Oh hey Thursday

I'm so bored that I'm actually searching for funny Green Lantern pictures and found myself a page devoted entirely to Hal Jordan's head traumas. Fascinating stuff.

Oh and the new boys checked out the practice center and got their new sweaters. Hal Gill came last week, just to make sure he arrived on time for training camp. Golden comment via Gomez, "I love this jersey." So do I, mister. So do I...

Calamari dropped a Slapshot joke. For that, he gets the C in my book!

Slow news day...

So how is your life? Bored yet? We're nearing the middle of summer and I'm snowstalgic thank you very much. I'm so sick of rain. Rain in the morning. Rain in the afternoon. Rain in the evening. If I wanted rain, I would have transferred to EA Vancouver. Rain on weekends. Sunny on weekdays, like today, when I'm stuck at work staring at the ceiling or doodling random sprites to keep myself from going absolutely insane. There's only so much offseason a Montrealer can handle...

So what's in the news?
- The Leafs and the Flames traded nothing for nothing. I've chalked this up to a whatever on the Richter scale. It's so whatever that it's not even worth mentioning the names of the players involved.
- The Islanders haven't signed another goaltender but Josh Harding is twiddling his thumbs as an RFA.
- The Devils are copying our Centennial Plaza only instead of being awesome and historic in nature, it's dorky to the power of 10 and doubly lame and doesn't even have cool player statues... They call it the Championship Plaza, and it's grand centerpiece is the Rock of Prudential which is supposed to be a recreation of the Rock of Gibraltar as a symbol of strength. I mean, yea it's cool that Prudential has been around for 124 years, IN NEW JERSEY, but it's a bloody financial company! That would be like Molson deciding to make a statue of a giant beer bottle in the center of our plaza, being a 200-year Montreal family success story... Add in a generic hockey player statue that isn't even Brodeur, stone markers honoring the 3 Cups, 4 Conference Championships, and 8 Division Titles, a 1001 "Rangers Suck" fan bricks, and it leaves me wondering just what the hey are they trying to do here... They can barely fill an arena with fans let alone a plaza. At least we waited 100 years to make ours matter...
- Apparently a new bidder for the Coyotes wants to bring them to Saskatchewan for a few games and hope the locals will actually take a shine to the team. To which I say HA! because the locals are just going to do like the locals in Phoenix do: use the team as a legitimate excuse for the Habs to come to their town. You know you can solve this whole problem by just moving the damn team back to Winnipeg...
- You might have noticed I put up the link to Carey Price's official page. While he has yet to do anything with it, I've noticed the scary stalker fans are starting to post comments... Maybe the website wasn't such a good idea eh kiddo?

I'd like to leave off with this:

Does this picture not send a shiver down your spine? By the holy ghost of Howie Morenz... Who needs Forum Ghosts when the reincarnations can actually join in and play!

Random Friday: My moment of glory

During Draft Weekend, a bunch of us got together for a tweetup thing. One of the planned activities was a floor hockey tournament in the deathly hot but really nice Fieldhouse of McGill University. I, of course, took up my post in a net way too big for my AAA Midget frame. On team "USA" was the ever notorious Eklund in nets, who was more proportional to the nets used and looked like a Flyers player, and came in full garb from the special padded shorts to an iPhone in case he would miss some super scoop or rumor. (Got a call from Jim Balsillie later). If I was dying in my regular barely protective gear, I could only imagine how many pants sizes he lost that day (e3).

In any case, the game was 4-all tied by the end, so we went to a shootout. The shootout itself ended in a 1-all tie (my brother got one lovely high shot that he surprised himself with), so I suggested we goalies got the chance to end it. I mean, have you ever seen Carey Price's wrist shot? With a paddle stick? He'd put most forwards to shame!

Eklund didn't use his paddle stick though. He took one of the regular sticks and hobbled his way towards me like a sneaky Scooby-doo villain. Shot the puck, and I gloved it (well, swatted it away with my glove... I can't actually catch those floor hockey balls with a glove with my baby hands). So it was up to me.

