Indestructible

That was on Robert Lang's playlist.

And if you know my family, it's not a rarity to see a song by Disturbed on the playlist of someone his age (or older...mom's 55). Actually, haha! It's my mom's ringtone! Always get a kick out of hearing the air-raid sirens. Easy to find her in a department store that way.

Well he's still kicking. Signed a one-year deal with the Coyotes. And I'd like to wish him well but DAMN IT ALL, I WANT HIM HERE!!! So it's time to bust out of the happy ranch, boys. We're going on Operation Save Robert Lang from the Coyotes. Andrei, Hammer, call your "contacts". Tell them to be on the look out for a big Czech with big hair and bigger smile. Listen for an endless stream of "you know"s. Snatch and grab, yo. Those hockey bags are pretty big. Gomez can distract them with bad jokes. Price will hold the horses. If we need another diversion, then we'll have to use Big George. He knows them, after all. If not, he can be pretty frightening even when he's just looming over everyone while talking about yoga and seal pups. Gionta can sneak in under everyone's line of sight and just slightly knock him out long enough to make the getaway. Max you take the arms, Gui you get the legs. If anyone asks questions, Markov can totally pull off the lost tourist in need of directions shtick. If not, Stewie and Moen get punchy. Hey who's up for a magic trick?

Rescue the grizzled vet and team bonding with teamwork exercises! Killed two birds with one stone.

Breaking news: Sergei demoted, Leafs still suck

Sergei has gone to Hamilton. Not surprised. Considering he was only medically cleared to play 2 games, did well enough, showed his usual grit and grind and then got yelled at by the coach when he went out of position in practice (hey it must have helped 'cause he was in perfect position for that goal in the 3rd game). He's in good hands, people! Guy Boucher and company will get him back into shape. Never mind Boucher's powerplay expertise will most likely work wonders on Sergei and his quarterback skills. Plus I think PK Subban will be better for him than any motivational speaker down on the Ranch. After all, Subban got the relatively shy Avtsin to talk on the ice, he can get anyone to talk.

Not to mention he's the only one other than Patches, Weber, and Maxwell who can move without worrying about waivers. (Pyatt too but his brains hit the glass thanks to Patrick Fucking Kaleta). And he knows about the waivers thing. He is fully aware of the situation. I expect him to lull a bit, get used to Boucher, then rip the AHL a new one, and come back all smiles.

In any case, it's up to him now whether he wants to waste his talent and do nothing with it, or smarten up and play like we all know he can. But frankly he wasn't the worst one on the ice in preseason.

It could also wake up his zombie brother...

Speaking of waivers, Leafsland want Toskala waived. Now. And to think it was only last year his nickname was "Vezina".

On a side note, Bulldogs beat the Marlies in the Gardiner Cup. Only Reimer, the Marlies goalie, made the bigger difference. But the Bulldogs only ceded ONE goal against in the entire tournament. And Brrrrrrrrock Trotter was a beast. Good work boys!

This is what happens in the West Island on a Saturday Night

That's what's currently piled in my kitchen. Still some left in the fridge too. I'm sure it would have been more if my buddy Etienne had joined us, but he was at a wedding. For the record, I only had ONE Boreal Rousse.

So I was being social and having a house warming party 5 months after the fact I moved in while the Habs won their final pre-season game in what sounded like a raucous of a penalty fest, battle back, team building type game. Well it sounded way better than that fucking mailed in snooze fest I witness last year where the Wild basically practiced their damn trap on us in a 3-0 loss. (Thankfully it was free). And the things you learn from CTV News highlights!

1. Price's glove isnt a problem as the douchebags keep trying to make it. Got the play of the day too!

2. STEWIE SCORED ON RYAN FUCKING MILLER! Too bad it's not a real goal. The kid deserves a real goal. Even Metro thinks so.

3. I think I'm in love with Ryan O'Byrne.

4. I know I'm in love with Brian Gionta.

5. WTF were they doing that tallied up 42 penalty minutes in only 2 periods?!

As a side note: if Kaleta isn't suspended for boarding/injuring Pyatt at least we have the satisfaction of knowing Rhino rearranged his face in return. Too bad too, Pyatt was really starting to grow on me... Hope he comes back soon.

It's off to the Ranch. And then it's off to Truculent Toronto. Apparently Big George will make it too.

No cabers were tossed in the making of this post

Not eating that.

Bulldogs had their preseason opener against the HATED Toronto Marlies in Edinburgh, Scotland today. Jet lagged and faced with the enormous Olympic sized rink, the boys dominated the Leafs for 3 periods but Marlies goalie Reimer showed why Pogge wasn't very important anymore for them. Finally in the 3rd period, J.T. Wyman got the only goal of the night for the double goalie shootout (Desjardins and Mayer). But the thing I found more interesting, or maybe worrisome, was that the boards in this old arena are made out of concrete blocks covered in wood... Needless to say, if Rhino had gone to the tourney, 5 Marlies would be out with massive injuries from being destroyed into them.

Also the crowd in that rink is awesome. You think Habs fans sing? You should hear these guys.

Habs have one more game before they head out to the Ranch. Tonight was the Bruins. For some reason, the Bruins have been annoited Saints and don't get penalties anymore even when they run your goalie full-speed ahead. Can't even punch the guy to make him pay for it because they whisked him away quickly. I can see this is going to be a long year with those fucking zebras. They even stopped Stewart from going at it, but he got to anyway. Not like he had much choice in the later bout considering it was a mutual glompage. Bruin was covered in Stewie's blood and looked rather amazed from it all (seems the cut came from when he hit the ice before the fight during the mutual glompage).


Anyway, we saw the first real inklings of Martin's system and I gotta say I think it's great. The D and the forwards switch positions to keep the cycles going while in the offensive zone, and everyone gets back to defend. Gomez can kill penalties on his own. I think Pleky was out there the entire OT. Sergei scored the lone goal and made Thomas angry. Jaro needs to stop playing the puck. O'Byrne could teach Komisarek how to play with the way he's going. I'm thinking the HMCS Hal Gill is a better mentor for the big guy, except Rhino hits more while Gill is a shover. Oh and the powerplay was looking way better than the Bruins, even without Markov there. Just saying.

Tonight we retire the tag "lock Breezer in a trunk please" as the Breezerpalooza has officially come to an end, pending any dramatic returns in the future. And for a guy like him to have lasted this long, we salute you Patrice Brisebois. Farewell to one of the last bastion of the wooden stick. So without further ado, I present my favourite Breezer moment.

Catching a breather

Apparently 5 days of straight hockey overloaded my system. It happens. So while Martin skates the boys to the bone and whips Sergei into shape, I'm relaxing on my sofa, watching the reports, booing the Leafs, vomiting at Pierre McGuire, and wondering why the Blackhawks were so crappy tonight against the Caps.

Tomorrow's a big day though. The Bulldogs are playing in Scotland, pondering kilts, and OMG I don't have a meeting scheduled until Monday so I can listen to it on the radio. (Yea, we have a shitload of meetings at work... We're so organized that it gets very disorganized actually). Then the Booins are in town.

I'm getting my game face on. Brother's copy of NHL10 is in tomorrow. Woo for free games!

I born a giant!

I actually think Chara grew a bit since this picture.

I like being pleasantly surprised. When I saw the defense lineup tonight, I figured Price would be busy or eaten alive. Especially with Carle back there and his nonchalant passes or weak shots, making me nervous every time he's out there. I was expecting a loss. But the Bulldogs played pretty solid, considering most of them will be off to Scotland soon (17 already cut and given to Le Chiffre).

