Inglorious Booterds

So me, Kyle, and theactivestick are forming a group. This group will patrol the Bell Centre, looking for those gutless pukes that hide in the shadows and boo Carey Price to satisfy some sick little demon that is obviously their true form. (I picked up a few things from watching Supernatural). The Bell Centre terrorists. You know the ones who say "I pay for my seats and it's my right to boo" types? We going to chop you up into itty bitty hamster bits. Then feed you to PJ Stock.

Seriously though. What part of PRE FUCKING SEASON do you not understand?!

And here I thought those Leafs "fans" booing their team yesterday after the 100th consecutive failed 5-on-3 powerplay were morons. Nope, Habs fans got them beat as the worst pieces of turd to ever cheer for a hockey team. OK maybe those Leafs fans were worse considering they actually got their tickets for free from a contest. You're still no better than them. Here I was laughing at their stupidity and you turn around and do the same fucking thing!

You're an absolute embarrassment. And you've also pissed off the other guys on the team.

If tomorrow I wake up and hear calls for Sanford to be the number 1 goalie on this team I think it's high time to burn the Bell Center down and tell the boys "Run! Flee! Save yourselves!"

This city. This "fanbase". They don't deserve you.

Back to the task at hand:
If 50 minutes of sealegged hockey was your thing, you might have managed to see the whole point of pre-season which is see the new kids and watch the regulars slowly get themselves into game form.

- Tinordi. He is absolutely fantastic. He's also the newly minted answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything. In other words he wears 42. He also totally dropkicked a bunch of our D-prospects off the list. He was the best defenseman out there tonight. So calm, so smooth, so everything I liked about Ryan McDonagh except more fluid and can shoot the puck. Oh and his vision. If he were a tad meaner/dirtier he'd be Pronger. And he's only 18!
- Leblanc didn't look out of place once he started breathing steady. Another great prospect in the making.
- I honestly didn't even notice Tyler Seguin. I only notice the Bruins up their old MAUL YOU defence and that Horton is still fugly.
- Palushaj! Definitely on the call-ups list.
- Pouliot. He was doing things right but...there's a but... He looks like he's trying too hard...
- Plekanec involved in everything and anything and both goals. He doesn't take long to shake off the summer rust.
- Lapierre is switching between the crazy selfish Lapierre he once was and the stupid Lapierre who doesn't look where he's passing the puck. But I'm sure he'll work it out. His skating looks fine now and I like that he's always around the net. Also good job locating that Czech Sausage shorthandedly.
- Weber really needs to shoot more and really should just come out when it's powerplay time. Although holding the blueline is totally not his forte.
- Maxwell gives me chills. He looks like a young Kirk Muller (in looks only, hence the chills). He's improved. Shifty, quick, smart.
- I totally called Conboy dropping the gloves in the mid-second. He dropped someone in the first and got a lame penalty for it (should have given the Bruins one too but I see the refs are already in fine mid-season form). He's not really a fighter though...more of a hitter.
- Dumont buzzes like a bee and needs to watch those penalties.
- Pyatt is still a joy to watch. I also noticed a few Bruins trying to check him over but they just bounced off him.

Team B should be in the next game. That would be Friday against the Sens. Hi, Corey Locke!

Pre-season: Just getting warmed up

Let's make one thing clear right off the bat: pre-season hockey is essentially a glorified warmup. It's for skaters to get their stride back. It's for goalies to get back to game speed. It's for shooters to find their angles. It's for defencemen to know when it's a good time to stickcheck or hipcheck. And it's for kids or journeymen to make an impression on the coach and maybe win a few hearts in the stands or with the press. Sometimes it's the only time a kid will get to play with one of the superstars, sometimes even with one of his idols.

In this hockey sick city, people make too much of intra-squad scrimmages in who's scoring goals and who's coasting around. In this hockey sick city we sometimes forget that a season isn't determined in pre-season.

But pre-season games can be fun! They can be equally intense. Last season we had a whole new set of guys on the team and a whole new set of staff members, so that was interesting. My favourite pre-season games were the two Detroit games two years ago (except for seeing Mathieu Carle getting knocked out into another solar system). It showed us Pacioretty when he was raw and not injured from smashing into people. We saw the save of the year even though it wasn't even the year yet. We saw Guy Carbonneau wonder what the hell is up with Mike Babcock not sending out the kids in the shootout like he did but rather sending out the veterans. We saw starry-eyed Bulldogs playing with Kovalev and chasing/injuring Chelios, or just starry-eyed from stepping onto the Bell Center rink.

Because not everyone follows the Bulldogs, it's also the only chance many Habs fans will see the prospects that may or may not make their way to the big squad. This year, you'll even get to see a few players that are still in junior: namely Louis Leblanc and Jarred Tinordi. Well also get to see who's really taller between Tinordi and Gill.

So when you seat your arses down in front of the TV or in the stands, no matter what you think of pre-season hockey just enjoy it. Because I know the guys on the ice are going to enjoy it. Hockey's back!

The over-under on Team A
- Price and Sanford will split net duties.
- Who gets a letter tomorrow? Gorges, Gill, Cammy, Pleks? Pleks was very captain-like when he was leading the B-Squad in Roberval.
- Palushaj gets to play with Cammy and Pleks. Pouliot's there too but he's checking his rear-view mirror on this one.
- Ben Maxwell is misunderstood by everyone.
- I give Conboy at least until the mid-second period to drop the gloves with someone.
- Pyatt and Lapierre will hopefully remain chained together.
- You will be captivated by Louis Leblanc's eyebrows.
- I will probably laugh when Tinordi goes out there next to...anyone.
- Tinordi could probably fit Pleks and Cammy in his jersey.
- I'm already starting with the Jolly Green Giant Tinordi jokes.
- OK I'll stop.
- It's 7:30 on RDS tomorrow. Tune in and start your own Tinordi Is Tall jokes.

Number31 has one more year to reach her number

Only 7 current Habs on the roster are older than me. Even Alex Auld is a year younger than me! And yet I still feel 18. I'm trying to figure out where 12 years of my life disappeared to. (Answer: Work. And public transit. Man that's kind of depressing). Sad that no Hab is born in 1980. Actually that's kind of weird...

So while the boys where getting tortured in their medicals, I was turning 30!

Spent the evening/night with friends I haven't seen in a while because we're all so busy with work. Went to Brasserie T! which was ok but I felt like we were sitting in a fish bowl because they stuck us in the front behind the window menu. Oh, I had the best cookies EVER for dessert. Basically, the description I gave was "cinnamon clouds". Heavenly. I didn't ask for gifts but some of my friends brought some anyway. A Timmy's card and giant REAL Kit-Kat (I was complaining at the lack of real Kit-Kats, being overtaken by chunky Kit-Kats), bath salts that smell of chocolate-vanilla, and this O-Tamatone my friend Kelly got me (he's always up to speed on interesting items):

My friend Justin (who's playing the O-Tamatone) suggested to name him Terry. I can play the beginning of classic Donkey Kong on it already. And part of Iron Man.

It was a great evening, capped off with today being the start of TRAINING CAMP! That's right people! Hockey is back!!! And Lapierre just went ballistic in the first scrimmage. Actually, seems all the "designated" 3rd-4th liners got the goals today. Going to be an interesting year, I think! :)

Number31 and the Waiting Room of Doom

...CONQUERED!

Well that was fun. Now it's time to wash the puppy and hope I don't need a wetsuit.

While you were tweeting or sleeping...

Or giggling over Dan Ellis' latest freakout over twitter twats taking the piss on his tweets about "you don't know what it's like to make a million dollars and have escrow" even though he's playing for a team that benefits from the League's handouts (and is I guess essentially paying himself to play hockey?)... Pierre Gauthier and staff were still hard at work when no one was looking and finally snagged something away from Steve Yzerman for once! Well, sort of.

