So you didn't like the All-Star Game?

Or rather you're a radio host/media type who didn't even watch it and decided to form your opinion on it based on 5 glancing minutes and a score sheet.

Remember when you were in elementary school, and you had to write one of those book reports? Ever try doing one without reading the book? Yea, you most likely didn't do so well on it. I always thought that the duty of a reporter, host, and general people of the media was to do the research before opening one's mouth. I guess I'm just naive. And while you're free to talk about whatever you want on your own radio talk show...Seriously? If you're going to bitch about it at least have the wherewithal to watch the damn thing. And if you didn't want to watch it, that's totally fine, except when you make it the centerpiece of what you want to talk about on your show and your sidekicks didn't watch it as well. However telling people they're sick in the head if they actually watched it while not being hockey fans (or if they are hockey fans and watched it) tells me it's time you got down off your high horse.

Frankly, most of the people who actually watched it and were media types actually admitted to liking the weekend schmoozefest. So who's in the minority here? A radio sports snob or the millions of viewers that tuned in to see the best (or almost best) have fun in a sport they love on an ice surface where they didn't need to worry about some goon bashing their skull against the glass?

Of course it wasn't perfect. Of course the intensity of a real game isn't really there. But the players looked like they were enjoying themselves. The crazy Caniacs seemed pleased. And the event as a whole seemed like a success. My brother and I had a nice conversation on it all while I drove him to work this Monday morning. So please, don't tell me I shouldn't be enjoying the All-Star weekend.

Also I'm flabbergasted at how many people don't understand the Breakaway Challenge event. The whole point of the damn thing is creativity. Scoring a goal was irrelevant. Frankly they just had Fleury and Price in there for the laughs. They could have put a mascot in nets if they really wanted to. Their job wasn't to make the saves, rather their job was to be an obstacle. (The elimination shootout was the only event where they needed to make saves). And frankly the players participating in the event had little to no preparation time and had to think up what they wanted to do on the spot, in contrast to the previous All-Star Game where they were told way in advance they'd be in the event. I found these guys did way better than the fully practiced routines. Perhaps next time they'll go full NBA Trick Shot on it? Maybe then those confused individuals will finally understand the whole point of the event.

By the way, you want crazy? Someone actually did up a Corsi rating on the players' ASG performances.

The only thing the All-Star weekend could have done without: This fucking thing.

---

Who are the St. Louis Reds and what have they done with the Blues?!

Welcome to the 2011 All-Star Game - Live!

Best looking goalie around.

Montreal had the Cirque Éloize, Raleigh has...ice ballet with Rod Brind'Amour and Ron Francis. However CBC wouldn't know. They're showing curling. REALLY. Grand Slam goes to the curling equivalent of overtime. RDS saves the day, for once.

I'll be looking for the All-Star LOLs! But first, what's the over-under on Dan Boyle putting the puck into his own net? The All-Star Game is all about YouTube moments.

Anthem time! There's an echo appearing before the sounds appear and I don't know how this is possible. The Canadian Tenors got their harmonies warped by it. Clay Aiken also suffering from time-warping echo.

First Period (Ward/Fleury)
- Staal starts off with a breakaway that Fleury stops. Gets the crowd going early
- Duncan Keith one-ups Dan Boyle and kicks the puck into his own net for Ovie. Cardboard 1, Wood Log 0
- Stastny 2-on-1 with Sharpie. They'll be back to hating each other tomorrow. Cardboard 2, Wood Log 0
- The Devils may suck and Elias thought he didn't deserve to be there but dude, you're the best player on your team! Cardboard 3, Wood Log 0
- At half the speed, Giroux reminds Fleury the Pens and Flyers might meet in the playoffs. Cardboard 4, Wood Log 0
- Team Wood Log in trouble early? Ya right. This is just warmup.
- Chara had the puck at the point and it was like the parting of the red sea. But he didn't shoot.
- Kopitar could patent that move and earn some residuals for it. Tinted visor and all. Backhand top-shelf. Cardboard 4 Wood Log 1
- Skinner gets his first All-Star Game POST. Crowd is heckling Fleury. Seriously?
- Big Buff shows the bigger you are, you can still sneak in backdoor unnoticed. Cardboard 4, Wood Log 2
- Eric Staal mic'd up and squealing like a girl.
- Oh we've seen this before. Letang with a terrible turnover, Mr. Underrated scores. Cardboard 4, Wood Log 3
- Duchene sprung by the big boys. Sick breakaway. There's a YouTube moment! Game tied at 4.
- Marc Staal already a -3. Mike Green just happy he's found a fit on a team where he's not a liability and can play his game properly. Perfect!
- Cam Ward happy he gave up only 4. His personal goal was under 5.

Intermission: Corey Perry secretly watching 3 Doors Down. Auto-tune is great though. Also didn't know Sergei Kostitsyn was their lead singer.

Second Period (Price/Hiller)
- Price gets the worst period (typically the 2nd is usually hell for goalies). Actually he's probably used to guys not playing in front of him.
- Already starts off with a pretty solid pack of saves too and earns some big time cheers in enemy territory. (If you tell the Caniacs he's good buddies with Ward maybe they'll love him more?)
- Sharp goes high on Hiller. Sharp knows all. Cardboard 5, Wood Log 4
- If there was one save Price had to make it was his save on Kessel.
- Trying really hard to get Skinner a goal but he keeps missing.
- Price standing on his head.
- Letang with a golf swing from the hashmarks. Cardboard 6, Wood Log 4
- Price has bribed his goalposts.
- Too many breakaways (lol All-Star Game!) but a 3-on-0? Kopitar. And Price almost had it too. Cardboard 6, Wood Log 5
- Letang tries to take Hiller's head off. (He apologized after).
- Perry gets post and a wave from Hiller. (Doesn't register as a shot).
- Price gets run by his own guys even in the All-Star Game!
- Ovie brings the LOL every time.
- If you would write a book on the ASG, it would be titled "A Pass Too Many".
- Stamkos finally appears. Impossible angle of course. Game tied at 6
- Oh fuck off Briere, no one actually wanted you here in the first place. Cardboard 6, Wood Log 7.
- Trading breakaways and saves, best kind of open hockey. Then Price springs Staal who...fucks up. I was rooting for Carey to pick up a couple of assists.
- Someone's mic falls off and is swinging around, attacking players. All-Star Game with props!
- Pricey did pretty good out there in a half-paced all offense game. Beat Fleury's save percentage too HAW HAW (small victories). He and Hiller pulled off some of the nicer and more difficult saves so far.

