A bad case of the Mondays...

Heeeere radio radio radio...

This is the problem with Montreal: everyone and their dog has an opinion on hockey and if you stick a mic on them, they think they're legit. In this case, I think the dog would have better insight than PJ Stock.

It's tough enough waking up on a Monday. Harder after you've spent the wee hours of 2-3am phoning security and then the cops on some suspicious activity happening below. And doubly harder when your crappy alarm clock radio has difficulty reaching your favourite station which hails from Vermont and plays ACTUAL music so your stuck with the terrible morning show of CHOM who decided they'd get in on the Sports scene more by firing Ted Bird and hiring former-useless facepuncher PJ Stock (who was "fired" from the actual sports station) to berate the Habs every fucking morning. His bitterness can't be cured with a morning coffee. Or maybe it's those early hours waking up that causes him to kvetch so much. Either way, it's NOT how I wish to wake up in the morning. But the fleeting chance of a traffic report or say some actual music has me stuck on this station. Also, THERE'S NOTHING ELSE unless I sleep on my sofa and set my TV to wake me up...which might not be a bad idea other than the prospect of ruining my back.

Sadly until the solar prominence, I won't be getting my Vermont station on my shitty radio (can barely get it on my car in the parking lot too...maybe my building is radioactive). And so I'll continue to wake up pissed off and annoyed as PJ Stock whispers absolutely laughable nothing into my ear. Does it wake me up? Sadly not enough to throw my radio, but just enough to anger me with a "what the fuck am I listening to and what the fuck is going on here".

Behold the latest wisdom from the insightful yet vapid mind of PJ Stock:
- The Habs lost their best powerplay point getter in Glen Metropolit.
- The Habs lost their best point getting defenceman in Marc-Andre Bergeron.
- The Habs lost their best checking forward in Dominic Moore.
- The Habs lost their best player in Jaro Halak.
- The Habs suck.
- The Habs don't have a goalie signed.
- The Habs suck so much I gotta remind you every fucking morning.
- I talk in pauses 'cause it makes me look smrt (sic) and shows I know what I'm talking about. I stole this from Obama.
- I just got owned by the traffic lady.
- The Habs suck and will suck forever. Too bad my name is engraved on that Centennial statue, assholes.
- The Habs suck so much they got a second line of Cammalleri-Plekanec-Lapierre.
- The Habs suck because they got Brock Trotter penciled in on their 3rd line.
- This opinion was so important that I had to phone it in.

For one, PJ, I'll be very impressed with Brock Trotter if he could score for the Habs on the 3rd line all the way from Latvia.

---

While I'm on the subject of RADIO PEOPLE WHO ANNOY ME...

Hey Tony Marinaro, why don't you and Jaro get a room already so you could just get this over with? Not only do you temporarily take over the best radio show in the city (Melnick's on vacation), but I don't think a day has passed where you haven't gushed in a romantic fantasy trance via a selective memory of events about the former Habs goalie. Every day it's the same damn thing! GET. OVER. IT. You're making me hate Jaro by constantly shoving this down my earlobes.

Here. Use this song and head over to the Queen E. I'm sure Gino would approve. Don't forget to bring Alan Walsh with you.

You make me into this

Replace the face of poor doomed Torchwood scientist with Dany Heatley's and you get my drift about my sentiments right now.

Forgive me as I explode on an angry rant for a moment, but really, what the holy glorious fuck is wrong with everyone? We first get a rumor that Bob is thinking of trading with the Kings for the holy trilogy (that would be Frolov, Kopitar, and haha Schenn) for the Kostitsyn brothers, Rhino, Dagger, Stewie, Hammer, and a partridge in a pear tree. Not only is that by itself downright delusional, but it's downright insulting (to the Kings mostly, for I can't see them being that stupid to trade away their Big Three even if it's for our whole depth chart). This has now ballooned towards another Californian team, and it's all Dany Heatley's fault.

That's right, Heater. If this all comes true, and it's your fault, well I for one will be truly annoyed at what your drama has transpired and that it now involves MY team to satisfy your fucking needs you disgruntled asshat.

But my anger is not solely directed at that disgruntle twat. I'm more angry at what has happened to the fans of this team. The new rumor du jour is that the Sharks want to make a deal for Heatley, but they're lassoing the Habs into it to help because apparently Cryin' Bryan isn't happy with what Team Teal has to offer. The usual suspects are named from Halak to Higgy (OOPS pick again), and on their side it's the Cheechoo Train, Erhoff, and yet another 1st round pick (which San Jose seems to never want, and seriously, thank you for Pacioretty again). Then there's also Marleau, I guess because he's got a french-sounding last name even though he's not french. But this has now spiraled down to pondering a trade that includes...CAMMALLERI?! I was just at Fairview today and they already have his t-shirts on sale and you think he's on the list to being traded when he just fucking signed with the team last month and has been running around clicking his heels whilst jumping through the air proclaiming "I'M A HAB WOOOOO"?! Seriously, how stupid are some fans to even speculate openly such a thought as reasonable, especially considering what may be returning in the other direction for what will be lost?

Know what I call this? Cabin fever for hockey fans. Offseason is HELL.

What has me worried, however, is that Dagger and Stewie have yet to get their contract (they have their qualifying offer though, but the final terms are as much a mystery to me as to you). But are we now the Expos? Are we the training ground for the NHL where we raise some fine young talent and then quickly dispatch them to other teams in the league so they can come back to haunt us until they either find their way back here later or go on to have fine careers? Sure Stewie is a fringe player, but he's a character guy who's still growing, and has proven himself useful not just to the Dogs (where he scores his goals) but to the Habs (where he punches people). Of course Moen is probably securing that part, and will probably include some goals there, but one shouldn't give up on the kid with the rubber face yet particularily when the team's supposed guard spends most of his time on the IR and Conboy isn't exactly NHL ready yet (he's not an enforcer though, he's just a tough player). Same for Dags, who will learn a great deal from the new guys Bob signed up (who head for the net and use their speed, which is what he needs to remember to do as it gave him his success).

You know, I was enjoying the quiet where the last bit of signing info was for a career backup goalie to backup the backup. Sure the summer has been a pile of rainy shit and we've not seen the sun more than once a week (if we're lucky), but this has just nuked the fridge for me. And if something does come of it, and we lose more because someone needs to satisfy Heatley's little tiff with his coach, then after all the excitement I actually felt for the changes, and all the pain of dealing with the changes, will just be thrown off the bridge into the river where it will wallow with the mutant fishes. I'm even starting to hope some big storm knocks out all internets until October.

Right now I could use a good pick me up. So as the storm clouds swirl around the Heatley Maelstrom and it slowly, hypothetically sucks us into it...I'll take the Doctor's word about hope being a good emotion. And for the love of whatever, Bob, don't trade the Kostitsyns!!!