Ok, so it's only Jeff Halpern, who's essentially a cheaper/younger Dominic Moore/Glen Metropolit with weak knees and no speed. But who needs speed when you're taking faceoffs or standing in front of a goalie eh?

He also doubles as Steve Staios' cape!

My brother later gave me his astute observation on this signing by telling me he went to two news sources: one English, one French. English one said Halpern will help the Habs depth with his veteran status and hockey nerd attitude. The French one called him a useless bum. I've determined he's a safety who gave Habs fans something new to gripe about. And shana tova! He's a fellow Jew from Potomac (where my uncle lives). This gives the Habs as many Jews on the team as Chez Nous Boys. Waiting for Bertrand Raymond to start blaming "money and ethnics" in 5...

On a scale of 1-to-5 Floating Creepy Pierre McGuire Heads (on my McGuire Drool Factor scale), I give him a 3.

Like all things, the drama ends in an anticlimatic fashion

Two years, just like I thought he would get. At 5.5mil, it's a standard 2nd contract for a player of his type and draft position. Whether you think it's reasonable or not is moot, I can list you a bunch of other goalies in easier markets both playing-wise and tax-wise who have done less with their career yet are in or just above that same number.

And if you insist on bring up his numbers of 13-20-5, perhaps your memory needs to wake up from it's insanity. Did you know that in those 20 regulation losses, the Habs score a grand total of ZERO GOALS in FOUR of them, and in EIGHT games they scored a whopping 1 goal a game? One of them includes such terrible performances as "A Night in Nashville" where Pekka Rinne announced he could have brought his iPod, and included such hits as a 2-0 53-save performance, plus a Latendresse lulled from his nap a mere 30 minutes from warmup because Gionta's foot finally split in two. Soon after we had a game in Boston that was 1-0 Habs until Pleks lost a crucial faceoff and Spacek dumped Chara into Price's face. That one ended in a kick ass shootout victory with Angry Price giving the Bruins what for. There was also a 1-0 afternoon loss to the Sabres, in what was known as the most boringest game I have ever seen. My favourite game was the one in San Jose, where Price was showing the world THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH HIS GLOVE HAND but there's everything wrong with this team's "wait and watch" plan. But since most people watch games the same way Pat Hickey does, I'm not surprised you don't remember how he was playing while spending all your attention on your beer and only looking up when a goal was scored, not bothering to see the inbetweens until a fractured replay.

Ironically the contract talks seem to have been way more calmer than the fan frenzy over the summer. Did I not say to chill, that it will be done? No one ever listens to me anyway...

Now you can all shut up about it. Or start fretting over who the next captain will be (again). Either way, I don't care. It would be nice if the Habs could trade Hamr off the books (sorry Hamr, it's not you it's the money) and send an offer sheet to either Marc Staal or a forward like Bergfors, but Kovalchuk Watch is still going and may send Luongo and Hossa to free agency...in fucking September. A cure for all this bullshit owner vs owner crap would be to DROP THE PUCK ALREADY!

Must we do this again...?

Here we have Gilles Courteau, head honcho of the QMJHL. He's a little upset. He needs a hug. What is he upset about? Woe, the Habs are lacking in the French department. Well, when I say French I mean "Quebec". Don't tell anyone but Cornwall's Newsy Lalonde didn't really speak much French while Quebec City's Joe Malone was a pure laine to the pure wooliest of wool. But it's all in the last name, folks.

So what's wrong now? For one, the misguided Courteau believes that the Habs should be obliged (ie FORCED like everything is in this province) to walk hand in hand with the Q. He calls it a priviledged relationship, something that brings to mind the myth of the regional rights from the early days (when in actuality the real hockey players were being signed C forms from birth, for each of the 6 teams that were active at the time). He wants the Habs to enter in some kind of plan with his league's coaches and players to provide them with a means to enter the NHL. He wants the Habs to draft more bit players from his League. However he fails to realize there's more than one NHL team in the NHL, and that the province of Quebec is a mere 1% of it's existence. The small fish in a large pond that thinks it's an awesome whale.

Courteau's "priviledge plan" is rediculous, and not just because the 29 other teams in the League might not be very cool with that idea. If this is because of Simon Gagner, then he's absolutely delusional. Let me take you back to 1998 when he was drafted... The Habs DID select a "chez nous" boy from the Q, only it was Eric Chouinard who had some impressive numbers to warrant that selection but for whatever reason flatlined once he went pro. Was it his fault? Some of it was. And the Habs were horrendous back then at developing players for the next level unless they already had it in them. After all, this was during the "dark ages" which ironically coincide with what Courteau praises as the ones who DID in fact pay heavy attention to his league. So if the Habs had selected the "small" Gagner instead, who's to say that Mr. Post Concussion Sydrome would even be in the League today anyway? His own development might have gone the way of Chouinard and then right into the medical room, finishing off in Europe, and then early retirement somewhere selling cars.

Now, allow me to rattle off a list of names: David Desharnais, Gabriel Dumont, Olivier Fortier, Philippe Lefebvre, Dany Massé, Mathieu Carle, Frédéric St-Denis, Robert Mayer, and now Morgan Ellis, Louis Leblanc, plus the two goalies invited (Peter Delmas and Nicholas Champion) and some other players I forgot their names that were also invited to rookie camp. (Note, not all of them are from Quebec). Who are these players? These are the current and potential prospects the Habs have that came from the Q. The most notable one, of course, is Louis as he's the only one most likely to be a shining star. But to say that Habs ignore the Q is rediculous. And most of these guys are the bit players. Sadly what Courteau doesn't understand is that there are other bit players in the world that have a few more pounds or inches on themselves to make it past the AHL (though to him, size shouldn't matter eventhough the whole fucking fanbase was calling for bigger players). In Lapierre's case, the trio of Dumont, Lefebvre, and Massé will soon be challenging him for his job or join him on the 3rd line. However, in the coming years does a guy like the oft-injured Fortier make the team solely because it's his goddamn birthright when Danny Kristo is a much better player aiming for that same role?

So what does Courteau want? The Habs don't have time to play pretty politics with his league. They're in the business of running a franchise in a market that's larger than one province. Keep your nationalist agendas at home and away from hockey, and maybe then the talent and ability of your league's players might actually increase instead of remaining as the longshot bit playing Black Aces.

As Dryden predicted in his book, the team has a choice: to win or to be "French". I think I know which one Gauthier is hoping for, which is to win. However, Courteau and various other characters that nod and say "it's an insult" are thinking the opposite is far more important. And what are they going to do about it? Pass a typical rediculous draconian law? Call for a public enquiry? They love to waste money on those...

Hi, I'll be your new affiliation for today

ECHL's Wheeling Nailers is our new affiliation.

In the four years the Habs were affiliated with the Cyclones, they won the Kelly Cup twice and provided us with a location to grow some of our best AHL players like Russell and Desharnais. Last season there was really only Mayer and Lacroix (and Mathieu Aubin went back to them but I don't think he's on the Habs roster list anymore). The Cyclones was shared between the Habs and the Predators.

So who are the Wheeling Nailers? Well, for one, their logo is like Casey Jones meets the steelworkers. Looks like something out of a horror movie.

He'll kick your ass then pin you to the wall.

Secondly, it's a shared affiliation again. This time with the Pittsburgh Penguins. They're one of the oldest lower-tier minor hockey league teams, under a different name of course. Upon moving to Wheeling, West Virginia, the name was picked in a contest and represents the city's long history of making nails. Also can be used for many blog puns. But it's not the first time the Habs have been affiliated with the Nailers. Actually they were affiliated with the organization for NINE YEARS in another incarnation (Winston-Salem Thunderbirds). In that nine year span, the organization saw one ECHL championship, three Riley Cup finals appearances, and three Henry Brabham Cups for most regular season points. Nailers didn't make the playoffs last year and the year before got punted out by the Cyclones. Oops!

