Habs 5, Leaf 2: Bite me

AIR GUITAR!

Harlem Shake is the Leafs' goal song.

Gorges is retweeting some chatter about someone wishing he were hotter than he is.

And Price is tweeting about Duck Dynasty.

Hockey jumped the shark.

Do I need to remind you Michael Ryder is a Hab again?
- You know what sucks? THIS FUCKING SLUSHSTORM.
- Why the flying fuck is Colton Orr playing 15 minutes? With Kadri? With more ice time than Kessel and JVR? Oh right, Carlyle thinks goons = wins.
- It's because of that, Mike Douchechops Brown's hit from behind on Gorges was a 5 and a toss instead of a 2. Yes, I think he was tossed simply to send a message to the bench to quit their shit now.
- Once again, Dion Phaneuf goes after things smaller than him and runs from Prust. But really, Gallagher doesn't give a crap who you are, he will skate through you and will usually end up under your goalie in the net.
- Which prompted a hilarious thing! CTV's Brian Wilde mentions a prayer for Gionta to teach Gallagher how to avoid dangerous situations. I totally disagree with this, as this is not in Gallagher's DNA. And anyway if you've watched Gally play most of his hockey life, teaching him to avoid danger is ridiculous and would kill his game (in any case, he knows what he's doing). Long story short, my disagreeing with his statement prompted Tennis Man to bite my fucking head off for being "contrarian on every bloody thing", of which I politely did not appreciate and clarified I'm merely disagreeing with his statement because Gally can take care of himself thank you very much. Plus, teaching him to go do the complete opposite of what made him an NHLer? Yea that's smart... In any case, he has deleted his side of the small exchange and probably blocked me like the insecure twat he appears to be. It's called a Twitter exchange. Deal with it or get off. (ie, Bite me).
- By the way, the Phaneuf hit on Gallagher? Gallagher stayed on his feet while Phaneuf tumbled over. Remind me who knocked Georges Parros on his ass in Florida? OH YEA, Gallagher.
- Still, some progress: Scrivens didn't attack Gally this time.
- Both goals against were total fails in coverage. You just can't stop skating guys...
- So Patches gets two glorious chances on the 5 minute major, misses both (including an absolutely abandoned net). PK breaks his stick on a shot, Scrivens bounces the rebound off Patches' leg and in. Typical.
- Though Patches made up for it on a Kovalev-esque shot after little DD out-muscled Phaneuf to get him the puck. (Suck it Phaneuf).
- Penalty shot: denied. Maybe next time Grabs should try biting the puck.
- Somewhere, Tyler Bozak is still bitching about losing the faceoff clean to DD on Gally's goal. YOU LOST THE DRAW. Deal with it.
- Every time I saw a Habs goal, I saw JVR float by after it. It was the only time I noticed JVR, really.
- When Emelin scores, I get real happy.
- And Gionta adds the rare empty netter for free wings!

So, Gallagher gave Ryder his number back and took his old 11 on. Happily took his number 11. Then again, Gallagher is basically synonymous with happy.

Suck it Leafs.

Back in time

Clearly it's Emelin's fault.

Habs just traded Erik Cole to Dallas for Michael Ryder and a 3rd round pick. And I don't know what to make of it.

On one hand the contract deals are fine. Cole has two years left, Ryder is up this year. On the other hand, the minute Bob Gainey went back to Dallas, Ribs and now Ryder are out. Hmmm...  And on my secret OTHER hand, well, Ryder isn't as physical as Cole, but scores just as much.

Upon entering my parents house to pick up my dog, my brother told me to hide the booze. Surely Ryder has grown up...right?

Though all bets are off if I see Mickey Ribs back or Pierre Dagenais crawl out from under his Federal League rock...

But the most important issue is: Does this mean Gallagher has to give back the number 73? All those new t-shirts already printed and sold...

Habs 1, Sens 2 (SO): ALL YOUR POSTS ARE BELONG TO US

McKayla is unimpressed by your goalposts.

That 8-foot goalie the Sens want to trade, Ben Bishop, and his mighty posts were the story of the game. Not much else you can do. Though I can say I am happy the Habs bucked the usual trend of what happens after Price picks up a 3-0 shutout (ie, they usually get shutout in the next game).


Picking up the point is important though. Take all you can get.

AND WILL SOMEONE SHOVE THAT CHRIS NEIL TROLL BACK UNDER HIS FUCKING BRIDGE PLEASE?

Now if you excuse me, I have some arts and crafts to do.

Habs 3, Rangers 0: Are you not entertained?

Is this not why you are here?

Awww Torts. You mad, bro? Or just upset your "supposed to win the Stanley Cup" team has the collective shooting accuracy of Chris Higgins?

And let's not kid here. The Rangers had the first period. They were pretty much in control, taking turnovers, blocking the Habs from coming up the ice at all to the point the Habs had 1 shot on net for most of the period. I mean Cube gave the Komisarek Special (saved by Price). Then I come back from walking Toaster, and it's 1-0 Habs. From there, looks like his team (save a few players of the lower-6 variety) packed up and played out the rest of the game with what looked like a "better luck next time" mentality.

Oh and he benched Marian Gaborik. Gold star, Torts. No goals for you!

Maybe Torts should ask new Als coach Dan Hawkins for advice.
- By the way, play Biron, play Lundqvist. Either way, Rangers kryptonite is the Bell Centre.
- I'm so happy Lars Eller has LINEMATES. Cole and Galchenyuk have given him something he didn't have since Andrei Kostitsyn was taken away.
- Sorry, if you think Pacioretty's hit on McDonagh is suspension worthy you're off your rocker. No, he didn't leave his feet. The blood was from McDonagh's visor. And what the fuck McDonagh DON'T TURN YOUR FUCKING BACK AFTER MAKING EYE CONTACT.
- Also Akim Aliu just did the same hit, but actually FLEW into Stoner in this Flames/Wild game and didn't even get a penalty (even though it should have been charging). Probably because Stoner is a big man who didn't turn stupidly.
- That said, Patches is a Hab. Shanabingban will probably bow to the Rangers and suspend him. (Even though the fucking Luke Schenn hit on Gallagher was way worse).
- Lucky for Luke Schenn, Gallagher was back. That first shot on net was thanks to his hard work.
- Carey Price finally knows what it's like to play for the Blues with the easiest shutout of his life.
- I prefer that second unit powerplay, thanks.
- Bronze that passing play. Keep the tapes for future references. Non-stop passes. Galchy, PK, Cube (?), Eller, with Cole standing around in the front. GOAL.
- Apparently Cole claims to get him going, he needs to be abused on the ice. Crosscheck him. Slap him around. Hit him into the boards. He wants it.
- Guess it worked. I don't remember him getting hit though.
- Galchenyuk has the ability to make something really good out of absolutely nothing.
- Lars Eller enjoys pissing off Torts.
- Torts should be happy. With a 5-on-3 at the end of the game, the Habs put out Ryan White, Colby "WHATPUCKWHERE" Armstrong and Travis Moen. And they almost scored.
- And with the game all but over, Girardi blocks a PK rocket right on the ankle. High probability that's broken.
- Guess we really know who's the worst of the two teams.

Weird factoid of the night: My Star Wars shirt is on a winning streak. Seriously.

May the Force be with you.

Habs 3, Islanders 4 (OT): Gained a point, lost a point

Much like the Habs, I don't really have the energy to recap this one so I'll just let the Islanders walk all over me and write it themselves.

