Habs 1, Lightning 2 (SO): So soff

 Dey soff.

Carey Price vs the Lightning. And a few other guys appeared to help.

- Jon Cooper looks like Marty McFly.
- Hey everyone! Let's watch that Stamkos injury some more! In five different angles! And in super slow mo.
- Carey Price.
- Carey Price? Carey Price.
- Did I mention Carey Price? Carey Price.
- Carey. Fucking. Price.
- And PK Subban had almost 30% of the Habs total shots.
- I would have had more shots than the Habs, but I'm out of booze and waiting for my parents to bring me more from Jamaica.
- Bourque dumped the puck, but it never crossed the red line. Instead, he rolled his eyes and went to the bench while the Lightning had a rush beck the other way and hit the post.
- Hey jackasses. You don't know the fucking rules? READ THE FUCKING RULES. Incidental contact means NO FUCKING GOAL. Shut the fuck up you stupid SunSports jokes.
- Cheering for Daniel Briere makes me ill. But if the puck goes in I'll be happy. Scored with his crotch.
- Epic OT penalty kill.
- Ben Bishop is 6'7" with a 5ft five hole. Sure, go glove side. Three. Times.
- Actually Price got the 5 hole by angrily flinging the puck down the ice all the way into Bishop's net. He apologized.
- I order the Habs to watch 500 YouTube videos for inspiration in shootouts. Or next time pick up Linus Omark when he's on waivers. Oilers won't care.

Out worked. Out shot. Out everything. Da fuq are you doing, Habs? Another wasted effort by Carey Price, who probably has the best save percentage coupled with a .500 record in the League.

Habs 1, Pens 3: Welcome to the CrapFest

Carey Price has an Angry Level.

When he's playing awesome and his team is sucking ass, you can see the Angry Level in how he's sending messages to the rest of his team. Once he slammed his stick on the ice after stopping a 3rd breakaway against the slumping BJs and the Habs woke up to win that game 5-3. That was "Angry Level: I'm gonna use you for roping practice and you'll be the cow".

Tonight, Price Angry Level reached "nuke the fridge". He's annoyed. Very annoyed. He wants to win and wants that 100th already (something he would have had last year if this team didn't get shutout or score less than 1 goal the year before). He most likely wanted Hal Gill's 1000th game to be kick ass awesome instead of rotten wet noodles. He wanted the puck to actually go past the red line instead of constantly ringing around his zone. He was totally annoyed his mates kept ignoring Real Deal Neal in the slot (who the Stars should have never traded, idiots). He definitely didn't want to find himself alone behind his net with two Penguins and no help as he fished out a zone clearing on the powerplay. He definitely wanted to kick that ref that called him for knocking the net off when he hit it while scrambling back into position (asshat ref). And he probably wanted to punch Mathieu Darche for the slowest, shittiest, shorthanded breakaway we've seen since Georges Laraque went on a bizarre breakaway once. And his Angry Level was most likely at "I'm not even going to cheer that goal" when the team woke up with 2 minutes left.

Price Angry Level at FUCK Y'ALL!

(Note: Price was pretty chill in the room after. Gio was Captain Angry though).

Ugh. Soul sucking. How was it possible that a game against Lindy Ruff's IT'S A TRAP Sabres was more energetic and exciting than this one against the Penguins?! Maybe it's their dead-silent crowd.

And the line combos generated by the Powerball number machine really killed this game even more. No idea what JMart was thinking, but I'm thinking it only took 5 games for Jacques Demers to get fired...

Injury List
- Gomez left early with an upper-body ouchie.
- Patches fell bad into the corner, returned but might need a therapy day in the hot tub.
- Engqvist got punched in the face, returned with nose-plugs
- Eller had something but came back. (Was Habs best forward)
- Cammy was back but suffered from Powerball Line Combo-itis.
- Gionta suffered from invisibilty spray, but scored that late goal.
- Cole suffered from being mocked by Sergei Samsonov.
- PK suffered from not enough flash or moxy.
- DD suffered from forgetting how to win faceoffs.
- AK46 suffered from being the wrongfully accused scapegoat for whatever reason.
- Emelin suffered from out-of-position forwards.
- Diaz suffered from being extremely pretty.