Intermission: Stan Lee's Recycled Rebranded Heroes! Yea, what the fuck I don't even...

Third Period (Lundqvist/Thomas)
- Tiny Tim is mic'd up and CBC pours their annoying love on him. I might start projectile vomiting.
- Kessel has 20 minutes to avenge his insult at being drafted last or Nick Kypreos will feel compelled to write another article on how the world is disrespecting the Leaf.
- Finally Staal scores on a breakaway and ties it at 7.
- YouTube moment! Ovie throws his stick and gives Duchene a breakaway. Friedman gets Price to call it like he did with Kovy's breakaway. Price takes a look at Duchene and calls it, "Forehand backhand." He was bang on but Duchene didn't score this time. Unreal.

Ovie brings the LOLs

- Kessel with the shot! CBC awfully happy for that! Should have been "A Kessel appears!"
- Letang fools Tiny Tim and goes five-hole. Cardboard 8, Wood Log 7. Timmy says, "Made me look bad."
- Go away Briere. Tied again at 8.
- Toews spins around and around! Cardboard 8, Wood Log 9.
- CBC talks to Briere's annoying little twerp and they miss Lundqvist's best save.
- "Here comes Phil Kessel...!" And there goes Phil Kessel. Shoots it wide. CBC really trying to make him Mr. Relevant
- St. Louis ain't gonna miss from that close. Cardboard 8, Wood Log 10. Rolled right off the shoulder.
- Rick Nash, WOAH. Cardboard 9, Wood Log 10.
- Crowd wants Skinner to score. Briere being a bitch and trying to steal the show. No one cares about you, you Magical Spearing Midget.
- It's Cardboard 9, Wood Log 11 as they pulled Lundqvist. Mike Green shits the bed. Mr. Underrated gets an empty netter.
- Staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal crawls back within 1. Cardboard 10, Wood Log 11.
- No time left. Team Wood Log wins. Hawks fans stuffed the ballot for Sharp as MVP but he deserved it (and got an assist taken away, seriously). But you wouldn't know it 'cause CBC left quickly to Heartland.

I think I really enjoyed this All-Star Game. The side show was a little cheesy but the events were fun. Even the game was pretty cool. And I'm proud of Pricey. Roenick actually gave him some love! Yes! Roenick praising goalies, gaving him and Hiller much deserved praise! Kevin Weekes even thought he deserved an MVP nod and Roenick didn't dispute it! Apocalypse should be coming soon, guys! I'm preparing my survival kit now! (In truth you don't give a goalie an MVP award at the ASG. There's just no way). In all, about 45 shots were launched at either net and Price was just slightly under Hiller in the best save percentage on the night, but was the best goalie with the most shots on his respective team (like Hiller). Dealing with the killer second period won Weekes' and Roenick's approval because of all the difficult saves and breakaways he had to deal with. Unfortunately he didn't get a chance to pose-off with Fleury like they were planning...

Welcome to the Skills Competition - Live!

Jeremy Roenick and Kevin Weekes were going full value on the red carpet, checking out the fashion of the boys in suits. Unfortunately they didn't look in the mirror before they left the house. Gotta say, PK Subban was the best dressed rookie out there. I swear the rest of the kids came in their Draft suits. (Also known as the only suit I own).

Not bad for a last minute off the rack ensemble.
Moores should get him to model for them.

Event 1: Fastest Skater
- Letang wins his backwards by a hair even with tripping over Cam Ward.
- Mike Grabner vs Taylor Hall. Thankfully Grabs wins ('cause he's less douchey).
- Goalie skate! I've seen Timmy sprint from the net when the Bruins lose in OT, and he's pretty quick. This time he flops behind the net like he usually does when he goes wandering.
- Kesler's 14.786 vs St. Louis' 14.763 BUT Kesler's 6'2" vs St. Louis's 5'8" (with skates on).
- Green's fat ass makes him the slowest skater not wearing 40lbs of gear and flat skates.
- Marc Staal looks like he just doesn't care...
The finals: Grabner vs Hall
If you remember, Patches clocked in at 14.26. Mike Grabner beats him by .03 but how many ribs does he have busted?

Highlight of the night.

Event 2 - Breakaway Challenge
Hilarious that the NHL won't let Jim Balsillie have a team but the Blackberry can totally sponsor an ASG event no problem!

- PK switches jerseys with Skinner, earns him instant love and bonus points. Also a strange group of under-18 girls start following him around.
- PK has to watch out...that creativity could earn him some time in the pressbox!
- Perry does the Lacross Magic Wand.
- Dadonov has no idea what he's doing here but Florida had to send someone.
- Kopitar has no imagination, just copied Perry.
- Ovie tries for some curling/ringette then top shelf.
- Eriksson does a double lap spinorama.
- Fleury and Price played their part and were funny while being good sports. Jumping jacks from Fleury. Price was giggling. Bet he was chirping. No poses though...

Who needs a hat, flag, and sunglasses when you got THIS on!

Winners: 1. Ovie 2. Subban 3. Eriksson

Event 3: Accuracy Shooting
- Kesler had his lemon bars. Beats Richards.
- Couture/Stepan photo finish, but Couture hit all the targets.
- Sharp and Toews go head-to-head. Sharp wins but Toews started late 'cause he didn't hear the whistle and was still taking practice passes. AngryToews gets a rematch and wins. Sharpie wants a rematch.
- Nash vs Mr. Irrelevant was all fail but Nash wins. Brian Burke called a press conference.
- 20cent beats Eric Stall and the crowd boos. Shouldn't have chanted "Let's go Cane(s)" 'cause Kane thought they were cheering for him.
- It's all meat and potatoes until Daniel Sedin takes on Havlat. GingerTwin goes 4-for-4, Havlat didn't even hit any.
Final: Daniel Sedin vs Pat Kane
- Kane gives Toews a flip cam and asks him to film it, but has to get Taylor Hall to show him how to use it. I wonder if he was actually filming... No contest though, Sedin wins with another 4-for-4.