Five games in five nights. Absolutely rediculous even for an AHL schedule
- It's really nice to have a goalie that can stick handle...with a paddle. Who can play defense and forward as well as his own position. And I think he got the puck forward or generally out of the zone more than any one else. He whips it pretty hard too when he's angry.
- First penalty was a WBS-Penguin tossing the puck out of the rink, in the second period. Never mind the refs forgot about two blatant trips. Guess once you win the Cup, you're allowed to trip all you want.
- Martin notes: "Don't ever forget about Malkin."
- Brother's observational note of the evening: "These guys really look like they've never ever played together". My brother is Captain Obvious.
- Curry is a solid young goaltender, Pens fans. And I do mean that.
- Though his stick handling is pretty much the same as MAF's...
- Better be some target practice at the ranch before October.
- Soft passes in your own zone? Fail.
- Price sat on the puck more times than I think I ever saw him pull that move.
- Hi, my name is Guillaume. And I will hit you.
- Gomez, Gionta, Cammy: solid. But Gionta, stop missing the net! No wonder he's already tossed at least two dozen shots at the net in preseason alone.
- Never mind. It takes two periods to wake up. Gionta, Gomez, Cammy, I love you.
- Duuuude, too many open nets and no one can get it in.
- The talking heads bitching about Andrei being useless. Meanwhile he causes Gui's goal while getting dumped into the corner. Suddenly he's back in their favor.
- Pyatt has had a fairly wicked camp. Tonight was no exception. Not bad for a throw-in in the Gomez trade eh?
- Maxwell was showing off the hands.
- I think Orpik was the one who hurt Patches. I don't like you anymore Orpik :(
- Jacques Martin never sleeps.

I wonder how much money they waste on Price's sticks... A victory = toss the stick to the crowd. Gervais must love the kid. Saves on storage. Neilson and Belle got cut tonight. Too bad though. Please don't get lost on waivers, Belle, please don't get lost on waivers. Neilson can join the team anytime though! Have fun in Scotland guys.

In other news
- Frank the Tank! Franky Bou! The little bowling ball! The Cube! He's back with the Preds. Weird how his career went eh? Signed by the Habs, played with the Preds, then back with the Habs where he built his career and now back with the Preds.
- There was a report that PK Subban practices stickhandling in the gym by working a billiard ball around all the machines.

Coach doesn't sleep.

A very lovely city in Winter.

Seriously, Jacques. They came back at 1am and left for Quebec City early in the morning? Guess those power naps work.

Scouting report!
- Since it was essentially mostly AHL/ECHLers VS the almost regulars of the Pooh Bears, I was expecting the sandpaper. A bit subdued, though, for a Bruins/Habs game.
- Mathieu Carle...isn't going to make it. I'm sorry. The way he's playing just screams "I know I'm not in your plans this year and probably next year too". But let's face it, if Subban and Weber are out with injuries, and we can't risk losing Belle to the stupid waiver rules, he would be the next in line (I blame you, Valentenko). But at this rate, Benoit will be the injury reserve in the worst case scenario...
- Desharnais is, however, skating his way into all our hearts.
- Rhino must have realized that he plays better as a defensive defenseman over a punchy defenseman.
- Angry Sergei was back tonight. Got into a fight. Didn't get any marks on his face either. And got a hug from the ref.
- Oh and Sergei is wasted on a line with Wyman...
- Gionta is still laughing!
- And really. Kessel was twice as far into the zone than Gionta was when he scored in the playoffs. Yes, I'm still bitter about that crap.
- HMCS Hal Gill: slow, methodical, steady. He's also taller than Chara.
- Gorges looked so tired near the end. I think he was on the ice the entire night...
- Weber's showing he's a better defenseman than Streit.
- Gui needs to learn how to just tip the puck into the net when Gionta centers it perfectly for him.
- Hey guys, the net is on the ice not in the air. Just saying.
- OMFGJOSHGORGESSCORED! Yea it bounced off a Bruin, but hey, if they're all bouncing pucks off Rhino then we can do the same!
- I think we went 15 minutes in the third period without a whistle. It was...mesmerizing.
- Jaro no see puck! Help Jaro!!!
- Some poor lady got a pane of glass fall on her head after Chara checked Darche through it. Gill went to see if everyone was OK, and the ref gave her a puck. She was pretty happy about that, oddly enough.
- Yea no one can really hit the net. Then again, what's the point when there's 5 goalies standing there. However Rask is like Price (they go to the same camp after all). But Thomas should be taking notes on how he plays. I also need to laugh at Toronto every time I see Rask play. Sucks to be you~!

I'm kind of annoyed right now because my fucking laptop decided to suddenly not cooperate with my fucking internet and I have no idea why. And my brother fails at IT support. Sigh...

Tomorrow it's then Pens. Then I guess they'll start cutting players. I know that other teams have cut players already but I guess when you have FIVE FUCKING GAMES IN FIVE FUCKING NIGHTS you kind of want to keep everyone around. Though it's rather useless anyway 'cause there's no way you can practice or teach a system without, you know, practice time. Not many teams are going through the new coach/new players stuff either but whatever. People freaking out over preseason losses are retarded. And if Malkin and Crosby eat Price alive tomorrow, we'll hear the same old crap as usual.

The end is nigh!

Just joking.

Looked like things were being attempted for the first time tonight. And as EP would say "let the cuts begin!" Well, they need to begin anyway 'cause the Dogs gotta get ready for Scotland.

Coach Sofa notes:
- Subban took a shot off the foot in the morning, currently placed as the dreaded "day to day".
- Gomez came out flying with his line, showing an inkling of a system.
- Five minutes in, five for fighting. Neilson grabbed the guy before Stewart could.
- I think hanging with Neilson is good for Stewie though. I never saw him crash the net like that, then hustle back to help after being tossed into the corner. Too bad Rhino dumped a Senator on his ass without the puck, only to get said puck bouncing off his skate into the net moments later, ruining it all.
- Price looks good, other than Kovy's goal, but that Bulldogs defense isn't helping either. Seriously missed: Josh Gorges.
- You'd think after playing with Kovy for so long they'd know to watch out for him? Especially shorthanded with all the ice in the world?
- Markov is my hero.
- Head Pigeon scored on the PP. Bob's your uncle.
- Rogers play-by-play is probably the most boringest thing I've heard in my life.
- Price has CRAZY helmet hair. It's like a black aura of poof. Or maybe someone gave him Panteen Pro-V super conditionner.
- Nice to see Sergei playing. He looked a bit rusty, but he got into it more as the game went on. We saw the defensive Sergei mostly. That would be the intelligent Sergei. As Kovy was being Kovy, circling the zone and weaving around everyone, Sergei took the puck away from him and manhandled it forward.
- And a little bit of the offensive Sergei. Even the boring Rogers guys were impressed. Beautiful passes by Sergei but White was unable to capitalize.
- Also saw angry Sergei. After he got bumped hard I thought "oh no, not again!" but he got back up then hunted the guy down and whacked him with his ass.
- I like how Gomez just barrels through whatever.
- Though they were losing, they still skated like they could maybe try for something. And that's nice to see. Too many times last year we saw them just give up after 3 goals.
- Johansson is a beast. You can see he's getting used to the North American hockey size and style, but he did excellent work tonight.
- Big Brother Andrei was also flexing his muscles. Some lovely rushes but no one was really following. Cammy and Gomez were taking notes.
- Yea the old "throws it out in front, no one home" thing was heard a lot tonight. As was "shot it wide", "hit the post", "couldn't pull the trigger". I didn't know Higgy was still playing.
- Fisher with the hat trick. Hurray for a meaningless game.
- Rhino wanted to fight toooooooo. But merely got into a hugging match with Donovan. You're still soft, kid. Don't try to be something you're not, like Komisarek did. Just stick to pasting people into gerber food along the boards. You're better at that.
- Lapierre had some great hustle, but was missing his homey Latendresse.
- Ced's first time this preseason...didn't work out too good...
- Oh Shawn Belle! Took a high sticking penalty and then made up for it by zooming in out of nowhere to break up the powerplay. Then he stole the puck away from Sharkko Ruutu. Then he manhandled a Senator cleanly.
- Martin notes, "Remember to take advantage of those massively wonky Leclaire rebounds".
- Martin notes, "Hmm 3 forwards down low watching everyone go back the other way. Fail!"
- Ya know, other than fighting, Neilson's a pretty good player. Skates pretty fast, throws the hits, I like what I see from him. Got a bit overzealous on some and took two penalties but you can tell he was just trying hard. Maybe a bit too hard.
- Move of the night: Patches destroyed Kovy.

