What could possibly happen in 17 years?

Ilya "K-Chuk" Kovalchuk (no, seriously, STOP CALLING HIM KOVY) has finally un-Sundined his summer humming and hawing and picked a team. Unfortunately that team was the Devils. For 17 years. I don't know of anyone who wants to live 17 years straight in New Jersey, really... I barely lasted 17 minutes on the turnpike before seeking the quickest exit.

But what could possibly happen in 17 years? Does the NHL even approve of this rediculous contract? I can't even think about what I'll be doing in 17 years. I project that if I'm still running my hapless life eating, sleeping, making cellphone games for another 17 years I'll probably be taking up residence at the Douglas.

Let's project what could happen in 17 years:

- In 17 years, Kovalchuk might have backchecked once.

- In 17 years, the Canadian dollar will totally be your currency. It's so pretty too!

- In 17 years, Chris Chelios might retire. Just kidding.

- In 17 years, the Queen will still be around. Prince Charles won't.

- In 17 years, Habs fans will be fighting over the latest of the two hot young goalies the club finds themselves with.

- In 17 years, Rick DiPietro will stub his toe coming out of the shower, ruining his day at the golf course for the next year. His friends will be pissed. The Islanders will pick up the tab.

- In 17 years, Niclas Bergfors will be retired and back in Sweden for five years now. Patrice Cormier will have to find himself a job that requires elbows.

- In 17 years, Kovalchuk will still be three years younger than me and a bazillion times richer but our names will remain unpronounceable correctly by everyone.

- In 17 years, a Canadian NHL team will not have won the Stanley Cup. Gary Bettman will make sure of it even long after he's gone. Or the world will have exploded by then anyway.

- In 17 years the Mayans will have said "WTF?! WE'RE FIFTEEN YEARS TOO LATE!"