Habs 2, Caps 4: Losing more than just a game...

Explanations in a 5-point plan:

1. I hate it when some big time event happens at the Bell Center because the boards are always out of whack when reset. Case in point, the first goal. Assisted by the boards and some cow dung. Why the hell would you do Bull Riding at the Bell Center anyway? Use the damn Olympic Stadium for that like the Monster Truck rally. God knows no one else is using that accursed building now anyway.

2. This young Caps fan has more brains than Bruce Boudreau.


Oh and as exemplified on Brooks Laich's goal, Hal Gill would have just let the guy blow right by him. (I still love you Hal).

3. Stop getting hurt! The Numbers Line lost 2/3 of it's numbers! Halpern and Pleky left the game with the dreaded "lower body injury", marooning Cammy at center ice (who nearly scored...into his own net) and forcing me to call the White-Eller-Kostitsyn line "The Only Line". This was after Wiz got hurt, but came back. Organization is at it's final straw... Don't be surprised if we poach the last of the Bulldogs. I'd say Engqvist and Palushaj, you're the next contestant on Patch Up That Roster! Bulldogs will start hiring forwards soon, so if you're in the Hamilton area call 1-800-NOT-HURT and put your name down.

4. MVP chants for Carey Price! All while McIdiot was McSplooging over Holtby who I think made a whole 5 saves all game and doesn't stickhandle like Brodeur. (Scott Hannan had a higher save percentage than him). Jesus Price, however, can only walk on water so much and a full blown miracle, complete with burning bush, will be needed to save this team if the injuries continue. Or if the coach keeps over-playing Roman "IHaveNoIdeaHowToTakeThePassInA2-on-1" Hamrlik. Or if Dominic Moore suddenly shows up at our doorstep again.

5. It's sad the NHL Wheel of Justice website gave Chara a tougher suspension than the actual NHL Wheel of Justice.

Habs 1, Blues 4: Need a hug edition

I need a hug.

I didn't even care about this game and could care less about the outcome. My mind was elsewhere. Frankly I've been angry for two days and my anger just skyrocketed with the garbage and bullshit the NHL, the NHLPA, Gary Bettman, and all the petty little TSN/CBC/other media sackweeds with their tut-tut two-bit holier than thou nonsense that I just want to vomit.

And to Zdeno Chara? Bording penalty today. Hit from behind. But he's not a dirty player with a record. Obviously you forgot the part where you have to GIVE a suspension first for someone to have a record. (And he does have a suspension by the way, for a fight).

I don't care who the coach or captain of this team is, there's no way they could possibly fight through this so quickly after all that happened. Yes, we know Patches is out of hospital and resting at home. The kid is amazingly strong but also severely hurt more by the NHL's inaction towards Chara. His teammates were equally livid and hurt by the NHL essentially not giving one ounce of a damn. And tonight? Bruins fans gave Chara a standing ovation.

Wow, that's class.

Habs fans give a standing ovation to a guy who returns from a fight with cancer. Bruins fans give a standing ovation to an oversized lug that nearly killed a kid.

You go, NHL. Wonderful.

So while Gary Bettman twitches his head like a petulant child trying to prove he's right and you're wrong and doesn't even care his fight for the Phoenix sale is against State Constitution, one of the future stars of American hockey lies in bed and waits to recover. All while he lies to congress and tries to sell the game to American children. You can't make this shit up.

Price really wanted to win this game. From all the comments I heard from the players, he was the most vocal and the most visibly pissed. Gomez really wanted to win this game. You can tell how angry he is when he stares off into the distance and just rings off the whole book of clichés. They didn't look too happy during and after the final siren. Pouliot was trying to be Max Pacioretty, but as we and he discovered, he's not. Offensively he's lost. Skating, he can't skate anymore for some reason. Defensively, well he was responsible for 2 goals against. Eller scoffed at it all and called it the lowest intensity game he was ever in.

By the way, I will be attending the rally for stronger penalties concerning violent, reckless hits in the NHL in front of the Bell Centre next Tuesday (next home game). If you're in town, come join us.

Habs 2, Sabres 3 (SO): Same old lesson never learned...