Now the doctor can please clear Chipper to play? Then we'll have that awesome Bulldogs PK unit (Sergei, Chipper, White or Russell) and maybe even some shorthanded goals!

Truculence

Um. Well, that was entertaining for a 2-1 victory. And the Canadiens are small how?

Any teeth left for tomorrow's game?
- Three As of the night were Gill, Gionta, and Metro. Or a giant and two oompa loompas.
- Eric Neilson got the punching hat trick. Though I can't say the third was actually merited because Bass jumped him from behind and tackled him. Tossed for keeping his gloves on? Ref needs more training.
- Gotta say though, all that fighting and Neilson didn't have a mark on him.
- And we saw emotion from Coach Martin! There was a twinkle of annoyance in his eye when Neilson was tossed for "control reasons", before he sent Metro to go talk to the ref.
- All jokes aside, he does actually talk behind the bench. Something people said he didn't do.
- Brother's observational comment of the evening: "It's weird seeing THREE forecheckers wearing red. What is this?!"
- Hal Gill standing next to Brian Gionta: the odd couple. Absolutely hilarious.
- I BORN A GIANT!
- Halak got the help of three posts. Good to see him back in true form.
- Sandman needs rebound control. Badly.
- Argh Ben, why'd you change your number. Now I forget you're out there!
- Fool me once, ok. Second attempt? Goal. Ben woke up the crowd.
- Ben also got a fist pump from Coach Kirk for that goal!
- Heatly who? I'd rather have Choochoo and Michalek if I were a Sens fan.
- I didn't know Robert Lang shrunk and changed his number to 21? Me miss empty net. Woo!
- Ooooh but it was nice to see them enjoying themselves. They played patiently, threw manrockets, and didn't shy away from intimidation tactics. And when Gionta couldn't hit the empty net, everyone had a good laugh on it. Though I gotta ask... Clouston? If you're pushing them to playoff level in September, I wonder how worn out they'll be by November... Not that I care.
- This game was Brian Burke approved.

In other news:
- I had a feeling that "cross check to the face" thing was the Remparts/Juniors game... Fuzz it out all you want. We all know who he is. Courts ruled it "assault with a weapon". Hello Mini McSorley.
- Speaking of hockey attacks. Fuck you, Phaneuf. If Morency was suspended for jumping off the bench and going after the caveman, Phaneuf should have been suspended for an attempt to injure. Oh wait he plays like that all the time!
- And today? Chimera was taken off in a stretcher...
- Brian Burke's hockey will be tried in the courts. No? Oh. They got Phil Kessel. Boston is retarded. And Kadri will now be lost in the system.

Let there be cake!

I would gladly take this puck to the head.

It's here! It's here! The sound of skates scraping the ice. The sound of sticks cracking and pucks smaking endboards. The sound of Gui! smooshing a small guy into the glass. The sound of Andrei getting elbowed to the head. The sound of 21k+ people chanting "PK!PK!PK!". The sound of the VIA train horn as the red light goes on and the train circles the rink. The sound of U2's Vertigo (yes, it's back apparently).

Oh how I missed you, hockey.

But I was stuffing my face with delicious sushi while Gomez, Cammalleri, and D'Agostini scored goals. I only heard the pre-game skate on the radio and I could sense Gomez' smile through my speakers. I also tuned back in to hear the end of it, and the 3 stars. Bravo guys! And hey Price only faced 9 shots and stopped them all? No prob. Poor Sandford getting all the work in their split game, but hey he'll be used to that later. The purpose of tonight's exercise was to introduce some new stars, warm them up and build their chemistry, then let the kids strut their stuff. Even Rhino got to put those boxing lessons to some use.

Alls I gotta say: Cammy to Spacek to Gomez and it's all red light. Beautiful.

Thanks for the great birthday present guys!

Hockey shakes...

Even Batman is watching Habs camp.

The anticipation is killing me for tomorrow!!!

And then I find out it's not going to be on TV. Well, not any channel I have. Seriously, RDS? A 20 years celebration? THE FUCKING HABS ARE PLAYING THEIR FIRST HOME PRESEASON GAME! What? That quiet you guys heard over MSG is what the washroom might sounds like at the Bell Center tomorrow. The Preseason crowd, especially an excited dying to see the new team crowd, is just as loud as a Game 7 crowd. I kid you not. We even sing the anthem!

And then mom calls me to tell me she's actually going to take me out to dinner tomorrow anyway. So make me proud my Habs. Gimme a win on my birthday while I eat delicious sushi.

And since I like to waste money I think I might find someone to customize my blank ASG East jersey. Or weasle my brother to do it for me. Hey, I paid for his hockey all last year! I'm the only big sister he's got! Ah whatever.

What did they say about mixing hockey and politics?
So, apparently the feud between Sergei and Grabs was resolved via political intervention. The president of Belarus requested it! How awesome is that? OK, well, I'd rather see an intense Sergei knocked Grabs on his ass, but still... Imagine if the guys had any political savy to request something from the president in return? Like say, "Put more money into education and we'll be friends...for the good of the people!" Or in his case, stop fixing the votes in his favour AHEM but I'd rather not have my dear Sergei go missing over a political opinion. I don't know what a "personal request" from Lukashenko means... Poor Sergei.

Imagine if Obama stepped in and asked Komisarek and Lucic to stop their feud? With Canada and the States being such important allies and all. I dunno why he'd care but say he walked in on a game and the two were destroying each other. Say maybe it scared him. Knowing that Komisarek is a supporter, and to curb the violence on tv, he'd ask him them to make nice. Then imagine Lucic laughing his ass off, only to turn around, grab Komi's sweater and pull it over his head. And as he continues to pound away at the big man, Lucic asks Obama, "I'll stop if you fix that certain lumber issue you guys fucked up for us Canucks." Meanwhile Komi wails, "Mr. President, I need health care!!!"

Harper knows better than to get in between a hockey feud. "If the Canadians on the Leafs and Habs want to punch each other to oblivion, then they have my blessing. Think of the entertainment revenue! Go Flames!"

A bold new look
OK, Price's new mask is ALL KINDS OF AWESOME. Yes, so awesome that it needs caps. The Gumper! And skeleton zombie Dryden (who was supposed to be Plant, haha oops). And a string of numbers representing the defensemen these players had fighting for them stream down to the 100 logo on the chin. Very cool, very appropriate (to have the Dmen numbers there). And he's crowned with the Montreal skyline. Though my only problem with it is the CH on the top is kind of small. That's what I love about his cowboy/country singer ones. The CH on top is GIANT.

One more day...

My cursor was hovering over the "purchase" button for the game Thursday. It's my birthday! But, I oddly enough found the willpower to not click it. The bank account would have hated me if I did, so this is probably a good thing. Anyway, I think my parents are taking me out to dinner to my favourite Japanese restaurant (Aikawa, I love you).

