Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Must we do this again...?


Here we have Gilles Courteau, head honcho of the QMJHL. He's a little upset. He needs a hug. What is he upset about? Woe, the Habs are lacking in the French department. Well, when I say French I mean "Quebec". Don't tell anyone but Cornwall's Newsy Lalonde didn't really speak much French while Quebec City's Joe Malone was a pure laine to the pure wooliest of wool. But it's all in the last name, folks.

So what's wrong now? For one, the misguided Courteau believes that the Habs should be obliged (ie FORCED like everything is in this province) to walk hand in hand with the Q. He calls it a priviledged relationship, something that brings to mind the myth of the regional rights from the early days (when in actuality the real hockey players were being signed C forms from birth, for each of the 6 teams that were active at the time). He wants the Habs to enter in some kind of plan with his league's coaches and players to provide them with a means to enter the NHL. He wants the Habs to draft more bit players from his League. However he fails to realize there's more than one NHL team in the NHL, and that the province of Quebec is a mere 1% of it's existence. The small fish in a large pond that thinks it's an awesome whale.

Courteau's "priviledge plan" is rediculous, and not just because the 29 other teams in the League might not be very cool with that idea. If this is because of Simon Gagner, then he's absolutely delusional. Let me take you back to 1998 when he was drafted... The Habs DID select a "chez nous" boy from the Q, only it was Eric Chouinard who had some impressive numbers to warrant that selection but for whatever reason flatlined once he went pro. Was it his fault? Some of it was. And the Habs were horrendous back then at developing players for the next level unless they already had it in them. After all, this was during the "dark ages" which ironically coincide with what Courteau praises as the ones who DID in fact pay heavy attention to his league. So if the Habs had selected the "small" Gagner instead, who's to say that Mr. Post Concussion Sydrome would even be in the League today anyway? His own development might have gone the way of Chouinard and then right into the medical room, finishing off in Europe, and then early retirement somewhere selling cars.

Now, allow me to rattle off a list of names: David Desharnais, Gabriel Dumont, Olivier Fortier, Philippe Lefebvre, Dany Massé, Mathieu Carle, Frédéric St-Denis, Robert Mayer, and now Morgan Ellis, Louis Leblanc, plus the two goalies invited (Peter Delmas and Nicholas Champion) and some other players I forgot their names that were also invited to rookie camp. (Note, not all of them are from Quebec). Who are these players? These are the current and potential prospects the Habs have that came from the Q. The most notable one, of course, is Louis as he's the only one most likely to be a shining star. But to say that Habs ignore the Q is rediculous. And most of these guys are the bit players. Sadly what Courteau doesn't understand is that there are other bit players in the world that have a few more pounds or inches on themselves to make it past the AHL (though to him, size shouldn't matter eventhough the whole fucking fanbase was calling for bigger players). In Lapierre's case, the trio of Dumont, Lefebvre, and Massé will soon be challenging him for his job or join him on the 3rd line. However, in the coming years does a guy like the oft-injured Fortier make the team solely because it's his goddamn birthright when Danny Kristo is a much better player aiming for that same role?

So what does Courteau want? The Habs don't have time to play pretty politics with his league. They're in the business of running a franchise in a market that's larger than one province. Keep your nationalist agendas at home and away from hockey, and maybe then the talent and ability of your league's players might actually increase instead of remaining as the longshot bit playing Black Aces.

As Dryden predicted in his book, the team has a choice: to win or to be "French". I think I know which one Gauthier is hoping for, which is to win. However, Courteau and various other characters that nod and say "it's an insult" are thinking the opposite is far more important. And what are they going to do about it? Pass a typical rediculous draconian law? Call for a public enquiry? They love to waste money on those...

Hi, I'll be your new affiliation for today

ECHL's Wheeling Nailers is our new affiliation.

In the four years the Habs were affiliated with the Cyclones, they won the Kelly Cup twice and provided us with a location to grow some of our best AHL players like Russell and Desharnais. Last season there was really only Mayer and Lacroix (and Mathieu Aubin went back to them but I don't think he's on the Habs roster list anymore). The Cyclones was shared between the Habs and the Predators.

So who are the Wheeling Nailers? Well, for one, their logo is like Casey Jones meets the steelworkers. Looks like something out of a horror movie.

He'll kick your ass then pin you to the wall.

Secondly, it's a shared affiliation again. This time with the Pittsburgh Penguins. They're one of the oldest lower-tier minor hockey league teams, under a different name of course. Upon moving to Wheeling, West Virginia, the name was picked in a contest and represents the city's long history of making nails. Also can be used for many blog puns. But it's not the first time the Habs have been affiliated with the Nailers. Actually they were affiliated with the organization for NINE YEARS in another incarnation (Winston-Salem Thunderbirds). In that nine year span, the organization saw one ECHL championship, three Riley Cup finals appearances, and three Henry Brabham Cups for most regular season points. Nailers didn't make the playoffs last year and the year before got punted out by the Cyclones. Oops!