Only the Habs can dominate the first period of the game and leave it with a 1-0 lead off a powerplay goal then subsequently shit the bed through the next two periods and overtime and a shootout. And trust me when I say you don't want to go to a shootout with the Sabres. Forget Ryan Miller, it's their SHOOTERS you need to worry about. Vanek might look like a useless bag of pucks on the ice during the game but take away the defence and he's a ridiculous 6-for-6.

Some will say, "yea but our blueline is now all rookies save for 2.5 guys." I counter with, "yea but the BULLDOGS were actually the better defencemen!" Brutal game by Hamr with Price saving his ass way too many times in critical situations. Brutal game by Picard, who paired with Wisniewski, was just a complete and utter disaster. And every time Picard was out, Drew Stafford was out, INCLUDING the penalty kill. The coaching staff dropped the ball right there, as there's no excuse in a home game to allow that matchup to continue. Even Subban couldn't save Picard tonight. That's how bad he was!

You can thank Price for even getting a point tonigh. After going up 2-0 and outshooting the Sabres who had 5'10" 160lbs (probably all in his equipment) Jhonas Enroth in nets, the rest of the team checked out early and got outshot terribly. And with the defensive zone so chaotic, they allowed the Sabres to take control of the game. Rolling lines that made no sense, killing any momentum Desharnais' line created, allowing ridiculous scoring chances that forced Price to make ridiculous quick-strike saves...the movement was at half speed and the effort looked borderline disinterested. For a moment I thought they completely forgot there was another side to this rink. We've seen this so many times before yet they never learn!

A win tonight would have vaulted the Habs to 3rd place, first in the Northeast as the Leafs actually did the Habs a favour and WON a game against Boston. But half these guys can't his the broad side of a barn. Instead, it's a tie for first in the Northeast as the Habs pack their bags and head off to Edmonton.

Anyway, interesting factoid: since the brawl, the Bruins have not won a single game nor managed to get a single point since, while the Habs have taken a point out of each and a full two Saturday against the Leaf. Obviously they played the Red Wings twice but hey we were told that after the bully-fest, the Bruins would crush everyone on their way to the Stanley Cup... Perhaps facing the Red Wings twice was their punishment? Oh did I mention the Bruins are quite healthy while the Habs are patched together and have been patched together with Bulldogs?

It's something people really fail to mention. That the Habs are where they are in the standings with this roster speaks volumes to their prospects and development. And the fact that it's the Bulldogs who are really stepping up in these games rarely gets noticed. It's unfortunate that the veterans on this team aren't matching the play of these rookies... However we're seeing an emergence of who can be an impact player on this team, and how a few veterans are ending up on the "expendable" list.

Habs 1, Devilzzz 4: Pillows not included

Seriously? Interpret the rule any way you want. Kovalchuk hooked on his way to the empty net through a sleeping sorry sack of Habs as they just pulled Price, still got free and took a shot at the net, and HIT THE FUCKING POST. Rewind back many games ago when Pyatt was tripped on his way to an empty net goal and they didn't give it to him. Gomez was thrown out of the game right there as he just tore the ref a new one for missing the zillion dives Hedberg did, missing the zillion high sticks in their faces, missing every thing and then calling that shit. A guy can only take so much garbage and a back-to-back game just accentuated it. Game was over anyway. Gotta let 'em know you're there.

Doesn't matter since the Habs were asleep all game. Perhaps thinking about their potluck for the Stupor Bowl later tonight.