Notes from Camp Les Habs, after day 2 and 3 passed:
- PRICE HAS A NEW MASK! And shutout his teammates in "game 2". Blame the red pads.
- Mayer's mask disturbs me every time... I think I just don't like seeing ears on them.
- Someone on Habs I/O realized that if you anagram "Brian Gionta" you get "I Born A Giant".
- Brrrrrrrrrock Trotter potted two goals and cut his hair.
- SuperPleky is looking good with Gionta. They're both speedy skaters so I think they fit nicely. Anyway, Pleky gave Missiean a taste of his MAF-Destroying Slapshot.
- Best line of the day was Johanssen's centering Trotter and Russell. I smell good days ahead in Steeltown!
- Dagger kissed the end boards. And then Rhino destroyed him into pastry.
- Rhino is staying true to his nickname, and destroyed Stewart.
- The HMCS Hal Gill is here! And there was much rejoicing.
- And Gill paired with Gorges: Master and Commander?
- I'm told Markov and Mara are a solid pair. The M&M Defense, ready to pick out the "Blue Ones".
- Travis Touchdown Moen was also on the Gionta-Pleky line, and didn't look out of place.
- Gionta can score backwards. Classic Gionta for the "win".
- Sergei and Chipper can't play yet because they're still rehabing surgery. But! They're on the ice practicing on the other rink away from Rhino looking to destroy their life.
- Speaking of destroying lives, Patches is hiting everything that moves. Delicious.
- What did I say about inventing controversy or making shit up without checking facts? What did I say about the captain stuff? STFU! Just because Martin says he'd like Markov to be one of the leaders on the ice (a no brainer) DOES NOT MEAN HE SAID HE ASKED HIM TO BE CAPTAIN!!! It totally puts Markov in an awkward position, 'cause he knows how much people nitpick and blow things out of proportion. However it did give us some lovely sound bites of our quiet Russian. Hilarious stuff too! Making fun of the media right to their faces in a polite but semi-sarcastic manner. But I love the way he handles them. Gives them enough to chew on, and absolutely nothing at all. And from the rare amount of times he does speak to the media, what he says is usually gold. But, rule number 1: Until it's up on the Canadiens page, it ain't true.
- Markov needs a new roommate though, now that Komisarek went to the dark side. Though he'd rather have his own room, since he's nearing 600 games.
- Happiest kid in the world: Philippe Lefebvre. Heading back to Drummondville, with a shiny new 3-year contract in his napsack. Congrats kid!
- Martin is the happy dictator. This is HIS team. And you know what? I think I like that.

Other notes:
- Hockeyville Terrace was on last night. That's right. THERE WAS HOCKEY ON MY TV AND STUFF! And the Canucks succeeded to bore me to death in a 2-1 victory over the Islanders. And Tavares had the flu. And the Islanders still need to be taught how to pass the damn puck. Oh, and the Canucks introduced me to a lovely Russian named Sergei Shirokov, who scored both goals from the exact same location (backdoor).
- The Monster has minor heart surgery after his heart rate wouldn't return back to normal and he collapsed. Apparently he didn't eat the day before. Um...OK buddy.
- Higgy scored the lone goal in the Rags/Bruins 2-1 loss, but there's no way he misses from standing right in front of the net. Then again...I've seen him miss from closer.
- Higgy always looks ready for nap time.
- So far the hockey I've watched on TV has been boring...

To suckle fools, and chronicle small beer

Today was Day 1 of actual training camp. A mini Team A vs Team B scrimmage took place, that ended with Team A undefeated again. And lo we have the first quote from Jaro Spacek about how downtown Montreal is way better than downtown Buffalo. But what was the big deal for some fans? Why the red pads of Carey Price of course!

Some think it's arrogance that he's sporting these pads again, pointing out his low part of the season last year was when he was wearing these shinny red pads (disregarding his injury). I say bullhooey. The words of some Ottawa eye doctor should not be taken as the gospel truth when all she has is speculation according to her profession, not actual hockey fact. Do you know that in the heat of a game, most people don't even look at the net when they shoot? If a player had the time and space to look at the net to find the holes, he'd be checked into oblivion. And those that do actually look at the net to aim, well, they aren't looking at the goalie's legs but aiming to pick the corners.

If Price is arrogant to wear the red pads, then how come no one attacked Huet for sporting those dark blue/red ones during his Montreal tenure? Just because MAF and Tim Thomas couldn't handle wearing screaming yellow pads, doesn't mean all colour pads suck. Besides thoes guys still have plenty of holes with the white pads on (save for Thomas, because he's the SIZE of the fucking net. Bruins go Mighty Ducks style of "put the fat kid in"). The mustard yellow pads didn't affect Mike Murphy much to go on as one of the top goalies in the OHL (and don't brush off the O, as the offensive force is 100% opportunistic). Marty Turco dances in gold. Huet has gone all red. And once upon a time, Price carried Team Canada on his back to a gold medal rush wearing his old black pads.

I say let the kid wear what he wants. Especially if he's comfortable wearing them and likes them. This year he added an all red Warrior stick to his arsenal. He wore them in summer camp. Besides, if you're the type who enjoys throwing around scientific facts, then here's another: winners wear red.

Happy Dance!

Who got two tickets to the Habs/Stars game in January? *points to self* Yo.

Random Friday: Slighty less random, maybe not

Rally attendance to save the Jets in 1995: about 35 000 people.

Rally attendance to save the Coyotes in 2009: 500 people.

Just saying.

BRING BACK THE JETS!

And now that Michael Andlauer, owner of the Hamilton Bulldogs, has a share in our Habs, it reinstates my "Hamilton is for the Dogs" state of mind. So, here's an adorable Bulldog puppy to remind you folks out there that a Bulldog is better than a Coyote! So cute!!!

No need for apologies!

Eight years ago, Mr. Gillett, you stepped in when no local would (or would support Dickie Moore) and returned our team to brighter days. You came in and hired the best people for the job to create the best combinations they could considering all options and a salary cap. Yes we did not see a Stanley Cup in any of those 8 years... But we now have our team back, out of the dark ages that were those early 90s. We have a farm system full and flourishing. And while we might have lost many players to free agency, we are now about to see a new combination with a new style and approach that will try and reach the ultimate goal. So Mr. Gillett, please don't appologize. If anything some fans should be appologizing for doubting you. You who had no idea what hockey really was, but embraced the game, this city, and the fans. We don't need an apology from you, sir. Though you may need to work extra hard to win back Foster and the wife for selling this other part of your family. And Liverpool apparently wants your head...so if you need a place to hide, we got plenty of room at the Brossard facility for ya.

And yes, I know I've already written up something regarding this topic, but what's another to show my appreciation? Mr. Gillett, I salute you.

ALL HAIL MOLSON!

Ice on a cake: the second slice

A continuation of my nonsense from yesterday. Bear with me, I rarely get to see the Western teams because they're on tv when I'm busy playing video games before bed.

Time to head West!

Anaheim Ducks
Like: Teemu, Parros the Moustache, Bobby Ryan
Dislike: YOU HAS MY SBISA! Ya pack of goons.
I hear there's this new guy on the team. I think his name is something like Saku? Could just be a rumour though.

Calgary Flames
Like: Iginla
Dislike: Phaneuf
Chalk one up for nepotism!

Chicago Blackhawks
Like: VERSTEEEEEEG. And Buff.
Dislike: I find Soupy rather overrated...
Can you say Byfuglien correctly?

Colorado Avalanche
Like: Wolski! (Poland represent!)
Dislike: Darcy Fucking Tucker

Columbus Blue Jackets
Like: Rick Nash, woah.
Dislike: FUCKING UMBERGER!
"Umberger" used to be a playoff curse word.

Dallas Stars
Like: Turco! Morrow!
Dislike: Mickey Fucking Ribs
Ribs wasted like 7 years of our lives...

Detroit Red Wings
Like: Helm
Dislike: Don't get me started...
They should be called the Detroit Red Beards. Yar.

Edmonton Oilers
Like: Sheldon ya big lovely pylon
Dislike: Stortini the reawakened caveman found in an Albertan glacier
Say it with me "PISANI!PISANI!PISANI!"

Los Angeles Kings
Like: Doughty
Dislike: Now that Gauthier is unemployed, I don't really care much to put the hate on anyone else unless Justin Williams accidentally pokes out Saku's eye again.
Brian Burke's face when they picked Schenn #2 was priceless, and I thank you for that.