Suckers! You might be first in the East for now (and well, still are, for now) but we know your weak spots. It's those Russians who can't keep up with our speedy forwards and your coach's inability to realize that Tavares and PK are best friends and would love to cancel each other out. Check the ice time sheet. HIS NAME IS PK! Thank you for not playing him on the PK so we could score two goals easily. That Diaz guy? He's like the equivalent of a prairie dog when he plays the penalty kill, of which he did for 3 minutes and 10 seconds. Hilarious.

You know what else is hilarious? Max Pacioretty. I mean, did you see that? He had a hat trick on his stick with a wide open empty net and still managed to shoot the puck into Nabby! We all bowled over with laughter on that. And that two-man advantage you guys got when everyone was getting free hooking penalties? Again, I know we're glad someone burned the tapes from last year because you guys didn't use your clutch shooter...named PK. Instead we saw that Diaz-Markov pairing that shit the bed most of the game. Guess it means nothing when PK helped set up the first powerplay goal you guys scored on us early.

We loved your shitty coaching decisions. Makes our mafia guy look like a genius.

  Thanks. At least they weren't wearing those shitty 3rd jerseys.

Meanwhile... Carey Price wins the internet.

Habs 3, Rangers 1: No puck for you

I guess the Habs are a good team. I mean for one, they didn't shit the bed like they normally do at MSG on the tail end of a back-to-back game.

Naturally you could just watch the game on fast-forward for the best effect. I don't have that fancy PVR stuff so I get to watch it in real-time. Sure, it was no classic. But it was a win, with two points, while the Leaf lost, and the Habs are--as of now--first in the conference.

Call it a boring road game. A neutral clogger. Call it "bad" all you want. The game actually got Torts to construct a full sentence in his post-game press conference so it couldn't have been THAT terrible.

I can honestly say I find the Rangers kind of boring. All they do is shot block you to death... It's like Jacques Martin hockey with a team you know could actually pot a few goals but won't 'cause their coach told them to shot block forever. Besides, I thought they were supposed to win the Stanley Cup.

Sometimes you have to win boring.
- Hey! Third game in a row Habs were the better faceoff team. Clearly the Russian meteor had an effect world-wide.
- I mean CLEARLY the Habs waited for their chances and gave little to the Rangers, which is why the Habs got only 17 shots while they gave up 25.
- Because clearly the Rangers didn't take advantage of Cole and DD shitting the bed after a delayed penalty where everyone but Price stopped playing.
- I guess it's ok that Cole and DD made up for the shits by helping create Pacioretty's first real goal of the year. And I could hear the Official Pacioretty Cheering section under the empty din of MSG.
- WHO LIKES ICING?
- I prefer my icing on cupcakes.
- Yesterday, Pleky got Cam Ward in the head. Tonight PK rocketed Lundqvist.
- Later, Pleky and PK combined into a goalie.
- Galchellerusty combined for the best 3-on-1 practice drill. Galchy get the goal and Eller asploded into a giant ball of laughter.
- Combined with trademark Torts facepalm.
- The Rangers were losing. Cue Rangers powerplay. Thankfully their powerplay was still worse than ours.
- Diaz decided to show us that Swiss military training with his Swiss precision on the long shot empty netter.

Random picture of Diaz and a mutant pineapple.

Wondering what tonight's media excuse will be... The refs were a non-factor. The Rangers showed up. The road-weary Habs walked in and grabbed two points off their potato field-like ice. Price proved all those bad games at MSG were either pre-renovations or just the general HABS FUCKING SUCKED EVERY BACK-TO-BACK THERE. Either way, it may just be for tonight but the Habs are first in the East.

Stick it on the fridge.

Habs 3, Whalercanes 0: Double shutouts

Clearly the Habs were waiting for me to come back from my (STUPID RAGE-Y) condo association meeting to pour on the goals in the third... That's for waiting, guys! But really, if you had a leak in your apartment for 3 years now and supposedly had mold forming and water coming in wouldn't you allow the builder who offered to fix the problem for not 30k to...fix it? RAGE. Crazy annoying people upstairs fix your damn apartment already before coming to us with demands! ARGH.

And I come to pick up Toaster at my parent's house, at 9pm, and no one has walk the dogs... Seriously. Without my mom those two guys would starve, wear dirty clothes, and forget to breathe.

Anyway. Thanks to Cam Ward for the biggest Toskalol in Max Pacioretty's favour.
- Seriously. I suggested Patches would end the season with nothing but assists when THAT happens. Even Toaster was confused.
- I missed Galchenyuk getting a roughing penalty. I have to see this.
- Speaking of Galchenyuk, stickhandles on a dime.
- I see PK threw his backwards asschecks around. The best kind of checks.
- Pleky tried to decapitate Cam Ward on his goal. The best kind of Czechs.
- Whalercanes were red hot, also riding a 3 game win streak. Well....
- Save of the game goes to Carey Price, from the bench, putting him at 100% on the night as well. And saved Marc Denis' pretty face!

- Bobby Dollas thinks it would have gone through Denis' legs anyway.

- Kirk is Work! But the rest of his team forgot about it.

- I wanted to give Budaj a hug on his first shutout in years. Congrats!

Off to New York. Why do the Rangers always get the Habs at the tail end of a back-to-back? So not fair...

Habs 4, Flyers 1: A week of wins

Exactly a week after the bull of shit we saw against Toronto, where the Leaf apparently won the Cup (not saying which Cup...maybe a Cup of Coffee), somehow the Habs won 3 in a row and bounced up to 2nd in the Conference. But lo! The Leaf hath defeated the reeling Senators of Ottawa, who just lost their best "defenceman" to a tendon slice. Andrei Markov sends his sympathies.

Though Philly has some excuses for their Buffalo of a record. An incompetent GM who gets praised for trading players he probably could use right now just so he could overpay a goalie who masqueraded his abilities behind a team no one gave much of a shit to play against (and were ok defensively). Coupled with injuries. And more trades of a budding power forward for a piece of shit defenceman (IF GALLAGHER IS INJURED BRING ME THE HEAD OF LUKE SCHENN) no one really wanted. Coupled with more injuries. Hey, Clod Geerou can't do it all. Can't wait for Holmgren to trade him this summer.

That light you see is Mike Richards and Jeff Carter reflecting the sun against their Stanley Cup rings sending signals of thanks and lol across the country to his office window.