Apparently they're going to use an arena in Johnstown, PA for some games this season. No idea why. Maybe they like killing zombies.

Only person on the roster I recognize was Thomas Beauregard. Hey! So that's where he went!

A bad case of the Mondays...

Heeeere radio radio radio...

This is the problem with Montreal: everyone and their dog has an opinion on hockey and if you stick a mic on them, they think they're legit. In this case, I think the dog would have better insight than PJ Stock.

It's tough enough waking up on a Monday. Harder after you've spent the wee hours of 2-3am phoning security and then the cops on some suspicious activity happening below. And doubly harder when your crappy alarm clock radio has difficulty reaching your favourite station which hails from Vermont and plays ACTUAL music so your stuck with the terrible morning show of CHOM who decided they'd get in on the Sports scene more by firing Ted Bird and hiring former-useless facepuncher PJ Stock (who was "fired" from the actual sports station) to berate the Habs every fucking morning. His bitterness can't be cured with a morning coffee. Or maybe it's those early hours waking up that causes him to kvetch so much. Either way, it's NOT how I wish to wake up in the morning. But the fleeting chance of a traffic report or say some actual music has me stuck on this station. Also, THERE'S NOTHING ELSE unless I sleep on my sofa and set my TV to wake me up...which might not be a bad idea other than the prospect of ruining my back.

Sadly until the solar prominence, I won't be getting my Vermont station on my shitty radio (can barely get it on my car in the parking lot too...maybe my building is radioactive). And so I'll continue to wake up pissed off and annoyed as PJ Stock whispers absolutely laughable nothing into my ear. Does it wake me up? Sadly not enough to throw my radio, but just enough to anger me with a "what the fuck am I listening to and what the fuck is going on here".

Behold the latest wisdom from the insightful yet vapid mind of PJ Stock:
- The Habs lost their best powerplay point getter in Glen Metropolit.
- The Habs lost their best point getting defenceman in Marc-Andre Bergeron.
- The Habs lost their best checking forward in Dominic Moore.
- The Habs lost their best player in Jaro Halak.
- The Habs suck.
- The Habs don't have a goalie signed.
- The Habs suck so much I gotta remind you every fucking morning.
- I talk in pauses 'cause it makes me look smrt (sic) and shows I know what I'm talking about. I stole this from Obama.
- I just got owned by the traffic lady.
- The Habs suck and will suck forever. Too bad my name is engraved on that Centennial statue, assholes.
- The Habs suck so much they got a second line of Cammalleri-Plekanec-Lapierre.
- The Habs suck because they got Brock Trotter penciled in on their 3rd line.
- This opinion was so important that I had to phone it in.

For one, PJ, I'll be very impressed with Brock Trotter if he could score for the Habs on the 3rd line all the way from Latvia.

---

While I'm on the subject of RADIO PEOPLE WHO ANNOY ME...

Hey Tony Marinaro, why don't you and Jaro get a room already so you could just get this over with? Not only do you temporarily take over the best radio show in the city (Melnick's on vacation), but I don't think a day has passed where you haven't gushed in a romantic fantasy trance via a selective memory of events about the former Habs goalie. Every day it's the same damn thing! GET. OVER. IT. You're making me hate Jaro by constantly shoving this down my earlobes.

Here. Use this song and head over to the Queen E. I'm sure Gino would approve. Don't forget to bring Alan Walsh with you.

Miracle Moen

I didn't even need to photoshop this one.

Travis Moen was busy spinning Blizzards in his home town Dairy Queen (no, Gorges wasn't around as far as I could tell) for the DQ Miracle Treat Day.

Between you and me, he could fix me a Crispy Crunch Blizzard anyday.

Man on a horse

I'm on a horse.

Hey Ron Reusch! Remember him? Well, if you're a Montrealer you probably do. Looks like Roy Orbison, has that classic sportscaster voice. Now he's got a blog! He's a step up on Red Fisher hey!

Anyway, ignore his inability to understand why Ced was traded (am I the only person who knows of Robert Mayer's existence?) and have a look at his report on how Price is doing at the rodeo this summer. Team roping is the only event he's really allowed in as it's supposedly the safest. (Well, that's what Price claims). Seven seconds to take down a live steak! Nice horse, too.

Bet YOUR goalie can't rope a steer!

We have a trade!

(As read in my best Gary Bettman whinetone voice)

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a trade to announce. The Montreal Canadiens have traded goaltender Cedrick Desjardins to the Tampa Bay Lightning for goaltender Karri Ramo. (Holds finger in ear) What's that? Oh right, sorry. The Hamilton Bulldogs have traded Cedrick Desjardins for Karri Ramo of the Norfolk Admirals. (Holds finger in ear) What's that? He's in Russia for at least another year? Oh. Uh. Well. Now I'm stuck here on stage and...how about a song and dance? (Starts tap dancing).

---

Anyway, while Gary Bettman does his song and dance, Ced's off to Norfolk so Robert Mayer can back up Curtis Sanford. It only becomes a problem when Sanford gets injured, which hopefully doesn't happen but this is the man who injured himself so I won't hold my breath. Without an ECHL team affiliation, I figured Mayer would have to get into Hamilton somehow, especially considering he's got a longer deal on him. The world has been informed that former Avs 2nd rounder/recovering hip injury goalie Peter Delmas of the Halifax Mooseheads (not the beer, the hockey team) was invited to the Habs rookie camp too but where they would put him who knows! Wee~! (My guess is back in the Q somewhere).

Carey. Karri. Delmas on try-out. Auld. Habs LOVE the number 31! Where's Jeff Hackett these days?

---

OK Habs fans, that's enough excitement for one minute. Go back to sleep now.

Because the NHL says so

Not to be outdown by some basketball twerps who were obviously most likely going to end up in Miami, the NHL set about their arbitrator to solve Lou Lamoriello's experimental in-your-face-and-up-your-CBA contract, taking a few days to say "this be bad". Meanwhile, those other nefarious contracts that were under investigation a year ago but quietly forgotten about, were remembered, and are now apparently also under investigation. Pandora's Box is opened. This was the whole point behind Lou's experiment! And the NHL fell for it.

In other news, the KHL likes The Kovalchuk Contract Conundrum. *Thumbs up*

On Glen Metropolit and other things

At least I have an excuse to post this photo one more time

Metro's off to the Swiss Alps. Zug to be exact. The beautiful town of Zug. For two years. This man deserves no less. Actually, he deserves more, but it's a nice way to wind down one's career. He's happy his last team in the NHL was the Habs, and we're happy you were here Metro. I still can't find your shirt in my size (junior medium or large) dammit.

Glen Metropolit is the very embodiment of the Masterton trophy. A nomination for it would have been nice. It's too bad the media was too glassy eyed with a certain goalie who's story really isn't that uncommon...

Thankfully he can't score on us from EV Zug. However, may you win another scoring title over there, Metro.

---

Top 5 reasons why Marty Turco turned down the Philly offer:

5. Those Philly cheese steak would cause him to tip the Eastern conference scale of "fat Martys" way too much for his liking.

4. Didn't want Pronger to steal all the pucks. You know how much Turks loves pucks.

3. "Carcillo? Didn't I see you in the desert kissing a cactus?"

2. Felt he didn't want to steal Leighton's thunder because two average goalies were far too much for one team.

1. They wouldn't give him an injury curse insurance policy.

LOL of the day to: CKAC (or C-CRAP) for even pondering if Niemi could end up in Montreal. Excuse me but HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAdid you actually see him play?

