ATTENTION EVERYONE part 2!

CAREY PRICE FOREVER! Well, OK, six more years. But in hockey terms that's forever. Proceed to triple low five the person next to you. Hey pro goalie dudes, explain to us what Carey Price is please.

Price is one of the best damn goalies in the universe. You guys want me to explain the "CP31 Speed Bubble" I always talk about? I'm bored. The CP31 Speed Bubble is a trait that only he displays. It's a mental awareness in which he moves at his own speed and his own pace regardless of the speed or the pace of the play around him. Regardless of what happens around him, he always moves and flows at HIS pace. So there you go. Price lives in a speed bubble, and this is why he looks so even-keeled, moves so effortlessly. He's almost always unfazed.

Fans often get disgruntled because he'll look passive or "lazy" at times, but that comes with the territory of the CP31 Speed Bubble. Deal. Price reads and processes plays with calm precision, moves similarly. So positionally structured & economical, he could play until he's 45. -- Justin Goldman (the Goalie Guild)

Translation: Price is the goalie equivalent of the Matrix, and WE GOT HIM! So fuck off the reservation, McGuire.

What else did GMMB get us? Some familiar faces and some better bottom-six rugged dudes to make life a little more comfy for the top-six guys.

Who's back?
- Travis TOUCHDOWN Moen for four more years!
- Alexei Emelin for two more years! BOOM!
- Brendon Nash for another year! Now don't get destroyed in fucking training camp again please.
- Petteri Nokelainen for another year! But there's a big chance he gets waived early. Again.
- Michael Blunden is back even though he didn't get the qualifying offer.
- Cedric the Entertainer Desjardins is back for Hamilton after, well, realizing our other goalies still kind of suck.
- FrankieBou is back! Proving that he does indeed have a life clause that stipulates he can only play with either the Habs or the Preds.

Who's new?
- Brandon Prust for four years! Will help block the shots with Gorges.
- Colby "Closet Habs Fan" Armstrong for a year! And he's still getting paid by the Leafs so BONUS!

You can stop dreaming about Jagr. Either he signs for a reasonable price already or he stops using Montreal as leverage for other deals. Anyway, the dude is 40. I doubt he wants to really play for this team...

Habs 7, Jets 3: Danish Dynamite

"Je suir trés content pour Lars!" said Cunney while giggling. Seriously, I love this guy. Martin would have walked in with a sequoia up his arse and spewed the same old boring dull press conference.

Two goals in 43 seconds, with GORGES opening the scoring to celebrate that new contract. First goal of the year for Kaberle, and his last goal was last year against the Habs. Three goals in 50 seconds. Plus a penalty shot. Anyone who dares to break up the Stooges Line (Moen-Larry-Kush) should be immediately slapped. They did this last year when Martin randomly put them together, and then inexplicably broke them up after the trio went on an absolute tear.

Kostitsyn looked like the GOOD version of Kovalev.
Moen looked like he was ready to skate through walls and over mountains. Nearly had the opening goal of the game with barely a few minutes off the clock.
And Lars Eller...

It's because I went looking for an Eller #81 t-shirt at lunchtime today, right? I didn't find one. Now I'm probably going to have to fight people off for one.

Not since Jan Bullis did a Hab score four goals in one game, and that was in Philadelphia. NHLN tells me the last Hab to score four at home was Brian Bellows...in 1993!

Ah hell just watch the highlights. Seriously, words can't describe Eller and his linemates tonight. They needed the win badly. They needed to win at home badly. And like Gorges said, every game is Game 7 for them now.

Habs 2, Panthers 3: Go away 2011

Well gee if you guys bothered not giving up the empty netter, Erik Cole's 16th goal of the year would have brought you to overtime. Instead I missed the goal because once I saw that piss poor attempt to save the empty netter, I flipped to Team Canada's game.

Oh and Krys Barch got ejected for racial slurs towards PK. Bravo, 2011. You officially end as shitty as you were.

So. Happy New Year I guess. And it's either the end of the world or the start of something better. Either way, 2011 can fuck off and die. In a fire.

Eller prays for this team to suck less in 2012.

Habs 4, Whalercanes 3 (SO): Win ugly

Weird bounces are weird, but they happen. No clue why that second goal was even allowed considering the Canes knocked the puck down off the net with what is technically a high stick. But hey, crawling back in a game is good for the soul. My heart? Not so much.

Felt like every time the puck was in the Habs defensive zone, Habs would auto-switch into pylons. It was so easy for the Canes to just walk up to the front of the net, either alone or with a friend to flip a pass to.