Minnesota Wild
Like: CLUTTERBUCK! And Mikko.
Dislike: The Boogieman.
I see Owen Nolen is still going.

Nashville Predators
Like: Tootoo and Weber
Dislike: Belak.

Phoenix Coyotes
Like: Doan. Lombardi.
Dislike: BRING BACK THE JETS!

San Jose Sharks
Like: Setoguchi and Pickles
Dislike: Thornton.
Roenick is gone, the air got clearer.

St. Louis Blues
Like: OSHIIIIIE! And Perron.
Dislike: Mason's freaky beard. Scary.

Vancouver Canucks
Like: Schneider!
Dislike: Those freaky twins...

Ice on a cake: the first slice

I like cake. I also like hockey. I don't like Maple Leafs. I do like maple though! And I still hate the Flyers. I don't like flying either. Some time at the begining of last season I listed what I liked and disliked about the other teams. Doing that again would be lame, and my opinions haven't really changed. So this year I'll list WHO I like and dislike on the other teams.

To the East!

Atlanta Thrashers
Like: Kovalchuk!
Dislike: Thorburn, Army
I feel bad for Evander Kane... stuck on a team who's season is determined on whether or not Lehtonen will explode into an injured husk or an All-Star.

Boston Bruins
Like: Blake Wheeler
Dislike: the rest of them
Suck it hated Bear tribe of the East.

Buffalo Sabres
Like: Nathan Gerbe, 5'5" of MEAN
Dislike: I dunno, these guys haven't changed in years...
How many more years will Lindy Ruff cross his arms and bite his lower lip for ya?

Carolina Hurricanes
Like: TOM KOSTOPOULOS!!!
Dislike: Staal, and his freaky eyebrowless face and wonderous diving skills.
It pains me that TK is now a Diver...

Florida Panthers
Like: Michael Frolik. He looks like a big hobbit.
Dislike: I only like to make fun of McCabe. Horton hears a boo.
Keaton Ellerby, you're the only Price Cousin not in the NHL yet!

New Jersey Devils
Like: zzzzzz
Dislike: zzzzzz

New York Islanders
Like: Streit of course! And Okposo.
Dislike: Biiiiirooooooooooon

New York Rangers
Like: No one! (Ok, Higgy!)
Dislike: All of them. (Except Higgy!)
No soup for you.

Ottawa Senators
Like: Sharkko Ruutu, my favourite cannibalistic idiot.
Dislike: Is it too easy to say Heatley and his 10million paycheck to whine? Chris Neil is also a toothless bastiche.
I don't recognize Kovy as a Senator. I don't!

Philadelphia Flyers
Like: YOU FUCKERS TRADED THE ONLY PLAYER I ACTUALLY LIKED! May Luca Sbisa haunt your very soul.
Dislike: All of them, now that YOU TRADED THE ONLY PLAYER I ACTUALLY LIKED!

Pittsburgh Penguins
Like: Mmmalkin
Dislike: Meh.

Tampa Bay Lightning
Like: Mini Marty!
Dislike: Phat contracts, fighting owners, and fired mascots OH MY!

Toronto Maple Leafs
Like: Haha, yea right.
Dislike: See above.

Washington Capitals
Like: ...I actually don't really like Ovechkin.
Dislike: I'm rather neutral on the Caps.

There's my useless waste of space for the East! Tune in next time as I dive into the dull waters of the Western Conference.

Random Friday: Going regular

I don't care much for predictions and standings, nor do I give a damn about them. Season introductions are fairly vague and have been done on every other website anyway, so one less wouldn't offset the world as we know. And with the season coming around the corner, I'd like to make note of a few things that need to be put to pasture.

Here are a few issues I no longer want to hear about in this hockey year of our Lord 2009-2010 (listed in no particular order):

Luongo's tears
That's right you Canuckleheads! Now that you've got him locked up for a thousand years, I don't want to hear any of you complain that he should a) be traded, b) relinquish captaincy, or c) be traded when that second round ousting comes along (if they make it by then...that schedule looks rather evil). Olympic scapegoat notwithstanding.

The Phoenix doth falter
Either move it or fold it and draft disperse the players already. I'm sick of hearing about you and tired of watching the socialist platform that seems to be the key point of fear concerning health care reform feed that team's lifeline. Yes! Profit sharing is like socialism! Fear it!

Hab's captaincy void
Team990 suggested the C goes to the first person who goes out and punches Lucic.

"But he doesn't speak French"
But you don't speak English. Clearly it evens out.

Price vs Halak, or "Oh! The humanity!"
Every Dryden needs a Bunny. Every Roy needs a Hayward. And every Price needs a Halak. Deal with it.

Curse of the Barber Pole
They won't be wearing them anyway because it buzzes with the TV (and their eyes) so stop beating that dead horse every time you see "Centennial Jersey Night".

Metropolit
There's nothing wrong with Glen Metropolit. Then why is every armchair GM suggesting to waiver him after camp? Why would you hope to lose one of the more consistent players from a playoff series that had little to cheer for? The Bell Center faithful let him know how much they appreciated his work, maybe you can too? Besides, Chipper can be his wingman while Big George is flat on his back.

Kovalchuk
Haha, keep dreaming.

The Smurfs
Last I looked the Red Wings weren't exactly tall. Sidney Crosby is like 5'10". Versteeg ain't exactly a giant. Neither is Brendan Morrow. It's getting old. One would just need to watch David Desharnais to understand that a small package has a huge upside (like being under the line of sight, they'll never know you've stolen the puck until it's too late). And Brian Gionta is still taller than me.

Controversies! They sell papers!
Markov eats toast WITHOUT BUTTER! He must know the mob! News at 11!

A pocket full of RFAs
Like last year's list of UFAs, I'll just say talking about it then was annoying. Continuing with the RFAs is even more so.

Genius and Jackass
Apparently whenever a Hab does it, it's scandalous. Gainey forces Kovy to take a break (because he wouldn't otherwise), oh shocking! But when Babcock forces his failtender Osgood to take a week off, it's absolutely brilliant.

Brian Burke
He who talks loud, saying nothing.

Price was rushed! Latendresse should have been in Hamilton!
No he wasn't. Where the hell else would he have played at the time? Next!

Carey Price's weight
Fat, skinny, overweight, underweight, 25 pounds lighter, regaining the 25 pounds while having a beer, losing 25 pounds while vomiting via stomach flu... Seriously folks, as a lady, don't talk about his weight. I'm worried we'll develop the first bulimic goaltender.

Let's start a riot!
I actually laughed when they played that song during warmup. Hilarious. But if you aren't from Montreal, then you obviously don't know that riots occur at least once a year (more if that group of anarchists are more angry at the police for some reason, apparently burning other people's stuff proves a point). Every time there's that Police Brutality march the anarchists come out to burn stuff, which aggravates the situation and brings out the riot squad for a first hand demonstration of police brutality. (What are they supposed to do? Sit back and watch as angry punks throw stuff at them?) Hell someone tried to start shit during the St-Patrick's day parade, but they were quickly whisked away into an alley and carted off in a paddy wagon. So stop bringing up that the Habs fans burn stuff all the time. Beer + mob mentality + general stupidy = going along with the rest of the stupid people. And there is proof the mob started the Stanley Cup riots. Because I always get on the metro to go cheer my team with a bag of bricks, don't you? Funny how Lakers fans aren't all forever known as "people who burn down the town when their team wins".

Gainey's last chance
Really? Guess you would think that if you were born after those dark days of Rejean Houle. Considering guys like Murray, Sather, Waddel still have their jobs, none of them can hold a candle to doing said job in the fishbowl of Montreal. Oh and the sainted Serge Savard traded away fucking Chelios. Without the luxury of being allowed to tank many years in a row for that luscious lottery pick with some actual hockey players going for number 1, he's gotta do his job the normal way. We actually have a farm system now people!