Apparently they're going to use an arena in Johnstown, PA for some games this season. No idea why. Maybe they like killing zombies.

Only person on the roster I recognize was Thomas Beauregard. Hey! So that's where he went!

Monday, August 30, 2010

A bad case of the Mondays...

Heeeere radio radio radio...

This is the problem with Montreal: everyone and their dog has an opinion on hockey and if you stick a mic on them, they think they're legit. In this case, I think the dog would have better insight than PJ Stock.

It's tough enough waking up on a Monday. Harder after you've spent the wee hours of 2-3am phoning security and then the cops on some suspicious activity happening below. And doubly harder when your crappy alarm clock radio has difficulty reaching your favourite station which hails from Vermont and plays ACTUAL music so your stuck with the terrible morning show of CHOM who decided they'd get in on the Sports scene more by firing Ted Bird and hiring former-useless facepuncher PJ Stock (who was "fired" from the actual sports station) to berate the Habs every fucking morning. His bitterness can't be cured with a morning coffee. Or maybe it's those early hours waking up that causes him to kvetch so much. Either way, it's NOT how I wish to wake up in the morning. But the fleeting chance of a traffic report or say some actual music has me stuck on this station. Also, THERE'S NOTHING ELSE unless I sleep on my sofa and set my TV to wake me up...which might not be a bad idea other than the prospect of ruining my back.

Sadly until the solar prominence, I won't be getting my Vermont station on my shitty radio (can barely get it on my car in the parking lot too...maybe my building is radioactive). And so I'll continue to wake up pissed off and annoyed as PJ Stock whispers absolutely laughable nothing into my ear. Does it wake me up? Sadly not enough to throw my radio, but just enough to anger me with a "what the fuck am I listening to and what the fuck is going on here".

Behold the latest wisdom from the insightful yet vapid mind of PJ Stock:
- The Habs lost their best powerplay point getter in Glen Metropolit.
- The Habs lost their best point getting defenceman in Marc-Andre Bergeron.
- The Habs lost their best checking forward in Dominic Moore.
- The Habs lost their best player in Jaro Halak.
- The Habs suck.
- The Habs don't have a goalie signed.
- The Habs suck so much I gotta remind you every fucking morning.
- I talk in pauses 'cause it makes me look smrt (sic) and shows I know what I'm talking about. I stole this from Obama.
- I just got owned by the traffic lady.
- The Habs suck and will suck forever. Too bad my name is engraved on that Centennial statue, assholes.
- The Habs suck so much they got a second line of Cammalleri-Plekanec-Lapierre.
- The Habs suck because they got Brock Trotter penciled in on their 3rd line.
- This opinion was so important that I had to phone it in.

For one, PJ, I'll be very impressed with Brock Trotter if he could score for the Habs on the 3rd line all the way from Latvia.



While I'm on the subject of RADIO PEOPLE WHO ANNOY ME...

Hey Tony Marinaro, why don't you and Jaro get a room already so you could just get this over with? Not only do you temporarily take over the best radio show in the city (Melnick's on vacation), but I don't think a day has passed where you haven't gushed in a romantic fantasy trance via a selective memory of events about the former Habs goalie. Every day it's the same damn thing! GET. OVER. IT. You're making me hate Jaro by constantly shoving this down my earlobes.

Here. Use this song and head over to the Queen E. I'm sure Gino would approve. Don't forget to bring Alan Walsh with you.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Miracle Moen

I didn't even need to photoshop this one.

Travis Moen was busy spinning Blizzards in his home town Dairy Queen (no, Gorges wasn't around as far as I could tell) for the DQ Miracle Treat Day.

Between you and me, he could fix me a Crispy Crunch Blizzard anyday.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Man on a horse

I'm on a horse.

Hey Ron Reusch! Remember him? Well, if you're a Montrealer you probably do. Looks like Roy Orbison, has that classic sportscaster voice. Now he's got a blog! He's a step up on Red Fisher hey!

Anyway, ignore his inability to understand why Ced was traded (am I the only person who knows of Robert Mayer's existence?) and have a look at his report on how Price is doing at the rodeo this summer. Team roping is the only event he's really allowed in as it's supposedly the safest. (Well, that's what Price claims). Seven seconds to take down a live steak! Nice horse, too.

Bet YOUR goalie can't rope a steer!

Monday, August 16, 2010

We have a trade!