---

We welcome Alexandre Picard to the fold, or to the "club of underachieving French-Canadian defensemen who will find themselves locked in the perverbial trunk that my turn into a real trunk one day". It's a two-way contract so hopefully he stays down in Hamilton and guys like Carle, Weber, Henry, Clubbertank, and any other D get called up way before him unless of course he has an ephiphany and suddenly becomes a really good 6'2" defenseman who won't lose the puck and might hit something other than the wall. I won't hold my breath. (He's all yours, Randys).

---

STOP TALKING ABOUT PRICE'S CONTRACT!!! Maybe he's busy making sure his lawn doesn't burst into flames. Maybe a bear ate the first contract so he's waiting for a new one. Maybe he's busy working out in Calgary with his cousin Keaton Ellerby (which is probably most likely since it's the beginning of August). Maybe it's just taking longer to reach him because he lost his phone and you have to hunt him down out there in the bush. Or MAYBE he's waiting until he turns 23 so he can get some unknown CBA clause thing ironed out. WHO FUCKING KNOWS! STOP TALKING ABOUT IT LIKE YOU KNOW UNLESS YOU'RE SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO HIS AGENT! And tell me why the fuck does Kari "My Back" Lehtonen deserve a 3.55 million dollar INCREMENTAL contract in practically tax-free Texas while you all seem to think Price doesn't deserve even a 2.5 million one JUST FOR DEALING WITH YOUR SHIT?

If you're still pissed off about "The Trade 2.0" go cheer for the fucking Blues. Lord knows they'd love to have more fans.

Oh hungry?

What's big, mean, delicious, and will totally kick your ass? OhAlexHenry! The towering captain of the Bulldogs and facepunching protector of our children is back for 2 more years. Best news of the day. You may continue to pee in the corners when he stares at you, players of Abbotsford.

Oh what? Louis Louis left Harvard for a shiny new entry level contract with the Habs and will play with the Juniors? DAMMIT LOUIS! GO BACK TO SCHOOL AND STAY AWAY FROM THE FLYING ELBOWS OF THE Q! Mind you, Cormier shouldn't be around this season, right? At least the pain of losing Guillaume Asselin won't be so bad.

In other news, I taught Ziggy how to go outside after my parents just couldn't get him to do it. He found a spot in his area where he'd do his business (on the designated mat at least) but refused to go while we were outside or on walks. Finally I got them to leave one of the soiled mats out on the deck (over a bootmat so the wood won't get damaged) where my mom wants him to go. I showed it to him. He sniffed it. We came back from a walk at Sainte-Anne-de-Bellevue and he actually went to the door, asked to go out, and hit the mat. Such a smart puppy!

I can train hamsters and dogs. Take that, Cesar!

It's a boy!

Meet Ziggy Stardust.

After YEARS of me bugging them, my parents finally got a dog. We tried every angle: weekly visits to the pet stores, looking at breeders, a disappointing visit to the SPCA (fuckers gave us so much trouble because there was two dogs they wanted us to take instead of just the one, and honestly unless you want a pitbull there wasn't much there), missed opportunities with friends or colleagues giving away their own puppies, another disapointing visit to an adoption center (no one was there)...

And there he was, sitting comfortably in his cage at the Nature Pet Center in Pointe-Claire. My parents had seen him the day before my mom and I went (she wanted to show me him). After playing with a scratchy Schnauzer that gave hugs, I took one look at this multi-coloured Schnoodle-Maltese and said "OMG that teddy bear is too adorable". We met with him and he was great. As the store closed I said to my mom, "Go tomorrow, put the deposit down, and get him. No more waiting around. He's perfect for you."

And voila.

He's such a good little guy. He listens, he sits without the promise of treats, he walks nicely when you take him outside and follows you, he doesn't bark (only one yelp when he wanted my brother to go play with him), he's constantly laughing when he's not tired out, he waits for you to eat so he can eat...and he's only 3 months old! I was watching TV and he came to give me a big hug.

Day 1 home was a great success. And it's good he's not a problem child because this is my family's first dog (and first pet that doesn't require an aquarium). In any case, my dad's retired and my brother's still looking for work so both are home for most of the day. And now they'll be seeing me over for supper more than before!

We've got photos of his mom and his siblings from the breeder. I dare say, he's the best looking of the bunch! Soon I'll get him interested in hockey. Maybe I'll get him a jersey like that trio of Boston Terriers I see prancing around the Bell Center.

He's such a teddy bear!

The other Bleu Blanc Rouge

Andre Dawson, aka THE HAWK, is going into the Hall of Fame this weekend wearing an Expos cap eventhough he wanted to wear his Chicago cap. You know...they should have made that new stadium, right across from the Bell Center. Shoulda, coulda, woulda. Now it's a bunch of condos and a parking lot. Kind of sad. Washington, you should know, you got a special part of this city that you better take care of (or else give it back).

Anyway, Annakin Slayd made this song and Cro plotz all over it on Friday. Way better than his Habs song, I think. If anything you'll be reminded of Bill Lee's HILARIOUSLY MASSIVE beard.

Also, PEDRO!!!

In other news: Sadness! My favourite little center/winger Brrrrrrock Trrrrrotter has packed his hockey bag for Latvia and the KHL after failing to come to terms with the Habs on his RFA status contract. LATVIA?! What the crap, dude? Ok, ok I know making the Habs is a long shot and you'll be making way more money there (a respectable 250k) for one year and could possibly return with some more experience under your belt like a couple of other Bulldogs did after a few years in Europe. It's just quite suddenly out of the blue. From Brandon, Manitoba to Dinamo Riga...maybe he'll get to play with Action Pants? (Or Girts Ankipans for those of you who didn't watch the Olympics).

Good luck in Latvia, #19... The Bulldogs will miss you and your amazing tenacioius effort to score goals. Basically our AHL's version of Cammy. At least we'll still have Rrrrrrrrrryan Rrrrrrrussell for the R-rolling goal calls. And Desharnais will take care of the scoring. But please, COME BACK WHEN YOU'RE DONE OK? And ignore the comments from Habs I/O. None of them actually watched you play...

This is for you, Brock.

We welcome our new babysitters

The keeper of our children! Finally, the Bulldogs have a coach! And an assistant coach too! And...they're BOTH called RANDY! I have a friend named Randy who's now head art dude in a London, Ontario video game company that may or may not exist (it's complicated).

Bonus: they're both ex-Whalers. WOO! BRING BACK THE WHALE! BRING BACK THE WHALE! Sorry, it's a habit.

To welcome Randy Cunneyworth and Randy Ladouceur, I hearby proclaim Brass Bonanza the new player introduction song for the Hamilton Bulldogs.

Yea baby!

So now Guy Boucher can officially take the rest of his staff with him to Florida. Damn you, Yzerman...

Oh and Kovalchuk's rediculous bending-of-the-rules-a-bit-too-much of a contract just got rejected. Should have made it 12 years like all the other rediculously long cap-bending contracts in the League. Looking at you Pronger/Richards/Zetterberg/Hossa.

Of course the joke's on us as Lou was really just doing some experimental social commentary on rediculous NHL contracts and greedy one-dimensional superstars. They ARE the Devils.

Speaking of contracts, I'm thinking Price is totally waiting for his birthday to sign his. August 16, marked.

What could possibly happen in 17 years?

Ilya "K-Chuk" Kovalchuk (no, seriously, STOP CALLING HIM KOVY) has finally un-Sundined his summer humming and hawing and picked a team. Unfortunately that team was the Devils. For 17 years. I don't know of anyone who wants to live 17 years straight in New Jersey, really... I barely lasted 17 minutes on the turnpike before seeking the quickest exit.