Oh Dany Boy
Heatley, accept a trade already. Alfredsson doesn't even want you anymore. By the way, I hear Habs fans are offering 24-hour Kovy Support for those nights he drives you all nuts.

Carbo! Carbo! Carbo!
stfu.

It does feel good to vent every now and then.

[Addendum - because I thought of some more but forgot about them last night. I happens when one is in vent mode]

Look!

Up in the sky!

Is it Gary Bettman's ego ballooning with the mounting debt of the Coyotes?

Is it Bertrand Raymond attempting to explain his douchebaggery with more douchebaggery?

Is it's Kovy spying on us in a fly by with his plane?

No! It's...ROOKIE CAMP! *Cue the trumpets*

Everything looks like it's condenced into one massive speedball. You can thank the Olympics for all the groin injuries to follow.

It also looks like there's no fan jamboree again. Damn.

Also announced: TICKET SALES! Unfortunately someone else is going to have to buy them for me if I'm to go. I can really only afford AHL tickets this year (of which I'm planning two games and already have tickets to one). Perhaps if I plead with my best puppy dog eyes maybe someone in the family will be kind enough to grace me with at least two tickets for the Habs-Stars game so I can see Turco fuck up live and in colour! (I love him, really). It's only 30$ to sit in the rafters. And my birthday is coming up. In fact it's the first pre-season game. Unfortunately, looking at the packages, there's no more Victory Pack! That's too bad, the Victory Pack was very fun and pretty damn cool. (A victory meant free tickets to another game of their choice). But one thing I'm confused about... Why is there a Thrashers and a Panthers game in the Penguins pack? That makes absolutely no sense. The cool pack? Centennial Jersey night! The Stars game is included (and a pre-season Pens game), plus the Leafs who I assume will come out in their own fancy leaf sweater, and you get a free Barber Pole sweater. Woo!

Do you know who I am?

Well, Patrick Kane was on the verge of tears while walking to his court date which might have very well been the first time the young star realized this shit just got real. But what about Benoît Pouliot? Dude got busted for making a U-turn to avoid an OPP checkpoint while driving with nearly double the legal limit. But that's not all... The Wiiiild prospect pulled the old "Do you know who I am?" card while talking to the officers, refusing a second breathalizer test despite the fact he was warned it would earn him a second charge. According to the police, he was cocky when they stopped him, eating chips and staring straight ahead, and continued to ask for his uncle (a local OPP officer). He also continued trying to smooth talk the cops to forget about the results and find a way to solve it without taking his license away. Instead of calling one of the lawyers they listed for him, he kept asking for his uncle. You know when the cops usually say "you have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be used as evidence in court"? Yea...guess he forgot that part.

The end result: $2 000 fine, and he lost his license. His reaction? He stated frankly that he made a mistake and learned from it, and the loss of his license is no big deal because he claims he doesn't need a car to play hockey.

Clearly I don't believe he has learned his lesson, as driving impaired is no laughing matter regardless of whether it was beer or rye and ginger or Fin du Monde. And the superstar attitude of attempting to weasle one's way out of trouble? Yea, fuck that.

So, do you know who Pouliot is? When the Wild sent him back to the Houston Aeros, he threw a fit in the locker room and left in a huff.

Why do I mention it? Because in 2005, Timmins said he was aiming to pick this guy over Price, but thankfully the Wild had the 4th pick.

Mark Bell DUI/hit-and-run: 15 game suspension
Sean Avery sloppy seconds: 6 game suspension
Patrick Kane's 20cents: ?
Benny Pouliot's attitude problem/attempting to manipulate an investigation/DWI: ?

Got nothing to talk about? Stir up some shit!

Oh the media. When the going gets quiet, the fingers get tapping! But hey, it's the internets. I can blog nonsense too! Apparently Bertrand Raymond has crawled back out from under his vacation rock with a new piece of blog bile aimed to stir up the masses againsts Gainey. Of course! He's an evil anglo! With Tanguay waiting to hear from the Lightning after his physical about whether or not they'll pay him about two-million to get creamed by Pronger, the rest of the wouldn't haves and couldn't haves begin to surface.

Why naturally an old member of the organization/now player agent whispered in Bob's ear during the Draft if he would do his client a favour and give him a job on the team. Said client being a good old Quebecois, and one who'd die to wear the Sainte Flannelle, why he thought Bob would be all over that. Unfortunately his client was Denis Gauthier, the one who's 5th suspension on the year was handed down upon him for knocking Josh Gorges' brains into the stratosphere. Wonder why Bob told him to go call other clubs? I mean the guy only has a history of being a headhunting moron. Any other team would sign him at the drop of a hat! Right? Sure.

And then there's Beauchemin claiming he'd have gladly accepted the money Bob gave to Spacek (never mind his very recent torn ACL). I'd hate to burst your bubble, Frank, but Spacek scared me more than you did. And if the injury to Markov wasn't enough of an example of how easy this team is derailed without him, Bob did the right thing to pick up the Spaceman to help alleviate the weight on Markov's shoulders. Plus he's been quiet, so I like him already. There must be a good reason why the Sabres pinned the C on him as part of their rotating captaincy, and all (players and fans alike) pouted when he left them. I do not like whiny players like you, Frank. And Paul Mara had more hits than you, and he punches Darcy Tucker a lot. It's a win win situation.

And now back to Tanguay. Pending his physical, he may or may not be a Bolt. Ironic, considering his season was placed on the IR because of the Russian Truck Artyukhin squashing him into the glass like little bug under foot (as said with a Russian accent). Doubly ironic that the Lightning have traded said Russian Truck. Tanguay was a fine player when healthy, but I ain't going to cry over him going elsewhere. He's free to try the love connectiong between Vince and Marty, assuming Vince remains on the line with Marty considering he was booted off it last season and replaced by Stamkos the Boy Wonder. And for a guy who hits once in a blue moon, he may not be the favourite of Tocchet's attempt at creating the Flyers South. I thought Bob's press message was clear in that he was looking for more durable players?

So keep playing the same old tune, Bertrand. Playing for the Canadiens isn't a god given birth right, it's earned. It isn't the place where ever Jean-Guy can weasle his nephew in just because he's local. And how about you start praising the hard working guys who earned their stripes, like Lapierre. Bob's job is to ice a team he and the commitee thinks will win games. They're not working to please you. Wonder how much he'll plotz when/if Boivin gets ousted and replaced by Geoff "T-Shirt Cannon" Molson? For a guy who praised the horrible trade of Chris Chelios, frankly your opinion is moot.

Sergei says? NEGATIVE BUZZER!

Hockey Canada Triptych

Is this not a beautiful sight? All three Team Canadas together (Men, Women, Sledge) surrounding the Hockey Canada logo on the ice... Lovely stuff.

By the way, I'm rather obsessed with Sledge Hockey. Picture a team of Chantale Petitclercs, buzzing around the ice like water bugs, with arms of steel and a burning desire to win. It's absolutely fascinating. And just because they're sitting and rowing around doesn't mean they don't get chippy. I've seen line brawls in Sledge! Actually, I once saw a guy split the entire opposing team to score as if he were Kovy on a sled. And yes, they even have shootouts.

He's totally going to stalk us...

Yes, I totally thought of Sneak King (aka Stalker King) when I heard Kovy talking

Oh Kovy, you jest! We know you've got one eye on the puck and one eye on home. But, alas, you couldn't make up your mind on the contract terms and Bob wasn't in a waiting mood that day. In the end, there was no more room for you unless you were willing to take a hometown discount, which is probably what you'll need to realize in two years when you have to find another team. There is, however, enough Kovalove here to welcome you back in said two years time, so don't worry Kovy. We'll keep your number warm.