I dropped my glove and blocker and grabbed my trusty Sher-Wood. Eklund decided to try and scare me and lunged forward to poke check. Only he missed, and I nearly poked him in the head avoiding him. But he never got to the ball, and I slipped it past him, right into a yawning cage for the gold.

I made a gif of it!

Aim for the head!

If there's anything Shaun of the Dead taught us about zombies it's that they can be trained to do various odd jobs and manual labour, as well as be your chained-up-companion in the tool shed where you sneak off to play video games with. The film does warn us that your buddy zombie might try to bite you but you simply have to tell him not to and it won't.

I hear the ones wearing turtlenecks are quite vicious, and could randomly throw a punch at a guy should he dare to slash their goalie (they're quite protective), however they do have a tendency to maneuver like a little girl. I for one welcome the ZombiePleks back for another year. Because in this year he will work to prove to us all that zombism isn't the crippling effect we've all come to believe. Those years of anti-zombie propaganda have totally undermined the true power of a zombie. If anything a zombie is quite powerful: for one, they can't be killed, as they are the undead, unless you aim for the head but as most films have shown us people are usually too stupid to realize this and only get it towards the end when all hope is already lost and the zombies have pretty much won. They might be slow and sluggish, but some have been known to run pretty fast, and they're tenacious at obtaining their ultimate goal, which would be to munch on your brains or the brains of an unsuspecting Pens goaltender.

And when the zombie apocalypse arrives, SuperZombieTurtlePleks will have the jump on us all. Though I've managed to score a 76% survival rate on a hypothetical zombie event and according to my friends, I would probably be the last one standing in our inner circle. Therefore, in the event of a zombie apocalypse, it would be just you and me, Pleky. Do you feel lucky, punk? Well? Do ya?

And this is what happens on a Sunday afternoon...

This is what it's all about.

Just a bunch of guys playing the game they love for the holiest of keggers, the Stanley Keg. And yes, Louis Leblanc and his team of younguns are old enough to drink it. Well, they are in my province anyway.

You can view video of the event here.

Random Friday: Bob must be a fan...

A James Bond fan that is!

I've mentioned many times how I found Guy Carbonneau to be the French Canadian twin of James Bond Daniel Craig. (No, not when he was Mullet Guy). It just dawned upon me that new Bulldogs HC/Habs-coach-in-training (waiting) Guy Boucher reminded me of another James Bond character...

Bond villain, Le Chiffre!

Snappy suits, and a bizarre facial scar shapped like a V, here he is plotting evils on the powerplay. They're about the same height too. (According to Fleming).

Oh irony shot!

NHL schedule released! Or how we plan to tire everyone out before the Olympics

Because as per tradition the Habs have to bust out of the gates on a FIVE GAME ROAD TRIP that includes a 3-game swing out West. Really? So soon? I haven't been paying attention to the Olympics because it angers me to no end but I'm guessing they gotta squeeze out all they can from Canucksland early to prep it for various things. (Oh I don't think I'll start ranting about how annoyed the Olympics have made me just yet...but if it had a motivational poster, the phrase DOING IT WRONG would come to mind).

Right after the early Western swing, the boys get to annoy their wives/girlfriends for 6 straight games. That averages out to about half a month of home cooking and favourite restaurant haunts. But overall NINE back-to-backers, with one being consecutive, another pair being a Florida trip, and a few home-away all nighters.

Basically because of the Olympics the teams will get to enjoy the type of schedule the AHL sends out, except with nicer transportation. And while the kids will probably be used to that, this could really test the metal of the few millionaires to show their character...

All this, and we won't even get to see Saku come home for a standing O.

Mark your calendars:
October 1, 2009 - It all starts here, on a Thursday, visiting the Maple Leafs where the newly nicknamed Doucharek will show us how blue his blue eyes can really be against the blue of the Leaf. Sorry Mike, but knowing Burke, he'll just use you as tradebait to dangle in front of the Islanders when he makes his package for Tavares. You could have been a captain! You could have stayed loved! You could have been a cont--ah whatever. HMCS Hal Gill will slowly show us how you could have played.
October 6, 7, 10, 2009 - Flames! Canucks! Oilers! And 10pm games!
October 15, 2009 - My brother's birthday and the home opener. I will have to be the good sister again and attempt to get us tickets. But wtf Avalanche?! I will have to be restrained from punching any fans who dare to show up in a Nords sweater. DIE!
October 17, 2009 - Kovy comes home. Please don't boo him because his agent is a moron...
October 24, 2009 - Please don't boo Higgins. He's a fucking Habs fan for fuck's sakes! (And he was traded).
October 31, 2009 - Halloween with the Leafs? How frightening... Only if Toskala's skull mask is FLAMING will that be awesome.