Let me talk about Lars Eller, though. HE WAS A WINGER ON THE FOURTH FUCKING LINE!!! Yes, let's slam this incredibly talented big CENTER onto the wing with Nokie and Darche. Result: Does not work! But then Eller goes out on the penalty kill, as a center, and with his pure strength and determination causes absolute chaos in the Canes zone, gets rewarded with a goal. And not just any goal. It was an important goal that brought the game within 1. It was a shorthanded goal.

Then Gomez pulled his groin and couldn't play in the 3rd. Sometimes Hockey Gods are dicks. Here? They looked down upon Lars Eller and said "Rise, my son, for you are totally better than this". He really is a completely (and more awesome) player while at center eh? Maybe it's because HE'S A FUCKING CENTER! So there he is, Habs tied the game early in the 3rd. He wins a faceoff in the offensive zone, and immediately battles hard on the boards with the puck for what felt like 30 hockey seconds. Even when he loses a faceoff, he continues to battle hard for the puck. He picks up an assist on Moen's game tying goal. All that good work and what happens? Doesn't even see the ice in overtime.

He ended the game with a goal, an assist, +2, 2 shots on net, a shmidge under 13 minutes of ice time (where, criminally, 22 seconds was on the powerplay)...and was the game's first star.

Put that in your damn notebook, Jacques.

Also put this in your damn notebook: FIX THE POWERPLAY! Another 4-minute powerplay wasted where the Canes had more shorthanded chances to score than the Habs had with the man-advantage.

By the way, Erik Cole kind of sucks when he plays against his old team. C'mon man, you're supposed to be trolling them!

Habs 4, Whalercanes 0: The kids are alright

That's right, JMart. CREDIT your kids on D tonight because they were fantastic. (Of course he danced around the issue. Dude's a waffle). But man Carolina is terrible. How the hell did this team beat the Penguins?

Of course historically we all know that whatever ails the Whalercanes, they usually cure themselves on the Habs. But the Habs were just so damn solid tonight that there was no way this was happening. They got the right game plan, they went for the kill, they kept the Canes to like 5 shots for most of the game and kept pressing for more.

Hey, Canes even had a 4-on-3 turned 5-on-3 to play with, so it's not like they didn't have opportunities.

We got a Gremelin!
- Yup. Emelin's best game since coming over. You could see it building. The more he plays the more awesome he gets. He threw 7 hard hits, blocked 7 shots, a little over 18 minutes of ice time with about 2 and half on the penalty kill. I just love his game. Introduced Tlusty to the new Bell Centre glass early.
- PK Subban scored a goal and jumped into the glass. It's a good day when PK Subban scores a goal and jumps into the glass.
- Young defence? No problem. With Price moving the puck it was a lot easier for the kids to play. Picked up an assist for his effort on the opening goal. Was busiest in the 3rd and a key to shutting down the Canes' powerplay.
- Cam Ward needs help. His team ain't giving it.
- I mean for all of Staal's troubles, he wasn't invisible. Most of the time.
- As much trouble the Whalercanes have been to the Habs, I still kind of really like Tuomo Ruutu. (The only good Ruutu in my books).
- And Ruutu was mercilessly trolled by Erik Cole as he sat in the penalty box.

Cole Troll

- I know everyone shits on Gomez. Even the TSN Panel had a "what to do with Scott Gomez" question. (And no, buying him out is NOT the option). Sure he sucked at faceoffs, and had one crap shift, but I honestly think he played real well tonight. And was there to give some support to Eller, who's designated linemate is now on the IR. Regardless of what the fans say, the young guys really look up to him.
- None can stop the Saskatcheplow!
- Weber actually wiffed on his powerplay goal but hey with the goals Ward was giving up I half expected the Canes to score on their own net all night.
- Also I think RDS is the only channel that pronounces Weber's name properly...
- SteadFreddy's NHL debut! Took two penalties, but the rest of his game was simple and fairly solid for a nervous first game on home ice. He also blocked a shot in the final moments of the game to help preserve Price's shutout. That's why we love him so.

Habs were in 8th spot for a few seconds (then the Devils beat the Sabres). They've been pressing hard this month and deserve everything for working so hard. And the best way to bounce back from the heartbreak and anger yesterday is to not allow another team that's in tough to have their way with you on your home ice. Especially when that team usually breaks out on your home ice.

