Oh hungry?

What's big, mean, delicious, and will totally kick your ass? OhAlexHenry! The towering captain of the Bulldogs and facepunching protector of our children is back for 2 more years. Best news of the day. You may continue to pee in the corners when he stares at you, players of Abbotsford.

Oh what? Louis Louis left Harvard for a shiny new entry level contract with the Habs and will play with the Juniors? DAMMIT LOUIS! GO BACK TO SCHOOL AND STAY AWAY FROM THE FLYING ELBOWS OF THE Q! Mind you, Cormier shouldn't be around this season, right? At least the pain of losing Guillaume Asselin won't be so bad.

In other news, I taught Ziggy how to go outside after my parents just couldn't get him to do it. He found a spot in his area where he'd do his business (on the designated mat at least) but refused to go while we were outside or on walks. Finally I got them to leave one of the soiled mats out on the deck (over a bootmat so the wood won't get damaged) where my mom wants him to go. I showed it to him. He sniffed it. We came back from a walk at Sainte-Anne-de-Bellevue and he actually went to the door, asked to go out, and hit the mat. Such a smart puppy!

I can train hamsters and dogs. Take that, Cesar!

It's a boy!

Meet Ziggy Stardust.

After YEARS of me bugging them, my parents finally got a dog. We tried every angle: weekly visits to the pet stores, looking at breeders, a disappointing visit to the SPCA (fuckers gave us so much trouble because there was two dogs they wanted us to take instead of just the one, and honestly unless you want a pitbull there wasn't much there), missed opportunities with friends or colleagues giving away their own puppies, another disapointing visit to an adoption center (no one was there)...

And there he was, sitting comfortably in his cage at the Nature Pet Center in Pointe-Claire. My parents had seen him the day before my mom and I went (she wanted to show me him). After playing with a scratchy Schnauzer that gave hugs, I took one look at this multi-coloured Schnoodle-Maltese and said "OMG that teddy bear is too adorable". We met with him and he was great. As the store closed I said to my mom, "Go tomorrow, put the deposit down, and get him. No more waiting around. He's perfect for you."

And voila.

He's such a good little guy. He listens, he sits without the promise of treats, he walks nicely when you take him outside and follows you, he doesn't bark (only one yelp when he wanted my brother to go play with him), he's constantly laughing when he's not tired out, he waits for you to eat so he can eat...and he's only 3 months old! I was watching TV and he came to give me a big hug.

Day 1 home was a great success. And it's good he's not a problem child because this is my family's first dog (and first pet that doesn't require an aquarium). In any case, my dad's retired and my brother's still looking for work so both are home for most of the day. And now they'll be seeing me over for supper more than before!

We've got photos of his mom and his siblings from the breeder. I dare say, he's the best looking of the bunch! Soon I'll get him interested in hockey. Maybe I'll get him a jersey like that trio of Boston Terriers I see prancing around the Bell Center.

He's such a teddy bear!

The other Bleu Blanc Rouge

Andre Dawson, aka THE HAWK, is going into the Hall of Fame this weekend wearing an Expos cap eventhough he wanted to wear his Chicago cap. You know...they should have made that new stadium, right across from the Bell Center. Shoulda, coulda, woulda. Now it's a bunch of condos and a parking lot. Kind of sad. Washington, you should know, you got a special part of this city that you better take care of (or else give it back).

Anyway, Annakin Slayd made this song and Cro plotz all over it on Friday. Way better than his Habs song, I think. If anything you'll be reminded of Bill Lee's HILARIOUSLY MASSIVE beard.

Also, PEDRO!!!

In other news: Sadness! My favourite little center/winger Brrrrrrock Trrrrrotter has packed his hockey bag for Latvia and the KHL after failing to come to terms with the Habs on his RFA status contract. LATVIA?! What the crap, dude? Ok, ok I know making the Habs is a long shot and you'll be making way more money there (a respectable 250k) for one year and could possibly return with some more experience under your belt like a couple of other Bulldogs did after a few years in Europe. It's just quite suddenly out of the blue. From Brandon, Manitoba to Dinamo Riga...maybe he'll get to play with Action Pants? (Or Girts Ankipans for those of you who didn't watch the Olympics).