Half-Time Break: Team Cardboard leads Team Wood Log 18-6.

Event 4: Skills Challenge Relay
This one was a little weird... It looked like what the rookies do at the Habs Development Camps. Both teams go twice with one-timers from lefties and righties. Most of the time was spent on the mini-nets, especially on the saucer pass. Tyler Ennis mystified the crowd with the puck control through the Gatorade bottles. I think Kris Letang hit the ground bar on his one-timers about 500 times... AngryToews stayed angry and blitzed the targets. I think that was Team Wood Log's saving grace.

Event 5: Hardest Shot
It's all about Weber vs Chara. The rest are just there to fill time. Though you gotta laugh at Rick Nash's lame effort. Ovie's attempt was just a comedy of errors. Then he broke his stick and stole Kris Letang's. Only Byfuglien and Stamkos tickled the big guns.

Chara breaks the record and keeps his title at 105.9

Event 6: Elimination Shootout
- Byfuglien shows the most unimpressive move pays off.
- Price ROBS Kessel, Brian Burke calls another press conference while Nick Kypreos writes up another article on how the Leafs are being disrespected.
- PK goes to round two! But lost control with "his move" and just runs into Fleury.
- The Magical Spearing Midget might have gotten him the first time, but Price eliminates him the 2nd time. Also pisses off his annoying kid.
- I wonder if Hiller allowed Perry just 'cause.
- Ottawa might suck but Karlsson gave them the 2nd round.
- Richards tumbles over the Swedish Pokecheck and 30 GMs hold their breath as he hits the boards.
- Rick Nash, woah. And an 88mpg ACCURATE muffin.
- St. Louis with the disrespectful backhand.
- Kane with the slowest 5-hole on Five Hole Ward.
- Shattenkirk has a nasty bald spot for a 22-year old.
- Corey Perry wins 'cause St. Louis ran out of original moves.

Goals on Timmy T made better with sound effects.

Team Cardboard wins 33 to 22. That's one Sedin over the other.

Welcome to the Awkward NHL All-Star Fantasy Draft - Live!

We're coming to you semi-live from Raleigh, North Carolina, where the NHL's best have descended for a weekend of corporate schmoozing. The stars have all voted for their captains, and it's about time they collaborate with their alternates to select their enemies and some friends for a team. So let's meet our two teams!

In red: Team Cardboard

In blue: Team Wood Log

OK Team Cardboard wins the puck toss so who will you pick first?

TC - Gonna pick my boy, Cam Ward, and hope the 10 fans will love me for it. C'mon down here, Five Hole!

Really? A goalie with your first pick in an All-Star Game? Well that wasn't shocking. Your turn, Wood Log!

WL - Yea, that kid with all the goals, and they're usually all against Five Hole over there: Stamkos.

Nice choice, plus with Corey Perry and David Backes out there, you might just get a powerplay! What do you think about that, Pierre?


Wow, totally not creepy. Moving along...

TC - The Geico Caveman. BULLSEYE!

WL - Duncan Teeth can stop him. We take him.

TC - Maybe last year...

Ah the spirited banter! We were definitely hoping for some of that, but perhaps it's not the "right way" of the NHL, eh Panger?

TC - Well, I'll take a Sedin but I can't remember which is which so I'll take the one with all the goals.

Daniel?

TC - Sure.

WL - We take the other one.

The one with all the assists. Maybe they can switch sides every period?

TC - Right, I guess we need some defence. (Mike Green - Hey!) I take Chara.

WL - I see your Chara and raise you Shea Weber.

TC - Well fuck that shit, RICK NASH BABY!

WL - Pfft, whatevs. Let's take a goalie that is basically the width of the net. C'mon up, Timmy.

TC - Well, we have his defenceman. Comfort zone: Gone! So from the New York Rangers, I pick...

(Mark Staal twitches slightly)

...Henrik Stunndqvist!

(Mark Staal remains disinterested)

WL - He's just lucky Gaborik isn't here.

Let's fast forward to the end, my friends. On one hand we have Paul "Not Peter" Stastny and Phil Kessel. And no you can't trade Kessel for a first round pick in the next two All-Star Drafts.

TC - Yea, no, I'm taking Stastny. We got a whole victory routine set up between him, Price, and Skinner. And maybe Subban can jump in since he's on our rookie team. Just you watch.

Hopefully it won't disrespect Mike Richards. Well it's all yours, Team Wood Log, for the final pick!


WL - With our final pick, we proudly selected BizNasty2.0!

"..."

WL - What? Vegas? Ok...we pick that chair next to Phil Kessel. At least the chair would go into the corners against Backes.

Excellent choice for Team Wood Log. Sorry, Kessel, you'll just have to head home or something. And with that, I declare the first ever NHL All-Star Fantasy Draft a success! Enjoy the weekend, folks. Triple low-fives all around! Now, where's the free food and booze...

Habs 2, Flyers 5: Resistance is futile

So is shooting yourself in the foot.

Stop me if you've heard this one before: Habs look to be patiently setting themselves up to at least have a fighting chance only to take 3 consecutive penalties and put themselves behind the 8-ball early. And it ain't goaltending either. You can thank the weak effort to protect or clear the crease for tonight's ills. Even Hal Gill was uncharacteristically soft. Hamr? He's always soft.

Wiz should spend the next week purging his inner-Komisarek. Turnover city. The ghost of blindly clearing up the slot. Lucky for him Price is a nice guy and made the saves. Too bad the best D on the evening were back home rehabbing their knees.

