with a direct line to the mouthbreathers making sure le gars de chez nous is forever safe...

We still want PK!
- People may have forgotten what the powerplay looks like when Markov is on it. Even more so, I think they've forgotten what it looks like when Markov is on it with PK.
- Just like I think they've forgotten that Diaz is a sneaky point getter, not to mention a power play specialist.
- Remember when that line of Kovy-Pleky-AK46 was like the best in the League then sucked the year after? I'm getting deja vu with Cole-DD-Patches.... (Which is why I think DD needs a sit down. All about accountability).
- Carey Price has a tender groin? Or was it a goaltender groin? Because really, the guy is ridiculous.
- Kovalev looks like the opposite of the guy who had a goal and 2 assists in their first game of the season. Actually he helped out on Pleky's goal. For old times sake.
- Ryan White doesn't own a copy of the Georges Laraque Code Book. You throw a stupid hit on Josh Gorges, you get pounded. And he doesn't care if your name is Tomas Fleischmann.
- We clearly needed the extra power play/penalty kill work.
- Also that epic kill of White's misconduct, plus an extra interference penalty to Markov for an extended 5-on-3 needs to be bronzed and placed in the lobby.
- Galchy's tip was the thing Habs fans dreamed of...
- Gallagher gets his first assist on it too. And dished out a handful of hits
- Emelin wears a cage to contain himself.
- WHOberdeau?
- Really I'm just happy they finally scored goals. And scored goals on Scott Clemmensen.

New line: Prust-Galchy-Gallagher. Keep this please.

I'd like to personally thank the Florida Panthers for this extra practice game. Because I'm sure our asses are going to be kicked in Washington, who are still winless at 0-2. Then again...

The little guys do matter

So as Team Canada was clawing it's way back from a 6-1 deficit for their one chance to play for gold, of which Brendan Gallagher's giant heart played a key role in, Montreal's ye olde radio host tweeted "No question Gallagher is special. But just another reason why Habs must get bigger & tougher."

So the goal and two assists and the constant drive by the smallest man on the ice wasn't enough eh? The little guy who took a hard hit that sent him face first into the glass but he continued on without even a stagger in his step while bigger players around him were dropping like flies... I'm pretty sure we all loved Oleksiak's 6'7" invisibility act this whole tourney. Or Huberdeau's terrible rage misconduct. Or Boone Jenner loosing his mind and spearing the guy who just elbowed him. Or Stone, who found the sweet spot to score almost every game, was completely shut down. Those are the big tough guys, right?

Gallagher never quits. And if you attempt to stop him, you'll be taking a penalty hauling him down. Or he'll just go right through you. Pretty sure he would have gotten another Player of the Game belt if he didn't get the one last game.

Sadly it wasn't meant to be, as the comeback came up short by a goal post and a terrible night for projected high pick Ryan Murray (who scored a hat trick plus an assist for the wrong team by accident). But the littlest engine that could didn't give up. Heartbreaking to see him after the game, trying desperately to hold back the tears, his eyes red, attempting to speak with a lump in his throat, desperately hiding his disappointment behind his great smile.

It was a great game in the end. Russian skill prevailed (and it was beautiful), but the grit and determination from the smallest player gets taken away and spun around to comment on the need for BIG TOUGH ROAR! when the big guys were doing little to support the little guys for most of the game...

(These are the same people who bitch about the Habs not drafting a little guy named Claude Giroux while poopooing Yakupov as a potential pick...even though they're the same height. Pretty sure if Habs got Giroux at the time, you would have heard "another fucking smurf"...which is what happened when Gallagher was selected. In the 5th round).

Besides, there's a guy named Jarred Tinordi who would like to have a word with you about big and tough Habs prospects...

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So the gold medal game will go down between Sweden and Russia (which I kind of predicted, though was hoping Canada would surprise), leaving Canada to fight for bronze against Finland (who were on the verge of surprising Sweden when lady luck turned around and kicked them real hard in the face). Both should be fantastic, unless Sweden does their super-efficient mechanically perfect shutdown thing and bore us all to death.