Good luck in Latvia, #19... The Bulldogs will miss you and your amazing tenacioius effort to score goals. Basically our AHL's version of Cammy. At least we'll still have Rrrrrrrrrryan Rrrrrrrussell for the R-rolling goal calls. And Desharnais will take care of the scoring. But please, COME BACK WHEN YOU'RE DONE OK? And ignore the comments from Habs I/O. None of them actually watched you play...

This is for you, Brock.

We welcome our new babysitters

The keeper of our children! Finally, the Bulldogs have a coach! And an assistant coach too! And...they're BOTH called RANDY! I have a friend named Randy who's now head art dude in a London, Ontario video game company that may or may not exist (it's complicated).

Bonus: they're both ex-Whalers. WOO! BRING BACK THE WHALE! BRING BACK THE WHALE! Sorry, it's a habit.

To welcome Randy Cunneyworth and Randy Ladouceur, I hearby proclaim Brass Bonanza the new player introduction song for the Hamilton Bulldogs.

Yea baby!

So now Guy Boucher can officially take the rest of his staff with him to Florida. Damn you, Yzerman...

Oh and Kovalchuk's rediculous bending-of-the-rules-a-bit-too-much of a contract just got rejected. Should have made it 12 years like all the other rediculously long cap-bending contracts in the League. Looking at you Pronger/Richards/Zetterberg/Hossa.

Of course the joke's on us as Lou was really just doing some experimental social commentary on rediculous NHL contracts and greedy one-dimensional superstars. They ARE the Devils.

Speaking of contracts, I'm thinking Price is totally waiting for his birthday to sign his. August 16, marked.

What could possibly happen in 17 years?

Ilya "K-Chuk" Kovalchuk (no, seriously, STOP CALLING HIM KOVY) has finally un-Sundined his summer humming and hawing and picked a team. Unfortunately that team was the Devils. For 17 years. I don't know of anyone who wants to live 17 years straight in New Jersey, really... I barely lasted 17 minutes on the turnpike before seeking the quickest exit.

But what could possibly happen in 17 years? Does the NHL even approve of this rediculous contract? I can't even think about what I'll be doing in 17 years. I project that if I'm still running my hapless life eating, sleeping, making cellphone games for another 17 years I'll probably be taking up residence at the Douglas.

Let's project what could happen in 17 years:

- In 17 years, Kovalchuk might have backchecked once.

- In 17 years, the Canadian dollar will totally be your currency. It's so pretty too!

- In 17 years, Chris Chelios might retire. Just kidding.

- In 17 years, the Queen will still be around. Prince Charles won't.

- In 17 years, Habs fans will be fighting over the latest of the two hot young goalies the club finds themselves with.

- In 17 years, Rick DiPietro will stub his toe coming out of the shower, ruining his day at the golf course for the next year. His friends will be pissed. The Islanders will pick up the tab.

- In 17 years, Niclas Bergfors will be retired and back in Sweden for five years now. Patrice Cormier will have to find himself a job that requires elbows.

- In 17 years, Kovalchuk will still be three years younger than me and a bazillion times richer but our names will remain unpronounceable correctly by everyone.

- In 17 years, a Canadian NHL team will not have won the Stanley Cup. Gary Bettman will make sure of it even long after he's gone. Or the world will have exploded by then anyway.

- In 17 years the Mayans will have said "WTF?! WE'RE FIFTEEN YEARS TOO LATE!"

Fieldtrip: Habs Hall of Fame

It was supposed to be a family outing. You know, mom always makes plans for us and drags us to various museums, concerts and various other things even when we don't feel like going but when I want to plan something naturally they spontaneously decide they have something better to do (ie. shopping). So it was just my brother and I today, as we had tickets that came with our playoff fan pack. Frankly I don't think the visit is worth $10 but considering the Habs, like the Leafs, are practically proping up the rest of the NHL I understand they gotta make money somewhere.

I've never been to the Hockey Hall of Fame, actually...


It's a strange collection of historical items and stuff people found to donate. The lady at the door told us we could take as many pictures as we wanted, we just couldn't film anything which seems like a weird request. But wandering around all the old items was awesome. They got Joliat's cap and sweater, Morenz's crutches, contracts, loved the old goalie gear (Dryden's got big feet) and sitting in a replica of the 70s dressing room where I found it odd that Cournoyer had his own bench area by the door. Guess the smallest man in the room needed the most space.