It's annoying to see nothing good really come out of this game. The top lines looked like they just wanted to go on break healthy and the D looked like they didn't want to strain themselves. The kids seemed the only interested parties. OK I'm being facetious. But the same old refrain... Like, without Price this would have been 11-0 before Desharnais (or Eller) scored to make it respectable. By the way, no one really saw his incredible stick save behind those pylons until way later when RDS decided to slow-mo something that wasn't Briere or Giroux. Like the only line that seemed capable to do anything were the 3rd/4th lines, giving us the only 2 goals. They did valiantly attempt to claw back in the 3rd, however, with Price squeezing in by Auld on the bench for an extra attacker, the wrong and weakest line of the night was out. Seriously, this team has no idea what to do with an empty net behind them and finally gave up a goal to the magical spearing midget Briere.

I don't know what to make of it now. I know the Habs will have plenty to stew on as they rest their weary bones and Price goes to play with the All-Stars. However, I have one request for Gauthier: Hamr, honorable man he is, needs to go. Find him a team with young kids, get a pick or whatever back, and call up someone with younger legs or at least someone that can turn around. He's not helping...

Gotta give major props to Pacioretty though. When Hartnell sent Desharnais into the boards with a dirty hit, he was the first one to stand up to his little buddy, bad ribs and all. Also to Ryan White, who was itching for a fight (chicken dance and all) but the refs kept stopping him so he just turned his attention to pissing off Mike Richards.

Thumbs down to Peter Laviolette. Up 4-1 and you still have that shithead Carcillo on the ice? Result: 10 minute misconduct for major unsportsmanlike fouls. Seriously, why does this tool waste a roster space?

Habs 3, Ducks 4 (SO): So long Saku

On the opening faceoff, Scott Gomez asked Saku Koivu if he wanted to win it. Unfortunately Koivu didn't hear him and Gomez won it.

It was tough for him, and understandingly so considering the emotional attachment between Koivu and the Habs and Montreal in general. He started his NHL career here and wished they could have won it all. He started a family here. He battled the beast called cancer, returned strong, and one game against Carolina nearly ended his career here. He got crapped on by insignificantly loud insects in the French media and some tool named Jack Todd. In all the emotion, he took 3 penalties of which Pacioretty tied the game twice on. The game was weird. Emotionally the Habs seemed trapped in neutral for most of the game, victimized by terrible decisions by the officials, but eventually realized that the points are important. The team he faced was vastly different from the one he last lead. Only Price, Hamr, Pleky, Kostitsyn, Weber and Pacioretty (though usually during an injury spell) actually played regular season games under his charge. Many of the rookies were by his side in training camps only.

The much anticipated return aside, it was still a regular season game. You never really like seeing your team coast to a loss but the Habs made a game of it in the 3rd rallying with 23 shots and earning the important OT point a mere 24 hours after lambasting the Sens. In fact, Plekanec had the game on his stick when his shot in OT missed the net by a hair. And it wasn't the best shootout I've seen either. Jacques Martin sent out a questionable trio in the attempt, while Randy Carlyle AGAIN failed to send out Saku Koivu. So it was Bobby Ryan who scored the only goal in the skills competition and stole the first star we all tried to give to Saku. Still, he came out to give us one last farewell and graciously saluted his former home.

Saku, our Saku. We thank you for everything. The two points to your former team would have been lovely though ;)

Put this in your notebook, Jacques:
- Shocking but Martin actually called the ref over and gave him a stern talking to when PK was victimized on one of many bad calls after his stick was being held by Bobby Ryan and slingshot into McMillan's face. This right after McMillan ran Price.
- Hamr and Spacek have been on the penalty kill pretty much every time the other team scores on it. I think I've said this before...
- Pacioretty should bruise more ribs.
- I giggled when Desharnais "checked" Parros. He was about the height of his leg.
- Telegraph those shots any more and the Habs will need a secretary.

Habs 7, Sens 1: Stomping grounds

Yup.

I feel for the Sens.

OK no I don't. I have no pity, no sympathy for them. We've got a team reconstructed by Hamilton Bulldogs. They have a team form fitted with BingySens. We're missing way too many key guys. They're missing Giggles Spezza and didn't realize how bad Gonchar or Kovalev are these days. We got a boring coach who's players want to be exciting but have to wait for opportunities. They got a coach who just wants them to be aggressive and play hard and they don't seem to care to do that. We've got a damn good goalie. They got some pretty good backups playing like they think they're good but really aren't. Our GM is a mysterious ghost who somehow finds players no one thinks can play key roles in this team's success and end up surprising everyone. Their GM is Sylvester the Cat who created a monster and really needs to pay for it.

Our team scored 7 goals on them. They scored 1. Don't care they got mauled by the Flyers yesterday, everyone gets mauled by the Flyers. Pacioretty got shot by Wisniewski and still played, earning a goal and assist and 5 shots on net which was #2 on the team under Pleky's 6 shots. They got guys playing hurt and seem incapable to really suck it up. Hell, Stephane Auger and Chris Fucking Lee were officiating the game tonight. They actually were outshooting the Habs early too.

Great game to introduce Engqvist to the NHL with. He was solid, won most of his faceoffs, and got a taste of the noise from a home game despite being away from home.

Like their big brothers, the Hamilton Bulldogs beached the Whale 7-3 so thankfully they're still doing OK even though we've pillaged and plundered them of many key players.

Tomorrow, Saku comes home. There will be tears. But mostly there will be an ovation. And if you boo him, I will cut you.

Habs 1, Sabres 2 (OT): On the bright side...

...at least Price wasn't cut by an errant skate or something. Remember Clint Malarchuk?

My brother forced me to watch on TSN tonight and I was not amused. You could make a drinking game though.