But what could possibly happen in 17 years? Does the NHL even approve of this rediculous contract? I can't even think about what I'll be doing in 17 years. I project that if I'm still running my hapless life eating, sleeping, making cellphone games for another 17 years I'll probably be taking up residence at the Douglas.

Let's project what could happen in 17 years:

- In 17 years, Kovalchuk might have backchecked once.

- In 17 years, the Canadian dollar will totally be your currency. It's so pretty too!

- In 17 years, Chris Chelios might retire. Just kidding.

- In 17 years, the Queen will still be around. Prince Charles won't.

- In 17 years, Habs fans will be fighting over the latest of the two hot young goalies the club finds themselves with.

- In 17 years, Rick DiPietro will stub his toe coming out of the shower, ruining his day at the golf course for the next year. His friends will be pissed. The Islanders will pick up the tab.

- In 17 years, Niclas Bergfors will be retired and back in Sweden for five years now. Patrice Cormier will have to find himself a job that requires elbows.

- In 17 years, Kovalchuk will still be three years younger than me and a bazillion times richer but our names will remain unpronounceable correctly by everyone.

- In 17 years, a Canadian NHL team will not have won the Stanley Cup. Gary Bettman will make sure of it even long after he's gone. Or the world will have exploded by then anyway.

- In 17 years the Mayans will have said "WTF?! WE'RE FIFTEEN YEARS TOO LATE!"

Fieldtrip: Habs Hall of Fame

It was supposed to be a family outing. You know, mom always makes plans for us and drags us to various museums, concerts and various other things even when we don't feel like going but when I want to plan something naturally they spontaneously decide they have something better to do (ie. shopping). So it was just my brother and I today, as we had tickets that came with our playoff fan pack. Frankly I don't think the visit is worth $10 but considering the Habs, like the Leafs, are practically proping up the rest of the NHL I understand they gotta make money somewhere.

I've never been to the Hockey Hall of Fame, actually...


It's a strange collection of historical items and stuff people found to donate. The lady at the door told us we could take as many pictures as we wanted, we just couldn't film anything which seems like a weird request. But wandering around all the old items was awesome. They got Joliat's cap and sweater, Morenz's crutches, contracts, loved the old goalie gear (Dryden's got big feet) and sitting in a replica of the 70s dressing room where I found it odd that Cournoyer had his own bench area by the door. Guess the smallest man in the room needed the most space.


The new guys gave in some stuff too. Pacioretty's USHL All-Star jersey, Cammy's Team Canada jersey and medal, Price's Team Canada mask and stick, Darche gave in his McGill jersey, Gio has his little NCAA skates there (omg they're tiny!), Jaro's WJC Team Slovakia jersey, Gorges' helmet from his Memorial Cup win with the Rockets... Missing his helmet that has the puck indented into it though.

If I were in charge of this thing, I would have closed the AMC theatre (useless movie theatre anyway) and turned the Old Forum that has center ice still in there, kept the original dressing rooms and turned that into the Habs Hall of Fame. Too late now, though.

You can view all the photos on my Flickr page.

Oh and you can pose with Pricey and the gang in victory. Not sure I understand the 5-4 OT win over Boston on the old scoreboard though... If it's supposed to be the Centennial game, well, we know the score was way better than that!

Woo!

Pay no attention to the time stamp...

...I'm nocturnal. Reason number 1 why I have a pet hamster.

Dear Steve Yzerman,
How are you? I take it the southern sun is doing you some good. You know I have nothing but respect for you as a person and as the player you once were so please don't take this the wrong way...but could you please poach staff from the other 29 teams to fill out your needs? What more do you want from us? Wait, don't answer that. *Hides PK Subban* Maybe you want our entire farm team too? Hamilton, Norfolk... not much of a difference except the N-Admirals have missed the playoffs for the last 3 years now. Perhaps you'd like the name so instead of two Admirals we'll have two Bulldogs. Everyone loves puppies.

It's getting to the point where you should have, maybe, just come here to be the general manager.

Sincerely,
The Habs

PS. Trade you for Jacques Martin? And by "you" I mean YOU. Then you can re-poach the staff back here.

---

Congratulations to Andrei Markov, now a card carrying Canadian. No we don't suspect he's a spy...do we? It's always the quiet types....

Insert obligatory question about Carey Price, about learning French, about contract extension, and about captaincy. There, I covered the Q&A with the media this afternoon. And no he won't be playing for Team Canada at Sochi, however he can now legally run back to Candiac and hide should the Canadians win the gold and he will need to find a safe place to live for the rest of his life.

Now he needs to learn the anthem. Or he could just make it up, like Roger Doucet did.

---

This inspired me. I might do something like it but with a hockey theme. Probably recap the great grrs and arghs from last season before diving into hockey past.

Alcan sales projected to be high by the end of the week

And just like that, the problem returns. It seems no amount of magic could possibly dispel the stupidity of this team's fanbase or the media consortium that surrounds it.

If it's one thing Quebec is good at it's ye olde propaganda. One just has to go to school here to be subjected to it. Take a history course in high school for example, and if your teacher is using the government provided textbook then you're better off heading to the library to do your own research. (My teacher made his own book so we could learn the truth). It's gotten to the point where final exams for Chemistry deal with a question on Hydro Quebec. Think I'm paranoid enough? It's laughable the amount of bullshit we deal with. And the motto "je me souviens" should be turned into "I remember...only when it's convenient". After all, if we're not going to be provided with the truth, then we may as well be provided with nonsense considered to be the truth. The conspiracies are out in full force! Something I think even the likes of agent Mulder wouldn't miss out on. (Minus the alien abductions though I'm convinced Gilles Duceppe is a laser-eye-shooting alien with hypnotic capabilities. Yea, don't look too closely at those campaign posters).

This long, drawn out introduction aside...it's been what, over 3 weeks since Jaro got traded for Eller and Schultz to the Blues? I swear, if I hear one more conspiracy, one more convenient selective memory aimed at repressing all the positives while highlighting nothing but the negatives, or one more snide bitter comment directed at Carey Price behind his back but publicly through the media like the cowardly hordes said media are who hide behind their microphones and their text BEFORE the new season begins, I'M GOING TO GO FUCKING INSANE!!! Assuming of course I haven't gone insane already.

Tinfoil tuque, how I've missed you.

Worst. Offseason. Ever.

Magically, problem gets solved

Just like that. It's magic! Alex Auld is our new number 2 and he knows it. No, he LOVES it. And you know what? I LOVE IT TOO! No more bitter agent trolling in the background about how his client's teammate can't get a win because no one really bothers to score a goal or even try. No more hovering around like a little gnat buzzing "play me or trade me" in your ears. As much as Ellis would have been a nice friendly fit, he would have probably been no different from Jaro in that "I think I'm good enough to be a number 1 so why do I have to watch you play even though you do the same when I play and don't bother anyone but yeah" way.

Habs had him at "hello" and that's good enough for me.

Yea I know he's not exactly an amazing goalie. I remember the Habs pumping at least 6 past him when he played with the Bruins. I remember Higgy scoring a hat trick on him (and then never scoring ever again) when he was with the Sens. I remember him finally being that elusive serviceable backup Turco hasn't had since they traded Mike Smith to Tampa Bay. But he's not going to make waves, he not going to impose himself on anyone, they want him to be there for Price and he wants to be there to help. Team first. The same motto Price adopted when he knew he wasn't going to play, so instead made it extra difficult for his teammates in practice just so it'll be easier for them by game time.