Do not play unless you're below this line
- Until the 3rd period, no one above 5'8" scored a goal. Though a shrivel of critics in this city believe Pleky is below that line...
- Yes, for the first time in a while we saw something from DD and some chemistry from his line of the day. Of course then his wingers go down. However, I'll remain cautious to the fact DD has now "shown up" once ever week or two and remains fairly consistent with last year in regards to his weak performance on the road (shootouts don't count)... This new inconsistency, and the fact he's below the chin-line, does not warrant a long-term contract. Sorry to the Cranky Franky Gagnons of the world. You don't have to be a member of ENGLISH MEDIA (as he so charges) to realize the fact he's got no future on this team considering his size in relation to the fact we've got too much of his size, and he's on the wrong side of 25. And there are centers coming up in the system that can do plenty more (Kristo, Vail, Bournival, etc).
- And no, Cranky Franky Gagnon. We will not trade Plekanec or Eller to make room for him either. Put your pompoms away.
- (Of course, if they do trade those guys away, the collective facepalm from actual fans who care more about wins/abilities over place of birth/language will blow the Bell Center on it's backside).
- Price was sick with the shits (stomach flu), so Budajbar came in. The haters immediately coined this as a loss and probably went out for dinner. Who needs you!
- The haters obviously forgot neither goalie for the Flyers could be considered "solid", nor a "starter" for that matter. Tonight we had Bouuuuuuuuucherrrrrrrr.
- I was also told that Clod Geerou would "light it up". He did nothing of the sort. In fact, the only thing he did was sting the back of Emelin's leg. Actually for some reason he was after him all night... You don't like Russians?
- Yes, get your goal out of the way, Briere.
- PK Subban had the save of the game after Budaj temporarily believed he was able to play the puck like Carey Price and wandered behind his net. PK dove in front for the save, stinging his arm in the process. Keith Jones then accused PK of being selfish, believing he only did that to get attention. I really hope he was being facetious, but I somehow have my doubts.
- Am I the only one who thinks Pacioretty will end the season with nothing but assists? Team player!
- I'm fine with the Habs getting trapped in their own end, so long as they spend those 5 minutes keeping the puck along the boards. It might not be exciting hockey, and might be rather frustrating, but it's efficient...
- For a moment in the 3rd, Pacioretty did his best Erik Cole and drove to the net down the wing. Timonen held him up and Pacioretty fell on his skate. A "deep cut" by the ribs for Pacioretty that healed 3 weeks ago.
- You know Armstrong, that puck hitting you in the eye wouldn't have been a problem if you had a visor on.
-  Rene Bourque twisted the knife by being clobbered on a breakaway to the empty net. Automatic goal.


Alright. Another week of work ahead. Habs hanging on to a playoff position and creating a fair amount of buffer should they need that cushion later in the season. Let's just hope the injuries that happened in this game aren't big ones...

Habs 1, Panthers 0: We need more Galchenyuks

How does one make a dull game that looked more like a day at the practice rink and turn it into a win? Take one 0-0 tie to overtime, add one Alex Galchenyuk, put a little bit of muscle as he powers his way to the net, send a pass over to the slot, hope it bounces off a flailing Shawn Matthias, and as the chaos unfolds watch Rene Bourque baseball swing the puck over Jose Theodore.

And that's about it, because nothing else really happened all game. In fact, I spent most of my time wondering what back breaking stupid shot by Filip Kuba will bobble it's way off 50 possible candidates and into the net to end it. A couple of saves on both sides, and a lot of flash from PK, but other than that, a barnbummer. In fact, Canadiens Express can just play the OT and be done with it.

Florida sweep! Oh and Habs traded Ced for Tokarski. Our small goaltending pool just got extra adorable. And punchy.

Habs 4, Bolts 3 (unnecessary SO): You kill me

Habs won. I threw things at my TV and cursed Therrien because he refuses to extract his head from his asshole (and Price was run on that 2nd goal but for some reason random goalie interference is OK when the puck goes in the net now).

I'm so angry at the decisions he has made recently--namely involving PK Subban NOT playing key important moments of the game like an important penalty kill or an OT powerplay, or how DD gets carte blanche while Lars Eller ON THE FOURTH LINE has points and work ethic coming out of his wazoo--that I can't properly recap this game.

So I'm posting this video of goats yelling like humans (brought to my attention by Wrap Around Curl). This is my recap.

Yup.

Habs 0, Leafs 6: A recipe

Why stop at just chomping on Pacioretty's arm, Grabovski, when you could clearly eat the whole team. Allow me to cook up a recipe for you.

Montreal Canadiens Cupcakes
- 24 Cups
- 12 Forwards
- 6 Defenceman
- 1 Goalie
- 1 Peel of Tim
- 3 Sprinkles of idiocy
- 2 Cups of Coaches
- 4 Bags of bad line combinations
- A handful of misconducts
- 3 fighting majors
- 10lbs of difference
- 1 shot to the knees
- Add sluggishness to taste
- A splash (or two, or three) of rum

Preheat TV at 633, or 606 en maudit anglais.

In a mixer, gently blend all of the above. Pour it into the cups.

Bake for 3 hours of suck or wait until it's really bad. Don't bother transferring to a cooling rack. Just BITE!

Meanwhile...
I'm told the Leafs just won the Cup. My super secret spy hamsters captured this image of it's presentation.

Drink up.

Habs 4, Sabres 5 (SO): I got a few things to say

I'm sorry. I can't even be angry with Ryan White.

Oh yes I've heard the "Ott is a master prick and did his job, White should have controlled himself better". All game long Ott was going after Gallagher, after Markov, after Gionta...kind of like that game in Dallas when he went after Kovy and Koivu and Greg Stewart punched him in the face. Only in that game, Price was the goalie and the penalty killers did their job.

Which brings me to this point: Maybe your penalty kill unit should have a guy named PK Subban on it? I don't know why he magically disappeared from the kill tonight. Having PK out there killing penalties for basically 46 seconds does not help your cause, especially in a back-to-back game. And yea Diaz had a good game. But seeing him channel his inner Hal Gill on a 5-on-3, while heroic, is not something you want to see regularly. Guess who was out there killing White's penalty? NOT PK.

It would also help if Budaj knew what a goal line stand was... Or how to close his giant 5-hole. Or use his glove to freeze the puck instead of allowing the puck to fly off him wildly in random directions.

So go ahead. Blame Ryan White for doing what all you fans were crying about, how no one ever stands up when douchnozzles take liberties on our players. Go ahead and ignore the fact that every time the Habs scored, DD's line was put out there and totally zonked out allowing the Sabres to score one right back. Go ahead and ignore the wet noodle attempt to kill the clock with the empty net staring in their face. Because you do not put your faith on Tim Peel to call Steve Ott for pitchforking Budaj into the net to allow Vanek to score. Because Tim Peel is a big twat.

Also would it kill you to win a faceoff? This team's most glaring wart. The other wart being how bad Desharnais and Cole have been. Pacioretty is starting to catch the suck bug.

In the future, Habs should send Galchenyuk out for all three attempts in the shootout. Just switch the jersey every time. My how big you've suddenly grown, Gionta!

Speaking of Gionta, he took a really stupid random penalty in the middle of the 2nd period that I can only describe by this photo....

Meow, bitches!

Habs 1, Bruins 2: Two minutes for falling asleep

I really wish the media would stop hyping a Habs-Bruins game as Fight Night.

Besides, so long as Adam McQuaid declines the invite from Brandon Prust after a scrum in front of the net, there won't be much of a fight night.

However, other than the first two minutes of the 3rd period where Pleky, Markov, Emelin and about the laziest example of backchecking I have ever seen courtesy of Rene Bourque all collectively shit the bed, there's not much to really be overly critical of. Well, and Desharnais being crap on faceoffs. And missing, somehow, a goal that even Rask thought went in. Seriously how the fuck do you miss point-blank through the goalie's legs RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE NET?

Oh and Pleky's breakaway to...whatever that was.

If I had a dollar for ever squandered opportunity...
- I could have bought the Coyotes by the 2nd period.
- Eller shot Price in the balls in warmup. Price was not happy. But he plays better when he's pissed off.
- Can we please stop with the Molson Cup ceremony? It's such a awkward thing...and totally not "team concept".
- Weird stat of the night: The takeaway/giveaway thingy favoured the Habs.
- For you SIZE people: Habs outhit the Bruins. I think Cube delivered the better non-Emelin hit too.
- Personally, Galchenyuk doesn't need to be as protected as MT thinks he should be. You can literally watch him adapt to a situation right in front of your eyes. And his battle backcheck with Lucic was rather epic.
- PK SCORED HIS FIRST GOAL OF THE SEASON AND DID THE JOEL THINGY. Bet MT will put an end to this one quickly. Also, has a point in every game he's been in so far.
- First to jump into PK's arms in celebration: One very happy Markov.Obviously it was in spite. I could see the Hate, PJ Stock.

