Random Friday: Going regular

I don't care much for predictions and standings, nor do I give a damn about them. Season introductions are fairly vague and have been done on every other website anyway, so one less wouldn't offset the world as we know. And with the season coming around the corner, I'd like to make note of a few things that need to be put to pasture.

Here are a few issues I no longer want to hear about in this hockey year of our Lord 2009-2010 (listed in no particular order):

Luongo's tears
That's right you Canuckleheads! Now that you've got him locked up for a thousand years, I don't want to hear any of you complain that he should a) be traded, b) relinquish captaincy, or c) be traded when that second round ousting comes along (if they make it by then...that schedule looks rather evil). Olympic scapegoat notwithstanding.

The Phoenix doth falter
Either move it or fold it and draft disperse the players already. I'm sick of hearing about you and tired of watching the socialist platform that seems to be the key point of fear concerning health care reform feed that team's lifeline. Yes! Profit sharing is like socialism! Fear it!

Hab's captaincy void
Team990 suggested the C goes to the first person who goes out and punches Lucic.

"But he doesn't speak French"
But you don't speak English. Clearly it evens out.

Price vs Halak, or "Oh! The humanity!"
Every Dryden needs a Bunny. Every Roy needs a Hayward. And every Price needs a Halak. Deal with it.

Curse of the Barber Pole
They won't be wearing them anyway because it buzzes with the TV (and their eyes) so stop beating that dead horse every time you see "Centennial Jersey Night".

Metropolit
There's nothing wrong with Glen Metropolit. Then why is every armchair GM suggesting to waiver him after camp? Why would you hope to lose one of the more consistent players from a playoff series that had little to cheer for? The Bell Center faithful let him know how much they appreciated his work, maybe you can too? Besides, Chipper can be his wingman while Big George is flat on his back.

Kovalchuk
Haha, keep dreaming.

The Smurfs
Last I looked the Red Wings weren't exactly tall. Sidney Crosby is like 5'10". Versteeg ain't exactly a giant. Neither is Brendan Morrow. It's getting old. One would just need to watch David Desharnais to understand that a small package has a huge upside (like being under the line of sight, they'll never know you've stolen the puck until it's too late). And Brian Gionta is still taller than me.

Controversies! They sell papers!
Markov eats toast WITHOUT BUTTER! He must know the mob! News at 11!

A pocket full of RFAs
Like last year's list of UFAs, I'll just say talking about it then was annoying. Continuing with the RFAs is even more so.

Genius and Jackass
Apparently whenever a Hab does it, it's scandalous. Gainey forces Kovy to take a break (because he wouldn't otherwise), oh shocking! But when Babcock forces his failtender Osgood to take a week off, it's absolutely brilliant.

Brian Burke
He who talks loud, saying nothing.

Price was rushed! Latendresse should have been in Hamilton!
No he wasn't. Where the hell else would he have played at the time? Next!

Carey Price's weight
Fat, skinny, overweight, underweight, 25 pounds lighter, regaining the 25 pounds while having a beer, losing 25 pounds while vomiting via stomach flu... Seriously folks, as a lady, don't talk about his weight. I'm worried we'll develop the first bulimic goaltender.

Let's start a riot!
I actually laughed when they played that song during warmup. Hilarious. But if you aren't from Montreal, then you obviously don't know that riots occur at least once a year (more if that group of anarchists are more angry at the police for some reason, apparently burning other people's stuff proves a point). Every time there's that Police Brutality march the anarchists come out to burn stuff, which aggravates the situation and brings out the riot squad for a first hand demonstration of police brutality. (What are they supposed to do? Sit back and watch as angry punks throw stuff at them?) Hell someone tried to start shit during the St-Patrick's day parade, but they were quickly whisked away into an alley and carted off in a paddy wagon. So stop bringing up that the Habs fans burn stuff all the time. Beer + mob mentality + general stupidy = going along with the rest of the stupid people. And there is proof the mob started the Stanley Cup riots. Because I always get on the metro to go cheer my team with a bag of bricks, don't you? Funny how Lakers fans aren't all forever known as "people who burn down the town when their team wins".

Gainey's last chance
Really? Guess you would think that if you were born after those dark days of Rejean Houle. Considering guys like Murray, Sather, Waddel still have their jobs, none of them can hold a candle to doing said job in the fishbowl of Montreal. Oh and the sainted Serge Savard traded away fucking Chelios. Without the luxury of being allowed to tank many years in a row for that luscious lottery pick with some actual hockey players going for number 1, he's gotta do his job the normal way. We actually have a farm system now people!

Oh Dany Boy
Heatley, accept a trade already. Alfredsson doesn't even want you anymore. By the way, I hear Habs fans are offering 24-hour Kovy Support for those nights he drives you all nuts.

Carbo! Carbo! Carbo!
stfu.

It does feel good to vent every now and then.

[Addendum - because I thought of some more but forgot about them last night. I happens when one is in vent mode]