This is the type of character they needed to fit in that role, and I'm all for it. So save your snide comments, your ass backwards retorts (looking at you, Pat Hickey), and take it for the opportunity it is. The Habs have an obligation to make things work with Price (you may not understand why but I don't know of any NHL team that would allow their highest most prized prospect sit on the backburner), and having someone who's been through pretty much everything all his career is better than any Dan Ellis. Plus he's as big as our goalie boy. Hey Leighton found his way to a Cup final because he sat in the general area and let his big frame stop the puck. It works. The rest hinges on what the 18 other players on the ice plan to do with the puck.

Of course this is all moot if someone snatches the kid away from us... Send Price an offer sheet and I will hunt you down.

What's in a number?
Nothing. It's just a number. Did Kirk Muller get upset when Saku took his 11? Not a chance. Did the fans? I don't remember. Captain Kirk was and is a much loved player to this city, probably more so than our dear Saku. Despite the length of Saku's tenure and everything he did for this city, the situation was almost volatile in his last year here. You know the ones. The barnyard droogs in the dark corners of the Bell Center booing him as he lead the charge and no one followed. The barbs in the papers complaining about yet another injury. The mouthbreathers calling the radio stations. The media constantly upset that he spoke not the French.


They held off allowing the numbers of both Saku and Kovy for the year out of respect for two great and special members of the team. Neither number will be retired, ever. It's time to move on. So if wearing his boyhood number 11 is important to Gomez, then by all means take it. The former first rounder, Calder trophy winner, two-time Stanley Cup holder never had the opportunity to cloak himself in the double-ones in his NHL career thus far. I think he's old enough to have earned it. It's a pride thing. He loves the sweater he's wearing now, but to have his number on it is like icing on the cake. Remember, hockey players are strange people.

Air turned into Dustin Boyd!
Sergei Kostitsyn being traded wasn't a complete waste of our time as we now have a younger, cheaper, faster version of Metro/Moore in Boyd! And you won't have to run after him to get him to work either. Just the type of guy Chocula loves.

Wanna see something funny?

Colby Armstrong
age: 27
6'2" 195lb
GP: 79 G: 15 A:14 Pts: 29
+/-: +6
PIM: 61
Hits: 74
Blocked Shots: 29
Power play points: 2A
Fighting Majors: 2
Salary: $3,000,000

Dustin Boyd
age: 23
6'0" 192lb
GP: 78 G: 11 A: 13 Pts: 24
+/-: +6
PIM: 19
Hits: 81
Blocks: 43
Power play points: 2A
Fighting Majors: 1
Salary: $650,000

I'm guessing Toronto valued Army's two extra inches to warrant 3 million dollars.

Happy Canada Day!

O, land of blue unending skies,
Mountains strong and sparkling snow,
A scent of freedom in the wind,
O'er the emerald fields below.

To thee we brought our hopes, our dreams,
For thee we stand together,
Our land of peace, where proudly flies,
The Maple Leaf forever.

Except, Versteeg is a Leaf now. Fuck you, Maple Leaf. (The blue one).

Heading for the country music

Look up your daughters, Nashville! Sergei's here! (Maybe).

Oh Sergei... If only you weren't such a pain in the ass, you wouldn't need to carry the Stetson. I don't think he likes country music. Andrei does though!

Now Barry Trotz gets the joy of trying to get him to work. Hey, Boucher and Lever managed to do it. Dale Fucking Hunter managed to do it. Carbo did it for a while but then everyone started to tune him out as a coach so that's redundant. Only Martin and former-Caps coach Glen Hanlon couldn't do anything with him. If he stays with the Preds, he'll probably score a hat trick on the Habs in the one game we'll see him just to spite Martin.

Coming back for Sergei is the cheaper-younger-bigger-faster version of Metro (or cheaper Dominic Moore) with Dustin Boyd and twitter-crazy goalie Dan Ellis. (Totally knew they'd try to get Ellis). In Ellis' own tweets: "Ps. Trade to mecca = phone blowing up". Both teams get future considerations if the players are signed.

Of course the wooliest of the wool started bitching about not getting Martin Biron. They might get their wish, as there's no guarantee Ellis will sign anyway considering he might want to find a team that'll take him as the sole starter...

If he does end up here, I'm on board though. Why do I like Dan Ellis coming in to be the 1B with Price? They seem like a good pair. While their family situations are polar opposites, their religious ties are carbon copies. Here, Price finds himself with a fellow goaltender who's deeply connection to his faith. (Remember, he had Philippians 4:13 written on his blocker when things started to get frustratingly tough). I think the two will be happy together in that aspect. He can play the puck better than Jaro. And Ellis also lives in his net.

I'll miss Sergei, I really will. But there's just no way in hell he's sticking with this team so long as Martin is involved. Well, media, you got your wish. However you probably won't get the juicy made up scandals with Boyd and Ellis should they agree to terms.

If Sergei does actually sign there, I look forward to the first Hawks/Preds game where he fights with Patrick Kane just 'cause they texted about it earlier.

Edit: Speculation now redundant as Guy Boucher will now make Ellis look really good in Tampa Bay (just ask Sanford and Desjardins). Boyd seems to have gone missing. No idea what Sergei's doing. In conclusion: We've traded air for air!

The Pyatt Club breathes sigh of relief for a year

Various members of the Tom Pyatt Fan Club, including myself, are pleased with today's news that the solid two-way center supposed "throw in" from the Gomez trade is now signed for the year. I'd have preferred a few years, but one will do for now.

Interesting how the Rangers now have absolutely nothing left of what we sent them in that trade. Not even hometown hero Master Higgins. OK they still technically have McDonagh and Tank (haha riiiiiight) but will they ever use them?

Oh and Pouliot is signed for the year as well with his 10% pay increase. Just stay away from the bars please, else you find yourself shipped back to Minnesota.

Meet the new kids

While the Leafs seemed content with drafting every SOB they could find (or, as I like to call them, players who will be in the penalty box while the Habs score on the powerplay), the general theme for the Habs at this year's entry draft appears to be of two simple solitudes: leadership and work ethic. This theme probably best exemplified by Friday's first-round selection Jarred Tinordi, towering captain leadership himself. And while I'm annoyed the best goalie in the draft went to the Avs (gimme my BabyPickard you bastards!), I think the Habs did fine in not only addressing this theme but addressing some of their own needs, namely size. Well, except for one of them but while vertically challenged he doesn't appear to be shy of any other challenge.

F Mark MacMillan - Alberni Valley Bulldogs (BCHL)
He's listed as a forward. Not a backward, not a sideway, just a forward. No idea if he'll be leaning more towards a center. And despite his giant lanky frame (re: FEED THIS BOY), he posted 80 points as a rookie this past season. Having older brother Mitch on his line helps too. I call this the Sloppy Ovechkin. As far as the BCHL stands, apparently he and his brother teamed up to boost the Bulldogs to first place (after the team had two straight years of suck). He'll be heading to a wonderful hockey school with the Fighting Sioux soon. He's also the first Alberni Valley Bulldog to be drafted in the NHL.

D Morgan Ellis - Cape Breton Screaming Eagles (QMJHL)
Just prior to the draft, Ellis was named captain of the Screaming Eagles. He was hoping either Montreal or Toronto and voila. Another defensive defenseman, who wants to be like Brent Seabrook (but will probably end up more like our dear Josh Gorges). It's unclear if he has Brent Seabrook's perfect hair though we'll live happily with his game. The only Q player the Habs picked and he's from PEI, which just irks the RDS pure wool all the more.

RW Brendan Gallagher - Vancouver Giants (WHL)
This guy sounds like a laugh riot. He's 5'9", scored 41 goals and 40 assists in 72 regular season games in his sophomore year, scored 11 goals and 10 assists in 16 playoff games, but amassed 111 penalty minutes mostly of fighting majors and instigator misconducts. Ladies and gentlemen, we've drafted a non-psychotic Steve Downie.