I knew he would do this.

- Gallagher is just fearless.
- I'd say Armstrong is useless, and then he ran over Gregory Campbell and I instantly loved him. Then I went back to thinking how I miss Tom Kostopoulos, who had better hands.
- Did we magically get hybrid no-touch icing? The ref blew the whistle before any player touched it, and two Habs were pretty damn close to winning the battle.
- Lars Eller needs more ice time with actual players. When even the L'Antichumps see this you know it needs to happen. But it'll take a quick swing to the ankle's of David Desharnais to get him on that line... (No I'm not going to do it).
- Bright side: Neither Spooner nor Hamilton scored their first goal ever.
- Not Very Bright Side: I pity those of you who had McGuire. The McSplooge over Hamilton must have filled the screen.

Clearly Habs marketing staff not part of the "team concept"

Can't say this was disappointing, other than the fact they lost. And when they both play actual hockey, not UFC, they really aren't that far apart from each other. All it took was two sleepy shifts by the guys who were arguably the Habs best players since the start of the season for the game to turn. But they didn't shrink away after it. They regrouped and tried to get the game back. Sometimes you drive to the net and the puck goes in (like Krejci). And sometimes you drive to the net only to lose the puck in your feet.

To Buffalo.

Habs 2, Sens 1: Little help from not-friends

Sens coach Paul MacLean is not pleased.

The NHL is a joke league with bush league officiating.

From calling "boarding" on Gorges as he went for an icing and got there first and got hit, to the "diving" penalty call on Cube when he had the fucking stick between his legs, to the "goalie interference" call on Silfverberg that recalled what should have been the game tying goal... Hell even Price was shocked that was called back.

You're one year too late in repaying us for all the shit you pulled last season, refs.

Brian Pochmara has outdone Chris Lee
- CBC now has Karlsson Cam! Oh and there was a game going on somewhere behind that.
- Guimauve had the "flu".
- Meanwhile, Pacioretty had his appendix removed through his navel and the only thing that pissed him off about it was that it gave him an outie. (Yes, the less invasive surgery takes less time to heal from. It's not like they sliced him open and stapled him back together).
- Welcome back assist too!
- Erik Cole backhander! PK has two assists now.
- If the Habs would stop shooting for the moon, it wouldn't have been this close...
- And Bourque borked the post.
- Chris Neil needs a punch to the face. Or a puck. I don't really care.
- And in the department of bad reffing, there's bad offsides! The Sens had three non-call GROSSLY offside attacks, while the Habs were called back on one that was onside. And Pleky was going to kill that linesman.
- Also probably the same douche who keeps throwing him out of the faceoff circle.
- I daresay we may finally have a coach who can talk to the refs about their shit officiating.
- Ref even gets in the way of breakaways.
- I name thee Galchenkov.
- Watching Prust kill the clock near the end there was great.
- Could have used a few curlers to get that empty net. Damn you friction!
- PJ Stock: "The small guys are able to make themselves small". WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!
- Kevin Weekes was attempting to explain things to PJ Stock. Next time I suggest bringing crayons. Maybe puppets. Lego would work too.
- Can't believe CBC gave Karlsson one of the 3 stars. He had no points and was a -1. Maybe it was for the 5 montages they made for him.
- Glad I didn't watch this on Sportsnet with the condescending Denis Potvin whine. It's not a fine vintage.

Habs have an insane record on Super Bowl weekend. Right now, looks like the Harbaugh with the Habs gloves on is winning.

(Note: He won).

Habs 6, Vanek 1: Free Buffalo Wings

PK is back! And his skate had it out for him in the first period. But once that was fixed, you could see just how good this team is with him. And an assist in his first game back thank you very much.

Other than PK, today's game was billed (locally) as Grigorenko VS. Galchenyuk! The two players Habs could have drafted but only could have one! How will this look? How will they perfom? Who will get more points? Build up, controversy!

...and Grigorenko may as well have not been playing.

As for Galchenyuk? He OWNED.

Ryan Miller discovered 2 Gallys are better than 1

Steve Ott is still a douche
- The "New Look Sabres" were supposed to be scary. Or that's what I was TOLD because of that shitstorm in Boston.
- I can say, as a fan of the Blackhawks, that John Scott is fucking useless. You will learn to understand this, one day. Just like how the Rangers did.
- Do you like Rene Bourque now? When he's not drawing penalties, he's crashing the net. Two goals!
- You see the difference with PK. He's our only D capable of matching the speed of say Cody Hodgson running full steam on a breakaway as Kaberle does his best impersonation of a wet noodle.
- THE KIDS! Highlight reel stuff. With a little help from Ehrhoff.
- First time Ryan Miller was pulled in a game against the Habs.
- First time since like 2008 (or 2009) the Habs scored this many goals on them. Maybe Lalime was in nets.
- HEY THERRIEN! IS LARS ELLER PLAYING INTENSE ENOUGH FOR YOU?! All it takes is a little bit of ice time, and a flying chance.
- DD did things right today! TWO GOALS. But those penalties negating powerplays........
- We had 3-on-3 hockey. And it was awesome.
- It would have been awesomer if Pleky, who literally walked up to Enroth, would have scored instead of shoving the puck into him...
- Funny how PK hits 6'8" John Scott, and Scott throws a punch at PK, gets a penatly while Cube (all 5'8" of him) comes to PK defence (PK stopped him).
- My biggest problem was Diaz's inability to stay calm and hold the blueline. That was like a vintage Hamrlik fuckup....
- Prusty vs Ott. Ott tried to get Gallagher to fight him first. Still a fuckwit.
- Ott went after Gallagher with a minute left in the game too...
- Lindy Ruff's face turned many shades of red.
- My nemesis Cody Hodgson didn't score for once!

Perfect for SuperBowl Weekend: Free Wings! Would have been cool if there was say A TRIPLE LOW FIVE celebrating this awesomeness....

The Day Fun Died

Look! The Habs are saluting their crowd!

With the (sad, disappointing, useless, uptight, ageist, douchey) news that MT2.0 has from this day onward banned all future Triple Low-Fives as performed after a hard fought victory with great excitement and happiness by PK Subban and Carey Price, I've discovered--thanks to my super secret hamster spies--a list of the other "team concept rules" MT2.0 has pinned to the locker room cork board.

- All pink shirts are banned (coach exempted). As is Aaron Palushaj's plaid suit if he ever finds himself called up (or healthy). No cowboy suits either, Carey.
- Any excessive forms of happiness are banned. Brendan Gallagher is seriously pushing the envelop but we understand he may have a condition known as chronicus smilus syndrome. It may be infectious...
- PK Subban's mix tapes are banned from the locker room.
- If you find Nathan Beaulieu's mix tapes, burn them.
- Goalies, if you manage to win a rare nail biter of a shootout, you are banned from striking a pose. It might put sand in the vaginas of your manly opponents.
- There is no I in TEAM. There is however TAME.
- When you score a goal, please submit a written apology to the goalie you scored on and forward a duplicate to his teammates/coach.
- An updated list of preset answers are available in your 2013 playing manual. Do not go off script. This includes badly handled responses that will result into media controversies.
-  All photos and films shall be done in black and white. We're trying to bring back tradition by going back in time.
- If you have a problem containing your personality traits, we'll have Dr. Mulder poke at your frontal lobe.