Now it's time to continue and do the same to the Islanders. I think if they play like this, they'll do just fine.

Habs 5, Avs 6 (SO): El tipico

Habs, you've got some 'splainin to do!
Ai-yai-yai-yai-yai!
Habs, what do you have to say for yourself?
And as I recall, it was till death do us part. That event is about to take place right now!!
Mira lo que este equipo ha hecho...
Mira lo que este equipo loco ha hecho...
Ai que barbaridad...

PK! Son! You have got to stop trying to do everything yourself. If there weren't so many injuries, you'd probably be up in the pressbox right now. This team needs you. This team can't play Gorges or Gill for 60 minutes. You're the most veteran young defenceman on the team right now. But mostly that horrendous want to go coast-to-coast while your team is changing and you're the last man out there, going through 4 guys, giving Stastny the opportunity to go on a breakaway... That stuff just can't happen right now. Neither can you seriously float through the defensive zone, ignoring the guy behind you. Especially if you claim to be #AlwaysOn.

PK unit! Guys! With Diaz dinged for a bullshit call (seriously, if you call that trip and don't call the one in OT on Eller, you got no business calling that a trip) you've got to get the puck out and away. It was a crucial kill, yet y'all acted like there was still 3 periods to play instead of 3 minutes. Lose the faceoff? Jump on the player/puck like Halpern did in his "kill time" faceoffs. Get down and dirty! There was just waaaay too much scrambling, waaaay too much running around, and no one covering the point shots. And yes, once again, everyone facing the wrong way.

Pricey...

"It was a roller coaster," Price said. "I thought the guys played well and deserved better. It was a tough one for me tonight, obviously, with five goals. I wish I would have played better but at least we got a point out of it. We can move forward with that, I guess."

Not really worried about him. He's basically got a lot to take care off with the defense being the way it is. People making Luongo jokes need to get a clue. He's not sprawled helpless on the ground every fucking time like LOLongo, who's playing behind a much better more experience team and HAS to be better than what he's shown not just this year but previous years. If Luongo played for the Habs, they wouldn't have any wins this season so far. Actually he'd probably have had a nervous breakdown years ago and would have been traded elsewhere for his own sanity.

As for the shootout? Well, frankly, do what you gotta do in OT. Going to a shootout with Colorado is like praying for 6 numbers that count. Especially when JMart puts Pleky out first while Gio/Gomez are sitting there, watching. Especially when Colorado is full of shootout specialists.

Take the point and run. Though they did play better than what they showed against Calgary, it wasn't by much. Nevertheless, loved little DD jumping into Patches' arms after he scored that goal. Peanut butter and Nutella. That's what those two are, assisting on each others' goals. Also the powerplay looked a lot better. Ironic that Pleky, now removed from the point, scored from there with a wicked slapshot. Another great gritty goal for Moen. And Gionta's backhand goal was sick. Captain owes us some goals with all those he missed...

Good news! Apparently the live organ music has returned.

#OctoberProblems:
- John Tavares has the same amount of goals as the entire Rangers squad.
- He also has the same amount of goals as Winnipeg, who are still looking for their first win (0-3-0).
- MAB has more points/goals than Stamkos, St Louis, Lecavalier. RDS is pissed.
- RNH probably isn't going to play for Team Canada at the World Juniors.
- No one in Chicago can elevate the puck on Timmeh Thomas, causing Jack Edwards to explode on every routine save he makes.
- Don't let my dad watch hockey. Please. He's scaring the dog.
- Columbus is 0-4-1 and it ain't pretty.
- Toronto's planning the parade.

Habs 5, Jets 1: Spoilers!

They were partying since Wednesday for this. Naturally we come in to spoil your fun. Taking care of business, so to say.

The Gazette playing it safe claimed the Habs should graciously loose this one. Sorry but there's no room to be nice. Habs have been the nice guys for far too long and all they get is shit on by the League.