LW John Westin - Modo Juniors (Sweden)
He sounds like a Swedish Lapierre except actually hits players more than boards. He's an intense forechecker, but is signed with Modo for 3 years so we may never see him, ever.

Fortress Habs acquires a new member and SergeiK opens mouth to insert foot

Tallnordi. Ginordi. Meet Jarred Tinordi, son of Mark who terrorized the blueline for Bob Gainey's North Stars/Stars. All 6'6" projected 220lbs of a WALL on skates selected 22nd in this year's entry draft. We have a lion's share of offensive defensemen, now it's time for a defensive defenseman. And a slight trade up with Phoenix to snatch him away from the sticky fingers of the Canucks? YES PLEASE! This Washington boy will essentially do what Mike Komisarek did, once he gets away from the Fighting Irish (or Dale Hunter's London Knights). Leadership and a towering, commanding but respectful captain. Helped destroy Carbo's U18 team with a 5-0 win on their way to the gold medal. He's ready for his closeup, if you can reach him.

Also unless Alex Henry does something magical, the number 24 is ready and waiting for you. I'm sure Chelios would approve.

Sergei Kostitsyn and I are done professionally
Perhaps little Sergei should be acquainted with the term "people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones"? He definitely needs to understand something about burning bridges before he crosses them. On the same day the Habs graciously sent him his qualifying offer as per the CBA (to which my brother said he promptly wiped his ass with it), he rewards the organization in which Bob Gainey has done everything he possibly could to help him find his way by ripping them a new one in a local Belarus paper. It's no secret how much I support the little sparkplug, and how much I hate what Jacques Martin has done (or more refuses to do) with him, but right now Sergei? How about you shut the fuck up before Gauthier ships your ass to a cold and lonely place.

Or are you that petty that you're still pissed off Price gave you a proper piece of his mind when your self-centered superstar ass felt it was too good to be with the rest of the Black Aces during the playoff practices?

Score on my five hole for food

OK that sounds dirty BUT that is essentially what people will be doing at Park Middle-of-Nowhere-des Éperviers's outdoor rink next Tuesday. That's right, June 29th at 7pm, more accurately Notre-Dame-de-l'Île-Perrot, Five Hole for Food rolls into the outskirts of town with hopes of collecting much needed food for the NDG Food Depot! I will be doing everything humanly and inhumanly possible to drag myself and my gear out there and hoping it doesn't rain as that would suck. (Scattered showers are in the forecast).

To give you an indication of how big the Montreal area is, well, the park is 25 minutes from my home or a good 40 minutes from my work (which is Place Ville-Marie). Bring your sherpa guide, or google maps, and as much non-perishable food items as you can carry. There's apparently a hockey stick signed by Nos Canadiens to be won as well. Post game food will be a delicious party at Boston Pizza (Vaudreuil). You have no idea how much I love that Spicy Perogy pizza...

He's my 5-million dollar hamster!

Pierre Gauthier just couldn't resist. "It was that adorable face that had me sold on him. I mean how could you NOT want to resign that? The coach loves him, he works hard and tries hard and never complains, a couple of corn kernels and some cauliflower, and we were all set."

HamsterPleky was quick to quell the suggestion that he might have gotten more on the open market. "Why would I want more? I have everything I ever wanted here. A loving home, a great team, all the cauliflower I could ever want... Just gotta make sure Cammy keeps putting the puck in the net on my set ups and no one will need to complain about the deal."

HamsterPleky is now signed for 6 years with the Canadiens. Suck it Pierre McGuire and your "he's going to leave for big money". It's the Ryan Kesler deal just like I thought they'd do, only Pleky can actually kill penalties.

The New Jersey Devils introduce...

...their new coach, John MacLean.

Cherry pick THAT, Parise.

Yippee ki-yay mother fucker.

Archway to the Blues: fare thee well Jaro

Firstly I'd like to express my thanks to Jaroslav Halak for all the good work he's done here. I was hoping he would stick around for at least another year or two but it was pretty clear money was going to be a problem... I wish him good luck, assuming of course the Blues are able to work out a deal with him. Also from all my time watching HGTV, I think you'll be able to find a lovely home maybe by the water for really cheap. It's a (mostly) pretty looking city. I've always wanted to visit, if just to see the majestic arch...

Secondly, well, colour me genuinely impressed with Pierre Gauthier right now.

Although now we are left with one NHL able goalie (Price--assuming no one snatches him away from us with an offer sheet that can't be matched like the Lightning did with Boucher), one possible NHL goalie future (Mayer--and that's a big possible maybe as he's barely ready for the AHL fulltime), and one AHL goalie who was greatly protected by the best hockey system I've ever seen (Desjardins--and he is not NHL ready). It's the depth chart abyss I mentioned before, and I'll remain concerned about it until I see who they sign over the summer or draft for way later. (Psst Turco? C'mon buddy, take a discount and make me proud).

Keep freaking out over Jaro being traded to the Blues for Lars Eller and Ian Schultz all you want, but the moment I heard who the Blues gave up I plotzed. Holy shit are the Blues INSANE?!

It's a win-win for both teams. Habs finally find themselves with a great prospect at the center who's over 6-feet and a pugnacious Calgary Hitman I really really liked (think about former-Hitman Ryan White but with a bit of Scott Hartnell only less of a douchebag). But in terms of futures the loss of Eller and Schultz is a big one for the Blues. Yes they finally get themselves a legitimate goalie who will need to work overtime in a very tough Western conference division on a team that consistently has consistency problems (just like the Habs only they face the Hawks and Wings 6 times a year), but this is Dagger for Palushaj territory once again.

Of course when you deal with players like Eller, Schultz, and even Jaro, you are always taking a gamble. Habs fans, you need to all calm down, stop thinking with your idiotic adulation that had you bowing to him over every routine save, put away the rediculous stop sign shirts (does he even get anything out of those and the license plate t-shirts at all?), and start thinking with your logical brains about what this brings to the team for the future. Young, healthy big-type players you've been crowing about for weeks/months/years now. You got exactly what you've been hoping for.

And no, the Blues were NOT going to send back TJ Oshie or David Perron so quit your dreaming.

Now Alan Walsh will probably direct his tweets towards Big Ben Bishop and Jake Allen. My condolences to those poor young goalies...

We now return to our regularly scheduled rant

Look ma! No hands! I decided in honour of my shiny new black Wii console and my migraines that I'd make this place a little easier on the eyes to look at. (I'll probably make more changes later). Yea, I have a light sensitivity problem with my eyes hence why, if you meet me in person, I will usually be wearing my sunglasses even while indoors (they're perscription sunglasses anyway).

So back to business. Oh I'm sorry, I meant back to the destruction of the Habs what with the constant new rumors of Gauthier now looking to move our kid goalie who can't even wear a fucking Nationals hat on his head without the fans of Montreal biting such a head off. Memo to Montreal: YES the Expos left for Washington, YES it sucks big time, YES they now have the most insane star pitcher prospect according to my brother known for a long time because like the Pens and the Hawks they sucked for many many years, but GET OVER IT. It's baseball, the dinner party of sports on par with golf. The Stadium was quite empty when the Expos were in town anyway but probably would have filled seats if it were built where now semi-affordable condos stand. Our only problem is it shifted the attention squarely on the Canadiens shoulders 24/7 365 days a year so that even the WEATHER LADY has to give us her fucking opinion on subjects she probably has little knowledge about (like goaltending).

But I digress. Back to the major issue.