The War on Fun has come to town.

RIP Triple Low Five 2010-2012

Habs 1, Sens 5: Roadkill

Do everyone a favour and don't drive down the 417.

So what happened tonight? Well, I spent much of the game walking my dog so I'll recap the game with pictures.

We had lots of annoying penalties.

Yup.

Yup.

Habs 4, Jets 3: Find a way and win

Remember that clusterfuck of a game in Edmonton with the millions of stupid calls and Yakupov's heroics saving the game? We just got a taste of that. But no sliding across the ice to land in prayer on a game tying goal. Instead, the Gallys took over the game and saved this team from what would have surely been a loss last season.

Four in a row.
- I do not, will not, ever not give a fuck about Perry Pearn. Good bye.
- Habs/Jets (Threshers) games tend to be weird. Tonight was weird and wonky. Could have easily gone 7-8.
- Dear PK, you have no idea how much the PK is missing you. Also every D outside of Markov/Emelin ae starting to show their warts, and Gorges could really use you next to him. Can't get back soon enough.
- Price had a better 3rd than the first two periods. Especially with the zero clean up in front. Good thing for him, he's not playing tomorrow.
- Good thing for him Gorges is a pretty good goalie too.
- DD is still sucking. Tonight they tried Prust, Gally, Galchy, Moen, Youppi. Seriously, you're running out of options. Apparently Patches doesn't need you (though we know this already) but rather the other way around. And even then nothing is working.
- Am I the only one who thinks Gallagher looks like a micro Channing Tatum?
- Off the schneid: Bourque finally didn't shot for orbital sattelites! And Erik Cole collected a gift from the Gallys.
- Honestly, I thought they were playing Lacrosse half the game...
- Did you know 27+73=100?

By the way, RDS math.

- Prust says he was hit from behind and fell down. Apparently that's now a penalty.
- Though you have to admit, it was funny seeing everyone go after Antropov. Like, don't piss off the dwarves!
- That call, however, made my dog vomit.
- Markov and the powerplay = Norris, Masterton, Hart. All the accolades!
- Ron Hainsey scored a goal for the Habs.
- Gally had a goal and assist with the least amount of ice time on the whole team (about 9:22). He knows how to compensate.
- Emelin says привет! Kane does not approve. Boohoo.
- The last 30 minutes killed me.

Taking 8 of 10 points so far? Excellent. Keeping the Gallys? Excellent. Best players on the ice. We'd be lost without those crazy kids. Onwards to Ottawa!

Guess what?

Boom!

OK, well I'm glad this is over. I am NOT happy we get to go through this all over again very soon. Which also means I'll be punching people in their offer sheets.

Just in time too because Markov played almost 30 minutes last night.

Now go, young man. And may you absolutely flatten someone on your first shift.

Habs 4, Devils 3: The Markov Process

This is not Andrei Markov

Andrey Markov was a Russian mathematician with a crazy beard who helped develop the theory of stochastic process, particularly those aptly referred to as Markov Chains. Don't ask me how to tie this to hockey. I studied art not math.

Andrei Markov is the reconstructed Russian defenceman of the Montreal Canadiens who developed the ability to not give a damn about errors in overtime (but will bitch about them if they prove costly) and score game winning goals. Also I don't think he can grow a beard.

I HATE THE FUCKING DEVILS
- But wait! What was that?! Actual exciting back-and-forth h...h...hockey?! I swear I think I even saw the Devils players enjoying themselves while their coaches got super uncomfortable.
- Then again, the Habs scored two goals in the first period. This is like foreign territory for the Devils.
- Ryan White, guys. Ryan White! BAMF!
- Gallagher's first NHL goal was so beautiful, the video and a photo of the moment was whisked over to the Habs Hockey Hall of Fame!

- OK it wasn't, but it should! Gally Squared!
- Lost in all this fun was the Double Giontas...
- And Pierre Gauthier was back, scouting for the Hawks...
- You know who pisses me off? Patrik Elias. If that goal had sound it would be BOING.
- Naturally the fun we had in the first period was quickly snuffed back to bore you to death Devils style hockey. How dare we have a good time, right?
- A Prusty goal is a pretty one! And it wasn't shorthanded either.
- Price thanked his goalposts, Siegfried and Roy, with a stick tap to Goon.
- My heart stopped seeing Kovalchuk break through on a breakaway (cherry picker). Cassé!
- The Cole Train is just warming up...
- We STILL need PK. The penalty kill is really reaching with those tiny legs in the back.
- As is the players who can't seem to skate fast enough to get that one icing that turned into a really stupid goal.
- Meanwhile I advocate no-touch icing.
- DD appears to have trouble handling anything these days, including pucks. Yet somehow Eller gets punished for it. Truly fascinating.
- Zubrus was a fairly useless Hab, by the way.
- OK so I really don't hate Patrik Elias. I just hate him as a Devil. He's a pro and totally didn't cry about the OT penalty like most players do.
- Of course various random Leaf fans on twitter called it a dive when it was clearly a penalty. They're just upset the Leafs blow. And not just at hockey.
- I'm stunned every time Rene Bourque does something really good then absolutely misses the net. If the goal were in orbit, he'd be Wayne Gretzky.
- And I was stunned watching Markov leave the point only to make his way down to the side of the net and get replaced by Bourque. He shot it wide. Markov fixed it.

The Devils could do us all a favour and kindly fuck off back to Kansas. No one will miss them.

Well, this is good.  Doing it without Patches who had an appendectomy the night before. Oh right, Kaberle was scratched, whatever. It was ugly but they powered through it to beat an actual team that was rolling 3-0. Whatever Therrien did or fed them, keep doing it.

WOO!

Habs 4, Caps 1: No ribs for you

Ultimate poker face

What is this? This...thing called goal cushion? It was such a rarity in these recent years I don't think we know how to react to it.

It's like Markov and how everyone is remembering how he used to play. It's been THAT long. Coincidence this is coming as he's actually playing. That's the problem with this fan base: selective, short, and sometimes revisionist memory. It's already starting with regards to PK.

I was initially scared, then curious how HCMT2.0's Habs would play on the road against the Caps who haven't won a game yet. He claimed they will play their game and not give much of a crap how the Caps come out. You could understand after years of being promised things like "puck possession" and such that one would be wary of a coach's promises, Or too often the Habs would just be boring on the road. Pretty much everything the coach said was done.

Of course it helped the Caps continued to play like shit.

Somewhere Mickey Ribs is complaining about something
- Waaaahhhh.
- You could shoot Price with a poison dart and he wouldn't flinch. Actually you could probably toss a nuke in his lap and he'd knock it away to the side.
- Don't look now but I think Adam Oates' brow furrowed!
- Of course it took four (FOUR!) goals in the second period for that poker face to crack, slightly.
- Then again it could have just been the lighting.
- Markov! Pleky! Gionta! Gorges!(?)
- Incredible set up by Bourque on Gionta's goal. If this GOOD Bourque continues and BAD Bourque remains buried somewhere in the trunk of a car then no buyout for him!
- Can't say the same for Kaberle. The KaKa-Cube pairing was killing me, even when they were up 4-0. Dump him and give the money to PK.
- Only other problem in a rather perfect night was the faceoffs. Putrid. I think I only remember one win, and it was Ryan White. And they lost the puck right after anyway.
- I don't know about you but the Caps haven't been the same since they lost that playoff series to the Habs. They keep trying to change, but honestly, maybe they should just go back to their old selves. At least they were a better show...
- And stop fuxing with Ovechkin. Let him play!
- Cole takes some time to warm up, but DD still isn't good... Here's a suggestion: Put Galchy between Cole/Pacioretty and let Eller play between Prust/Gally. If it doesn't work, switch the two and see how that looks.
- Emelin was epic on the penalty kill.
- I think we have a winner! The better Swiss Mister is Diaz. Though to be fair he did play a long time in the Swiss League so he has that edge over Weber...