November 17, 2009 - Kostopoulos comes home!
November 24, 2009 - My mom's birthday and she gets the Blue Jackets? Meh. Last time it was the Sabres at least...

December 4, 2009 - HAPPY HABS 100th BIRTHDAY! This is the real centennial season by the way... And I'll barf if the Bruins piss on our parade. C'mon guys!
December 30, 31, 2009 - Habs Christmas swing to Florida, aka the only way the Lightning and Panthers can actually make money.

January 3, 2010 - Sabres come to town and Jesus H Christ it's 2010!
January 14, 2010 - The Stars make a rare appearances. BOOOOO MICKEY RIBS YOU TWAT BOOOOOOOOOO!
January 26, 27 - What's with the back-to-back Florida teams games? Another money maker.

February 2, 2010 - Canucks obviously ousted of their building/city spend the night in Luongo's basement.
February 13, 2010 - They go on break for 2 weeks (!) after sticking it to Pronger. Oh the ORANGENESS!

March 2, 2010 - Life starts again, on the road again, with the Bruins and then they swing West AGAIN.
March 7, 2010 - He'll always be MON CAPITAIN but fuck it if he scores a hat trick on us I'll cry.

April 10, 2010 - Oh symmetry~ End off the season with the Leafs, only at home. We have strong memories of season ending home games with the Leafs. Like when Kovy Revenge Elbowed Darcy Tucker, or when Stewart played in his first game and beat up Bryan McCabe and won the love of twenty-one thousand people... I wonder what we'll get this time?

In other news...
- Gui!Gui!Gui! signed his qualifying offer but it's only a 1-year deal at 800k, which frankly is a steal. Which was what he wanted since they offered him a 2-year deal at a million, but he'll stay RFA and get arbitration next time. Nice move Gui! But considering it's a 1-year deal, he'll need to really bust his ass to prove himself for that longer one. I think he'll be able to prove something. Gotta have faith in the kid!
- Shawn Belle, also signed his qualifying offer. The guy really bloomed in our system, and after being lost for so long with the Blues this makes me happy. He's also a former first-rounder, and man is he fast!
- Other tidbits from the Bulldogs we didn't hear much about but I found in the Hamilton Spectator, Chad Anderson got an AHL contract to stay a Bulldog, the Habs somehow acquired Eric Neilson from Peoria (who sounds like Flinn's replacement), and has let it kown that the following won't be back: Yanick Lehoux (our AHL Gretzky), Marc Denis (not an NHL goalie anymore), Steve Gainey, TJ Kemp (too bad, he was good for the powerplay), Mathieu Aubin, Doug Janik's gone to Detroit, Flinn, Olivier Latendresse (I think his injury might be a factor), Thomas Beauregard (same as Olivier), and of course the Stars reclaimed their properties like Dan Jancevski and Tyler Shelast since their AHL team will be set up this year.
- Oh hey the Iowa Chops got CHOPPED. Something about violating the Leagues' Consitution and By-Laws. Crazy!
- Hey, Stewart, sign yer damn contract already, you're freaking me out.

We salute you, Tom Kostopoulos

May the annoying fans of the Whalercanes treat you well, but somehow I doubt they will as they're probably already bitching about "another 3rd or 4th liner to go with the rest of them instead of someone Eric Staal can play with". They will need to learn the ways of TKO: the man of heart, the man of steel, the man who could throw punches and never win a fight, the man who memorized the Chuck Norris facts book, the man who reminded us how fragile Mike Van Ryn really is, the man who stood up and gave us a win in the Flyers series in OT before the Flyers started whining about things, the man who actually went down fighting Kurt Sauer after he brained AK46 while Laraque just asked nicely, and yes, the man I tried sending to the All-Star Game.