The panic button has been un-pushed for now.
- Your loud arena doesn't scare us. It's just a mini Bell Centre, only the fans aren't bitter. Yet.
- OK they're even cheering for Ron Hainsey. Give 'em time...
- And it shall be known that the return of the Jets was met by a shitty dead-cat version of our anthem courtesy of off-key Jim Cuddy and Chantal Kreviaczuk wearing a crow.
- Nice tribute to Rypien. Even has a clip of him punching it out with Greg Stewart.
- RDS makes it difficult to watch games without a scoreboard graphic. I have no idea what time it is.
- Cammy victimizes Oduya for the first Habs goal of the year and it's gorgeous. He has atoned! And became an answer in a trivia question.
- Then Cammy gets cut by a skate. Gone for 2 weeks. FUCK IT!
- Desharnais doesn't give a damn how tall you are.
- Emelin played AWESOME. And no worries about communication. Pleky speaks Russian too.
- Plekanec's first goal of the year is a highlight reel goal. Czech on Czech.
- Also should be noted he was very upset with the game in Toronto. Excellent response.
- Carey Price was rocking to the music when not joking around with the ref.
- First Jets goal is bullshit. Typical. And I think they still have the same goal horn as the Moose.
- Price should play sick more often.
- Everyone shits on Engqvist. Hello? He's not going to wow you. His job is penalty kill and take faceoffs, of which he was excellent in doing today. Even against Little, who usually KILLS us.
- With Spacek out, it pays to have a Swiss Mister on the 4th line. First powerplay goal against in the returned-Jets rink.
- What? We're losing?! GOON IT UP, BOYS! You're such an awesome coach, Claude.
- Your refs for the day were 3 guys from Winnipeg, plus some other guy. Doesn't matter, they ended up losing their shit anyway.
- Sorry Winnipeg. Just because you're new doesn't make you exempt from hockey rules. Beside, you had a zillion powerplays to do something.
- Moen undressed 2 defencemen and Pavelectric while Allan Walsh bitched about Pierre-Marc Bouchard's suspension.
- Diaz did not fear nor give up on Big Buff, and stole the puck away.
- Gio's so smart: He was pissed at the non-call on the holding of his stick behind the Jets' net right in front of the ref. Rammed into Buff to draw interference.
- Memo to Winnipeg: Your attempts to bug Price are ineffective.
- Memo to the Jets: You pissed off Price, you did not score another goal.
- Patches rockets one in. Fuck you Chara!
- Diaz took that penalty on purpose just to take his helmet off. *swoon*
- Still think the Habs are small? Andrew Ladd hates our small forwards.
- Our 31 is better than your 31.
- He also stole the puck.

He just wants to give you hugs, Pleky.

Tweet of the Game: @AndrewBerkshire Winnipeg wanted the Jets back, and to be fair.... they got the Jets.

Habs may be "small" but they have guts. And yes they'll have more games like that lame one in Toronto...but they'll also have energetic ones like today. It's just how it goes in an 82-game season.

So we're told it's 2 weeks for Cammy. Also Blair Betts is returned-to-sender because the fucking Flyers tried waiving a guy that can't play due to injury. (And fucks up the Flyers salary cap problem, not to mention they now have 50 contracts. Suckers). Hey, fuck you Hockey Gods. There, I said it.

Habs 8, Wild 1: Perfect Sunday

Todd Richards to his team after sucking this weekend

Back on track after a good day's rest. The Wild had done to them what the Habs had Thursday/Friday and were the victim of a real shitty schedule. Only they didn't have to travel, so they basically slept at the rink. Hockey would be more consistent if not for the stupid back-to-back bullshit. Habs have 9 games left and one back-to-back.

I bet Winnipeg was REALLY empty today.
- Thunder Bay too.
- I expected big things from Pouliot today but mostly thought he'd just end up getting the shaft for goalie inteference again. Nope! Ends with 3 assists and the 3rd star.
- You have NO idea how much I love Auld's mask.
- Ryan White. That is all.
- And that was charging by Stoner on Palushaj. Don't know why the League needs to make the rule any clearer. How about getting the refs to call it for a change?
- But who needs refs when you got Ryan White.
- As good as Andrei Markov is, he would never pull the moves PK pulls. I've seen him circle the offensize zone and walk the line like that many times. This time his centering pass went off a skate and in. Couldn't have happened to a better dude.
- And don't you DARE shake you head at PK ever again, Perry Pearn. Talk about a total square. Egads! Spunky creativity! It must be stopped!
- The smile Moen gave Gomez was priceless when he scored.
- One more goal for twenty, Andrei! Suck it haterz.
- Jose Theodore left early and Tomas Jagr wasn't even playing.
- Cammy was. The one legged wait 'til a sprawling Brent Burns slides by you pass to Wiz. Top shelf with a rocket. They were just having fun.
- I still didn't see the hand on the puck thing but whatever. At least it was Koivu.
- Pyatt scores with stereo! The Thunder Bay section cheers!
- I love Cal Clutterbuck but don't you DARE touch Gionta again!
- Too many game pucks needed for today but at the buzzer, PK tossed the one on the ice to crowd. They tossed him hats, he tosses pucks!
- And Moen did a mini triple low-five with him. They cut his tie later. (Bet it was Price with the scissors).