Ça roule...

The bottle-mic is Gallagher.

Habs 4, Panthers 1: Gally Squared

As perfect a game can be against a Florida team playing it's 3rd game in 4 nights. But I will repost that we've seen the Habs come out flying against a tired team only to shit the bed in the final 40 minutes and lose in a shootout, so I will take this victory for all it's worth!

Still. After watching Desharnais flop all over the place like he suddenly forgot how to play hockey against actual competition for now the 2nd game in a row, I hope HCMT lives up to his need to reward-sit players and for the love of god reinsert Lars Eller please! He didn't even win more than TWO faceoffs all night! Or is he still stuck on his L'Antichumps chair with a direct line to the mouthbreathers making sure le gars de chez nous is forever safe...

We still want PK!
- People may have forgotten what the powerplay looks like when Markov is on it. Even more so, I think they've forgotten what it looks like when Markov is on it with PK.
- Just like I think they've forgotten that Diaz is a sneaky point getter, not to mention a power play specialist.
- Remember when that line of Kovy-Pleky-AK46 was like the best in the League then sucked the year after? I'm getting deja vu with Cole-DD-Patches.... (Which is why I think DD needs a sit down. All about accountability).
- Carey Price has a tender groin? Or was it a goaltender groin? Because really, the guy is ridiculous.
- Kovalev looks like the opposite of the guy who had a goal and 2 assists in their first game of the season. Actually he helped out on Pleky's goal. For old times sake.
- Ryan White doesn't own a copy of the Georges Laraque Code Book. You throw a stupid hit on Josh Gorges, you get pounded. And he doesn't care if your name is Tomas Fleischmann.
- We clearly needed the extra power play/penalty kill work.
- Also that epic kill of White's misconduct, plus an extra interference penalty to Markov for an extended 5-on-3 needs to be bronzed and placed in the lobby.
- Galchy's tip was the thing Habs fans dreamed of...
- Gallagher gets his first assist on it too. And dished out a handful of hits
- Emelin wears a cage to contain himself.
- WHOberdeau?
- Really I'm just happy they finally scored goals. And scored goals on Scott Clemmensen.

New line: Prust-Galchy-Gallagher. Keep this please.

I'd like to personally thank the Florida Panthers for this extra practice game. Because I'm sure our asses are going to be kicked in Washington, who are still winless at 0-2. Then again...

The curtain rises, and Les Glorieux fall 2-1 to the Blue Foliage

Snow fell gently on a city brimming with excitement. They're back! Les Glorieux have finally been released from the dark shackles Count Bettman forced upon them. Half a season in the dark. The men scattered about the globe, some like mercenaries lending their abilities to whomever would have them, some returning to their homelands for work. Many played for charities, reminding us that no matter how high on the pedestal they rest they still remain fine upstanding citizens.

And down to the city center of sport. The Legends passed the torch, calling us to a new season. The team was joined by a bright young newcomer, the young prince Alex Galchenyuk. Tonight he would make his debut with his family watching, as Les Glorieux would fight the Blue Foliage of Toronto. A new era was beginning.

But the contest looked the same as years past. The warriors were sloppy, the defenders somewhat unsure. Missing was the fantastic young PK Subban, without question the team's best defender and future bright star but still without his contract and unable to join. The gritty muckers pounced the Keeper of the Blue Foliage, and got penalized for it. One after another, another penalty, another penalty. For most of the game, not much happened. Young Galchenyuk showed us his fantastic shot, but not much else went right for the team. We can be thankful for the work of the Keeper Price. Despite a minor tweak in his leg he was fantastic. Especially considering he was hunting coyotes only a few weeks ago. And yet despite his fantastic performance, the powers above neglected him a game star.

However Les Glorieux fell short by 1, with the Blue Foliage besting them by 2. In the first contest of the season there is much work to be done. Meanwhile the Blue Foliage are probably planning their parade already...

A quick glance around the League:
- Tthe Kings raised their crown, but fell to the Blackhawks 5-2.
- The Jets were grounded by the Senators 4-1.
- The Capitals were bewildered by Lightning 6-3.
- The Panthers chased Keeper Cam Ward and blew out the Hurricanes 5-1.
- The Winged Wheel are currently desperately trying to convince their retired captain to return as they were blasted 6-0. And Keeper Jaro made a mere 14 saves in total.
- It's currently 6-2 for the Mighty Ducks over the Canucks. Keeper Schneider was pulled in favor of Keeper Luuuuuu.

I walked into the Bell Centre and a hockey game broke out!

Oh how I missed my Habs...

And good on the people who lined up since 6am in -20 weather (but it wasn't that cold if you dressed right and the wind wasn't too bad either, unless you're me carrying a drink from Five Guys and didn't put my gloves on). They got the good seats and met a few players for their effort. Personally I just got to work early to leave early (5:30) and walked right in without a lineup.

Really didn't need to be reminded how shitty the music is in that place...
- Seriously. Did someone let Blunden troll the sound booth with a Casio keyboard? This is what happens when you put him on waivers!
- Over 17k at the scrimmage. Right away Shitsburgh is loling that they had 18k. Well that's nice, but really I have no idea how they counted. The nosebleeds were getting people, and it was fucking cold outside.
- Really don't know if Bourque's backhander works in a real game or not...
- Desharnais to Pacioretty. All sauce. Top shelf. Goalies won't have a chance.
- It's a meaningless scrimmage but Price makes 3 quick saves and robs a goal with his glove. Then laughs.
- Yes. We were booing the refs. It's all in good fun.
- After Erik Cole's lame penalty shot, the refs actually called two penalties with actual powerplays,
- And OMFG Kaberle scores his one goal for the year.
- WE WANT PK! *clapclapclapclapclap*
- And I want the little brats sitting next to me to go away.
- Emelin was wearing the bird cage since he came back. Takes a puck in the throat. Team White zooms by his fallen body for a two-on-one that Price stops but the rebound is ignored by his confused defenseman for a goal. Bastards! You killed Emelin! (He was OK).
- Fans were chanting Carey and he was saluting back. Then Budaj got some love on his side of the rink. I loves my goalies.
 - Speaking of Budaj, he's rocking a mullet.
- Shootout time! Also known as the Galchenyuk Bonanza.
- And he scores.
- Gallagher does his best Patrick Kane, and scores.
- Chants for PK in the shootout.
- Cube gets a huge welcome home cheer.
- Prust tries to do the fancy spin through the legs and fails. Gets an A for the effort.
- Tinordi is like WTF is a shootout.
- Markov celebrates his goal in a Markovian cheer.
- Well Patches broke Price. Should be ready for Saturday though.
- Was waiting for the puck to bounce off the post in the shootout and smack Emelin in the face. From the bench.
- SHOULD HAVE LET THE GOALIES GO!
- Ref actually asked Price if he could continue and he just waved.
- Prust ends the shootout, Scott Hartnell style.

Seriously. I missed my Habs. Fuck you NHL.