(As read in my best Gary Bettman whinetone voice)

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a trade to announce. The Montreal Canadiens have traded goaltender Cedrick Desjardins to the Tampa Bay Lightning for goaltender Karri Ramo. (Holds finger in ear) What's that? Oh right, sorry. The Hamilton Bulldogs have traded Cedrick Desjardins for Karri Ramo of the Norfolk Admirals. (Holds finger in ear) What's that? He's in Russia for at least another year? Oh. Uh. Well. Now I'm stuck here on stage and...how about a song and dance? (Starts tap dancing).



Anyway, while Gary Bettman does his song and dance, Ced's off to Norfolk so Robert Mayer can back up Curtis Sanford. It only becomes a problem when Sanford gets injured, which hopefully doesn't happen but this is the man who injured himself so I won't hold my breath. Without an ECHL team affiliation, I figured Mayer would have to get into Hamilton somehow, especially considering he's got a longer deal on him. The world has been informed that former Avs 2nd rounder/recovering hip injury goalie Peter Delmas of the Halifax Mooseheads (not the beer, the hockey team) was invited to the Habs rookie camp too but where they would put him who knows! Wee~! (My guess is back in the Q somewhere).

Carey. Karri. Delmas on try-out. Auld. Habs LOVE the number 31! Where's Jeff Hackett these days?



OK Habs fans, that's enough excitement for one minute. Go back to sleep now.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Because the NHL says so


Not to be outdown by some basketball twerps who were obviously most likely going to end up in Miami, the NHL set about their arbitrator to solve Lou Lamoriello's experimental in-your-face-and-up-your-CBA contract, taking a few days to say "this be bad". Meanwhile, those other nefarious contracts that were under investigation a year ago but quietly forgotten about, were remembered, and are now apparently also under investigation. Pandora's Box is opened. This was the whole point behind Lou's experiment! And the NHL fell for it.

In other news, the KHL likes The Kovalchuk Contract Conundrum. *Thumbs up*

Monday, August 2, 2010

On Glen Metropolit and other things

At least I have an excuse to post this photo one more time

Metro's off to the Swiss Alps. Zug to be exact. The beautiful town of Zug. For two years. This man deserves no less. Actually, he deserves more, but it's a nice way to wind down one's career. He's happy his last team in the NHL was the Habs, and we're happy you were here Metro. I still can't find your shirt in my size (junior medium or large) dammit.

Glen Metropolit is the very embodiment of the Masterton trophy. A nomination for it would have been nice. It's too bad the media was too glassy eyed with a certain goalie who's story really isn't that uncommon...

Thankfully he can't score on us from EV Zug. However, may you win another scoring title over there, Metro.



Top 5 reasons why Marty Turco turned down the Philly offer:

5. Those Philly cheese steak would cause him to tip the Eastern conference scale of "fat Martys" way too much for his liking.

4. Didn't want Pronger to steal all the pucks. You know how much Turks loves pucks.

3. "Carcillo? Didn't I see you in the desert kissing a cactus?"

2. Felt he didn't want to steal Leighton's thunder because two average goalies were far too much for one team.

1. They wouldn't give him an injury curse insurance policy.

LOL of the day to: CKAC (or C-CRAP) for even pondering if Niemi could end up in Montreal. Excuse me but HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAdid you actually see him play?



We welcome Alexandre Picard to the fold, or to the "club of underachieving French-Canadian defensemen who will find themselves locked in the perverbial trunk that my turn into a real trunk one day". It's a two-way contract so hopefully he stays down in Hamilton and guys like Carle, Weber, Henry, Clubbertank, and any other D get called up way before him unless of course he has an ephiphany and suddenly becomes a really good 6'2" defenseman who won't lose the puck and might hit something other than the wall. I won't hold my breath. (He's all yours, Randys).



STOP TALKING ABOUT PRICE'S CONTRACT!!! Maybe he's busy making sure his lawn doesn't burst into flames. Maybe a bear ate the first contract so he's waiting for a new one. Maybe he's busy working out in Calgary with his cousin Keaton Ellerby (which is probably most likely since it's the beginning of August). Maybe it's just taking longer to reach him because he lost his phone and you have to hunt him down out there in the bush. Or MAYBE he's waiting until he turns 23 so he can get some unknown CBA clause thing ironed out. WHO FUCKING KNOWS! STOP TALKING ABOUT IT LIKE YOU KNOW UNLESS YOU'RE SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO HIS AGENT! And tell me why the fuck does Kari "My Back" Lehtonen deserve a 3.55 million dollar INCREMENTAL contract in practically tax-free Texas while you all seem to think Price doesn't deserve even a 2.5 million one JUST FOR DEALING WITH YOUR SHIT?

If you're still pissed off about "The Trade 2.0" go cheer for the fucking Blues. Lord knows they'd love to have more fans.