- DRINK! Every time Pierre McGuire reminds you of the AWESOME DISPLAY OF GOALTENDING TONIGHT!
- DRINK! Every time Pierre McGuire giggles at another injury. Take two drinks if it's a Hab and his happiness is beyond Marineland status. Actually you'll probably need more than two and you probably won't remember you went over.
- DRINK! Every time Pierre McGuire refers to Price's rebirth after a TERRIBLE year last season where he was apparently punting rebounds out like Pachinko machine. Proceed to throw your glass on the screen and yell "HIS REBOUNDS WERE NEVER A PROBLEM, HE GOT NO GOAL SUPPORT YOU ASSHAT!" right after each of the 10 swigs you'll take.
- DRINK! Every time Gord Miller and Pierre McGuire alude to the terrible season the Sabres are having and how the Habs are just knee-slapping ripe for the picking in a back-to-back situation and with the first period from M*A*S*H. You'd be in the ambulance with alcohol poisoning in 5 minutes.

So when will JMart open his fucking mouth as he witness his team get run from behind 4 times in a row with no call in sight? The moment Lindy Ruff went apeshit on a blatant dirty hit by that dirty fucktard Kaleta, you knew the Habs would have to be shot dead to get a call. Just like when o when will this coaching staff notice that Spacek/Hamr on the penalty kill = GOALS FOR THE OPPOSITION?! Evidently the four they caused against Pittsburgh wasn't enough of a red flag. And those two had no business being there in OT. You'd have better results using a three fucking FORWARDS. Come Moen! Come Pyatt! Come anyone! Spacek's ass wasn't going to pick up the trailer backdoor no matter which way he stuck it.

Despite the first period slaughter, they did everything they could to get that point, fighting both Sabres asshatery and one-sided officiating. It accumulated in Plekanec's end of the 3rd penalty kill where he spent the remaining moments pinning the puck in the offensive zone while fighting off 4 Sabres. I think that play there best described the Habs valiant battle tonight. However I'm starting to think back-to-back games should be banned. All it does is raise the risk of injury as guys play a high impact sport dead tired and why would you purposely ruin your assets? The final damage is Cammy and Halpern have shoulder injuries, Patches is alive and well and doesn't look like the ribs punctured anything.

Time to bring up some Bulldogs. Need a shutdown center for Halpern, so I'm guessing either Maxwell or Engqvist. And then we'll need two wingers so I'm thinking Palushaj and White, but there's also word that maybe Wyman could be rewarded for his recent hot hand (yay!) unless Pouliot gets over his flu quickly. Also time to ship out Hamr and Spacek. I'll gladly take conditional picks to rid us of the Wonder Twins once and for all...

Habs 5, Flames 4 (OT): Crisis averted

I'm not sure if this is for the Habs or the Flames right now...

Lars Eller had a great game tonight. Perhaps his wife heard Tony Marinaro's daily snide and finally alerted him on the subject? Or perhaps the young man was finally at peace on a stable, offensive line with the team's best two-way centerman (and perfect role model for the Great Dane) and a somewhat healthy Mike Cammalleri. Eller opened the scoring for the Habs tonight, using his long stick to snap in the small rebound while falling to the side around Kipper. It was fantastic to see, and would be my play of the day if I were in charge of such things. He also showed us tremendous defensive awareness, screaming back to break up a play by the Flames. I feel like I'm watching a giant, budding Tomas Plekanec.

PK Subban and Andrei Kostitsyn had their own great games tonight. Building off the new energy he's receiving by Halpern's side and showing his fairly exemplary and underrated defensive awareness, the AK46 sprung to life and was one of the few forwards pushing hard on the Flames. In the end he was rewarded with a wicked goal that most claim Kipper would love to have back, but give him credit for shooting it! Benoit Brunet was saying how he was sure he would just dump it in and change. (Brunet was rather ornery tonight, even before the collapse). PK Subban was the best defenceman on the ice. As unfortunate Gorges' injury is, it forced the team to put PK back with an ol' faithful like Hal Gill where he's able to stabilize his play, ending the night with the game winning goal, an assist, +1, and lead ALL defencemen in ice time which included a shared lead in shorthanded time with his buddy Gill. They're destined for buddy cop movie or two.

I'm not going to harp on the meltdown because it's blue monday, the most depressing day of the year. We already know the story. It was like the 3rd period on Saturday. And I can't really fault Auld either because it was just a disaster in the defensive zone (also known as Hamr and Spacek and a flu-bugged Wisniewski which also kind of killed the powerplay). Auld is our Michael Leighton in that he's large enough to get in the way of a save (couple of posts) but the guys have to lock down and clear the rebounds (also known as standard play when the backup is in nets). They didn't after Kipper was pulled, and Flames capitalized. Change our own goalie to calm the back end, and went for the OT win.

He made four huge saves in relief, but Price picked up his League leading 23rd win. (Hey, he picked up many Ls in relief of Jaro for the past 2 years). He's only one behind his rookie season record right now with about the same save percentage/GAA. The youngest of the League leaders. Should have left his Heritage tuque on over his mask.

Prior to the game, Cammy proclaimed that he believes this team is sneaky good and believes despite not playing their best and with not much expected of them that they're optimistic to have a good second half because they feel they can squeak out these wins. They may not be pretty, they may have you reaching for the Advil, but a win is a win is a win no matter which way you put it.

Habs 3, Rags 2: I am Kostitsyn, hear me roar

Didn't know Ron Hextall played for the Rangers. But I digress.

I think I need to talk about Andrei Kostitsyn...

People say he doesn't care, or doesn't show that he cares. This is so wrong you have no idea. You know why you don't see it? Because you're not looking. All you hear is the misguided hate by the media poured onto the airwaves at this guy by bitter local media types who are pissed he was drafted instead of whatever local dude that may or may not have turned out as well as they have. Say something enough and people will start believing it. You watch, but your vision is clouded by the "facts" drummed into your head. You don't see a guy trying hard. You don't see him hitting and backchecking even though his game is 100% offense. Kostitsyn isn't here to play defence, and if Jacques Martin wants a team built entirely with Tom Kostopouloses well he's not going to get many wins... In a game not long ago, Andrei was parked at the net, ready for a tip in and the puck skipped over his stick into the corner missing a wide open cage. On the replay you can clearly see Andrei glower towards the puck, swearing as he tries to quickly retrieve it. He's frustrated big time that the pucks aren't going in. Simple sneaky plays of him pouncing on rebounds are just going wide. Missing instead of scoring. And for a guy who just wants to score goals, it's really pissing him off. (Ironic that if JMart wanted a Kostitsyn with a complete two-way game, he should have given Sergei more credit).