Riding high horses

Remember while the lockout was going on and some fans were so steaming angry they proclaimed they'd never return to the NHL once the lockout ended and we all laughed at that. Oh silly fans who are you kidding. You'll be back in droves. You'll be buying the overpriced beer and super expensive hot dogs while rocking the official team gear and booing the Bruins live.

We all knew it would happen. We're not stupid. You think I was going to stay away from my Habs? No fucking way. In fact, I've always hated the NHL. It's just unfortunate that the League my team helped create has turned into the slimy spithole of corporate lawyers and bad markets where MY team is one of the few who's helping pay the bills of those drowning money pits.

Of course there are a few who are staying true to their word. No purchasing tickets, no buying merchandise. Some will go cold turkey. Some will stay home to watch it on TV or enjoy the game at a local bar, the noted casualty of the lockout. Personally I'm not going to the Bell Centre other than to see the Bulldogs. (Yea, that free scrimmage? The end of the line will probably reach Toronto). I might take them up on the 50% off though. My t-shirts have shrunk in the wash...

But the highest of horses have come from the radio and TV media. They tut tut and chuckle, wagging their collective fingers at the fans who piled in to watch their boys practice for the first time since the lockout ended. (In Habsland, also called EVERY PRACTICE unless it's the rare closed to the public occasion). The smugness is reaching Gary Bettman levels. "Oh look at the fans, the flock of sheep! Where is your anger now?"

All this while reporting live from a desk set up all week at practice.

This after literally play-by-playing CBA negotiations since it started. A bloody PODIUM became the star of the show one night on Twitter. And lets not forget that the NHL's lockout greatly affected their own bottom line, never mind their schedule.

Of course they have a mandate to "go find news" by their bosses. But please, save us the mockery. Especially when you are also flocking back to the NHL and hanging off its every word, jumping at every twitch.

Waking up to 350 tweets

Forgive me on this because I'm currently typing with my left hand while lying on my sofa on what is officially my final day of vacation. And it's pouring rain. And Toaster is literally sleeping comfy on my right arm with his ass in my face. Oh dogs. Gotta love 'em.

With everything technically ratified last night, I went to sleep. No way was I waiting for the news that the Flyers to trade for Brian Boucher again. And PK's contract WILL GET DONE but I was pretty sure it wasn't going to happen at midnight. I did, however, go to sleep unhappy with how Louis Leblanc's been treated. No invite to camp. Fans crapping on him without even knowing one bit what's going on with him. Or how Hamilton ABSOLUTELY SUCKS this year and how Sylvain Lefebvre was indeed not the right choice for the team thus completely validating my fears that this new batch of kids will be under the guidance of a rookie coach who sticks a guys like Leblanc on a line with an ECHLer warming a roster spot and a blockhead who barely belongs on a fourth line. (And don't get me started about his apparent obsession with Stortini). Never mind the lack of powerplay time. Never mind NOT EVEN USING HIM IN A SHOOTOUT, in which they lost the game because of it. And I didn't even get to his high ankle sprain, which is obviously still a problem.

But then I woke up, late. And my Twitter feed was like trying to read the Dead Sea Scrolls of repeated information and rapid fire camp updates. And someone was live-tweeting a football game (Euro football). What a mess. Took me hours between feeding a dog, feeding myself, and throwing a ball down the hall for the dog to figure out that:

1. Gomez has been sent home to fish happily in Alaska because the Habs don't want him getting injured playing hockey and therefore wouldn't be able to use that fancy amnesty buyout. He will be put on waivers though, and once he clears, he won't take a roster spot.

2. Leblanc will be one of the Bulldogs newly invited to camp, sort of, afterall! And he should be here for the intra-squad fun time at the Bell Centre on Thursday that's going to be a riot of a mess of fans BUT I'll still try to get in if I finish work on time. Right now the Bulldogs are in fucking Abbotsford for a back-to-back game. That's going to be a mess though... Guess there's no way the AHL pauses itself for the NHL.

3. Cam Barker mysteriously has a job. Playing hockey. Now with the Canucks.

4. Galchenyuk was on the wing with Eller and Gionta (because Pleky is day to day with those ribs). And when I typed that, I first typed "Galchenyuk was on the win".

5. NO EXCUSES is now on the wall in the dressing room, and Bergevin put a carpet over the CH logo so the press will no longer be stomping on it ('cause they're stomping jerks).

So yea, hockey and stuff. Woohoo!

Voting process one and done

So the BoG voted, and surprisingly it was unanimously in favour of the new CBA. I mean I thought for sure some asshat was going to say no just 'cause he's an asshat. What I didn't need was Gary Bettman's terribly insincere apology. The only time I want to hear him speak is when he stands in front of a camera and bobbles his head into his termination speech.

Now the players just have to include their vote in the matter, which seems rather arbitrary right now. Official things need to be official!

And as the players made their way back to their practice rinks, Dave Stubbs tweeted this photo of first and only on the ice Erik Cole celebrating the end of the lockout with a skate. By himself.

Don't worry, Erik! Your friends are coming soon!

Oh right, Brian Burke was fired before the season started. Proof that Toronto just wants to one-up Montreal every time, because firing him mid-game on the 19th was so last season.

We're number....4?

 Who's number 1?

(Murray: Shaddup I didn't even get to play)

Congrats to Galchenyuk and Team USA on their Gold medal win. Congrats to Collberg and Team Sweden on their Silver medal. Russia gets Bronzed. Canada gets a delayed flight home.

Hey maybe you guys should scout up how Sweden's hockey program is creating such fantastic teams?

Oh by the way, the NHL lockout may be over and the season may start at the latest on the 19th. This is, of course, assuming everyone votes YES, the BoG don't fuck it up, and everyone can come home on time or whatever.

I woke up for the fail...

But in our defeat, we will still cuddle. Full marks to Team USA on this victory. GO FOR GOLD, GALCHY. Go back to bed, Team Canada. Oh wait, you were already there.

Happier New Year to 2013

"I don't like fireworks....."

I'm sorry but 2012 sucked. Except for Toaster!

To the supposed non-apocalyptic 2013.
- No NHL hockey yet but Canada has a pretty good shot at the WJC gold.
- May all the Bruins on that WJC roster suck royally once they're done obtaining that medal. (Sorry Malcom, but you're on the Dark Side).
- May Sylvain Lefebvre figure out that rolling the troglodytes out regularly does not help the Bulldogs score goals.
- May Zack Stortini kindly go to Wheeling (aka Hell, West Virginia. Seriously, the players live in cabins in the woods).
- May the CBC, and all of Canada, finally realize Gerry Dee is not funny.
- May PK Subban steal the job of EVERY SPORTSCASTER IN CANADA. BECAUSE HE'S FUCKING GOOD AT IT! But also manage to play hockey by night.
- Either jump off that fucking fiscal cliff already or get your fucking shit in order, USA.
- And grow a pair to get some gun control already.
- And for the love of whatever, TV shows, please stop putting Twitter comments on the bottom of the screen! If I wanted to see those I'd look for them on Twitter. Twits.
- Speaking of which, can you imagine having those silly Smart TVs that has your Twitter on one side of the TV and those fucking Twitter comments on the bottom of the show at the same time? REDUNDANT.
- May someone please clean the damn snow off these sidewalks...preferably before Spring.
- And finally may Gary Bettman go the fuck away. Forever.

Happy Holidays

From Toaster and myself, to you and yours. L'chaim!

Movie Night: Hobbitses

I really don't understand why Peter Jackson insisted on 48 fps.