The new guys gave in some stuff too. Pacioretty's USHL All-Star jersey, Cammy's Team Canada jersey and medal, Price's Team Canada mask and stick, Darche gave in his McGill jersey, Gio has his little NCAA skates there (omg they're tiny!), Jaro's WJC Team Slovakia jersey, Gorges' helmet from his Memorial Cup win with the Rockets... Missing his helmet that has the puck indented into it though.

If I were in charge of this thing, I would have closed the AMC theatre (useless movie theatre anyway) and turned the Old Forum that has center ice still in there, kept the original dressing rooms and turned that into the Habs Hall of Fame. Too late now, though.

You can view all the photos on my Flickr page.

Oh and you can pose with Pricey and the gang in victory. Not sure I understand the 5-4 OT win over Boston on the old scoreboard though... If it's supposed to be the Centennial game, well, we know the score was way better than that!

Woo!

Pay no attention to the time stamp...

...I'm nocturnal. Reason number 1 why I have a pet hamster.

Dear Steve Yzerman,
How are you? I take it the southern sun is doing you some good. You know I have nothing but respect for you as a person and as the player you once were so please don't take this the wrong way...but could you please poach staff from the other 29 teams to fill out your needs? What more do you want from us? Wait, don't answer that. *Hides PK Subban* Maybe you want our entire farm team too? Hamilton, Norfolk... not much of a difference except the N-Admirals have missed the playoffs for the last 3 years now. Perhaps you'd like the name so instead of two Admirals we'll have two Bulldogs. Everyone loves puppies.

It's getting to the point where you should have, maybe, just come here to be the general manager.

Sincerely,
The Habs

PS. Trade you for Jacques Martin? And by "you" I mean YOU. Then you can re-poach the staff back here.

---

Congratulations to Andrei Markov, now a card carrying Canadian. No we don't suspect he's a spy...do we? It's always the quiet types....

Insert obligatory question about Carey Price, about learning French, about contract extension, and about captaincy. There, I covered the Q&A with the media this afternoon. And no he won't be playing for Team Canada at Sochi, however he can now legally run back to Candiac and hide should the Canadians win the gold and he will need to find a safe place to live for the rest of his life.

Now he needs to learn the anthem. Or he could just make it up, like Roger Doucet did.

---

This inspired me. I might do something like it but with a hockey theme. Probably recap the great grrs and arghs from last season before diving into hockey past.

Alcan sales projected to be high by the end of the week

And just like that, the problem returns. It seems no amount of magic could possibly dispel the stupidity of this team's fanbase or the media consortium that surrounds it.

If it's one thing Quebec is good at it's ye olde propaganda. One just has to go to school here to be subjected to it. Take a history course in high school for example, and if your teacher is using the government provided textbook then you're better off heading to the library to do your own research. (My teacher made his own book so we could learn the truth). It's gotten to the point where final exams for Chemistry deal with a question on Hydro Quebec. Think I'm paranoid enough? It's laughable the amount of bullshit we deal with. And the motto "je me souviens" should be turned into "I remember...only when it's convenient". After all, if we're not going to be provided with the truth, then we may as well be provided with nonsense considered to be the truth. The conspiracies are out in full force! Something I think even the likes of agent Mulder wouldn't miss out on. (Minus the alien abductions though I'm convinced Gilles Duceppe is a laser-eye-shooting alien with hypnotic capabilities. Yea, don't look too closely at those campaign posters).

This long, drawn out introduction aside...it's been what, over 3 weeks since Jaro got traded for Eller and Schultz to the Blues? I swear, if I hear one more conspiracy, one more convenient selective memory aimed at repressing all the positives while highlighting nothing but the negatives, or one more snide bitter comment directed at Carey Price behind his back but publicly through the media like the cowardly hordes said media are who hide behind their microphones and their text BEFORE the new season begins, I'M GOING TO GO FUCKING INSANE!!! Assuming of course I haven't gone insane already.

Tinfoil tuque, how I've missed you.

Worst. Offseason. Ever.