And while you always hover around the net despite your hands of clay, no one could ever deny your effort. You will be missed on the PK, my friend. Sure Travis Touchdown Moen is probably a defnite upgrade from you, but there's no denying the fact you were well loved here and I know we all wish you the very best. Enjoy that Southern cooking!

So long Greek Lightning. I wonder if there are still piece of Gorges' stick that he and Price sacrificed to help Gorges score a goal left around their arena...

His moment of glory, though he had many, but even Bob Cole described Tom the Bomb perfectly.

Young studs of the future!

Why yes I did wake up at 6:30am on a Saturday to travel 36km to watch the young Habs prospects play in an intra-squad game at 10am in the boonies of Brossard. Exactly what kind of fan do you think I am?! I even took video!

He's ready for prime time!

And to all the whiny, bitchy Habs fans: our future looks bright. Except in goal... God help us if you scare Price away.

Next up: The Stanley Keg! At least this one is almost next door to me...

Face breakers

Dear Darcy Tucker,
Paul Mara will break your face if you try to run Halak again.

Signed,
Bob Gainey

PS. If he is unavailable, Travis Touchdown Moen will gladly comply.

To my brave little captain

I didn't want to write anything until I knew for sure where he was going. And while I'll be more serious here than I was with Kovy's farewell, I find I'm at a loss for words. How can one describe the departure of the only captain I can truly put a face to? Yes I was around through Carbo (and Chelibot), Muller, Keane, Turgeon, Damphousse, hell I was around when Gainey was captain. And while each man were definitely something special, I think Saku Koivu was a little more.

Nothing but class and a huge part of our city. While fans rant and rave, he dutifully held his head high and expressed his appreciation for all he accomplished in our city, with our team, and how it shaped him into the very man, husband, and father that he is. I wish to return this in true Koivu form and thank the little big man from the bottom of my heart and I wish him nothing but good health and success as he tears the NHL a new one with his best friend Selanne over in Anaheim. I thank him for bringing us our first PET scanner. I thank him for all the wonderful work he has done with the children. I thank him for putting me on the edge of my seat every game and for making me jump in the air when he potted the winner in many an overtime or shootout. I thank him for the courage and inspiration he has shown, and for calming a rampaging Sergei Kostitsyn after witnessing his brother being brained onto the glass with no consequence on the player at fault. And after finally obtaining Kovy and Tanguay on his wings and finally playing on a proper line, I thank him for giving us that glimmer of hope after a season that was only half-fun to watch. It's too bad the line wasn't allowed to be together any longer than it was, what with the injuries and all. But as he moves on to greater pastures, and looks back on all the records he crushed and chased, as a fan and admirer of the great little captain I can say this: A great man and a great player passed here.

You will be missed, Saku Koivu. Long may you run.

Qui d'autre?

Truly his finest moment.

Brothers and sisters we are gathered here today to mourn the moving on of Alexei "Alex" Vyacheslavovich Kovalev, also known as AK27, as he signed a two-year deal at five-million each with the Ottawa Senators. The enigmatic Russian star has turned a page in his book after a difficult year in which he was still the highest scoring point leader of the Canadiens. His followers, who paid hommage to him on Sunday, July 5th 2009, may take solace in knowing he's only an hour away and will hopefully still be able to invent scandals via the Russian press. As stated earlier this year, Habs Nation did him a great service in voting diligently for his entry into the All Star Game where he was named captain and provided us with a glimpse of what may happen when you fail to defend against him. He also won MVP for that night. With that, fans can rest assured that they have sufficiently honoured the Maestro. Now he moves on, matching Jason Spezza in skill and laziness, bickering with captain Alfredsson, and hopefully kicking Dany Heatley's ass (if he's still around).

He is remembered for embracing our fine city and for capturing our attention with his mesmerizing ability and skill, for driving us up the wall and back down, and for backing up captain Saku Koivu when he fell to injury as stand-in captain. His work with the public, charities, children, on Les Boys, and just generally spontaneously flying to some remote town to visit fans will never be forgotten.