Last time the Habs scored eight goals Alex Auld played for the Bruins and chased him out of the net pretty quick. Good to be on the winning side eh Alex? Speaking of the Hated Bear Tribe of the East. Who's 1 point behind them? Da Habs.

Go Bulldogs!

Habs 2, Caps 4: Losing more than just a game...

Explanations in a 5-point plan:

1. I hate it when some big time event happens at the Bell Center because the boards are always out of whack when reset. Case in point, the first goal. Assisted by the boards and some cow dung. Why the hell would you do Bull Riding at the Bell Center anyway? Use the damn Olympic Stadium for that like the Monster Truck rally. God knows no one else is using that accursed building now anyway.

2. This young Caps fan has more brains than Bruce Boudreau.


Oh and as exemplified on Brooks Laich's goal, Hal Gill would have just let the guy blow right by him. (I still love you Hal).

3. Stop getting hurt! The Numbers Line lost 2/3 of it's numbers! Halpern and Pleky left the game with the dreaded "lower body injury", marooning Cammy at center ice (who nearly scored...into his own net) and forcing me to call the White-Eller-Kostitsyn line "The Only Line". This was after Wiz got hurt, but came back. Organization is at it's final straw... Don't be surprised if we poach the last of the Bulldogs. I'd say Engqvist and Palushaj, you're the next contestant on Patch Up That Roster! Bulldogs will start hiring forwards soon, so if you're in the Hamilton area call 1-800-NOT-HURT and put your name down.

4. MVP chants for Carey Price! All while McIdiot was McSplooging over Holtby who I think made a whole 5 saves all game and doesn't stickhandle like Brodeur. (Scott Hannan had a higher save percentage than him). Jesus Price, however, can only walk on water so much and a full blown miracle, complete with burning bush, will be needed to save this team if the injuries continue. Or if the coach keeps over-playing Roman "IHaveNoIdeaHowToTakeThePassInA2-on-1" Hamrlik. Or if Dominic Moore suddenly shows up at our doorstep again.

5. It's sad the NHL Wheel of Justice website gave Chara a tougher suspension than the actual NHL Wheel of Justice.

Habs 3, Pens 0: I has a hat edition

I was working on this the whole game. Actually I had to do it twice because my first patch was too big. The big one would look nice on a sleeve, actually... So now all I need to do is sew it on my Habs tuque.

What a game by our boys. The Pens thought they had the Habs right where they wanted them, especially after Cooke ran a shot off the far post, but the Habs roared back to the offensive zone to get a faceoff. Fleury tries a poke check that would make Johnny Bower hang his head in shame and Pleky backhands it over him after sneaking through a crowd off the faceoff. This was 42 seconds in the game. The rest of the first was what I'd call an absolute marathon skate with nary a whistle in sight. It really made me smile to see hockey like this...

Second period, Moen shattered Fleury's confidence and Cammy just destroyed it. Second time this year Fleury was pulled against the Habs, right? Two amazing pieces of work by the team all perfectly placed and perfectly executed. One scrap between Talbot and Mara (size missmatched but whatevs, Talbot asked for it). Then it was the Carey Price show. James Neal alone in front: DENIED. Through a crowd, on the rush, off to the side, Carey Price was winning this game and no one would stop him. Hal Gill also made a late save off Kovy on the powerplay. What a tandem.

Can't say much about the officiating today but those afternoon games are tough on them too. Instead of calling Weber for tripping Cooke into the corner they let it go, and Cooke tries to fight Weber of all people. White runs in to take his place and Cooke ignores him, keeps trying to go for Weber. Finally Rupp runs in and knocks over White while PK tries to calm everyone down only to get mauled... About the only time the crowd in Pittsburgh cared to say anything was during this whole sequence. Jokes.

Habs came close in the 3rd on the powerplay to build their 3-0 lead but little DD missed and flubbed. Looked like the ice deteriorated horrendously as the game went on as guys were falling and the puck was bouncing every which way. Since it wasn't happening they shut it down, made the Pens work to even cross through the neutral zone, and decided to protect Price's 8th shutout on the year. One more and he'll tie Vezina with career shutouts!

I needed this game probably just as much as our boys did. It really helped heal my shattered hockey heart. Now I gotta finish sewing my Patches' patch.