I'd like to congratulate the Tampa Bay Lightning for having the balls to do what the Montreal Canadiens couldn't. Their new owner, Jeff Vinik, who probably knows a thing or two about building a competitive and competent team from being involved with the Boston Red Sox even with their version of a salary cap, did what Geoff Molson unfortunately couldn't: set his team to find what could be the best possible person to build the Lightning into a competitive team once more. Their new GM, Steve Yzerman, who probably knows what it takes for a team to win the Stanley Cup from his years with Detroit both as a player and with management and by watching people like Scotty Bowman do his thing, understands the importance of a coach who can connect with his players and have them do things they never thought capable of to compete in the fresh new NHL. Their new coach, Guy Boucher, who doesn't hog tie his players and make them dance like puppets to follow HIS system, understands how to communicate and go with the flow whether it be through different scenarios and strategies or with the myriads of different personalities he has to come to terms with to make a team work.

My fellow Habs fans you should be fucking pissed.

This is exactly what the franchise was screaming for. This Yzerman-Boucher tandem is exactly what got away from making this team as great as it once was. I don't give a damn what Jacques Martin "did" during this playoff run. That kind of thinking is EXACTLY what killed the Oilers to the point of now deciding between Hall or Seguin (I would say Fowler because god knows they could use a defenseman that isn't useless). You need to understand what is called the "convenient convergence of events" is. Basically if the Canadiens had met the Flyers in Round 1 instead of the overrated Capitals, I am very confident we wouldn't be having this conversation now but rather a month ago. You need to understand that Pierre Boivin did not turn over every rock to find his new GM. You need to understand that just because the team ran a little on the tiny little back of Brian Gionta's pride, on the hot-cold hand of Jaro Halak until players realized getting in his way or shooting high on him actually works, on the incredible shotblocking aircraft carrier of Hal Gill that changes still need to be made. Martin and his "system" and his inability to understand that players are not little pegs on a board that must be in this position or else they be benched for the 3rd period is FLAWED. His "system" that singles out and alienates players once brimming with confidence whether it be a skilled forward who finds himself unable to catch a break for one little mistake he may have made while watching others make countless mistakes that go unpunished, or a young physical defenseman who can paste a player into the next dimension (I have seen it) for fear he may get dinged with a phantom penalty that'll leave him benched for the rest of the game, or a young goaltender who seems to be blamed for everything even getting the 3rd star of the game and finds himself unable to get any support for said coach when dealing with the Bell Center Terrorists of the Molson Ex Zone. This flaw will be the major most unending problem with this team. Don Lever was going to lose his job for less of a flaw (his one flaw being player development to an NHL level not exactly his forte but because a hot young goalie who was way too skilled for the AHL covered his ass and got him a Calder, he stuck around a bit longer).

This team's futures were set up for Boucher once he was hired. I always wondered why the Canadiens were drafting or signing so many puck moving defencemen. I thought because the chances you'll hit another Chris Chelios are an inexplanable odd. I thought maybe because they have value through trades that the Habs were setting themselves up for some possible dealings. But then I got thinking. I thought of Boucher's ability to have his players constantly keep the puck going forward (the exact opposite of a Martin system). Such defencemen would be a key component to making it work well. Now, of course, Boucher has this strange ability to make even Alex Henry a quite admirable puck mover. And of course the talking heads of the city who don't even know how the Bulldogs even play said "well, his number 2 in the League team got ousted by the number 6 blah blah blah maybe he's not as good as we all think he is." The only reason the Bulldogs are not fighting it out with the Hershey Bears for the Calder right now is because Sanford had to let in his prerequisite weaksauce goal for Game 7 and the Dogs ran out of gas to make up for this gaff. (Think of Jaro's stupid fall-on-his-ass move into Hamr for Richards' goal in Game 5, but oh these people won't give him the same treatment they give Price daily eh).

Allowing Boucher to go to Tampa Bay is unacceptable. Yes, I am happy he gets to coach an NHL team, but it should be OUR team not the Snowbirds' team. It didn't have to be next season, but motions should have been put in place to assure him his future with this team is the direction the franchise intended (and as I always said, I hope our young prospect survive Martin's approach and that he doesn't destroy their confidence or natural abilities utterly). This isn't a rookie coach, in the same way that Julien wasn't a rookie coach (Julien just couldn't stop playing the media and he's still somewhat guilty of that), in the same way Boudreau wasn't one. But you don't need to be in your late-50s to be a seasoned hockey coach. Why is it that the new NHL of "hot young coaches" only seems attractive in Ottawa, Colorado, or Pittsburgh. Hockey is a very simple game, but difficult to execute. However tell me how many of those coaches have a sports psychology degree, or biometrics degree? This man has such a unique ability to enter the minds of his players that he got through the most difficult barriers (like Sergei Kostitsyn) easily and made a team perform beyond it's means, smashing or tying every record in the books. Martin is a square peg for a round hole that doesn't come across as even attempting to make the time to alter something he's stubbornly set upon.

Basically, if the Canadiens are the new Senators, then we're the Senators that allowed Cory Clouston to go elsewhere and seemed likely to set ourselves up to have NO goaltending futures as well. Did I mention that after Price and Halak the depth chart teeters on Mayer and then drops into an abyss? No? Must have slipped my mind.

Boivin and Gauthier: THIS IS A BAD MOVE.

So, what are you going to do about it Mr. Molson?

Hello?

Hello?

Oh. I see you raised ticket prices.

All we know is he's called VERSTEEG

Kris Versteeg is cooler than you and ten times dorkier. But it's his party so he'll sing if he wants to.

Also, Patrick Kane is drunk.

Survivor Playoffs 2010: WE HAVE A WINNER!

The Flyers have been voted off the island, folks. The Blackhawks take Lord Stanley.

Patrick Kane, doing his best imitation of Sidney Crosby's golden goal, created the most confusing and anti-climatic Stanley Cup winning goal in the history of the game. What was I doing? Well, I was watching TV on my laptop with the game on my actual TV muted, looking up occasionally, only to see Mullet Boy shoot on net and throw his gear into the air in celebration as he skated back into the Hawks zone.

Michael Leighton finally realized he's horrible.

The world finally realized Antti Niemi would be the next Vesa Toskala if he were on any other team.

Patrick Sharp is the best player you can take in a playoff pool.

Duncan Keith can now get some teeth.

Marian Hossa can finally smile with a huge chunky ring on his finger.

Captain Serious Conn Smythe stayed true to the freaky mural.

Pronger can go grumble to a wall now.

Mike Richards can stop looking like Rabbi Shmuley.

Adam Burish can continue to be hilarious.

Kris Versteeg just gave a bottle of champagne to some fans in the crowd.

Patrick Kane still looks sleezy even when surrounded by his sisters.

Scotty Bowman can come home and fix the Canadiens now. (PLEASE!)

Chicago can finally stop feeling sorry for itself and party hard.

Jeremy Roenick can keep crying.

Here's to October.

Diamonds are forever

Montreal Alouettes (now retired) big bear Bryan Chiu posted this photo of the incredible Grey Cup rings the Als received Friday.

What's it got? Well it looks fucking HUGE and it is apparently bigger than normal. It's made of white gold and has 17 diamonds to equal the amount of wins the team had in 2009. On the shank you have the player's name and number on one side, and mountains with a goal post and a diamond football 'cause the game was won on that crazy bizarro fieldgoal in Calgary on the other.

I do believe the ring is the size of my hand, can also signal ships through fog.

By the way, have you seen the renovated Molson Stadium? I would love the Habs to play an outdoor game there... Perched on the mountainside with the cityscape below, the river, the Easter Townships in the background... McMahon Stadium doesn't really have that great a view other than the vast prairie air, sadly enough. It's rare to find a stadium like that basically in the downtown core of a city, surrounded by the century old buildings of McGill and the Royal Victoria hospital. Also the gates are like a castle. It's just gorgeous.

The secret is out...

...now we know why Pronger needs all those game pucks! He wants to make his own Inukpuck!