Tonight's game winning goal was vintage Kostitsyn. And I only hope it's one of many more to come now that he's THE designated shooter on a line with two guys who will do everything they can to make room for him. And maybe people can stop trying to trade him to Columbus for Jacub Voracek.

My nerdiness exposed

Absorption and magnification?! Just what are you insinuating?

So my hopes in seeing a coureur de bois type hero with a magic canoe and exploding poutine ultimately becomes the bastard child of Iron Man, Cobra Commander, and Deadpool. The artist in me loathes these generic cookie-cutter heroes and their stolen awkward poses don't make it any better...

Either way, there is only one Guardian for the Canadiens and his name is Carey Price.

My puppy wants to play hockey!

Over at my parents house, our puppy Ziggy was mesmerized by the hockey game on TV. No idea why, considering it was Ottawa vs Calgary, also known as a total snoozefest. Then he got up close and wanted the puck. But no puck was to be had...

So Ziggy started to bark at them.

Ziggy doesn't like the Sens or the Flames.
My kind of puppy!

Habs 2, Pens 5: Silver platter

One game, two points, best served cold.

Isn't that cute? Fleury did the Buffalo Stance after 20 saves and only really working for 10 minutes. Obviously the pose gets praise 'cause he did it. Imitation is the most sincerest form of flattery, but I thought he would be more than capable to get his own damn pose. The League needs more goalie posing! But originality is key. He should also send a thank you card to the Habs and a special extra thank you to Jaro Spacek for the 4 powerplay goals cushion. Brutal penalty kill, brutal penalties, brutal pylons and obviously fatigued. That's what happens when you're behind the play, reaching, and constantly defending...

But for 6 minutes and 30 seconds in the second period, there was a non-stop action sequence with back-and-forth hockey, odd-man rushes (mostly in Price's direction), and just a whole lot of FUN! The guys actually looked awake for the first time all game. I could see Jacques Martin's face flush as the sequence went on. Then, obviously, diarrhea: too many men on the ice.

The moment was dead.

Spacek was on the ice, again, killing a penalty with 10 seconds left.

Spacek, in the corner behind his net, attempts a crap clear TO THE FUCKING SLOT. Perfect pass to Jordan Staal for his first of the year. I swear I saw the #8 on that Habs sweater. The game died right there for the Habs. Jaro Spacek gets the Mike Komisarek Award for the night.

Coach gets the dunce cap because Jaro Spacek and his buddy Hamr were out there on the PK that gave up FOUR GOALS. They did not help, they made everything worse.

Benoit Pouliot went from yay to nay in the span of a day. Three stupid penalties that cost the team (and him a goal even if it was a weak call, you can't poke your stick towards players hands and expect otherwise). Seriously, is there a player more infuriating than Benoit Pouliot?

Lost in the kerfuffle, Mighty Mite David Desharnais scored his first NHL goal. I don't think I have ever seen a man so happy in my life. Nintendo Sixty Four territory. A perfect tip-in on a Subban shot. It was like I was watching the Bulldogs for a few minutes. The smallest man on the ice (yes, he's smaller than Gionta). His head is barely above the boards. His height is definitely listed "on skates". Buffalo Stance that one, Fleury.

Habs 2, Rangers 1: The Plan

I wonder if anyone in New York really remembers Alex Auld?

Anyway, Habs played a needlepoint paced patient game. I guess you call those "textbook road games". Probably a good idea since they're right now waiting to leave New York while a powerful Nor'easter dumps more snow on their heads. Gotta conserve the energy for the Penguins.

Quickies
- Stunndqvist gave us a gift in that Pouliot goal, and pretty much kicked in Spacek's goal but how many times have you seen a dominant shift like that lead to a goal or Pouliot actually shoot the puck instead of "dump and change"?
- Couldn't ask for anything more from Auld. Seriously, people, give this guy some credit already. He didn't steal anything, but when your backup is in nets the rest of the team has to lockdown. They did, and he's a perfectly capable backup. (Wouldn't bet the season on him, obviously).
- On binary day 31, Carey Price was announced to the All-Star Game roster.
- Poor Ryan McDonagh had to wipe the McGuire spittle off his helmet every shift.
- I discovered Canadien Express is the best way to watch Jacques Martin hockey. Too bad it's on an hour or so later. (Good for me coming home at 9:30).

Habs 3, Bruins 2 (OT): Divine intervention

When Darche scored in the 3rd, the War Room called it off. RDS slow mo shows Tim Thomas punched it into his own net from 3 different angles after Darche knocks it over him. Darche's tip had the puck going right, and in Thomas' scramble you can see it clearly change direction left as he punched it with the back of his glove. His sheepish look also gave it away. He knew he knocked it into his own net. Apparently there's some little footnote that says if the puck goes in off an official or player after a high-stick, it's no goal, WHICH MAKES NO SENSE because I'm sure the Habs got screwed on plenty of those bouncing off their own guys and in. But like Stamkos and his illegal penalty shot, the Hockey Gods smiled and said unto the Habs, "Don't worry boys, We got this."

With Cammy puking in the backroom from the 2nd period, Habs were short on offense. Guess we know why he looked really off tonight. After a very even 1st they went down 2-0 in the 2nd thanks to terrible turnovers in their own zone that Bergeron capitalized on (also known as "why the fuck is Wiz playing with Picard"). Habs were in tough. They were mailing it by then anyway and it looked to be another one of those valiant efforts by Price in a 2-0 shutout loss. But once that disallowed goal happened, the Habs didn't sulk. The Hockey Gods got them back another goal the Bruins put in their own net after a harmless pass by Gomez went off Chara's skate and into the back of his own net. And with Price pulled for the extra man, Chara's clearing attempt for the empty netter took a bounce to the right in front of a gaping cage and became icing instead. The Bruins were on the bench laughing, but it would be the Habs who would have the last laugh. The Wiz, at the blueline, dragged around an outstretched Bruin and sent a shot on net where the rebound bounced off a charging Gionta.