It's like the complete opposite of the great game yesterday:
- Gomez does a brilliant play to remove Kovalchuk from the puck but as he always does, he reverses the play, handcuffs his defenceman, and ultimately Hal Gill turns it right over to Zubrus who surprises Price and everyone else in the world.
- A shot going wide escapes everyone but Kovalchuk who tips it into the net. How this shit always happens to us, I don't know...
- It could have been 3-0 Devils in the first five minutes had Price not lassoed the play on another horrendous turnover right in front of him. Not a happy man, right there.
- Hamr and Spacek reunited to shit the bed and not move or clear the net, handcuffing Price who actually makes a brilliant save on an uncontested point shot where the rebound goes to an uncontested Zajac who simply tucks it around him and in.
- The most unluckiest game I've seen in a while concerning goals bouncing everywhere but in the proper direction for the Habs. Then again, the Devils had their feet up yesterday and it looked like it too.
- Brodeur flopped wrong and fucked up his knee. Hint hint, Marty: You're old.
- PK Subban made it respectable by rifling a shot off Kovalchuk for some revenge to tip that puck behind Hedberg.
- Benoit Pouliot is the most aggravating player ever, and if he had a Russian name the media would let you know this. I think I caught Andrei rolling his eyes a few times though they played well together, Benny needed to bring more and turnover less.
- And turnover less to Kovalfuckingchuk. Better be giving Price extra wings tonight for saving his ass a 100 times.
- Pacioretty was the best player on the ice in red, and the Devilzzz opened the door to their bench on him as he hit it. Douchey.
- I think Hal Gill does more coaching than Perry Pearn.
- Hedberg flopping like a fish all game, but Price gets run by a guy who was not pushed and made no attempt to stop and no one calls it. So fuck you too, zebras.
- Cheeseheads in the crowd. Yea.

I swear the Habs always do this after Price gets a shutout. It's like they think "hey, we can leave him defending the back end all game and wait for the puck to bounce out eh"? Hockey is a team sport and even yesterday he was largely left alone to face the Rags and preserve the shutout. Today they repaid him by shitting the bed. Either way, Devils are just fucking up their draft position. Bravo idiots.

Also I'm back to saying BENOIT BRUNET MUST BE STOPPED.

Well, 6 out of 8 in double back-to-back wasn't so bad. One more this week with the Bruins and the Islanders. May I request Habs work on scoring goals and pairing one old guy with one young guy on D?

Habs 2, Flyers 3: In the spirit of brotherly love...

We, the Habs, come bearing gifts in the name of peace and pretzels. As a sign of good faith we present the following:

- Two easy goals to make you weary enough to mistrust your goalie so much you'll actually clog up the net later to give him a friendly hand.
- Decide to only play 20 minutes then give the rest to Carey. Hey he's a big kid, he can take it.
- What's that? You only managed 20-billion shots in the second period? So sorry! Next time you'll get 30-billion.
- And please sir, step right up to my goalie so he can make the highlights in amazing fashion.
- He'll even take one off the chin and face for you.
- We won't even bother you when you want to really score. It's only a mater of time before he gives up 1 or 3 (but no more than that).
- Hey we won't even try to stop you if you want to score on the empty net! Oh, well, Price might have something to say about that. (Next time we'll tell him to jump over the puck and just head for the bench, we swear).
- Graciously distracted Cammalleri with Angry Birds. It's addictive and totally numbed his thumbs so now he can't shoot straight.
- Hamr and Spacek were busy practicing their Synchronized Staring. They plan to take the world championship.
- That evil offside faceoff dot will be programmed to jump Benoit Pouliot every time he nears it to graciously turn over the puck for you.
- Faceoff wins? We don't need no stinkin' faceoff wins!
- We promise next time Briere wants to spear Eller in the groin he won't get angry about it. (Though you may have to talk to his wife later).
- And finally since we felt we were a little harsh on Brian Boucher, we promise to continue shooting weak long shots either right in his gut or to continue missing the net completely. It's all about confidence building.

Habs 2, Sens 3: Jacques Martin's notebook

Every time we're given a shot of the bench, Jacques Martin is scribbling something in that notepad of his. I wonder if he ever shares his notes? Perhaps he's writing haikus?

Granted the Habs only managed to eke out two penalties from the Sens. Too lazy to get any more. Also helps the refs close their eyes to the Senator's idea of defense: punching a guy in the face.

I sure hope he appreciates the work of Carey Price because this is the 4th game in a row his team gave him ZERO support offensively and defensively (just lucky last night the PhD line was able to score, because it was all Buffalo for much of the game). Nary a red shirt in Elliott's face save for Darche but ALWAYS two Sens in front of Carey, or just Chris Neil being his personal punching bag. And if they do create traffic, the guys shooting from the point tend to only hit their teammates instead of the net. But when the Sens shoot from the point, the Habs seems perfectly cool with tipping pucks into their own net or jumping on Price so he has no mobility and can't get to the lose puck or make the save...