He leaves behind a few Russian prospects who were hoping to learn from the Artist himself, and has hopefully inspired the two Kostitsyn brothers to pick up the slack in his passing while on the second powerplay unit.

You will be missed, Kovy. Be gentle on Price and Jaro during shootouts. May god have mercy on our penalty killers.

Feel the Kovalove!

Wonder if Kovy dekes his agent after seeing this. C'mon Kovy! They're protesting for you!

Free Agency Bonanza!

Pull my finger.

Bob Gainey has one hell of a poker face. Except for the fact it's his normal face. Hell, even his son, late-signing Bulldogs forward Steve, says you won't get much out of him. But when he's serious, his actions speak volumes.

So many times I hear the same old tune played out by the many rabid vocal fans on various forums at how Bob is way too passive and patient. After yesterday's events however those in the more vocal "Fire Bob" majority have mysteriously been silenced. (Minus the quips about short players, but I've got a response to that too).

In total... 107.8 million after 24 hours. Yowza.

Our n00bs consist of Gomez via trade, newly ringed Stanly Cup winner USS Hal Gill will slowly take his hulking frame into position and hopefully not knock more pucks in his own net like Komisaurus (but at least he's a little better at skating backwards), the speedy little non-Martin St.Louis Brian Gionta gets reunited with his BFF, sucker punching Cammalleri is on his way from the Saddledome, and Jaro 2.0 Spacek who gave me heart attacks whenever he was with the Sabres and zooming in on our net can now zoom in on theirs. Bob appears to be done, but you never know. He recently resigned a few Bulldogs (Henry, Glumac) and is probably still negotiating with our other RFAs or maybe looking for replacements (maybe, but Martin might like the Lady Pleks and may be able to rekindle his form). It was an exhausting day... The information that was streaming out from his office was of Michael Bay proportions.

And who cares about size. DURABLE! A lot of the smaller guys are built like tanks. They're fast, and can skate pirouettes around taller pylons. Remember Plekanec and Kovy (well he's not small) turning Chara's gangly long legs against him? With the exception of Spacek, the three new minis are built tough and built for speed. That was Tanguay's problem: All the skill in the world, but made of glass. Bob can't afford to pay a guy to sit in a shoulder sling forever. Ever watch Desharnais play? Sure he may come up to most players waists and has to cut his sticks in half to use them, but as his vapor trail leaves them with a sunburn and his low center of gravity makes it difficult to knock him off the puck, who would you rather have: A man who gets caught up in his own feet, or a man who can skate right through those feet?

Jokes aside, I'm actually pretty ok with how the team looks (minus the mysterious captaincy issue). I remember how awesome it looked on paper this year and then everyone got hurt so no one ever played together. Media expectations are currently in the "wtf Bob likes seafood?" low category, while they sit around and praise Brian Burke for doing nothing much to better his team. (Orr? Komisaurus? Grabovski? Banking on Kulikov, Hamilton, and Tlusty I guess since they traded away Stapleton). I haven't been paying much attention either but I'm guessing they're praising the Bruins for being 100% grinders now too. (Yes, even the goalies). And maybe the Rangers for whom we have done a great honor in relieving them of some cap with Gomez, appear to be ready to ride Lundqvist into the ground again and hope Gaborik doesn't break upon moving in. (Though I bet Lundqvist is happy Gaborik won't be scoring 5 goals on him anymore, except in practice).

And while we hold our breath and pray our dear Captain Saku goes West and Kovy doesn't sign with the Pens/Caps (for Carey Price's sake and sanity), I wish to make a toast: Here's to a new season my friends. I really want to see how it goes! (And hope there's a proper training camp this year unlike that 2-day fuck up Bettman and crew set up last time). Bob has gambled with beer money, and if it doesn't pan out at least we can sit with the comfort in knowing Calamari is one fun player to watch. Is it October yet?

Happy Canada Day!

It really is such a lovely flag...

Also, happy birthday to Jarome Iginla.

Currently, the most aggravating Canadian hockey player right now is Dany Heatley. Maybe he's scared of Pat Quinn or something. Hey Heater, I got news for you: probably every coach you encounter will cut your ice time if you act the way you do.

Cheers!