Top 10 ways Habs can win Round 2

10. Recreate the Titty-Pleks line. "You bench my little brother for no good reason, my mind goes blank." Is Jacques Martin an only child? Because he sure as hell doesn't understand the connection between siblings. Bet he'd split up the Sedins if he had them.

9. Carey and Jaro switch jerseys and spend the entire series living with their masks on to conceal their plan. Makes eating difficult and looks weird in the shower, but the rest of the guys have already come to the conclusion that goalies are a little bit crazy. The plan could fall through when someone asks "Jaro" how he grew 5 extra inches and looks incredibly buff. Carey will practice his best Slovakian accent to reply "Chlots o' chokolet michlk". Jaro needs to start liking country music fast.

8. Andrei Markov, all-star defenceman. A man barely held together. Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world's first bionic man. Andrei Markov will be that man. Better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster. He is the 5.75-million dollar man!

7. Put Bergeron in a box, wrap it up pretty with nice paper and a golden bow, and leave him by Dan Bylsma's office with a lovely card that reads "It's tradition to give the opposing coach a gift". Trojan horse, set!

6. Lure Fleury into playing the puck. Guaranteed at least 3 goals!

5. Give Subban the puck. No really, just give him the puck! And follow him.

4. Kirk Muller becomes the first player-coach in a long time. Taking over the team on the ice was only HALF his plan, now it's time to take over the bench. Martin will just do the press conferences to please RDS, CKAC, LaPresse, and Le Journal de Montreal. Ultimate puppetmaster and politically correct by Quebec standards.

3. Constantly comment on Crosby's big ass. Follow him around on the ice whilst whistling. Get Lapierre to do it.

2. Set the Saskatcheplow (Travis Moen) to destroy and aim him right for Matt Cooke. Might not be instrumental in winning a game but it'll make everyone feel better.

1. Hal Gill reveals he's not a Pretender battleship but the Green Lantern! Nothing in the rulebook against power rings. Pretty sure he's got enough willpower to build a couple of green walls. Shot blocking taken to a whole new level!

Bonus (because it's the Pens): Pens wear black. Hypnotize the Habs to believe they're playing the Bruins. Habs in 7.