For one, it didn't really add anything. It did however make me want to vomit during the opening pan over Erebor. But after that, it didn't do anything special, other than make me think I was watching a PS2 chugging on some high definition cut scenes.

Anyway, it's the Hobbit. What can I say? I wish they would release all 3 of them at once and let me live at the theatre. And follow it with the Lord of the Rings trilogy. That's about 18 hours of film in total. I got a strong bladder. Just bring me food and feed my dog.

I loved my friend's boyfriend's review of the film: JUST KILL SOME FUCKING ORCS ALREADY. For me it's FAST FORWARD TO SMAUG PLEASE. Alas we can't have it all. I think I was in elementary school when I last read the book. (It's in my bookcase right here though). I also remember bringing in the animated version to class after we were all done with it. Hilarious that I find Martin Freeman looks exactly like that animated Bilbo. He's also perfect at that "oh my god I'm going to die" face without ever saying anything to us. Tim from the Office. Now a Hobbitses.

Seeing this film was supposed to be part of my family's annual Christmas Day tradition of going out for Chinese food and a movie. Scratch that. My parents decided to go see the fucking Miserables instead (no thanks, I despise musicals on films and saw the stage one already). Considering Pacific Rim appears to be coming out in the Summer, I'm FUCKED for what to do on Christmas Day. I guess it's up to you, Doctor Who...

Yea. I was wondering the same thing...

Waiting....

WELL THIS SUCKS! IT'S DECEMBER AND YOU IDIOTS ARE STILL NOT PLAYING HOCKEY. We're sitting here waiting for you....

Happy Birthday Toaster!

Now we just need hockey to compliment that snazzy sweater.

I went to the Bell Centre and a hockey game broke out

Last night I went to the Bell Centre. For...hockey? I think it was hockey. I mean there's no other reason for Terry Koharski to referee with his eyes closed. Unless he really does enjoy walking around with a blindfold on.

Firstly, memo to fans. The Baton Rouge next to the Bell Centre? While the food is delicious, it's really expensive and the menu is completely different from the usual Baton Rouge. OK mostly I'm still annoyed the Scores on St-Catherine's disappeared!

Anyway, the hockey game. Yup. A bunch of fresh-from-Junior kids vs the Calder champions went how I thought it would. But I can't say the Lightning kids weren't anything special. Mostly just a good system, good practice on that system, and better on-ice organization. I can say that if the Bulldogs could snipe the way Quailer did for his first goal of the season, they'd have made it a game. Dustin Tokarski literally sits on his knees the minute the puck is over his blue line. And when you're not Jason Missiaen size, that's not a good idea for a goalie...

Praise be Robert Mayer and his scrambly scramble. He kept the Dogs in the game until I think he just got tired and overwhelmed. The best players not in pads for the Dogs would be Quailer and Gallagher. Those guys can FLY. But with Blake Geoffrion sent to hospital before the first period I don't think there was much else the team could do. Especially when already down one Louis Leblanc.

The other highlight of the night was Jarred Tinordi pummeling some guy who decided to pick on the most unassuming player in the world in Michael Bournival. Tinordi is a beaaaaaaast.

Boo!

Look out for one mad Chiweenie Hot Dog! Happy Halloween!

Assassin's Goalie

Thanks to this lockout, Carey Price can continue his budding acting career.

The Brooklyn Islanders

Sad. But now you can officially mothball that dump on Long Island as the Islanders take their skates to the new Barclays Center. Pretty sure the tattoo parlor will just move across the street.

Do me a favour? Burn those shit grey-dayglo-orange third jerseys please.

I am however miffed that you announced this NOW instead of negotiating with the NHLPA to actually PLAY in that new rink...

It's finally here! The season starts--OH WAIT!

I could be enjoying my Habs right now.

Instead I'm on the sofa watching Supernatural reruns and HGTV with my snuggle-puppy.

Fuck you NHL. I'm comfy. And I want my boys on my TV. Now.

Hey Switzerland...

...I AM VERY JEALOUS OF YOU! :( :( :(

Can I go spend the lockout in Switzerland?

Movie Night: Dredd

This no-hockey stuff SUCKS and Pleky is overseas dishing sweet Czech Sausage to Jiri Tlusty... So I went to see Dredd 3D in the meantime.

And with this no hockey stuff, it was strange how incredibly EMPTY the movie theatre was on a Saturday night in the middle of the Montreal suburbs... I swear 10 people were watching the film with me and that was it. There were more idiots in the Hurricane arcade machine than watching a film!

So how was Dredd 3D? It was A+ as far as super violent simple story films based on a graphic novel go. (Hey I don't care much for Oscar material. One of my favourite films ever is Cobra, you know). It sticks to it's source material fairly well, complete with keeping the helmet ON and none of this love interest crap Stallone felt he had to do. I'd call it the more practical "realistic" Dredd, like what Batman Begins is to Tim Burton's Batman. It's also one of those rare instances when someone uses 3D properly and for a reason instead of just "hey look bullets flying to your faaaaaaaaaaace". Also Karl Urban knows to keep quiet and snarls better.  But the film was basically the Raid, only dystopian future-y Dredd themed and a hundred times larger.

Of course if you don't like excessive violence, well, you probably shouldn't see it. Though watching someone go splat in super slow mo in 3D from the point of view of the pavement was something I never thought I would see and ended being an interesting new way to fade a scene. Do we call it splat to red?

Lockout Talk: Ovechkin Threats

Leave it to Ovechkin to drop the bomb we've all been waiting for: You don't like it? I go home to play, suckers.

"I said it before, before I sign a contract, if the league decides to cut our salaries and cut our contracts for what they want, I don't know how many guys will be coming back. We signed contracts before so why do they have to cut our salaries and our contracts right now? They signed us, [now they] want to cut it. I think it's a stupid idea and a stupid decision by the NHL, [commissioner Gary] Bettman and the guys who work there."

Meanwhile, TSN roundtable fools laughed at Ovechkin's idle threats. Sorry, guys. But I completely agree with Ovechkin on this. The fact the owners allowed their teams to throw huge money to players with this malicious intent to rollback salaries 24% is complete and utter crap AND WE DON'T HAVE HOCKEY NOW BECAUSE OF STUFF LIKE THIS. How can anyone legally offer contracts knowing full well they don't intent to fulfill them? Especially in the high profiled entertainment business of professional sports.

Owners crying poor 'cause their hobby venture is sucking money? Cry me a fucking river. Maybe you're losing money on your fancy toy 'cause your team is in a shit place? (Don't forget, these owners are billionaires who make their money from other ventures like beer and Comcast. For the most part, these hockey teams are really just one giant penis contest).

Funnily enough, if Ovechkin decides to "fuck you NHL", he will be in violation of his contract and will be sanctioned by the IIHF. No owner will face any sanctions by violating the contract of the players though.

And I don't care how much money Ovechkin makes. You don't pay superstars 500 000 anymore. Maybe the owners need to get out of the 70s when they were allowed to screw their players left, right, and center. And you know which owners I'm talking about...

That's right. Suck it, Ted. We go to watch him, not you or your rich fat friends.

As midnight falls...

The NHL has officially gone into a lockout.

That's why teams signed over 200-million dollars worth of contracts in the past 48 hours under a CBA their owners apparently hate so very much despite fighting so very hard to put it in place 7 years ago. Oh and the president of the Florida Panthers was tweeting about eating frozen yogurt.

Whatever. Go Bulldogs!