Winnipeg transcript found!

"This is how much I love you. And that's being generous."

Rejoice for Winnipeg returns!

And one glorious powerpoint presentation on ticket prices showing comparables to other Canadian markets later, the team was officially Winnie's. The richest man in Canada has his team, the Moose are off to Newfoundland (wtf?) and the Canucks need a new farm team. We (and by "we" I mean the one person writing this blog) found the official transcript of the real script Gary Bettman was going to recite at the press conference this afternoon (or slightly earlier by Central time) but was quickly, and quietly, and politely asked to change it before he was able to present it to the Winnipeg faithful, the citizens of Canada, and anyone else who cared to listen. (Which by my count, "Winnipeg and the rest of Canada" pretty much covers it).

Take it away, Gary!

"Fuck you Atlanta and your useless corporate tools who didn't BOW to my feet or kiss the ground I walked on. Same goes for your politicians who apparently have more of a brain than those tools in Arizona I managed to extort millions out of. This isn't your fans fault, if I can call them "fans". More like digitally copy-pasted crowds to give the world the illusion there was actually a crowd in that rink. Fuck your GM who traded away the god given talent I so graciously provided him with in the lottery pick. He even made the man your CAPTAIN? Can you believe that joke? Fuck you Canada. Only reason why I came is to belittle you and mock you, then threaten you with immediate relocation if this building isn't sold out. I mean I had MANY interested parties in other cities like Seattle if they built an arena, or Kansas City if they had an owner for that rink-turned-bait shop. What? Full capacity here is more than what Atlanta ever had? Don't talk to me about Phoenix. We're so over that for another year at least. And who the fuck told me Winnipeg was cold? I'm dying here! Oh Christ who let in the RDS guy... NO WE'RE NOT BRINGING A TEAM TO QUEBEC CITY. EVER. Now piss off. I'm late for my hot yoga."

Yea fuck you too Gary, you condescending prick.

So...The Winnipeg Threshers?

And then there were two.

It was a riveting Game 7. Riveting, that is, if you enjoy smacking your head against a concrete wall repeatedly. The Lightning had no clue how to stay on side and looked more lost on the ice than my mom trying to navigate a map. (Hint: she once had the ski map to Jay Peak up-side-down). And the Bruins were not exposed for the slow, sluggish troglodytes they are but sure knew how to make 4 goaltenders appear. No penalties? Sure, OK there buddy. You may remember Stephan Walkom from such hits as "I Allowed Colton Orr's Goal When He Clearly Was Sitting On Scott Clemmensen" and "E-mails By Colin Campbell: Stop Calling Penalties On My Son". Coupled with the good Irish boy Dan O'Halloran, you do the math.

Since when does Game 7 dictate that you don't call penalties? What a joke.

And the NHL should be ashamed of themselves for allowing Nathan Horton to even step on the ice. The greatest taboo in the League is accosting a fan regardless of how much they're taunting you. Tortorella was suspended a game DURING THE PLAYOFFS for dousing an annoying Caps fan. Rypien was given 6 for shaking an annoying Wild fan. I think Sean Avery was reprimanded for something he did in the penalty box once. Horton sprayed the guy with water, then threw the bottle into the crowd after losing Game 6.

Of course he's the one that scored the ONLY GOAL, a sleepy tip-in while surrounded by a pack of bored looking Lightning players.

I hope you're satisfied, NHL. Go fuck yourself. And while it pains me to say this: GO CANUCKS.

Call me when it's Draft day.

Hockey and Doughnuts

Apparently Terry Koharski didn't want me to go to Hamilton to cheer on the Bulldogs in the finals as he allowed a controversial goal with a 1:30 left in the 3rd to the Aeros then (again) turned a blind eye on a hand on the puck penalty (repeat: AGAIN) as the Dogs were desperately trying to right the wrong he helped inflict on them.

All that hard work and poop.

Hey AHL? Get a fucking video review going. The fucking JUNIOR LEAGUES have it. And allowing Terry Koharski (he of the driving Abbotsford Heat coach insane to the point of Hulking out fame) officiate playoff games is like having Chris Lee and his clone Chris Lee 2 officiate Game 7 of the NHL Stanley Cup finals. That family shouldn't even be allowed to officiate a hot dot eating contest.

WELL THIS HOCKEY SEASON HAS ENDED SOUR! After some good, hardworking promise. Oh and I wouldn't want to face Ryan White game 1 next season. Caged animal. He may just take it out on someone's face.

I made a pre-game promise...

...And I'm sticking to it.

I proclaimed on Twitter that if the Bulldogs win this series, I will drive from Montreal to Hamilton to cheer them on in the finals against Bingo. I might even go to Bingo if there's a game I can go to on a non-work day. (And they have Applebee's. ALL YOU CAN EAT GARLIC BREAD).

And so, after blowing a 4-2 lead, the Bulldogs won 5-4 in double-OT to win Game 6 and became just the third team in AHL history to battle back from a 3-0 deficit to force a Game 7. While I ate pulled pork at Bofingers for my Dad's 63rd birthday, Nigel Dawes busted Matt Hackett's soul while Drew MacIntyre made 57 saves. And on the victory scrum, it looks like Ryan White gave Aaron Palushaj a kiss. If he didn't, he should have. Palushaj has been unreal.

And if they win Game 7 and I can go to Hamilton, I will pick up a Bulldogs jersey! Who's name should I put on it though... Palushaj? Or Conboy? Or Engqvist?

He's real!

Alexei Yemelin has signed with the Habs. He's actually real! Also he's probably going to take Sergei's number.

I will call him Gremelin. Don't feed after midnight.

My dog Ziggy

Summer cut turns him into a fuzzy noodle.

It's a week late because I was busy at work (swamped) and Blogger was being bitchy but last Friday was Ziggy's birthday! Our puppy is now 1-year old and twice as cuddly. He still cusses out the neighbor's annoying barking Retriever and digs holes in the backyard looking for rats that don't exist, but he's grown so much over the year. So smart...maybe too smart for his own good.



We got him this fancy cookie. Needless to say he grabbed it, casually took it to the living room carpet, and happily ate it all.

Who let the Dogs out?

Fifty-seven shots, three overtimes, and six seconds later, Dustin Boyd broke the 1-1 tie and sent the Bulldogs to the Western Conference finals where they'll meet the Houston Aeros.

It was also the longest game 7 in the 75 years of the AHL.

Basically, it looked like Boyd was sick of waiting for something good to happen and through the power of his own will and determination, there was no way that puck was going anywhere but the back of the net. Gotta love it. Sucks for Lack though, but I don't really like the Canucks or their farm team.

Moose = roadkill

And please, stop giving important games to Terry Koharski...

In the East it's the BingoSens VS the Checkers. Hey, for once Hersey won't get the Cup!

Meanwhile there's word Emelin WILL ACTUALLY FOR SURE sign with the Habs but I'll believe it when it happens. I'm not being sceptical. It's just he said that before then used it as leverage to get more money out of his KHL contract. But he's still young, and really what else is he gonna do in the KHL except take more penalties. (So yea, come over already, Alexei).