Magically, problem gets solved

Just like that. It's magic! Alex Auld is our new number 2 and he knows it. No, he LOVES it. And you know what? I LOVE IT TOO! No more bitter agent trolling in the background about how his client's teammate can't get a win because no one really bothers to score a goal or even try. No more hovering around like a little gnat buzzing "play me or trade me" in your ears. As much as Ellis would have been a nice friendly fit, he would have probably been no different from Jaro in that "I think I'm good enough to be a number 1 so why do I have to watch you play even though you do the same when I play and don't bother anyone but yeah" way.

Habs had him at "hello" and that's good enough for me.

Yea I know he's not exactly an amazing goalie. I remember the Habs pumping at least 6 past him when he played with the Bruins. I remember Higgy scoring a hat trick on him (and then never scoring ever again) when he was with the Sens. I remember him finally being that elusive serviceable backup Turco hasn't had since they traded Mike Smith to Tampa Bay. But he's not going to make waves, he not going to impose himself on anyone, they want him to be there for Price and he wants to be there to help. Team first. The same motto Price adopted when he knew he wasn't going to play, so instead made it extra difficult for his teammates in practice just so it'll be easier for them by game time.

This is the type of character they needed to fit in that role, and I'm all for it. So save your snide comments, your ass backwards retorts (looking at you, Pat Hickey), and take it for the opportunity it is. The Habs have an obligation to make things work with Price (you may not understand why but I don't know of any NHL team that would allow their highest most prized prospect sit on the backburner), and having someone who's been through pretty much everything all his career is better than any Dan Ellis. Plus he's as big as our goalie boy. Hey Leighton found his way to a Cup final because he sat in the general area and let his big frame stop the puck. It works. The rest hinges on what the 18 other players on the ice plan to do with the puck.

Of course this is all moot if someone snatches the kid away from us... Send Price an offer sheet and I will hunt you down.

What's in a number?
Nothing. It's just a number. Did Kirk Muller get upset when Saku took his 11? Not a chance. Did the fans? I don't remember. Captain Kirk was and is a much loved player to this city, probably more so than our dear Saku. Despite the length of Saku's tenure and everything he did for this city, the situation was almost volatile in his last year here. You know the ones. The barnyard droogs in the dark corners of the Bell Center booing him as he lead the charge and no one followed. The barbs in the papers complaining about yet another injury. The mouthbreathers calling the radio stations. The media constantly upset that he spoke not the French.


They held off allowing the numbers of both Saku and Kovy for the year out of respect for two great and special members of the team. Neither number will be retired, ever. It's time to move on. So if wearing his boyhood number 11 is important to Gomez, then by all means take it. The former first rounder, Calder trophy winner, two-time Stanley Cup holder never had the opportunity to cloak himself in the double-ones in his NHL career thus far. I think he's old enough to have earned it. It's a pride thing. He loves the sweater he's wearing now, but to have his number on it is like icing on the cake. Remember, hockey players are strange people.

Air turned into Dustin Boyd!
Sergei Kostitsyn being traded wasn't a complete waste of our time as we now have a younger, cheaper, faster version of Metro/Moore in Boyd! And you won't have to run after him to get him to work either. Just the type of guy Chocula loves.

Wanna see something funny?

Colby Armstrong
age: 27
6'2" 195lb
GP: 79 G: 15 A:14 Pts: 29
+/-: +6
PIM: 61
Hits: 74
Blocked Shots: 29
Power play points: 2A
Fighting Majors: 2
Salary: $3,000,000

Dustin Boyd
age: 23
6'0" 192lb
GP: 78 G: 11 A: 13 Pts: 24
+/-: +6
PIM: 19
Hits: 81
Blocks: 43
Power play points: 2A
Fighting Majors: 1
Salary: $650,000

I'm guessing Toronto valued Army's two extra inches to warrant 3 million dollars.

Happy Canada Day!

O, land of blue unending skies,
Mountains strong and sparkling snow,
A scent of freedom in the wind,
O'er the emerald fields below.

To thee we brought our hopes, our dreams,
For thee we stand together,
Our land of peace, where proudly flies,
The Maple Leaf forever.

Except, Versteeg is a Leaf now. Fuck you, Maple Leaf. (The blue one).