Do not fret, Sens fans. It's not another drama to add to your Summer of Heatley. And while he may be the prima donna, Kovy's the type of guy who speaks his mind, and he's not about to fly into Bryan's office and demand a trade. He's absolutely brutally honest, something that is rare among players and usually comes across as being an arrogant asshole. But he'll do his job. He'll put up the points as well as one can while trying to work with 4 guys trying to neutralize him every night. It's all part of being Alex Kovalev, International Man of Mystery. Also, like the Black Knight in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, he'll play regardless of how sick or injured he is. Unless, of course, you got Bob on speedial to give him a call, walk the banks of a river with, or tell him to stay home and clear his mind (or go to the fucking doctor).

"I can still shoot the puck with my nose!"

Of course, if he ends up sad and depressed while distracted and dreaming of what lies an hour away down the highway, I'm sure we can help you out for a draft pick.

My senses are tingling, who is that mysterious man?

Over the course of a few weeks this August we were introduced to the wise cracking duo of Gomez and Cammalleri, the towering gigantor USS-now-HMCS Hal Gill, the bearded Paul Mara, the farmer boy Travis Touchdown Moen who always wears his cup, and the one who got lost in a crowd of skating kids Brian Gionta. That's the jist of most of the n00bs, but what about Jaroslav Spacek?

Maybe Pleky should interview the Spaceman. Or Hammer, being a fellow defenseman. Or Jaro should interview the other Jaro. (Even if one is Czech and one is Slovakian, but hey, it used to be together!)

Maybe he doesn't speak, like Markov. Wow, that will be one crazy quick and intensely silent defensive pairing! Bet they're able to will the puck out of the zone with MIND BULLETS!

Adventures in Montreal: I has a garden

This is the extent of my backyard and my 2x4 garden. It felt like I planted these cherry tomatoes and green peppers eons ago... And with the crap summer we had I thought they would never do anything. Frankly those tomatoes have been little green balls for a month now, waiting for some hint of sun. And the green peppers? They had little flowers, and tiny tiny tiny peppers...but then they would just fall off.

Finally, summer has hit our area. And though I would love for this humidity to take a fucking hike and allow me to live without wanting to fall over dizzy and sick, my veggies have grown! It's also nice that I have a balcony with a glass panel that protects the plants from the dust of the busy road and traps the heat of the sun (I'm on the sunny side of the building). Since this is my first summer in my new place, I had no idea if this was going to work... But voila! Lots of tomatoes turning red, one pepper is growing and more are budding!


I ate them with my supper, and they were delicious.

Adventures in Montreal: Montreal is cool

OK well I work only a few blocks from this place, and I've never seen it because I don't normally go over there. It's near Place des Arts though, which isn't too far from the rather questionable section of St-Catherine Street that is soon to be reinvented with a lot of funding. (It's actually pretty facinating how sudden that street goes from "ew" to "woo" to "cool" to "oh my god did we cross the tracks?"). I personally don't really hang around that area much unless I were heading for St-Laurent to find my mysteriously disappearing record store (yes, vinyl) or searching for those weird retro clothes stores.

But it's so bloody cool!

Forget about Woodstock!

We got Habstock!


D'Agostini: "Hey Kovy, I just got a one-year two-way contract! Ain't that cool? If Martin doesn't think I'm ready to start up here, I get to go to Hamilton, where I burnt out all the red lights. I'll also get to work under Coach Le Chiffre! He's bound to teach me the finer points of defense as well as offense! What do you think?"
Kovalev: "..."
Bob: "Alex, get yer sulking arse over to the Ottawa bench..."
Lapierre: "Mmm, water."

Stewie's back to kick your ass for one more year (or more!)

Wearing his newly scalped Bruin. So avant-guarde!

Probably the best quote I've seen to describe Greg Stewart would be "he's ambidextrous so you never know which of his fists is going to break your nose." He's also made of rubber, and never seems to bruise. My brother thinks he's made of stone. Maybe he's a golem! Still, not bad for a guy who basically took up hockey on a whim. Bonus, he'll be RFA next season too, like a pack of other players we got. Montreal HEARTS you, Stewie!

And now, we reminisce on Stewie's accomplishments.

BIFF!


POW!


ZING!
(Oh yea, who won that game? Yo. Suck it Western Conference TV guys. It's like they've never seen anyone stand up to a wrecking ball before. Oh right).

In other news, the Leafs have given up on Pogge and sent him to the Ducks, while going out to sign Joey Mac, instead of using their newly acquired so-called goaltending guru to mold the young lad better than the waste of a system he was festering in previously. Say hi to Scott Clemmensen and Tuukka Rask, part 3!

Soapbox: It's getting kind of personal...

A blaring headline on my twitter screen reads "NHL wants Balsillie out of mix for Coyotes". As curiosity compelled me to click it, the subtitle of the article made me laugh extremely out loud (good thing I live alone). The subtitle proclaims "Team owners conclude Canadian billionaire would be untrustworthy".

Heh.

Now the summer soap opera of the Coyotes has brought as much amusement to me as Dany Heatley's ongoing soap opera, but the previous comments of Daly, Bettman, and now the BOG have totally jumped ship to the Comedy Network. Apparently the perfect character to buy a struggling team needs to be like the ever honest fraudsters that have recently plagued the League and currently find themselves residence in jail. I'll even take a stab at our dear George Gillett, who for all intents and purposes didn't really want to sell but ended up going for the money 'cause that pricetag sure was delicious enough even though I can see him getting more out of a Saudi prince for his soccer team... (And sorry George, but I hear the football league is going to be in heaps of problems some day soon thanks to overspending and underfunding, but hey, the Molsons say "hi").

Declarations topping this motion in the Anti-Bals charge this time is noted greedster Jeremy Jacobs, owner of the Bruins, and Craig Leipold, ex-Preds current-Wild owner, on the fact that Balsy would be untrustworthy despite the fact they approved him as an owner 3-times before fucking around with him. Also Leipold should know that Balsillie was so untrusting that William "Boots" Del Biaggio III got a higher nod over him...with intention to move that franchise anyway to Kansas City later, but that's fine 'cause Bettman would OK that one...you know 'cause it's not a hockey market but makes the NHL look big. Some notion that "bigger means it's good" or something. Whatever. (Also gotta laugh at the BOG snub nosing Balsillie's mock-season tickets drive, when Kansas City itself was peddling luxury boxes, but it's supposedly not considered the same thing).

Of course with the Pens, Bals wanted to move that deadbeat team (at the time) to Canada too, so that's why he was shuffled out on it. But it also took Lemieux to blackmail the city with a move to Kansas City if their new building wasn't built. Hey, Kansas City seems super popular! And it isn't even really in Kansas! (It's Missouri, which sounds like misery, and yes I know about the minor minor leagues there, but I also know many of them are folding because no one cares to see them).

Difference is, Pensburgh is a fairly viable hockey market. I mean, at least they get SNOW and don't have golf as their major selling point. And after being horrible for so long, now live off the easiest choices of drafting and a Stanley Cup for their troubles. Preds? Eh. When they have to explain to you what icing is on the jumbotron time after time, I start questioning. And while Garth Brooks is a fairly big hockey fan, he wouldn't even buy the team either... But the Coyotes don't have a bad set of players either. Despite that, they still can't sell tickets until the Habs or the Flames roll into town.

And your theory about "who would care about a Rangers vs Hamilton/Waterloo game" is moot because no one gives a damn about a Rangers vs Phoenix game either.