Another tight game, another overtime. Except Blake Wheeler is an idiot and tripped Wiz into the corner. Habs spent most of the OT on the powerplay but couldn't do much. According to Wiz, he and PK were being careful because the Habs had fucked up the ice the way they played the 3rd and the puck wasn't listening. Last thing you want is to lose the momentum with a clear or give up a breakaway to Bergeron for a shortie. But it's all ok because after the powerplay was done, Patches tuck his head in and rifled the top corner behind Thomas. "Biggest goal of my life," he said. Habs fans everywhere wanted to hug him for that.

Habs win. Bruins lose. Good over evil. Now tied for first in the division. And Chara is a tool. (That "push" was akin to a fly on a rhino. Next time get out of the way). Maybe Cammy left them a gift...

Feel the love, Lurch.

Breaking news!

It's been discovered that Josh Gorges was actually running on Gatorade-powered hamsters for 7 years and he finally has to fix this. Hamsters can only do so much, you know. To honour these mighty little hamsters, my next hamster will be named Gorges. (Or guinea pig, if I find one I really like. Hey, they're sort of like big hamsters).

Don't worry, Pleky's still around. But he refuses to come out of his hut unless it's important like a potty break or cheese. (He's hibernating).

2 Chickens and 1 Penguin have a shootout...

Carey Price is boss.

I guess the title of this post make for the setup of a bad joke, but really, hey look! We had our first shootout of the year! And it didn't suck either!

But before I continue, some sad news... JOSH GORGES IS OUT WITH KNEE SURGERY! FUCK! Another blow to the team. Soon Hal Gill will be the last veteran standing.

So in true to Pierre Gauthier's request to rally around each other, they played probably their best game in a month. Yes, Crosby wasn't there. Yes, Cooke was out with personal reasons (and personaly he could just go away). And yes, Malkin sucks in shootouts. The Pens are never an easy team to play unless they mail in a back-to-back, and this was the first time I saw them NOT mail in a back-to-back game. Also helped them that Fleury was on the bench so Cammy could not score on him.

First period was over in a blink of an eye. Fastest period all season. Made the advertisers angry but saved us from talking to Gargamel down between the benches. Outshot ridiculously, but that's nothing new. Second period remarkably didn't suck for once! And Mighty Mite Desharnais played a giant game. Third period was a little annoying but hey, you got the top two penalty killing teams in the League facing off here... I expected the powerplays on either side would cancel out.

Shootout was a rather sordid affair until Pouliot pulled out the Forsberg (which is PK's move too but he didn't do it). Pens fans start bitching about Price's pose. Habs get 2 points.

Dear GM-boss, we rallied.

PS. Those crazy Russian kids got kicked off their home flight for being drunk. Awesome stuff, boys!

Que sera sera...

Congratulations to Team Russia for taking Gold by finally realizing Jared Cowen's awkwardness and by fully exemplifying Kovalev Hockey. See! The man was on to something!

That or check their Gatorade. One hell of a 3rd period rush. My brother (who now has the evil gastro) wondered what the hell they did during 2nd intermission, or ate (and if he could have some too), and where this second team came from. Or maybe that's their plan: conserve energy, lull you to think it's over, then curbstomp on your face at breakneck speed now that you're too tired to move. At least the coach can go home happy knowing everyone will be safe and sound, if you know what I mean...

Don't feel bad, Canada. Silver isn't the worst. All the trash we've heard about how our boys weren't even going to score let alone medal... And it's more than what the Swedes got, who sulked their way to fourth in one of the most dullest medals games I have ever seen. I mean c'mon man, Team Finland would have pushed hard for Bronze with the ferociousness of the top prize.

And soon we'll see Cowen awkwardly defending Lehner for the Senators one day. Have fun with that one!

We have put up, maybe you should shut up?

Forgive me, my five readers, for I've been giving plenty of facetime with my toilet over the past few days with gastro. Nasty stuff, stay away from it.

I personally brushed off the post-game comments by Team Sweden's coach Roger Ronnberg as "whatevs dude, you didn't win anything yet", especially considering it took a shootout and a leaky Olivier Roy for them to win it. (Didn't see Gigantor Lehner look any stronger either). I also think Canadian hockey fans were in their own right to be annoyed with the comments as well. Team Sweden was a supposed favourite to go for Gold this year, which wasn't uncommon, however like many years prior have failed to do so. A weak statement like that after what was a back-and-forth 6-5 shootout win over a team that didn't give up? All it did was give Team Canada an extra game to play.

As for Team Sweden? This morning, the boys in yellow and blue head to practice preparing to fight for Bronze, as they failed to bring what superior skills they had to the stage and clunked out in a shootout loss where they trailed most of the game until the Russians finally tired themselves out.

So perhaps Ted Bird, the resident know-it-all in things concerning how Canada should act, might want to retract his even more annoying statement about how Canadians reacted to the coach's comments?

Oh, Canada! Thou shalt be kind and courteous, raise no eyebrows, and ruffle no feathers! In hockey, those 5 gold World Junior medals in a row means nothing! You cannot claim anything, or be semi-outraged by anyone saying otherwise. Oh, Canada! The way you gather in a patriotic furor around hockey is so un-Canadian! Pride? We dare not show our pride! Because we're CANADIAN! And that means we get walked over no matter how many games we win, how many wars we bravely fight when no one else wants to, how many sacrifices we make for others, how many inventions we invent, or how many are lining up to become Canadians daily.

Hey Ted, maybe Canadians are just finally tired of being the quiet friendly guy that helps everyone and rarely gets a helping hand in return? Maybe we've just finally had it being that person with the right ideas no one listens to? Maybe we've finally had it and we're not going to take it anymore? Or maybe you can blame the Winter Olympics for awakening the sleeping giant.