Can someone please tell me WHY no one is ever ready to receive a pass from Price, either? He's played with most of these guys for 3 years now. I find it hard to believe they haven't noticed that he plays the puck and wants to help ease the stress on the defense getting forechecked by moving the puck faster. Of course there's also the problem of Hamr just allowing him to get stuck with two members of the other team barreling down on him so he has to make a risky saucer pass over them...

We know special teams are part of Jacques Martin's mantra.You know it's bad when they give up a shorthanded breakaway while on a 5-on-3 (saved by Price) and then Cammy takes a bad slashing penalty when he misses the net. Honestly Habs have a better chance scoring shorthanded than with the man advantage. Though I suspect a healthier Pleky would have burried at least 1 goal on his 3 attempts.

Please. Put the lines back. And the defensive pairings...

Is he back?

Always.

We saw last night how the "system" works with the kids. Result: 1 shot on net allowed in 1 period.

Well, positives, if there are any... Price continues to be strong and carry this team as well as anyone with an absolute no-show on defence/offense can in this League. He keeps these games respectable, but it's getting tiresome to see. Gionta scored on his 54th shot of the year. They didn't get shutout by Brian Elliott. And they didn't give up the empty netter though they almost did when Pouliot passed the puck right to Karlsson who thankfully missed.

Tomorrow's the Fan Fest. Maybe it'll help loosen them up?

BJs 3, Carey Price 0, Habs -10: Now it's serious....

You just handed Mathieu Garon the easiest shutout of his career.

So how many breakaways and 2-on-1s was that? About ten breakaways? About five 2-on-1s per period? Carey Price was the defense for 60 minutes and all you guys did was stand and watch? If Martin wasn't thinking about scratching Spacek AND Hamr, he better be thinking about it now. Any momentum Habs had to try and get some offense going, and those two found themselves on the ice, trapped behind Price's net, stuck along the boards, unable to get the puck out. A couple of giveaways right in front of the net, and Price turned to Hamr with what looked like a "DUDE WTF?!" Even Gill and Gorges were a couple of spinning pylons.

I think the best scoring chance they had all game was after the buzzer in the 2nd period. Actually there was a better one by Spacek earlier only it was in the wrong net. Seriously, WHO DOES THAT?! WHO BATS THE PUCK TOWARDS THEIR NET WHILE ON THE PK?! (For that matter, what in god's name is he doing out there on the PK in the first place)? I half expect Price to pick him up and throw him over the glass if he wasn't so busy kicking more pucks away.

And either they got nothing on the puck or the ice was so bad that it stuttered to a complete stop with every pass. I have never in my life seen anything like that, ever. Even the notoriously shitty Copps Coliseum ice never did that.

Without Price, this game would have ended 10-0.

So coach... What are you going to do now? Continue playing the senior citizens on D? Continue allowing Pouliot to float aimlessly in the neutral zone? How about when the puck comes to him in the corner he can't do anything with it because he's ON HIS BACK. Can you kindly tell someone other than Mathieu Darche to go to the net and hit the rebounds? Going to continue leaving Lars Eller to fend for himself (only guy wearing white who was flying all game)? Keep that powerplay firing blanks? Continue sucking on faceoffs? I'm pretty sure the Habs were shutout more than any other team last year. Will they break that record this year?

And Cammy needs to burn those new sticks he's using because they're absolute crap.

Can't wait for Markov to get back. Wait, what?

Patches, Carle, and Palushaj scored tonight for the Bulldogs. Call them up. And Ryan White. And Yannick Weber for the godforsaken powerplay. We need some compete and some COMPETENCE on this team, stat!

Do a barrel roll!

Hey Slippy! Yea, you #47 manning the point on the powerplay. Do a fucking barrel roll.

Don't get me wrong, though. Sens deserved this win. They were the better team. But I'll rant anyway about my team.

The first time in like forever you guys are actually given proper powerplays, in plural, because the Sens were playing like a bunch of undisciplined idiots and you can't take advantage of it. Wiffed, soft passes easily picked off. Pouliot flubbing bad and turning over the puck to give them a shorthanded goal. (And don't get me wrong, that was a stunning goal... I don't even understand how that got past Price as he was way out covering the angle. It was like a curve ball, if that's even possible with a puck. Maybe it was remote controlled). And then there's Slippy... SLC has Kuba and Picard to hate on, we've got Slippy. He shoots it wide! He bullseyes a shin pad up close! He turns over the puck right by his own net and gives Price more problems than the kid needs! He never looks where he's going or where he's sending the puck! He makes me want to kick kittens!