Plain and simple: no one gives a damn down there. Sure there are fans of the team, but most of the people in town would rather just head over to the Cardinals across the street (if they do even that). And no one gives a damn elsewhere. Like the Panthers--and I know Panthers fans--there are fans of the team, but they are so far and few that while the team was a step away from making the playoffs the NFL still took the centerpiece of the papers. Not that they paid them much attention anyway. Hell, hockey below the Mason Dixon line is moot in newspapers, as a first hand experience during the playoffs while vacationing in Washington/South Carolina. (I barely found a team shirt and when I did it was just Ovie and Semin...oh and the store was very very empty). And I pity the fool that has to deal with the local broadcasting of Lightning games (cringe). Makes you wonder if anyone can stay a fan of teams via these outlets when they don't even put the effort to said the players' names correctly. Isn't that right, Corey Price?

But you want to get personal, NHL? OK. The NHL started because the team owners were upset at the constant arguings, wranglings and general annoyances by Toronto owner Eddie Livingston. If the BOG had any balls of their own like they did in 1917 and got fed up with Bettman's constant arguings, question dodging, nose up in the air, Napoleon attitude and Daly's ass-licking followings, could they maybe do the same? In particular, say, the Canadian teams tired of paying for their failed "brothers" when lord knows that money would never go the other way should a local franchise need some cash, break the League and create their own? Call it the Canadian National Hockey League. After all, we wouldn't have problems selling tickets or TV time up here to our audience, and Bals could make his franchise all he wants in both Hamilton AND Waterloo (and Quebecor could make their QC team too boot). Winnie would return. I dare say, a team in the Maritimes. Our league's cashflow would nary miss a beat, nor suffer loss of interest, but I can't see the Rags and the newly rejuvenated Hawks or Bruins happy with sharing their money to feed the struggling franchises in the sun. I can also see many of the teams like Buffalo and the hockey holiday ticket price hikers of Florida suffering way more from lack of Leafs/Habs fans. On the flipside, I do know the Habs and Leafs would be very happy to NOT be sharing their profits to keep Vinny happy in beachland. (Sorry to Habs fans outside Canada though, but there will probably be a way to get Habs games somehow on TV, and if not, there's always the internets. If I can find a way to watch Dallas or Chicago, then anyone can). Eventually, through this scenario, would the Bettman NHL turn into a one-team NHA league like Livingston's?

It's all food for thought. At the same time, it isn't uncommon in the business world to reward failure with a bailout or two, but the NHL isn't the automobile industry. So when the BOG and Bettman and Daly finally get their heads out of their arses perhaps they'll smell the real scent of the manure they've set themselves up with. However, if by September, Jerry Bruckheimer offers a bid on condition to move the team to Las Vegas and he gets the OK to do so, then the League has officially nuked the fridge.

The thunder rolls...

Random Friday: Someone just made my day

That dog from Duck Hunt was always my nemesis, but today, he's my hero...

(And that's MVParkov bringing out his inner video game-ness.).

How could you neglect this face?

Dear Hamilton,

Though I wholeheartedly support to Make It 7, why do you keep forgetting about adorable little me? I'm your kind and loyal pro-hockey team, and I've been around for a good long while...

With me you were able to witness the beginning of many NHL stars as they diligently worked their way up the ranks. I brought you joy when I won Ontario's only championship trophy in...eons. And with me, the silent and tireless charity work of many young players like Maxwell and Weber and countless others brought hope and happiness to your city and your children through school programs, sports recreation and hospitals. And I always try my best to do my best even when I'm injured or my friends have to go play with the big guys 'cause of their own injuries. Also PK Subban is coming to town! Isn't that exciting?

And am I not adorable when the Marlies and their immitation puppy dog mascot gets destroyed when they come to visit?

So why would you openly forget about me every time on national TV when my handsome logo rests on the ice of the Copps Coliseum. How could you forget that I have a most appropriate and very original goal song that even comes with it's own dance? It's far better than that damn howl... Why would you select that ratty old scavenger pup from the desert when he should go back to Winnie where he belongs?

Please, Mr. Balsillie. While I support your efforts, don't evict me from the Dog Pound (even if it's in our lease that says you can do so) that is so conveniently located near my divisional rivals. While I'm sure the good people of Newfoundland would welcome me into their homes with open arms, and actually fill the building to capacity every night, St.John's is so very far away and inaccessible by roads.

So while you continue dreaming of hearing Derek Wills call a Montreal/Hamilton game, please try to remember this adorable little puppy. I can be trained to bite Bettman if you like.

Sincerely,
Cute, little Bulldog

You make me into this

Replace the face of poor doomed Torchwood scientist with Dany Heatley's and you get my drift about my sentiments right now.

Forgive me as I explode on an angry rant for a moment, but really, what the holy glorious fuck is wrong with everyone? We first get a rumor that Bob is thinking of trading with the Kings for the holy trilogy (that would be Frolov, Kopitar, and haha Schenn) for the Kostitsyn brothers, Rhino, Dagger, Stewie, Hammer, and a partridge in a pear tree. Not only is that by itself downright delusional, but it's downright insulting (to the Kings mostly, for I can't see them being that stupid to trade away their Big Three even if it's for our whole depth chart). This has now ballooned towards another Californian team, and it's all Dany Heatley's fault.

That's right, Heater. If this all comes true, and it's your fault, well I for one will be truly annoyed at what your drama has transpired and that it now involves MY team to satisfy your fucking needs you disgruntled asshat.

But my anger is not solely directed at that disgruntle twat. I'm more angry at what has happened to the fans of this team. The new rumor du jour is that the Sharks want to make a deal for Heatley, but they're lassoing the Habs into it to help because apparently Cryin' Bryan isn't happy with what Team Teal has to offer. The usual suspects are named from Halak to Higgy (OOPS pick again), and on their side it's the Cheechoo Train, Erhoff, and yet another 1st round pick (which San Jose seems to never want, and seriously, thank you for Pacioretty again). Then there's also Marleau, I guess because he's got a french-sounding last name even though he's not french. But this has now spiraled down to pondering a trade that includes...CAMMALLERI?! I was just at Fairview today and they already have his t-shirts on sale and you think he's on the list to being traded when he just fucking signed with the team last month and has been running around clicking his heels whilst jumping through the air proclaiming "I'M A HAB WOOOOO"?! Seriously, how stupid are some fans to even speculate openly such a thought as reasonable, especially considering what may be returning in the other direction for what will be lost?

Know what I call this? Cabin fever for hockey fans. Offseason is HELL.

What has me worried, however, is that Dagger and Stewie have yet to get their contract (they have their qualifying offer though, but the final terms are as much a mystery to me as to you). But are we now the Expos? Are we the training ground for the NHL where we raise some fine young talent and then quickly dispatch them to other teams in the league so they can come back to haunt us until they either find their way back here later or go on to have fine careers? Sure Stewie is a fringe player, but he's a character guy who's still growing, and has proven himself useful not just to the Dogs (where he scores his goals) but to the Habs (where he punches people). Of course Moen is probably securing that part, and will probably include some goals there, but one shouldn't give up on the kid with the rubber face yet particularily when the team's supposed guard spends most of his time on the IR and Conboy isn't exactly NHL ready yet (he's not an enforcer though, he's just a tough player). Same for Dags, who will learn a great deal from the new guys Bob signed up (who head for the net and use their speed, which is what he needs to remember to do as it gave him his success).

You know, I was enjoying the quiet where the last bit of signing info was for a career backup goalie to backup the backup. Sure the summer has been a pile of rainy shit and we've not seen the sun more than once a week (if we're lucky), but this has just nuked the fridge for me. And if something does come of it, and we lose more because someone needs to satisfy Heatley's little tiff with his coach, then after all the excitement I actually felt for the changes, and all the pain of dealing with the changes, will just be thrown off the bridge into the river where it will wallow with the mutant fishes. I'm even starting to hope some big storm knocks out all internets until October.

Right now I could use a good pick me up. So as the storm clouds swirl around the Heatley Maelstrom and it slowly, hypothetically sucks us into it...I'll take the Doctor's word about hope being a good emotion. And for the love of whatever, Bob, don't trade the Kostitsyns!!!