Am I the only one that finds it sad that when Canada was on the verge of separation, no rally was big enough to show our pride in this country that it inevitably fell to some kind of "scandal" over how much was spent promoting unity? If hockey is the only thing that keeps us together, and our success at it fails to give us any respect by a coach with a big mouth after one game that didn't even result in a medal, then be proud Canada and be annoyed. Even prior to the tournament Swedish players provided our skaters with plenty of bulletin board material. That was one more quote for the board for Dave Cameron to use.

And after stomping on Team USA, things seem to be on the right track.

Tomorrow at 7, Canada will fight Russia for the Gold. By then we should know how Sweden feels about 3rd or 4th. The Swedes put up for one game. Canada put up for many others and many, many years prior. Perhaps it's you who should shut up? The math has been done.

Habs 3, Thrasher 4 (OT): Take a spa day...

Only way to cure a porous defence? Mud mask.

You have problems when:
- Spacek is the only D hitting players.
- With 4 seconds left in the 2nd, you stand around and casually allow players to walk by while not covering the man backdoor. All you really needed to do was pin the fucker to the wall and we wouldn't even be talking about that.
- You send 50 shots on net and maybe 5 were actually dangerous. The most dangerous one hit the post.
- You can't score 5-on-5 anymore regardless of the empty nets, rebounds, and second/third opportunities. I mean how many misses until Gio finally got his stick on one and an empty net? It was near the end of the 3rd period.
- Hal Gill stick handles with a 2-by-4 and no one bothers to help him out.
- You don't communicate with your goalie to let him know where he can pass the puck, forcing him to go for the off-the-board deflection that gets intercepted because YOU'RE TOO FUCKING SLOW.
- You really don't know how to handle forechecking all together.
- You allow the cocky little bastards of the Thrashers skate circles around you.
- You can't do anything with a 2-on-1 anymore.
- You all turn to Jello after you score a goal and follow it with a horrible shift.
- You're forced to take a penalty in OT and let Price deal with everything. (Well, OT was all him, and seems to have settle him after that shit roadtrip really did a number on him with how crap these guys played).
- You don't cover Buff for once on the penalty kill and he just blasts it.
- You would have lost in a shootout anyway.

The 1pm games SUCK, especially on a Sunday. Next game is THURSDAY. You better be in practice every day fixing these horrible problems.

Disgruntled? There's a trade for that.

Funny how all the love and adulation in the world can't get a hometown boy to roll up his socks and just try harder to earn his ice time.

Max Lapierre was one of the most popular players on the team, for reasons that confound everyone else. A dirty player by some standards. A noted diver, who now can't walk away from getting his face smashed into the glass from a blatant hit from behind without taking a penalty himself (undeservedly). So he yaps. That's his job. That's his role. Forecheck hard, take defensive zone faceoffs, kill penalties, hit, annoy, disturb, and score the odd goal to give the team some secondary scoring (or tertiary scoring).

But Yappy was barely doing this.

Every year he promised us that how he played in the playoffs was how he will work the whole year. And every year he failed to accomplish this. Though, this year he teased us with being awesome in preseason...

When shakeups occurred, he was even put on top lines to use his big body to clear space for his skilled linemates and bother opposing goalies.

Then his icetime took a hit in Washington in a 3-0 loss. I have no idea how this game really played out, but Yappy played 4 minutes and was apparently very unhappy. He led the team in hits with 104, but how many of those were on the glass instead of the player? Averaging just over 11 minutes per game, taken off the penalty kill to the point where even Cammalleri is surprisingly doing OK on it (defend with offense, like they do in Detroit I guess). Has 5 goals, 3 assists, and another team high 63 penalty minutes but for a guy who's supposed to be defensively responsible, he's a -7 which is team worst and tied with Gomez (those early slump games really hit him here).

Guys in these roles play like every game, every shift, is their last because there are other options readily available to replace you if you don't. Driving around town in a purple Hummer like a king isn't the role of King Pest. Thinking because your name is local and the fans love you regardless of your play doesn't automatically give you a roster spot. Right now the Habs have 3 local kids all eyeing Yappy's spot, and one of them even has the #40 on his back. Gabriel Dumont may be 4-inches shorter but he's 5-inches greater of a true bulldog on skates. Never mind the fact Ryan White could easily take over the role of King Pest right now...

And asking for a trade because you're unhappy YOU aren't performing to how the team needs you to perform to the point they believe you are expendable? I don't like the trade but when I hear stuff like this from a roleplayer bottom-6 guy, I say goodbye. When your best moment of the season was putting Eye of the Tiger on the locker room radio to honour Cammy's first NHL fight, you best be looking in the mirror of what you can do better.

Then again, I wish they could trade Jacques Martin somewhere...

Yappy in his glory

Now the Ducks are incredibly stocked up on assholes. Now marketing for the Habs/Bell/Videotron has to change all their ads, though. See the one that goes through the ages? Fans watching the game on TV with their idol's number on their backs goes from guys like Cournoyer and Gainey and Roy to...Lapierre, which is such a fucking joke in itself it's terrible.

Coming back is an RC Cola Josh Gorges for depth on defense, Brett Festerling, and a 5th round pick (essentially getting back the conditional pick sent to Long Island for Wiz). Festerling is an interesting guy. He grew up with Price and played with him in Tri-City, he's buddies with Lucic as he captain the Vancouver Giants (won the Memorial Cup), and he's taking the long road into the pros. He was awarded the Defenceman of the Tournament for the U-18 when he played with Team Canada. Struggled a bit, wasn't drafted, signed with Anaheim, and was among their final cuts every time. He did get to play with Niedermayer, which was one of his happiest days ever. With the injuries and the age of our D, and the fact Mathieu Carle is unsurprisingly injured, Habs need depth on D. Getting a good guy back who has history with some of your core players never hurts.

You can consider the trade addition by subtraction. David Desharnais was recalled just prior to the trade, as the team needs an offensive spark considering they have a hard time scoring 1 goal let alone 3... Also he's good on faceoffs, which is another struggle of the Habs.