I mean, holy shit. I've never seen a guy like him.

At least Pouliot made up for his facepalm error and scored an immediate reply.

I knew Mike Brodeur was going to be a pain in the ass anyway from what I've seen of him when he played the Bulldogs, and the Sens protected him well. Which was more than I could say for our poor goalie who will probaby have a stress induced heartattack by the time he's 25 behind this team. Why is it so difficult to exit the zone or clear the puck? Why is it so impossible to take a pass or make a pass? It's like they're stickhandling with saplings and two-by-fours. They also displayed zero intensity in what was an important game. The Sens had their full options when in our end, forcing Price to make difficult saves what with all the bouncing pucks, traffic, stick deflections and his own teammates. Markov also has to stop giving him the puck to start the breakout...

And the powerplay is becoming predictable.

Which brings me to Jacques Martin. I really don't understand his game plan anymore. The moment Habs got some momentum, he put out the crappy fourth line. I'm guessing he forgot White wasn't on the team right now. He's so concerned with matchups that he forgets about maybe, just maybe, taking advantage of something. I think I understand now why he hasn't done well in the playoffs. If Guy Boucher were on the bench for tonight's game, he'd be standing on it, screaming, and waving a pitchfork already having skewered Slippy with it. It's kind of sad that even Kirk Muller's screams for intensity go unheard or generally get ignored. I just don't understand how they have supposedly good, intense practices, yet come to the rink and suck out all the oxygen.

Oh and I don't give a damn about Guimauve's hattrick. That twerp checked out right after training camp probably when he realized the coach wasn't going to leave him chocolates on his pillow nightly. It's Mike Ribeiro 101: When you suddenly find yourself with zero protection from the Chez Nous media, you wake up and start playing else you find yourself in Europe or selling cars for H Grégoire.

Game tomorrow in New York. If the Habs lose that one, it's going to hurt. And we already knew the goalie of tonight wouldn't play tomorrow regardless of the outcome anyway so fuck off Bob Hartley.

And on that note, here, have some twitter humor:
@BruceGarrioch Leafs floating a package for Kovalchuk and Pavelic including Blake, Bozak and Schenn and Gustavsson.

By the way, you can see a Jerry Price goalie a mile away! Watching the Pens getting destroy by the Canucks, after chasing Curry away, Alex Pechurskiy has stepped in. He's a rookie Tri-City goalie and is currently holding the fort. I thought his style looked familiar and then CBC said he was called up from the Americans (and isn't being paid either). Sure enough, there he was on the roster. Even flashes the Price-like stickhandling too. Good pick for the Pens.

Habs, why do you do this to me?

Allow me to sum it up for you: When your goalie has let in 4 goals (though I won't count 1 because Hal Gill kicked it in) and still has .930 save percentage on the night, YOU 18 other guys fucked up royally. Yea, YOU kept Ovie quiet. But YOU did fuck all the rest of the night. OK, well Gorges got a goal kicked in by a Capital, and Poo got a powerplay goal. But YOU did fuck all for 60 minutes against a shakier than shaky AHL goalie. Get a fucking plan, Double-O Martini. Beating weak teams is fine and dandy but how about something that makes your team look able to beat elite teams rather than hope and pray? Hell our AHL boys look like seasoned vets over these guys. Afraid of the net, unable to connect a pass, slow, backing up on defence instead of playing hard... Oh and waive BGL or trade him back to the Oilers (who like him for sentimental reasons apparently). His 2 minutes of uselessness could be given to Andrew Beastly Conboy who can at least snarl at someone, and skate somewhere quickly, and hit things while fitting under the cap. Actually he'd probably give you more than 2 minutes. Do it.

I'm watching a real hockey game: Team Canada vs Team USA and it's EPIC. Tied at 5 and going to OT. Eberle is king clutch.

EDIT! Team USA takes it in OT. Carlson snipes it for Gold! Epic game. And well deserved for a great team. And to Kristo, our new golden boy!

Maybe Team USA's coach would like to coach the Habs?